Article 654 of sci.chem:
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From: SL960@cc.usu.edu
Newsgroups: sci.chem
Subject: Re: New Element Discovered.
Message-ID: <17739@cc.usu.edu>
Date: 2 Feb 90 21:06:52 GMT
Lines: 38

I came across this the other day and thought I would pass it along.


                      NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at by
physicists at Turgid University.  The element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons and, thus has an
atomic number of 0.  However, it does  have 1 neutron, 125 assistant
neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons.  This
gives it an atomic mas number of 312.  These 312 particles are held
together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.


Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can
be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes in
contact with.  According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete,
when it would normally occur in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not actually decay, but, instead, undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and
assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.  Some studies have shown that
the atomic mass number actually increases after each organization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to condense and concentrate at
certain points, such as government agencies and universities, and can
usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained
buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions
where it is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made to
determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible
damage, but results to date are not promising.