------------------------------------------------------------------------ Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1 1/2 tons. ---Popular Mechanics, March 1949 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I think imagination, curiosity, open-mindedness and a liberal use of thin rubber sheeting or similar will carry the reader a long way. ---From an introductory book on general relativity. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. ---Donald Knuth ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Gyroscope, n.: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin. -- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are typed with the left hand? Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use of both hands. It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears. ---author unknown ------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "What is the probability that Shakespeare, by randomly flexing his muscles, would have accidentally found himself swinging through the trees like a monkey?" ---Peter Kauffner ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "We have made every effort to ensure that all bits in this package are either 0 or 1. However, these bits may not be in the correct order and proportion." ---From a disclaimer to a software release ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The word "politics" is derived from the word "poly", meaning "many", and the word "ticks", meaning "blood sucking parasites". ---from signature of Richard Bingham ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The books are old, but they chronicle the rise of Castrovalva up to the present day..." - Shardovan, Castrovalva ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The flight of a thrips is like a human swimming at a fraction of a millimetre a second by paddling once every couple of days with a couple of oversized, balding toilet brushes." ---New Scientist (18/11/1995 p52) bravely trying to explain the effects of scale and viscosity on flight. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Peace : In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting." ---grabbed from signature of Omer F Rana ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine. ---grabbed from signature of Leon Brocard ------------------------------------------------------------------------ If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside. ---Robert Cringely, InfoWorld ------------------------------------------------------------------------ George Washington couldn't tell a lie; Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth; Ronald Reagan couldn't tell the difference. ---author unknown ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The question is, do we stand with our backs against the wall or do we turn around and fight." ---John Major (or maybe it was Paddy Ashdown, I'm not sure) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ And on the sixth day God said "Bugger this! I'm going to re-compile the universe *without* error checking." ---with apologies to Eric Fosdike ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There are only two industries which refer to their customers as users: drugs and computers. ---from signature of Roger Merritt ------------------------------------------------------------------------ If New Labour wins they'll have their work cut out, making a 360-degree turn from the policies of the previous Tory administration. ---a professor of politics, quoted in the London Standard, 1997 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "I'm entering the black hole, and---oh my god, it's full of unmatched socks!" ---author unknown (someone's signature) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The zoo has been going downhill ever since soldiers came and ate the elephant." ---news item from Zaire, April 1997 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "...And the lord said, `lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement'" -- error message from Apple's MPW C compiler ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place." ---Douglas Adams ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition. ---courtesy of Kordian Witek ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." ---from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees". ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of sXXXch, or the right of the people peaceably to XXXemble, and to peXXXion the government for a redress of grievances." -- Marc Rotenberg's take on "censorware" net filtering software ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The growth of the Internet will slow drastically, as the flaw [...] becomes apparent: most people have nothing to say to each other! By 2005 or so, it will become clear that the Internet's impact on the economy has been no greater than the fax machine's." ---Paul Krugman, 1998 ------------------------------------------------------------------------