The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky
PART IV

Fyodor PART I
PART II
PART III
PART IV

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[21036]                                    PART IV
[21037]     
[21038]                                     Book X
[21039]                                    The Boys
[21040]     
[21041]                                   Chapter 1
[21042]                                Kolya Krassotkin
[21043]     
[21044]         IT was the beginning of November. There had been a hard frost,
[21045]     eleven degrees Reaumur, without snow, but a little dry snow had fallen
[21046]     on the frozen ground during the night, and a keen dry wind was lifting
[21047]     and blowing it along the dreary streets of our town, especially
[21048]     about the market-place. It was a dull morning, but the snow had
[21049]     ceased.
[21050]         Not far from the market-place, close to Plotnikov's shop, there
[21051]     stood a small house, very clean both without and within. It belonged
[21052]     to Madame Krassotkin, the widow of a former provincial secretary,
[21053]     who had been dead for fourteen years. His widow, still a
[21054]     nice-looking woman of thirty-two, was living in her neat little
[21055]     house on her private means. She lived in respectable seclusion; she
[21056]     was of a soft but fairly cheerful disposition. She was about
[21057]     eighteen at the time of her husband's death; she had been married only
[21058]     a year and had just borne him a son. From the day of his death she had
[21059]     devoted herself heart and soul to the bringing up of her precious
[21060]     treasure, her boy Kolya. Though she had loved him passionately those
[21061]     fourteen years, he had caused her far more suffering than happiness.
[21062]     She had been trembling and fainting with terror almost every day,
[21063]     afraid he would fall ill, would catch cold, do something naughty,
[21064]     climb on a chair and fall off it, and so on and so on. When Kolya
[21065]     began going to school, the mother devoted herself to studying all
[21066]     the sciences with him so as to help him, and go through his lessons
[21067]     with him. She hastened to make the acquaintance of the teachers and
[21068]     their wives, even made up to Kolya's schoolfellows, and fawned upon
[21069]     them in the hope of thus saving Kolya from being teased, laughed at,
[21070]     or beaten by them. She went so far that the boys actually began to
[21071]     mock at him on her account and taunt him with being a "mother's
[21072]     darling."
[21073]         But the boy could take his own part. He was a resolute boy,
[21074]     "tremendously strong," as was rumoured in his class, and soon proved
[21075]     to be the fact; he was agile, strong-willed, and of an audacious and
[21076]     enterprising temper. He was good at lessons, and there was a rumour in
[21077]     the school that he could beat the teacher, Dardanelov, at arithmetic
[21078]     and universal history. Though he looked down upon everyone, he was a
[21079]     good comrade and not supercilious. He accepted his schoolfellows'
[21080]     respect as his due, but was friendly with them. Above all, he knew
[21081]     where to draw the line. He could restrain himself on occasion, and
[21082]     in his relations with the teachers he never overstepped that last
[21083]     mystic limit beyond which a prank becomes an unpardonable breach of
[21084]     discipline. But he was as fond of mischief on every possible
[21085]     occasion as the smallest boy in the school, and not so much for the
[21086]     sake of mischief as for creating a sensation, inventing something,
[21087]     something effective and conspicuous. He was extremely vain. He knew
[21088]     how to make even his mother give way to him; he was almost despotic in
[21089]     his control of her. She gave way to him, oh, she had given way to
[21090]     him for years. The one thought unendurable to her was that her boy had
[21091]     no great love for her. She was always fancying that Kolya was
[21092]     "unfeeling" to her, and at times, dissolving into hysterical tears,
[21093]     she used to reproach him with his coldness. The boy disliked this, and
[21094]     the more demonstrations of feeling were demanded of him, the more he
[21095]     seemed intentionally to avoid them. Yet it was not intentional on
[21096]     his part but instinctive- it was his character. His mother was
[21097]     mistaken; he was very fond of her. He only disliked "sheepish
[21098]     sentimentality," as he expressed it in his schoolboy language.
[21099]         There was a bookcase in the house containing a few books that
[21100]     had been his father's. Kolya was fond of reading, and had read several
[21101]     of them by himself. His mother did not mind that and only wondered
[21102]     sometimes at seeing the boy stand for hours by the bookcase poring
[21103]     over a book instead of going to play. And in that way Kolya read
[21104]     some things unsuitable for his age.
[21105]         Though the boy, as a rule, knew where to draw the line in his
[21106]     mischief, he had of late begun to play pranks that caused his mother
[21107]     serious alarm. It is true there was nothing vicious in what he did,
[21108]     but a wild mad recklessness.
[21109]         It happened that July, during the summer holidays, that the mother
[21110]     and son went to another district, forty-five miles away, to spend a
[21111]     week with a distant relation, whose husband was an official at the
[21112]     railway station (the very station, the nearest one to our town, from
[21113]     which a month later Ivan Fyodorovitch Karamazov set off for Moscow).
[21114]     There Kolya began by carefully investigating every detail connected
[21115]     with the railways, knowing that he could impress his schoolfellows
[21116]     when he got home with his newly acquired knowledge. But there happened
[21117]     to be some other boys in the place with whom he soon made friends.
[21118]     Some of them were living at the station, others in the
[21119]     neighbourhood; there were six or seven of them, all between twelve and
[21120]     fifteen, and two of them came from our town. The boys played together,
[21121]     and on the fourth or fifth day of Kolya's stay at the station, a mad
[21122]     bet was made by the foolish boys. Kolya, who was almost the youngest
[21123]     of the party and rather looked down upon by the others in consequence,
[21124]     was moved by vanity or by reckless bravado to bet them two roubles
[21125]     that he would lie down between the rails at night when the eleven
[21126]     o'clock train was due, and would lie there without moving while the
[21127]     train rolled over him at full speed. It is true they made a
[21128]     preliminary investigation, from which it appeared that it was possible
[21129]     to lie so flat between the rails that the train could pass over
[21130]     without touching, but to lie there was no joke! Kolya maintained
[21131]     stoutly that he would. At first they laughed at him, called him a
[21132]     little liar, a braggart, but that only egged him on. What piqued him
[21133]     most was that these boys of fifteen turned up their noses at him too
[21134]     superciliously, and were at first disposed to treat him as "a small
[21135]     boy," not fit to associate with them, and that was an unendurable
[21136]     insult. And so it was resolved to go in the evening, half a mile
[21137]     from the station, so that the train might have time to get up full
[21138]     speed after leaving the station The boys assembled. It was a
[21139]     pitch-dark night without a moon. At the time fixed, Kolya lay down
[21140]     between the rails. The five others who had taken the bet waited
[21141]     among the bushes below the embankment, their hearts beating with
[21142]     suspense, which was followed by alarm and remorse. At last they
[21143]     heard in the distance the rumble of the train leaving the station. Two
[21144]     red lights gleamed out of the darkness; the monster roared as it
[21145]     approached.
[21146]         "Run, run away from the rails," the boys cried to Kolya from the
[21147]     bushes, breathless with terror. But it was too late: the train
[21148]     darted up and flew past. The boys rushed to Kolya. He lay without
[21149]     moving. They began pulling at him, lifting him up. He suddenly got
[21150]     up and walked away without a word. Then he explained that he had
[21151]     lain there as though he were insensible to frighten them, but the fact
[21152]     was that he really had lost consciousness, as he confessed long
[21153]     after to his mother. In this way his reputation as "a desperate
[21154]     character," was established for ever. He returned home to the
[21155]     station as white as a sheet. Next day he had a slight attack of
[21156]     nervous fever, but he was in high spirits and well pleased with
[21157]     himself. The incident did not become known at once, but when they came
[21158]     back to the town it penetrated to the school and even reached the ears
[21159]     of the masters. But then Kolya's mother hastened to entreat the
[21160]     masters on her boy's behalf, and in the end Dardanelov, a respected
[21161]     and influential teacher, exerted himself in his favour, and the affair
[21162]     was ignored.
[21163]         Dardanelov was a middle-aged bachelor, who had been passionately
[21164]     in love with Madame Krassotkin for many years past, and had once
[21165]     already, about a year previously, ventured, trembling with fear and
[21166]     the delicacy of his sentiments, to offer her most respectfully his
[21167]     hand in marriage. But she refused him resolutely, feeling that to
[21168]     accept him would be an act of treachery to her son, though
[21169]     Dardanelov had, to judge from certain mysterious symptoms, reason
[21170]     for believing that he was not an object of aversion to the charming
[21171]     but too chaste and tender-hearted widow. Kolya's mad prank seemed to
[21172]     have broken the ice, and Dardanelov was rewarded for his
[21173]     intercession by a suggestion of hope. The suggestion, it is true,
[21174]     was a faint one, but then Dardanelov was such a paragon of purity
[21175]     and delicacy that it was enough for the time being to make him
[21176]     perfectly happy. He was fond of the boy, though he would have felt
[21177]     it beneath him to try and win him over, and was severe and strict with
[21178]     him in class. Kolya, too, kept him at a respectful distance. He
[21179]     learned his lessons perfectly; he was second in his class, was
[21180]     reserved with Dardanelov, and the whole class firmly believed that
[21181]     Kolya was so good at universal history that he could "beat" even
[21182]     Dardanelov. Kolya did indeed ask him the question, "Who founded Troy?"
[21183]     to which Dardanelov had made a very vague reply, referring to the
[21184]     movements and migrations of races, to the remoteness of the period, to
[21185]     the mythical legends. But the question, "Who had founded Troy?" that
[21186]     is, what individuals, he could not answer, and even for some reason
[21187]     regarded the question as idle and frivolous. But the boys remained
[21188]     convinced that Dardanelov did not know who founded Troy. Kolya had
[21189]     read of the founders of Troy in Smaragdov, whose history was among the
[21190]     books in his father's bookcase. In the end all the boys became
[21191]     interested in the question, who it was that had founded Troy, but
[21192]     Krassotkin would not tell his secret, and his reputation for knowledge
[21193]     remained unshaken.
[21194]         After the incident on the railway a certain change came over
[21195]     Kolya's attitude to his mother. When Anna Fyodorovna (Madame
[21196]     Krassotkin) heard of her son's exploit, she almost went out of her
[21197]     mind with horror. She had such terrible attacks of hysterics,
[21198]     lasting with intervals for several days, that Kolya, seriously alarmed
[21199]     at last, promised on his honour that such pranks should never be
[21200]     repeated. He swore on his knees before the holy image, and swore by
[21201]     the memory of his father, at Madame Krassotkin's instance, and the
[21202]     "manly" Kolya burst into tears like a boy of six. And all that day the
[21203]     mother and son were constantly rushing into each other's arms sobbing.
[21204]     Next day Kolya woke up as "unfeeling" as before, but he had become
[21205]     more silent, more modest, sterner, and more thoughtful.
[21206]         Six weeks later, it is true, he got into another scrape, which
[21207]     even brought his name to the ears of our Justice of the Peace, but
[21208]     it was a scrape of quite another kind, amusing, foolish, and he did
[21209]     not, as it turned out, take the leading part in it, but was only
[21210]     implicated in it. But of this later. His mother still fretted and
[21211]     trembled, but the more uneasy she became, the greater were the hopes
[21212]     of Dardanelov. It must be noted that Kolya understood and divined what
[21213]     was in Dardanelov's heart and, of course, despised him profoundly
[21214]     for his "feelings"; he had in the past been so tactless as to show
[21215]     this contempt before his mother, hinting vaguely that he knew what
[21216]     Dardanelov was after. But from the time of the railway incident his
[21217]     behaviour in this respect also was changed; he did not allow himself
[21218]     the remotest allusion to the subject and began to speak more
[21219]     respectfully of Dardanelov before his mother, which the sensitive
[21220]     woman at once appreciated with boundless gratitude. But at the
[21221]     slightest mention of Dardanelov by a visitor in Kolya's presence,
[21222]     she would flush as pink as a rose. At such moments Kolya would
[21223]     either stare out of the window scowling, or would investigate the
[21224]     state of his boots, or would shout angrily for "Perezvon," the big,
[21225]     shaggy, mangy dog, which he had picked up a month before, brought
[21226]     home, and kept for some reason secretly indoors, not showing him to
[21227]     any of his schoolfellows. He bullied him frightfully, teaching him all
[21228]     sorts of tricks, so that the poor dog howled for him whenever he was
[21229]     absent at school, and when he came in, whined with delight, rushed
[21230]     about as if he were crazy, begged, lay down on the ground pretending
[21231]     to be dead, and so on; in fact, showed all the tricks he had taught
[21232]     him, not at the word of command, but simply from the zeal of his
[21233]     excited and grateful heart.
[21234]         I have forgotten, by the way, to mention that Kolya Krassotkin was
[21235]     the boy stabbed with a penknife by the boy already known to the reader
[21236]     as the son of Captain Snegiryov. Ilusha had been defending his
[21237]     father when the schoolboys jeered at him, shouting the nickname
[21238]     "wisp of tow."
[21239]                                   Chapter 2
[21240]                                    Children
[21241]     
[21242]         AND so on that frosty, snowy, and windy day in November, Kolya
[21243]     Krassotkin was sitting at home. It was Sunday and there was no school.
[21244]     It had just struck eleven, and he particularly wanted to go out "on
[21245]     very urgent business," but he was left alone in charge of the house,
[21246]     for it so happened that all its elder inmates were absent owing to a
[21247]     sudden and singular event. Madame Krassotkin had let two little rooms,
[21248]     separated from the rest of the house by a passage, to a doctor's
[21249]     wife with her two small children. This lady was the same age as Anna
[21250]     Fyodorovna, and a great friend of hers. Her husband, the doctor, had
[21251]     taken his departure twelve months before, going first to Orenburg
[21252]     and then to Tashkend, and for the last six months she had not heard
[21253]     a word from him. Had it not been for her friendship with Madame
[21254]     Krassotkin, which was some consolation to the forsaken lady, she would
[21255]     certainly have completely dissolved away in tears. And now, to add
[21256]     to her misfortunes, Katerina, her only servant, was suddenly moved the
[21257]     evening before to announce, to her mistress's amazement, that she
[21258]     proposed to bring a child into the world before morning. It seemed
[21259]     almost miraculous to everyone that no one had noticed the
[21260]     probability of it before. The astounded doctor's wife decided to
[21261]     move Katerina while there was still time to an establishment in the
[21262]     town kept by a midwife for such emergencies. As she set great store by
[21263]     her servant, she promptly carried out this plan and remained there
[21264]     looking after her. By the morning all Madame Krassotkin's friendly
[21265]     sympathy and energy were called upon to render assistance and appeal
[21266]     to someone for help in the case.
[21267]         So both the ladies were absent from home, the Krassotkins'
[21268]     servant, Agafya, had gone out to the market, and Kolya was thus left
[21269]     for a time to protect and look after "the kids," that is, the son
[21270]     and daughter of the doctor's wife, who were left alone. Kolya was
[21271]     not afraid of taking care of the house, besides he had Perezvon, who
[21272]     had been told to lie flat, without moving, under the bench in the
[21273]     hall. Every time Kolya, walking to and fro through the rooms, came
[21274]     into the hall, the dog shook his head and gave two loud and
[21275]     insinuating taps on the floor with his tail, but alas! the whistle did
[21276]     not sound to release him. Kolya looked sternly at the luckless dog,
[21277]     who relapsed again into obedient rigidity. The one thing that troubled
[21278]     Kolya was "the kids." He looked, of course, with the utmost scorn on
[21279]     Katerina's unexpected adventure, but he was very fond of the
[21280]     bereaved "kiddies," and had already taken them a picture-book. Nastya,
[21281]     the elder, a girl of eight, could read, and Kostya, the boy, aged
[21282]     seven, was very fond of being read to by her. Krassotkin could, of
[21283]     course, have provided more diverting entertainment for them. He
[21284]     could have made them stand side by side and played soldiers with them,
[21285]     or sent them hiding all over the house. He had done so more than
[21286]     once before and was not above doing it, so much so that a report
[21287]     once spread at school that Krassotkin played horses with the little
[21288]     lodgers at home, prancing with his head on one side like a
[21289]     trace-horse. But Krassotkin haughtily parried this thrust, pointing
[21290]     out that to play horses with boys of one's own age, boys of
[21291]     thirteen, would certainly be disgraceful "at this date," but that he
[21292]     did it for the sake of "the kids" because he liked them, and no one
[21293]     had a right to call him to account for his feelings. The two "kids"
[21294]     adored him.
[21295]         But on this occasion he was in no mood for games. He had very
[21296]     important business of his own before him, something almost mysterious.
[21297]     Meanwhile time was passing and Agafya, with whom he could have left
[21298]     the children, would not come back from market. He had several times
[21299]     already crossed the passage, opened the door of the lodgers' room
[21300]     and looked anxiously at "the kids" who were sitting over the book,
[21301]     as he had bidden them. Every time he opened the door they grinned at
[21302]     him, hoping he would come in and would do something delightful and
[21303]     amusing. But Kolya was bothered and did not go in.
[21304]         At last it struck eleven and he made up his mind, once for all,
[21305]     that if that "damned" Agafya did not come back within ten minutes he
[21306]     should go out without waiting for her, making "the kids" promise, of
[21307]     course, to be brave when he was away, not to be naughty, not to cry
[21308]     from fright. With this idea he put on his wadded winter overcoat
[21309]     with its catskin fur collar, slung his satchel round his shoulder,
[21310]     and, regardless of his mother's constantly reiterated entreaties
[21311]     that he would always put on goloshes in such cold weather, he looked
[21312]     at them contemptuously as he crossed the hall and went out with only
[21313]     his boots on. Perezvon, seeing him in his outdoor clothes, began
[21314]     tapping nervously, yet vigorously, on the floor with his tail.
[21315]     Twitching all over, he even uttered a plaintive whine. But Kolya,
[21316]     seeing his dog's passionate excitement, decided that it was a breach
[21317]     of discipline, kept him for another minute under the bench, and only
[21318]     when he had opened the door into the passage, whistled for him. The
[21319]     dog leapt up like a mad creature and rushed bounding before him
[21320]     rapturously.
[21321]         Kolya opened the door to peep at "the kids." They were both
[21322]     sitting as before at the table, not reading but warmly disputing about
[21323]     something. The children often argued together about various exciting
[21324]     problems of life, and Nastya, being the elder, always got the best
[21325]     of it. If Kostya did not agree with her, he almost always appealed
[21326]     to Kolya Krassotkin, and his verdict was regarded as infallible by
[21327]     both of them. This time the "kids"' discussion rather interested
[21328]     Krassotkin, and he stood still in the passage to listen. The
[21329]     children saw he was listening and that made them dispute with even
[21330]     greater energy.
[21331]         "I shall never, never believe," Nastya prattled, "that the old
[21332]     women find babies among the cabbages in the kitchen garden. It's
[21333]     winter now and there are no cabbages, and so the old woman couldn't
[21334]     have taken Katerina a daughter."
[21335]         Kolya whistled to himself.
[21336]         "Or perhaps they do bring babies from somewhere, but only to those
[21337]     who are married."
[21338]         Kostya stared at Nastya and listened, pondering profoundly.
[21339]         "Nastya, how silly you are!" he said at last, firmly and calmly.
[21340]     "How can Katerina have a baby when she isn't married?"
[21341]         Nastya was exasperated.
[21342]         "You know nothing about it," she snapped irritably. "Perhaps she
[21343]     has a husband, only he is in prison, so now she's got a baby."
[21344]         "But is her husband in prison?" the matter-of-fact Kostya inquired
[21345]     gravely.
[21346]         "Or, I tell you what," Nastya interrupted impulsively,
[21347]     completely rejecting and forgetting her first hypothesis. "She
[21348]     hasn't a husband, you are right there, but she wants to be married,
[21349]     and so she's been thinking of getting married, and thinking and
[21350]     thinking of it till now she's got it, that is, not a husband but a
[21351]     baby."
[21352]         "Well, perhaps so," Kostya agreed, entirely vanquished. "But you
[21353]     didn't say so before. So how could I tell?"
[21354]         "Come, kiddies," said Kolya, stepping into the room. "You're
[21355]     terrible people, I see."
[21356]         "And Perezvon with you!" grinned Kostya, and began snapping his
[21357]     fingers and calling Perezvon.
[21358]         "I am in a difficulty, kids," Krassotkin began solemnly, "and
[21359]     you must help me. Agafya must have broken her leg, since she has not
[21360]     turned up till now, that's certain. I must go out. Will you let me
[21361]     go?"
[21362]         The children looked anxiously at one another. Their smiling
[21363]     faces showed signs of uneasiness, but they did not yet fully grasp
[21364]     what was expected of them.
[21365]         "You won't be naughty while I am gone? You won't climb on the
[21366]     cupboard and break your legs? You won't be frightened alone and cry?"
[21367]         A look of profound despondency came into the children's faces.
[21368]         "And I could show you something as a reward, a little copper
[21369]     cannon which can be fired with real gunpowder."
[21370]         The children's faces instantly brightened. "Show us the cannon,"
[21371]     said Kostya, beaming all over.
[21372]         Krassotkin put his hand in his satchel, and pulling out a little
[21373]     bronze cannon stood it on the table.
[21374]         "Ah, you are bound to ask that! Look, it's on wheels." He rolled
[21375]     the toy on along the table. "And it can be fired off, too. It can be
[21376]     loaded with shot and fired off."
[21377]         "And it could kill anyone?"
[21378]         "It can kill anyone; you've only got to aim at anybody," and
[21379]     Krassotkin explained where the powder had to be put, where the shot
[21380]     should be rolled in, showing a tiny hole like a touch-hole, and told
[21381]     them that it kicked when it was fired.
[21382]         The children listened with intense interest. What particularly
[21383]     struck their imagination was that the cannon kicked.
[21384]         "And have you got any powder?" Nastya inquired.
[21385]         "Yes."
[21386]         "Show us the powder, too," she drawled with a smile of entreaty.
[21387]         Krassotkin dived again into his satchel and pulled out a small
[21388]     flask containing a little real gunpowder. He had some shot, too, in
[21389]     a screw of paper. He even uncorked the flask and shook a little powder
[21390]     into the palm of his hand.
[21391]         "One has to be careful there's no fire about, or it would blow
[21392]     up and kill us all," Krassotkin warned them sensationally.
[21393]         The children gazed at the powder with an awe-stricken alarm that
[21394]     only intensified their enjoyment. But Kostya liked the shot better.
[21395]         "And does the shot burn?" he inquired.
[21396]         "No, it doesn't."
[21397]         "Give me a little shot," he asked in an imploring voice.
[21398]         "I'll give you a little shot; here, take it, but don't show it
[21399]     to your mother till I come back, or she'll be sure to think it's
[21400]     gunpowder, and will die of fright and give you a thrashing."
[21401]         "Mother never does whip us," Nastya observed at once.
[21402]         "I know, I only said it to finish the sentence. And don't you ever
[21403]     deceive your mother except just this once, until I come back. And
[21404]     so, kiddies, can I go out? You won't be frightened and cry when I'm
[21405]     gone?"
[21406]         "We sha-all cry," drawled Kostya, on the verge of tears already.
[21407]         "We shall cry, we shall be sure to cry," Nastya chimed in with
[21408]     timid haste.
[21409]         "Oh, children, children, how fraught with peril are your years!
[21410]     There's no help for it, chickens; I shall have to stay with you I
[21411]     don't know how long. And time is passing, time is passing, oogh!"
[21412]         "Tell Perezvon to pretend to be dead!" Kostya begged.
[21413]         "There's no help for it, we must have recourse to Perezvon. Ici,
[21414]     Perezvon." And Kolya began giving orders to the dog, who performed all
[21415]     his tricks.
[21416]         He was a rough-haired dog, of medium size, with a coat of a sort
[21417]     of lilac-grey colour. He was blind in his right eye, and his left
[21418]     ear was torn. He whined and jumped, stood and walked on his hind legs,
[21419]     lay on his back with his paws in the air, rigid as though he were
[21420]     dead. While this last performance was going on, the door opened and
[21421]     Agafya, Madame Krassotkin's servant, a stout woman of forty, marked
[21422]     with small-pox, appeared in the doorway. She had come back from market
[21423]     and had a bag full of provisions in her hand. Holding up the bag of
[21424]     provisions in her left hand she stood still to watch the dog. Though
[21425]     Kolya had been so anxious for her return, he did not cut short the
[21426]     performance, and after keeping Perezvon dead for the usual time, at
[21427]     last he whistled to him. The dog jumped up and began bounding about in
[21428]     his joy at having done his duty.
[21429]         "Only think, a dog!" Agafya observed sententiously.
[21430]         "Why are you late, female?" asked Krassotkin sternly.
[21431]         "Female, indeed! Go on with you, you brat."
[21432]         "Brat?"
[21433]         "Yes, a brat. What is it to you if I'm late; if I'm late, you
[21434]     may be sure I have good reason," muttered Agafya, busying herself
[21435]     about the stove, without a trace of anger or displeasure in her voice.
[21436]     She seemed quite pleased, in fact, to enjoy a skirmish with her
[21437]     merry young master.
[21438]         "Listen, you frivolous young woman," Krassotkin began, getting
[21439]     up from the sofa, "can you swear by all you hold sacred in the world
[21440]     and something else besides, that you will watch vigilantly over the
[21441]     kids in my absence? I am going out."
[21442]         "And what am I going to swear for?" laughed Agafya. "I shall
[21443]     look after them without that."
[21444]         "No, you must swear on your eternal salvation. Else I shan't go."
[21445]         "Well, don't then. What does it matter to me? It's cold out;
[21446]     stay at home."
[21447]         "Kids," Kolya turned to the children, "this woman will stay with
[21448]     you till I come back or till your mother comes, for she ought to
[21449]     have been back long ago. She will give you some lunch, too. You'll
[21450]     give them something, Agafya, won't you?"
[21451]         "That I can do."
[21452]         "Good-bye, chickens, I go with my heart at rest. And you, granny,"
[21453]     he added gravely, in an undertone, as he passed Agafya, "I hope you'll
[21454]     spare their tender years and not tell them any of your old woman's
[21455]     nonsense about Katerina. Ici, Perezvon!"
[21456]         "Get along with you!" retorted Agafya, really angry this time.
[21457]     "Ridiculous boy! You want a whipping for saying such things, that's
[21458]     what you want!"
[21459]                                   Chapter 3
[21460]                                 The Schoolboy
[21461]     
[21462]         BUT Kolya did not hear her. At last he could go out. As he went
[21463]     out at the gate he looked round him, shrugged up his shoulders, and
[21464]     saying "It is freezing," went straight along the street and turned off
[21465]     to the right towards the market-place. When he reached the last
[21466]     house but one before the market-place he stopped at the gate, pulled a
[21467]     whistle out of his pocket, and whistled with all his might as though
[21468]     giving a signal. He had not to wait more than a minute before a
[21469]     rosy-cheeked boy of about eleven, wearing a warm, neat and even
[21470]     stylish coat, darted out to meet him. This was Smurov, a boy in the
[21471]     preparatory class (two classes below Kolya Krassotkin), son of a
[21472]     well-to-do official. Apparently he was forbidden by his parents to
[21473]     associate with Krassotkin, who was well known to be a desperately
[21474]     naughty boy, so Smurov was obviously slipping out on the sly. He
[21475]     was- if the reader has not forgotten one of the group of boys who
[21476]     two months before had thrown stones at Ilusha. He was the one who told
[21477]     Alyosha about Ilusha.
[21478]         "I've been waiting for you for the last hour, Krassotkin," said
[21479]     Smurov stolidly, and the boys strode towards the market-place.
[21480]         "I am late," answered Krassotkin. "I was detained by
[21481]     circumstances. You won't be thrashed for coming with me?"
[21482]         "Come, I say, I'm never thrashed! And you've got Perezvon with
[21483]     you?"
[21484]         "Yes."
[21485]         "You're taking him, too?"
[21486]         "Yes."
[21487]         "Ah! if it were only Zhutchka!"
[21488]         "That's impossible. Zhutchka's non-existent. Zhutchka is lost in
[21489]     the mists of obscurity."
[21490]         "Ah! couldn't we do this?" Smurov suddenly stood still. "You see
[21491]     Ilusha says that Zhutchka was a shaggy, greyish, smoky-looking dog
[21492]     like Perezvon. Couldn't you tell him this is Zhutchka, and he might
[21493]     believe you?"
[21494]         "Boy, shun a lie, that's one thing; even with a good object-
[21495]     that's another. Above all, I hope you've not told them anything
[21496]     about my coming."
[21497]         "Heaven forbid! I know what I am about. But you won't comfort
[21498]     him with Perezvon," said Smurov, with a sigh. "You know his father,
[21499]     the captain, 'the wisp of tow,' told us that he was going to bring him
[21500]     a real mastiff pup, with a black nose, to-day. He thinks that would
[21501]     comfort Ilusha; but I doubt it."
[21502]         "And how is Ilusha?"
[21503]         "Ah, he is bad, very bad! I believe he's in consumption: he is
[21504]     quite conscious, but his breathing! His breathing's gone wrong. The
[21505]     other day he asked to have his boots on to be led round the room. He
[21506]     tried to walk, but he couldn't stand. 'Ah, I told you before, father,'
[21507]     he said, 'that those boots were no good. I could never walk properly
[21508]     in them.' He fancied it was his boots that made him stagger, but it
[21509]     was simply weakness, really. He won't live another week. Herzenstube
[21510]     is looking after him. Now they are rich again- they've got heaps of
[21511]     money.
[21512]         "They are rogues."
[21513]         "Who are rogues?"
[21514]         "Doctors and the whole crew of quacks collectively, and also, of
[21515]     course, individually. I don't believe in medicine. It's a useless
[21516]     institution. I mean to go into all that. But what's that
[21517]     sentimentality you've got up there? The whole class seems to be
[21518]     there every day."
[21519]         "Not the whole class: it's only ten of our fellows who go to see
[21520]     him every day. There's nothing in that."
[21521]         "What I don't understand in all this is the part that Alexey
[21522]     Karamazov is taking in it. His brother's going to be tried to-morrow
[21523]     or next day for such a crime, and yet he has so much time to spend
[21524]     on sentimentality with boys."
[21525]         "There's no sentimentality about it. You are going yourself now to
[21526]     make it up with Ilusha."
[21527]         "Make it up with him? What an absurd expression! But I allow no
[21528]     one to analyse my actions."
[21529]         "And how pleased Ilusha will be to see you! He has no idea that
[21530]     you are coming. Why was it, why was it you wouldn't come all this
[21531]     time?" Smurov cried with sudden warmth.
[21532]         "My dear boy, that's my business, not yours.
[21533]         I am going of myself because I choose to, but you've all been
[21534]     hauled there by Alexey Karamazov- there's a difference, you know.
[21535]     And how do you know? I may not be going to make it up at all. It's a
[21536]     stupid expression."
[21537]         "It's not Karamazov at all; it's not his doing. Our fellows
[21538]     began going there of themselves. Of course, they went with Karamazov
[21539]     at first. And there's been nothing of that sort of silliness. First
[21540]     one went, and then another. His father was awfully pleased to see
[21541]     us. You know he will simply go out of his mind if Ilusha dies. He sees
[21542]     that Ilusha's dying. And he seems so glad we've made it up with
[21543]     Ilusha. Ilusha asked after you, that was all. He just asks and says no
[21544]     more. His father will go out of his mind or hang himself. He behaved
[21545]     like a madman before. You know he is a very decent man. We made a
[21546]     mistake then. It's all the fault of that murderer who beat him then."
[21547]         "Karamazov's a riddle to me all the same. I might have made his
[21548]     acquaintance long ago, but I like to have a proper pride in some
[21549]     cases. Besides, I have a theory about him which I must work out and
[21550]     verify."
[21551]         Kolya subsided into dignified silence. Smurov, too, was silent.
[21552]     Smurov, of course, worshipped Krassotkin and never dreamed of
[21553]     putting himself on a level with him. Now he was tremendously
[21554]     interested at Kolya's saying that he was "going of himself" to see
[21555]     Ilusha. He felt that there must be some mystery in Kolya's suddenly
[21556]     taking it into his head to go to him that day. They crossed the
[21557]     market-place, in which at that hour were many loaded wagons from the
[21558]     country and a great number of live fowls. The market women were
[21559]     selling rolls, cottons and threads, etc., in their booths. These
[21560]     Sunday markets were naively called "fairs" in the town, and there were
[21561]     many such fairs in the year.
[21562]         Perezvon ran about in the wildest spirits, sniffing about first
[21563]     one side, then the other. When he met other dogs they zealously
[21564]     smelt each other over according to the rules of canine etiquette.
[21565]         "I like to watch such realistic scenes, Smurov," said Kolya
[21566]     suddenly. "Have you noticed how dogs sniff at one another when they
[21567]     meet? It seems to be a law of their nature."
[21568]         "Yes; it's a funny habit."
[21569]         "No, it's not funny; you are wrong there. There's nothing funny in
[21570]     nature, however funny it may seem to man with his prejudices. If
[21571]     dogs could reason and criticise us they'd be sure to find just as much
[21572]     that would be funny to them, if not far more, in the social
[21573]     relations of men, their masters- far more, indeed. I repeat that,
[21574]     because I am convinced that there is far more foolishness among us.
[21575]     That's Rakitin's idea- a remarkable idea. I am a Socialist, Smurov."
[21576]         "And what is a Socialist?" asked Smurov.
[21577]         "That's when all are equal and all have property in common,
[21578]     there are no marriages, and everyone has any religion and laws he
[21579]     likes best, and all the rest of it. You are not old enough to
[21580]     understand that yet. It's cold, though."
[21581]         "Yes, twelve degrees of frost. Father looked at the thermometer
[21582]     just now."
[21583]         "Have you noticed, Smurov, that in the middle of winter we don't
[21584]     feel so cold even when there are fifteen or eighteen degrees of
[21585]     frost as we do now, in the beginning of winter, when there is a sudden
[21586]     frost of twelve degrees, especially when there is not much snow.
[21587]     It's because people are not used to it. Everything is habit with
[21588]     men, everything even in their social and political relations. Habit is
[21589]     the great motive-power. What a funny-looking peasant!"
[21590]         Kolya pointed to a tall peasant, with a good-natured countenance
[21591]     in a long sheepskin coat, who was standing by his wagon, clapping
[21592]     together his hands, in their shapeless leather gloves, to warm them.
[21593]     His long fair beard was all white with frost.
[21594]         "That peasant's beard's frozen," Kolya cried in a loud provocative
[21595]     voice as he passed him.
[21596]         "Lots of people's beards are frozen," the peasant replied,
[21597]     calmly and sententiously.
[21598]         "Don't provoke him," observed Smurov.
[21599]         "It's all right; he won't be cross; he's a nice fellow.
[21600]     Good-bye, Matvey."
[21601]         "Good-bye."
[21602]         "Is your name Matvey?"
[21603]         "Yes. Didn't you know?"
[21604]         "No, I didn't. It was a guess."
[21605]         "You don't say so! You are a schoolboy, I suppose?"
[21606]         "Yes."
[21607]         "You get whipped, I expect?"
[21608]         "Nothing to speak of- sometimes."
[21609]         "Does it hurt?"
[21610]         "Well, yes, it does."
[21611]         "Ech, what a life!" The peasant heaved a sigh from the bottom of
[21612]     his heart.
[21613]         "Good-bye, Matvey."
[21614]         "Good-bye. You are a nice chap, that you are."
[21615]         The boys went on.
[21616]         "That was a nice peasant," Kolya observed to Smurov. "I like
[21617]     talking to the peasants, and am always glad to do them justice."
[21618]         "Why did you tell a lie, pretending we are thrashed?" asked
[21619]     Smurov.
[21620]         "I had to say that to please him."
[21621]         "How do you mean?"
[21622]         "You know, Smurov, I don't like being asked the same thing
[21623]     twice. I like people to understand at the first word. Some things
[21624]     can't be explained. According to a peasant's notions, schoolboys are
[21625]     whipped, and must be whipped. What would a schoolboy be if he were not
[21626]     whipped? And if I were to tell him we are not, he'd be disappointed.
[21627]     But you don't understand that. One has to know how to talk to the
[21628]     peasants."
[21629]         "Only don't tease them, please, or you'll get into another
[21630]     scrape as you did about that goose."
[21631]         "So you're afraid?"
[21632]         "Don't laugh, Kolya. Of course I'm afraid. My father would be
[21633]     awfully cross. I am strictly forbidden to go out with you."
[21634]         "Don't be uneasy, nothing will happen this time. Hallo,
[21635]     Natasha!" he shouted to a market woman in one of the booths.
[21636]         "Call me Natasha! What next! My name is Marya," the middle-aged
[21637]     marketwoman shouted at him.
[21638]         "I am so glad it's Marya. Good-bye!"
[21639]         "Ah, you young rascal! A brat like you to carry on so!"
[21640]         "I'm in a hurry. I can't stay now. You shall tell me next Sunday."
[21641]     Kolya waved his hand at her, as though she had attacked him and not he
[21642]     her.
[21643]         "I've nothing to tell you next Sunday. You set upon me, you
[21644]     impudent young monkey. I didn't say anything," bawled Marya. "You want
[21645]     a whipping, that's what you want, you saucy jackanapes!"
[21646]         There was a roar of laughter among the other market women round
[21647]     her. Suddenly a man in a violent rage darted out from the arcade of
[21648]     shops close by. He was a young man, not a native of the town, with
[21649]     dark, curly hair and a long, pale face, marked with smallpox. He
[21650]     wore a long blue coat and a peaked cap, and looked like a merchant's
[21651]     clerk. He was in a state of stupid excitement and brandished his
[21652]     fist at Kolya.
[21653]         "I know you!" he cried angrily, "I know you!"
[21654]         Kolya stared at him. He could not recall when he could have had
[21655]     a row with the man. But he had been in so many rows in the street that
[21656]     he could hardly remember them all.
[21657]         "Do you?" he asked sarcastically.
[21658]         "I know you! I know you!" the man repeated idiotically.
[21659]         So much the better for you. Well, it's time I was going.
[21660]     Good-bye!"
[21661]         "You are at your saucy pranks again?" cried the man. "You are at
[21662]     your saucy pranks again? I know, you are at it again!"
[21663]         "It's not your business, brother, if I am at my saucy pranks
[21664]     again," said Kolya, standing still and scanning him.
[21665]         "Not my business?"
[21666]         "No; it's not your business."
[21667]         "Whose then? Whose then? Whose then?"
[21668]         "It's Trifon Nikititch's business, not yours."
[21669]         "What Trifon Nikititch?" asked the youth, staring with loutish
[21670]     amazement at Kolya, but still as angry as ever.
[21671]         Kolya scanned him gravely.
[21672]         "Have you been to the Church of the Ascension?" he suddenly
[21673]     asked him, with stern emphasis.
[21674]         "What Church of Ascension? What for? No, I haven't," said the
[21675]     young man, somewhat taken aback.
[21676]         "Do you know Sabaneyev?" Kolya went on even more emphatically
[21677]     and even more severely.
[21678]         "What Sabaneyev? No, I don't know him."
[21679]         "Well then you can go to the devil," said Kolya, cutting short the
[21680]     conversation; and turning sharply to the right he strode quickly on
[21681]     his way as though he disdained further conversation with a dolt who
[21682]     did not even know Sabaneyev.
[21683]         "Stop, heigh! What Sabaneyev?" the young man recovered from his
[21684]     momentary stupefaction and was as excited as before. "What did he
[21685]     say?" He turned to the market women with a silly stare.
[21686]         The women laughed.
[21687]         "You can never tell what he's after," said one of them.
[21688]         "What Sabaneyev is it he's talking about?" the young man repeated,
[21689]     still furious and brandishing his right arm.
[21690]         "It must be a Sabaneyev who worked for the Kuzmitchovs, that's who
[21691]     it must be," one of the women suggested.
[21692]         The young man stared at her wildly.
[21693]         "For the Kuzmitchovs?" repeated another woman. "But his name
[21694]     wasn't Trifon. His name's Kuzma, not Trifon; but the boy said Trifon
[21695]     Nikititch, so it can't be the same."
[21696]         "His name is not Trifon and not Sabaneyev, it's Tchizhov," put
[21697]     in suddenly a third woman, who had hitherto been silent, listening
[21698]     gravely. "Alexey Ivanitch is his name. Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch."
[21699]         "Not a doubt about it, it's Tchizhov," a fourth woman emphatically
[21700]     confirmed the statement.
[21701]         The bewildered youth gazed from one to another.
[21702]         "But what did he ask for, what did he ask for, good people?" he
[21703]     cried almost in desperation." 'Do you know Sabaneyev?' says he. And
[21704]     who the devil's to know who is Sabaneyev?"
[21705]         "You're a senseless fellow. I tell you it's not Sabaneyev, but
[21706]     Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch Tchizhov, that's who it is!" one of the
[21707]     women shouted at him impressively.
[21708]         "What Tchizhov? Who is he? Tell me, if you know."
[21709]         "That tall, snivelling fellow who used to sit in the market in the
[21710]     summer."
[21711]         "And what's your Tchizhov to do with me, good people, eh?"
[21712]         "How can I tell what he's to do with you?" put in another. "You
[21713]     ought to know yourself what you want with him, if you make such a
[21714]     clamour about him. He spoke to you, he did not speak to us, you
[21715]     stupid. Don't you really know him?"
[21716]         "Know whom?"
[21717]         "Tchizhov."
[21718]         "The devil take Tchizhov and you with him. I'll give him a hiding,
[21719]     that I will. He was laughing at me!"
[21720]         "Will give Tchizhov a hiding! More likely he will give you one.
[21721]     You are a fool, that's what you are!"
[21722]         "Not Tchizhov, not Tchizhov, you spiteful, mischievous woman. I'll
[21723]     give the boy a hiding. Catch him, catch him, he was laughing at me
[21724]         The woman guffawed. But Kolya was by now a long way off,
[21725]     marching along with a triumphant air. Smurov walked beside him,
[21726]     looking round at the shouting group far behind. He too was in high
[21727]     spirits, though he was still afraid of getting into some scrape in
[21728]     Kolya's company.
[21729]         "What Sabaneyev did you mean?" he asked Kolya, foreseeing what his
[21730]     answer would be.
[21731]         "How do I know? Now there'll be a hubbub among them all day. I
[21732]     like to stir up fools in every class of society. There's another
[21733]     blockhead, that peasant there. You know, they say 'there's no one
[21734]     stupider than a stupid Frenchman,' but a stupid Russian shows it in
[21735]     his face just as much. Can't you see it all over his face that he is a
[21736]     fool, that peasant, eh?"
[21737]         "Let him alone, Kolya. Let's go on."
[21738]         "Nothing could stop me, now I am once off. Hey, good morning,
[21739]     peasant!"
[21740]         A sturdy-looking peasant, with a round, simple face and grizzled
[21741]     beard, who was walking by, raised his head and looked at the boy. He
[21742]     seemed not quite sober.
[21743]         "Good morning, if you are not laughing at me," he said
[21744]     deliberately in reply.
[21745]         "And if I am?" laughed Kolya.
[21746]         "Well, a joke's a joke. Laugh away. I don't mind. There's no
[21747]     harm in a joke."
[21748]         "I beg your pardon, brother, it was a joke."
[21749]         "Well, God forgive you!"
[21750]         "Do you forgive me, too?"
[21751]         "I quite forgive you. Go along."
[21752]         "I say, you seem a clever peasant."
[21753]          "Cleverer than you," the peasant answered unexpectedly, with
[21754]     the same gravity.
[21755]         "I doubt it," said Kolya, somewhat taken aback.
[21756]         "It's true, though."
[21757]         "Perhaps it is."
[21758]         "It is, brother."
[21759]         "Good-bye, peasant!"
[21760]         "Good-bye!"
[21761]         "There are all sorts of peasants," Kolya observed to Smurov
[21762]     after a brief silence. "How could I tell I had hit on a clever one?
[21763]     I am always ready to recognise intelligence in the peasantry."
[21764]         In the distance the cathedral clock struck half-past eleven. The
[21765]     boys made haste and they walked as far as Captain Snegiryov's lodging,
[21766]     a considerable distance, quickly and almost in silence. Twenty paces
[21767]     from the house Kolya stopped and told Smurov to go on ahead and ask
[21768]     Karamazov to come out to him.
[21769]         "One must sniff round a bit first," he observed to Smurov.
[21770]         "Why ask him to come out?" Smurov protested. "You go in; they will
[21771]     be awfully glad to see you. What's the sense of making friends in
[21772]     the frost out here?"
[21773]         "I know why I want to see him out here in the frost," Kolya cut
[21774]     him short in the despotic tone he was fond of adopting with "small
[21775]     boys," and Smurov ran to do his bidding.
[21776]                                   Chapter 4
[21777]                                  The Lost Dog
[21778]     
[21779]         KOLYA leaned against the fence with an air of dignity, waiting for
[21780]     Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him. He had heard a
[21781]     great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto he had always
[21782]     maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference when he was
[21783]     mentioned, and he had even "criticised" what he heard about Alyosha.
[21784]     But secretely he had a great longing to make his acquaintance; there
[21785]     was something sympathetic and attractive in all he was told about
[21786]     Alyosha. So the present moment was important: to begin with, he had to
[21787]     show himself at his best, to show his independence. "Or he'll think of
[21788]     me as thirteen and take me for a boy, like the rest of them. And
[21789]     what are these boys to him? I shall ask him when I get to know him.
[21790]     It's a pity I am so short, though. Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet
[21791]     he is half a head taller. But I have a clever face. I am not
[21792]     good-looking. I know I'm hideous, but I've a clever face. I mustn't
[21793]     talk too freely; if I fall into his arms all at once, he may think-
[21794]     Tfoo! how horrible if he should think- !"
[21795]         Such were the thoughts that excited Kolya while he was doing his
[21796]     utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed him most
[21797]     was his being so short; he did not mind so much his "hideous" face, as
[21798]     being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had the year before
[21799]     made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every two months since he
[21800]     anxiously measured himself against it to see how much he had gained.
[21801]     But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimes reduced him almost
[21802]     to despair. His face was in reality by no means "hideous"; on the
[21803]     contrary, it was rather attractive, with a fair, pale skin,
[21804]     freckled. His small, lively grey eyes had a fearless look, and often
[21805]     glowed with feeling. He had rather high cheekbones; small, very red,
[21806]     but not very thick, lips; his nose was small and unmistakably turned
[21807]     up. "I've a regular pug nose, a regular pug nose," Kolya used to
[21808]     mutter to himself when he looked in the looking-glass, and he always
[21809]     left it with indignation. "But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?"
[21810]     he sometimes thought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be
[21811]     supposed that his mind was preoccupied with his face and his height.
[21812]     On the contrary, however bitter the moments before the looking-glass
[21813]     were to him, he quickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long
[21814]     time, "abandoning himself entirely to ideas and to real life," as he
[21815]     formulated it to himself.
[21816]         Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Kolya. Before he
[21817]     reached him, Kolya could see that he looked delighted. "Can he be so
[21818]     glad to see me?" Kolya wondered, feeling pleased. We may note here, in
[21819]     passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergone a complete change
[21820]     since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassock and was wearing
[21821]     now a wellcut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hair had been cropped
[21822]     short. All this was very becoming to him, and he looked quite
[21823]     handsome. His charming face always had a good-humoured expression; but
[21824]     there was a gentleness and serenity in his good-humour. To Kolya's
[21825]     surprise, Alyosha came out to him just as he was, without an overcoat.
[21826]     He had evidently come in haste. He held out his hand to Kolya at once.
[21827]         "Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!"
[21828]         "There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, I am
[21829]     glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for an
[21830]     opportunity, and have heard a great deal about you," Kolya muttered, a
[21831]     little breathless.
[21832]         "We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal about you,
[21833]     too; but you've been a long time coming here."
[21834]         "Tell me, how are things going?"
[21835]         "Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying."
[21836]         "How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud, Karamazov,"
[21837]     cried Kolya warmly.
[21838]         "Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in his sleep, in
[21839]     delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very, very dear to
[21840]     him... before the incident... with the knife.... Then there's
[21841]     another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?"
[21842]         "Yes Perezvon."
[21843]         "Not Zhutchka?" Alyosha looked at Kolya with eyes full of pity.
[21844]     "Is she lost for ever?"
[21845]         "I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard all about
[21846]     it." Kolya smiled mysteriously. "Listen, Karamazov, I'll tell you
[21847]     all about it. That's what I came for; that's what I asked you to
[21848]     come out here for, to explain the whole episode to you before we go
[21849]     in," he began with animation. "You see, Karamazov, Ilusha came into
[21850]     the preparatory class last spring. Well, you know what our preparatory
[21851]     class is- a lot of small boys. They began teasing Ilusha at once. I am
[21852]     two classes higher up, and, of course, I only look on at them from a
[21853]     distance. I saw the boy was weak and small, but he wouldn't give in to
[21854]     them; he fought with them. I saw he was proud, and his eyes were
[21855]     full of fire. I like children like that. And they teased him all the
[21856]     more. The worst of it was he was horribly dressed at the time, his
[21857]     breeches were too small for him, and there were holes in his boots.
[21858]     They worried him about it; they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I
[21859]     stood up for him at once, and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but
[21860]     they adore me, do you know, Karamazov?" Kolya boasted impulsively;
[21861]     "but I am always fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at
[21862]     home now- that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating
[21863]     Ilusha and I took him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud.
[21864]     I tell you that, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly
[21865]     devoted to me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were
[21866]     God, tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to
[21867]     run to me at once' and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. They
[21868]     always laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one like
[21869]     that; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I am
[21870]     teaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I like
[21871]     him? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. I
[21872]     see you want to influence the younger generation- to develop them,
[21873]     to be of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character,
[21874]     which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us get
[21875]     to the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness
[21876]     and sentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positive
[21877]     hatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from a baby.
[21878]     There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he was
[21879]     slavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash
[21880]     and he'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I
[21881]     used sometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was
[21882]     not so much that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simply
[21883]     rebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to his
[21884]     endearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer he
[21885]     was, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. My
[21886]     object was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make a
[21887]     man of him... and besides... no doubt, you understand me at a word.
[21888]     Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast and
[21889]     dejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else,
[21890]     something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I have
[21891]     pumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov,
[21892]     who was footman to your late father- it was before his death, of
[21893]     course- and he taught the little fool a silly trick- that is, a
[21894]     brutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick
[21895]     a pin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap up
[21896]     anything without biting it, and then to watch and see what would
[21897]     happen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it to
[21898]     Zhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The people
[21899]     of the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked
[21900]     all day. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand
[21901]     it.) So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal;
[21902]     it turned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out of
[21903]     sight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me, and
[21904]     cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept on repeating
[21905]     'He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. He was
[21906]     tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. I
[21907]     determined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I must
[21908]     confess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be more
[21909]     indignant perhaps than I was. 'You've done a nasty thing,' I said,
[21910]     'you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall
[21911]     have nothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and
[21912]     let you know through Smurov'- that's the boy who's just come with
[21913]     me; he's always ready to do anything for me- 'whether I will have
[21914]     anything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up for
[21915]     good as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I felt I'd
[21916]     gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did what I
[21917]     thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tell
[21918]     him that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it when
[21919]     two schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with one another.
[21920]     Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few days and then,
[21921]     if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to him again. That
[21922]     was my intention. But what do you think happened? He heard Smurov's
[21923]     message, his eyes flashed. 'Tell Krassotkin for me,' he cried, 'that I
[21924]     will throw bread with pins to all the dogs- all- all of them!' 'So
[21925]     he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke it out of him.' And I
[21926]     began to treat him with contempt; whenever I met him I turned away
[21927]     or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affair with his father
[21928]     happened. You remember? You must realise that he was fearfully
[21929]     worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeing I'd given him
[21930]     up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, 'Wisp of tow, wisp of
[21931]     tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which I am very
[21932]     sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating. One day
[21933]     he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. I stood a few
[21934]     yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't remember that I
[21935]     laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry for him;
[21936]     in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But he
[21937]     suddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled
[21938]     out a penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my right
[21939]     leg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes,
[21940]     Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say,
[21941]     'This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again if you like, I'm
[21942]     at your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down; he was
[21943]     frightened at what he had done; he threw away the knife, burst out
[21944]     crying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I made
[21945]     them all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the
[21946]     masters. I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the
[21947]     wound was a mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been
[21948]     throwing stones and had bitten your finger- but you understand now
[21949]     what a state he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of
[21950]     me not to come and forgive him- that is, to make it up with him-
[21951]     when he was taken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special
[21952]     reason. So now I've told you all about it... but I'm afraid it was
[21953]     stupid of me."
[21954]         "Oh, what a pity," exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling, "that I didn't
[21955]     know before what terms you were on with him, or I'd have come to you
[21956]     long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Would you believe it, when
[21957]     he was feverish he talked about you in delirium. I didn't know how
[21958]     much you were to him! And you've really not succeeded in finding
[21959]     that dog? His father and the boys have been hunting all over the
[21960]     town for it. Would you believe it, since he's been ill, I've three
[21961]     times heard him repeat with tears, 'It's because I killed Zhutchka,
[21962]     father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me for it.' He can't get
[21963]     that idea out of his head. And if the dog were found and proved to
[21964]     be alive, one might almost fancy the joy would cure him. We have all
[21965]     rested our hopes on you."
[21966]         "Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to find
[21967]     him?" Kolya asked, with great curiosity. "Why did you reckon on me
[21968]     rather than anyone else?"
[21969]         "There was a report that you were looking for the dog, and that
[21970]     you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something of the
[21971]     sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog is
[21972]     alive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare: he
[21973]     just looked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free
[21974]     in the fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come
[21975]     back, bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but
[21976]     I think it only makes it worse."
[21977]         "Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I know him,
[21978]     but what do you make of him- a mountebank, a buffoon?"
[21979]         "Oh no; there are people of deep feeling who have been somehow
[21980]     crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful irony against those
[21981]     to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having been for years
[21982]     humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me, Krassotkin, that
[21983]     sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in the extreme. His whole
[21984]     life now is centred in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies, he will either go
[21985]     mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almost certain of that when I
[21986]     look at him now."
[21987]         "I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand human
[21988]     nature," Kolya added, with feeling.
[21989]         "And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it was Zhutchka
[21990]     you were bringing."
[21991]         "Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; but this
[21992]     is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuse Ilusha
[21993]     more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you will know
[21994]     something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!" Kolya cried
[21995]     suddenly. "You've no overcoat on in this bitter cold. You see what
[21996]     an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists, Karamazov!"
[21997]         "Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Let us
[21998]     go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you are
[21999]     called Kolya, but what else?"
[22000]         "Nikolay- Nikolay Ivanovitch Krassotkin, or, as they say in
[22001]     official documents, 'Krassotkin son.'" Kolya laughed for some
[22002]     reason, but added suddenly, "Of course I hate my name Nikolay."
[22003]         "Why so?"
[22004]         "It's so trivial, so ordinary."
[22005]         "You are thirteen?" asked Alyosha.
[22006]         "No, fourteen- that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in a
[22007]     fortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to
[22008]     you, since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my
[22009]     character at once. I hate being asked my age, more than that... and in
[22010]     fact... there's a libellous story going about me, that last week I
[22011]     played robbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did
[22012]     play with them, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own
[22013]     amusement. I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story;
[22014]     but I wasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of
[22015]     the children, because they couldn't think of anything to do by
[22016]     themselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awful
[22017]     town for gossip, I can tell you."
[22018]         "But what if you had been playing for your own amusement, what's
[22019]     the harm?"
[22020]         "Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, do
[22021]     you?"
[22022]         "But you must look at it like this," said Alyosha, smiling.
[22023]     "Grown-up people go to the theatre and there the adventures of all
[22024]     sorts of heroes are represented- sometimes there are robbers and
[22025]     battles, too- and isn't that just the same thing, in a different form,
[22026]     of course? And young people's games of soldiers or robbers in their
[22027]     playtime are also art in its first stage. You know, they spring from
[22028]     the growing artistic instincts of the young. And sometimes these games
[22029]     are much better than performances in the theatre; the only
[22030]     difference is that people go there to look at the actors, while in
[22031]     these games the young people are the actors themselves. But that's
[22032]     only natural."
[22033]         "You think so? Is that your idea?" Kolya looked at him intently.
[22034]     "Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view. When I go home, I'll
[22035]     think it over. I'll admit I thought I might learn something from
[22036]     you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov," Kolya concluded, in a
[22037]     voice full of spontaneous feeling.
[22038]         "And I of you," said Alyosha, smiling and pressing his hand.
[22039]         Kolya was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him most was that
[22040]     he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked to him just as
[22041]     if he were "quite grown up."
[22042]         "I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's a theatrical
[22043]     performance, too," he said, laughing nervously. "That's why I've
[22044]     come."
[22045]         "Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. All
[22046]     the boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small and
[22047]     hot."
[22048]         "Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on my overcoat.
[22049]     Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. Ici, Perezvon, lie
[22050]     down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go in first and explore,
[22051]     then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, and you'll see, he'll
[22052]     dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget to open the door at
[22053]     the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll see something."
[22054]                                   Chapter 5
[22055]                              By Ilusha's Bedside
[22056]     
[22057]         THE room inhabited by the family of the retired captain
[22058]     Snegiryov is already familiar to the reader. It was close and
[22059]     crowded at that moment with a number of visitors. Several boys were
[22060]     sitting with Ilusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were
[22061]     prepared to deny that it was Alyosha who had brought them and
[22062]     reconciled them with Ilusha, it was really the fact. All the art he
[22063]     had used had been to take them, one by one, to Ilusha, without
[22064]     "sheepish sentimentality," appearing to do so casually and without
[22065]     design. It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He
[22066]     was greatly touched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy
[22067]     shown him by these boys, who had been his enemies. Krassotkin was
[22068]     the only one missing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's
[22069]     heart. Perhaps the bitterest of all his bitter memories was his
[22070]     stabbing Krassotkin, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever
[22071]     little Smurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it
[22072]     was so. But when Smurov hinted to Krassotkin that Alyosha wanted to
[22073]     come and see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding
[22074]     Smurov tell "Karamazov" at once that he knew best what to do, that
[22075]     he wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, he
[22076]     would choose his own time for he had "his own reasons."
[22077]         That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha
[22078]     had not been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited he
[22079]     sent Smurov to him twice again. Both times Krassotkin met him with a
[22080]     curt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother him
[22081]     any more, that if he came himself, he, Krassotkin, would not go to
[22082]     Ilusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know that Kolya
[22083]     meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the evening before, as he
[22084]     parted from Smurov, Kolya abruptly told him to wait at home for him
[22085]     next morning, for he would go with him to the Snegiryovs, but warned
[22086]     him on no account to say he was coming, as he wanted to drop in
[22087]     casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy that Kolya would bring back
[22088]     the lost dog was based on the words Kolya had dropped that "they
[22089]     must be asses not to find the dog, if it was alive." When Smurov,
[22090]     waiting for an opportunity, timidly hinted at his guess about the dog,
[22091]     Krassotkin flew into a violent rage. "I'm not such an ass as to go
[22092]     hunting about the town for other people's dogs when I've got a dog
[22093]     of my own! And how can you imagine a dog could be alive after
[22094]     swallowing a pin? Sheepish sentimentality, thats what it is!
[22095]         For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed under
[22096]     the ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day he
[22097]     met Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day,
[22098]     though for a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk
[22099]     about the room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that he
[22100]     could not move without help from his father. His father was terribly
[22101]     concerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazy
[22102]     with terror that his boy would die. And often, especially after
[22103]     leading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed,
[22104]     he would run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his head
[22105]     against the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping,
[22106]     stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.
[22107]         Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something to
[22108]     amuse and comfort his precious boy: he would tell him stories, funny
[22109]     anecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, even
[22110]     imitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear to
[22111]     see his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy tried
[22112]     not to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that his
[22113]     father was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted by
[22114]     the memory of the "wisp of tow" and that "terrible day."
[22115]         Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her
[22116]     father's buffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past
[22117]     to Petersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile
[22118]     mother was greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband
[22119]     began capering about or performing something. It was the only way
[22120]     she could be amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and
[22121]     complaining that now everyone had forgotten her, that no one treated
[22122]     her with respect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the
[22123]     last few days she had completely changed. She began looking constantly
[22124]     at Ilusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was more
[22125]     silent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to
[22126]     be heard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournful
[22127]     perplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later on
[22128]     their merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last she
[22129]     liked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she would
[22130]     have felt dreary without them. When the children told some story or
[22131]     played a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some of
[22132]     them to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.
[22133]         As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children,
[22134]     who came to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first with
[22135]     ecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over his
[22136]     depression and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of his
[22137]     alarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubt
[22138]     of his boy's ultimate recovery.
[22139]         He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand
[22140]     and foot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them
[22141]     ride on his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given
[22142]     up. He began buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave
[22143]     them tea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this
[22144]     time he had plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles from
[22145]     Katerina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. And
[22146]     afterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their
[22147]     circumstances and Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the
[22148]     acquaintance of the family, and succeeded in fascinating the
[22149]     half-imbecile mother. Since then she had been lavish in helping
[22150]     them, and the captain, terror-stricken at the thought that his boy
[22151]     might be dying, forgot his pride and humbly accepted her assistance.
[22152]         All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by Katerina
[22153]     Ivanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained by
[22154]     his visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sunday
[22155]     morning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where
[22156]     he had a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him from
[22157]     Moscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for another
[22158]     object of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as he
[22159]     had come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captain had
[22160]     been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea that Kolya
[22161]     Krassotkin was coming, though he had long wished for a visit from
[22162]     the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.
[22163]         At the moment when Krassotkin opened the door and came into the
[22164]     room, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, looking at
[22165]     a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before, though
[22166]     the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuse Ilusha,
[22167]     who was still fretting over the lost and probably dead Zhutchka.
[22168]     Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to be presented
[22169]     with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff (a very
[22170]     important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feeling to pretend
[22171]     that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could not help seeing
[22172]     that the puppy only served to recall to his little heart the thought
[22173]     of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay beside him feebly
[22174]     moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin, pale, wasted
[22175]     hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but... it wasn't Zhutchka; if he
[22176]     could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then he would have been
[22177]     completely happy.
[22178]         "Krassotkin!" cried one of the boys suddenly. He was the first
[22179]     to see him come in.
[22180]         Krassotkin's entrance made a general sensation; the boys moved
[22181]     away and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a full
[22182]     view of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Kolya.
[22183]         "Please come in... you are welcome!" he said hurriedly. "Ilusha,
[22184]     Mr. Krassotkin has come to see you!
[22185]         But Krassotkin, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantly showed
[22186]     his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. He turned first
[22187]     to the captain's wife sitting in her armchair, who was very
[22188]     ill-humoured at the moment, and was grumbling that the boys stood
[22189]     between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the new puppy.
[22190]     With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping his foot, and
[22191]     turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other lady present, a
[22192]     similar bow. This polite behaviour made an extremely favourable
[22193]     impression on the deranged lady.
[22194]         "There,.you can see at once he is a young man that has been well
[22195]     brought up," she commented aloud, throwing up her hands; "But as for
[22196]     our other visitors they come in one on the top of another."
[22197]         "How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how is
[22198]     that?" muttered the captain affectionately, though a little anxious on
[22199]     her account.
[22200]         "That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shoulders in
[22201]     the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family. Strange
[22202]     sort of visitors!"
[22203]         "But who's come in like that, mamma?"
[22204]         "Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this one on
[22205]     that one's."
[22206]         Kolya was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turned visibly
[22207]     paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently at Kolya.
[22208]     Kolya had not seen his little friend for two months, and he was
[22209]     overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had never imagined that he would
[22210]     see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous, feverishly glowing eyes
[22211]     and such thin little hands. He saw, with grieved surprise, Ilusha's
[22212]     rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. He stepped close to him, held
[22213]     out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, he said:
[22214]         "Well, old man... how are you?" But his voice failed him, he
[22215]     couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenly twitched and
[22216]     the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled a pitiful little
[22217]     smile, still unable to utter a word. Something moved Kolya to raise
[22218]     his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.
[22219]         "Never mind!" he murmured softly to him to cheer him up, or
[22220]     perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silent
[22221]     again.
[22222]         "Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?" Kolya said suddenly, in a most
[22223]     callous voice.
[22224]         "Ye-es," answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping for breath.
[22225]         "A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,"
[22226]     Kolya observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing he cared
[22227]     about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he still had to
[22228]     do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out crying like a
[22229]     child, and do what he would he could not control it. "When it grows
[22230]     up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure."
[22231]         "He'll be a huge dog!" cried one of the boys.
[22232]         "Of course he will," "a mastiff," "large," "like this," "as big as
[22233]     a calf," shouted several voices.
[22234]         "As big as a calf, as a real calf," chimed in the captain. "I
[22235]     got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercest breed, and his
[22236]     parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as high as this from
[22237]     the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here on the bench.
[22238]     You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a long time.... You were
[22239]     so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
[22240]         Krassotkin sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Though he
[22241]     had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversation on
[22242]     his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.
[22243]         "No... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, called
[22244]     Perezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there... if I whistle, he'll run
[22245]     in. I've brought a dog, too," he said, addressing Ilusha all at
[22246]     once. "Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?" he suddenly fired the
[22247]     question at him.
[22248]         Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonised
[22249]     expression at Kolya. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned and signed
[22250]     to Kolya not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not or would not notice.
[22251]         "Where... is Zhutchka?" Ilusha asked in a broken voice.
[22252]         "Oh well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!"
[22253]         Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more on
[22254]     Kolya. Alyosha, catching Kolya's eye, signed to him vigourously again,
[22255]     but he turned away his eyes pretending not to have noticed.
[22256]         "It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have died after
[22257]     a meal like that," Kolya pronounced pitilessly, though he seemed a
[22258]     little breathless. "But I've got a dog, Perezvon... A Slavonic name...
[22259]     I've brought him to show you."
[22260]         "I don't want him!" said Ilusha suddenly.
[22261]         "No, no, you really must see him... it will amuse you. I brought
[22262]     him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... You allow me
[22263]     to call in my dog, madam?" He suddenly addressed Madame Snegiryov,
[22264]     with inexplicable excitement in his manner.
[22265]         "I don't want him, I don't want him!" cried Ilusha, with a
[22266]     mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in his
[22267]     eyes.
[22268]         "You'd better," the captain started up from the chest by the
[22269]     wall on which he had just sat down, "you'd better... another time," he
[22270]     muttered, but Kolya could not be restrained. He hurriedly shouted to
[22271]     Smurov, "Open the door," and as soon as it was open, he blew his
[22272]     whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong into the room.
[22273]         "Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!" shouted Kolya, jumping up, and the dog
[22274]     stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside. What followed was
[22275]     a surprise to everyone: Ilusha started, lurched violently forward,
[22276]     bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint with suspense.
[22277]         "It's... Zhutchka!" he cried suddenly, in a voice breaking with
[22278]     joy and suffering.
[22279]         "And who did you think it was?" Krassotkin shouted with all his
[22280]     might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seized the dog
[22281]     and lifted him up to Ilusha.
[22282]         "Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear is
[22283]     torn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found
[22284]     him. I found him directly. He did not belong to anyone!" he explained,
[22285]     to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again to Ilusha.
[22286]     "He used to live in the Fedotovs' backyard. Though he made his home
[22287]     there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog that had run away
[22288]     from the village... I found him.... You see, old man, he couldn't have
[22289]     swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must have died, he must
[22290]     have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive. You did not
[22291]     see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that is why he
[22292]     squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowed it.
[22293]     He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is so tender...
[22294]     tenderer than in men, much tenderer!" Kolya cried impetuously, his
[22295]     face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilusha could not speak. White
[22296]     as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed at Kolya, with his great eyes almost
[22297]     starting out of his head. And if Krassotkin, who had no suspicion of
[22298]     it, had known what a disastrous and fatal effect such a moment might
[22299]     have on the sick child's health, nothing would have induced him to
[22300]     play such a trick on him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in
[22301]     the room who realised it. As for the captain he behaved like a small
[22302]     child.
[22303]         "Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!" he cried in a blissful voice,
[22304]     "Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this is Zhutchka!" He
[22305]     was almost weeping.
[22306]         "And I never guessed!" cried Smurov regretfully. "Bravo,
[22307]     Krassotkin! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him."
[22308]         "Here he's found him!" another boy repeated gleefully.
[22309]         "Krassotkin's a brick! cried a third voice.
[22310]         "He's a brick, he's a brick!" cried the other boys, and they began
[22311]     clapping.
[22312]         "Wait, wait," Krassotkin did his utmost to shout above them all.
[22313]     "I'll tell you how it happened, that's the whole point. I found him, I
[22314]     took him home and hid him at once. I kept him locked up at home and
[22315]     did not show him to anyone till to-day. Only Smurov has known for
[22316]     the last fortnight, but I assured him this dog was called Perezvon and
[22317]     he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught the dog all sorts of
[22318]     tricks. You should only see all the things he can do! I trained him so
[22319]     as to bring you a well trained dog, in good condition, old man, so
[22320]     as to be able to say to you, 'See, old man, what a fine dog your
[22321]     Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat? He'll show you a trick
[22322]     that will make you die with laughing. A piece of meat, haven't you got
[22323]     any?"
[22324]         The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where their
[22325]     cooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Kolya, in desperate
[22326]     haste, shouted to Perezvon, "Dead!" And the dog immediately turned
[22327]     round and lay on his back with its four paws in the air. The boys
[22328]     laughed, Ilusha looked on with the same suffering smile, but the
[22329]     person most delighted with the dog's performance was "mamma." She
[22330]     laughed at the dog and began snapping her fingers and calling it,
[22331]     "Perezvon, Perezvon!"
[22332]         "Nothing will make him get up, nothing!" Kolya cried triumphantly,
[22333]     proud of his success. "He won't move for all the shouting in the
[22334]     world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in a minute. Ici,
[22335]     Perezvon!" The dog leapt up and bounded about, whining with delight.
[22336]     The captain ran back with a piece of cooked beef.
[22337]         "Is it hot?" Kolya inquired hurriedly, with a business-like air,
[22338]     taking the meat. "Dogs don't like hot things. No, it's all right.
[22339]     Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; why aren't you
[22340]     looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him."
[22341]         The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless with
[22342]     his nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose.
[22343]     The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on his
[22344]     nose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement,
[22345]     perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a brief
[22346]     moment.
[22347]         "Paid for!" cried Kolya, and the meat passed in a flash from the
[22348]     dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course, expressed enthusiasm
[22349]     and surprise.
[22350]         "Can you really have put off coming all this time simply to
[22351]     train the dog?" exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note of
[22352]     reproach in his voice.
[22353]         "Simply for that!" answered Kolya, with perfect simplicity. "I
[22354]     wanted to show him in all his glory."
[22355]         "Perezvon! Perezvon," called Ilusha suddenly, snapping his thin
[22356]     fingers and beckoning to the dog.
[22357]         "What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! Ici, Perezvon!" Kolya
[22358]     slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boy threw both
[22359]     arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked his cheek. Ilusha
[22360]     crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed and hid his face in
[22361]     the dog's shaggy coat.
[22362]         "Dear, dear!" kept exclaiming the captain. Kolya sat down again on
[22363]     the edge of the bed.
[22364]         "Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you a little
[22365]     cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you said how much
[22366]     you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you."
[22367]         And Kolya hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the little bronze
[22368]     cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another time he
[22369]     would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passed
[22370]     off, now he hurried on, regardless of all consideration. "You are
[22371]     all happy now," he felt, "so here's something to make you happier!" He
[22372]     was perfectly enchanted himself.
[22373]         "I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's for you, old
[22374]     man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use to him, he
[22375]     had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father's book-case
[22376]     for it, A Kinsman of Mahomet, or Salutary Folly, a scandalous book
[22377]     published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before they had any
[22378]     censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He was grateful
[22379]     to me, too...."
[22380]         Kolya held the cannon in his hand so that all could see and admire
[22381]     it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still round the
[22382]     dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was even greater
[22383]     when Kolya announced that he had gunpowder too, and that it could be
[22384]     fired off at once "if it won't alarm the ladies." "Mamma"
[22385]     immediately asked to look at the toy closer and her request was
[22386]     granted. She was much pleased with the little bronze cannon on
[22387]     wheels and began rolling it to and fro on her lap. She readily gave
[22388]     permission for the cannon to be fired, without any idea of what she
[22389]     had been asked. Kolya showed the powder and the shot. The captain,
[22390]     as a military man, undertook to load it, putting in a minute
[22391]     quantity of powder. He asked that the shot might be put off till
[22392]     another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aiming towards an empty
[22393]     part of the room, three grains of powder were thrust into the
[22394]     touchhole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosion followed.
[22395]     Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. The boys gazed
[22396]     in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha, was more
[22397]     enchanted than any of them. Kolya picked up the cannon and immediately
[22398]     presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder and the shot.
[22399]         "I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you a long
[22400]     time," he repeated once more in his delight.
[22401]         "Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!" mamma began begging
[22402]     like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that she would not
[22403]     get it. Kolya was disconcerted. The captain fidgeted uneasily.
[22404]         "Mamma, mamma," he ran to her, "the cannon's yours, of course, but
[22405]     let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, but it's just as
[22406]     good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it; it shall
[22407]     belong to both of you, both of you."
[22408]         "No, I don't want it to belong to both of us; I want it to be mine
[22409]     altogether, not Ilusha's," persisted mamma, on the point of tears.
[22410]         "Take it, mother, here, keep it!" Ilusha cried. "Krassotkin, may I
[22411]     give it to my mother?" he turned to Krassotkin with an imploring face,
[22412]     as though he were afraid he might be offended at his giving his
[22413]     present to someone else.
[22414]         "Of course you may," Krassotkin assented heartily, and, taking the
[22415]     cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with a polite bow.
[22416]     She was so touched that she cried.
[22417]         "Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mammal" she said
[22418]     tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro on her
[22419]     lap again.
[22420]         "Mamma, let me kiss your hand." The captain darted up to her at
[22421]     once and did so.
[22422]         "And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy," said
[22423]     the grateful lady, pointing to Krassotkin.
[22424]         "And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. We make
[22425]     the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made-
[22426]     twenty-four parts of saltpetre, ten of sulphur and six of birchwood
[22427]     charcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with water and
[22428]     rubbed through a tammy sieve-that's how it's done."
[22429]         "Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's not
[22430]     real gunpowder," responded Ilusha.
[22431]         "Not real?" Kolya flushed. "It burns. I don't know, of course."
[22432]         "No, I didn't mean that," put in the captain with a guilty face.
[22433]     "I only said that real powder is not made like that, but that's
[22434]     nothing, it can be made so."
[22435]         "I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatum pot, it
[22436]     burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash. But that
[22437]     was only the paste, and if you rub it through... but of course you
[22438]     know best, I don't know... And Bulkin's father thrashed him on account
[22439]     of our powder, did you hear?" he turned to Ilusha.
[22440]         "We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep it under
[22441]     his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, and thrashed him
[22442]     on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against me to the
[22443]     masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one is
[22444]     allowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either; I've
[22445]     got a bad name with everyone. They say I'm a 'desperate character,'"
[22446]     Kolya smiled scornfully. "It all began from what happened on the
[22447]     railway."
[22448]         "Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too," cried the
[22449]     captain. "How could you lie still on the line? Is it possible you
[22450]     weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train? Weren't you
[22451]     frightened?"
[22452]         The captain was abject in his flattery of Kolya.
[22453]         "N- not particularly," answered Kolya carelessly. "What's
[22454]     blasted my reputation more than anything here was that cursed
[22455]     goose," he said, turning again to Ilusha- but though he assumed an
[22456]     unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not control himself and
[22457]     was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.
[22458]         "Ah! I heard about the goose!" Ilusha laughed, beaming all over.
[22459]     "They told me, but I didn't understand. Did they really take you to
[22460]     the court?"
[22461]         "The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of a
[22462]     mole-hill as they always do," Kolya began carelessly. "I was walking
[22463]     through the market-place here one day, just when they'd driven in
[22464]     the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once a fellow, who
[22465]     is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me and said, 'What
[22466]     are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; he was a stupid,
[22467]     moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side of the peasantry,
[22468]     you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We've dropped behind
[22469]     the peasants that's an axiom. I believe you are laughing, Karamazov?"
[22470]         "No, Heaven forbid, I am listening," said Alyosha with a most
[22471]     good-natured air, and the sensitive Kolya was immediately reassured."
[22472]         "My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple," he hurried on
[22473]     again, looking pleased. "I believe in the people and am always glad to
[22474]     give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them, that is a sine
[22475]     qua non... But I was telling you about the goose. So I turned to the
[22476]     fool and answered, 'I am wondering what the goose thinks about.' He
[22477]     looked at me quite stupidly, 'And what does the goose think about?' he
[22478]     asked. 'Do you see that cart full of oats?'I said. 'The oats are
[22479]     dropping out of the sack, and the goose has put its neck right under
[22480]     the wheel to gobble them up- do you see?' 'I see that quite well,'
[22481]     he said. 'Well,' said I, 'if that cart were to move on a little, would
[22482]     it break the goose's neck or not?' 'It'd be sure to break it,' and
[22483]     he grinned all over his face, highly delighted. 'Come on, then,'
[22484]     said I, 'let's try.' 'Let's,' he said. And it did not take us long
[22485]     to arrange: he stood at the bridle without being noticed, and I
[22486]     stood on one side to direct the goose. And the owner wasn't looking,
[22487]     he was talking to someone, so I had nothing to do, the goose thrust
[22488]     its head in after the oats of itself, under the cart, just under the
[22489]     wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at the bridle, and crack. The
[22490]     goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luck would have it, all the
[22491]     peasants saw us at that moment and they kicked up a shindy at once.
[22492]     'You did that on purpose!' 'No, not on purpose.' 'Yes, you did, on
[22493]     purpose!' Well, they shouted, 'Take him to the justice of the
[22494]     peace!' They took me, too. 'You were there, too,' they said, 'you
[22495]     helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for some reason, I
[22496]     really am known all over the market," Kolya added conceitedly. "We all
[22497]     went off to the justice's, they brought the goose, too. The fellow was
[22498]     crying in a great funk, simply blubbering like a woman. And the farmer
[22499]     kept shouting that you could kill any number of geese like that. Well,
[22500]     of course, there were witnesses.
[22501]     The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmer was
[22502]     to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have the goose.
[22503]     And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And the fellow kept
[22504]     blubbering like a woman. 'It wasn't me,' he said, 'it was he egged
[22505]     me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmost composure
[22506]     that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated the general
[22507]     proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of the peace
[22508]     smiled and was vexed with himself once for having smiled. 'I'll
[22509]     complain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn't
[22510]     waste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting at
[22511]     your books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to the
[22512]     masters, that was a joke, but the matter noised abroad and came to the
[22513]     ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classical
[22514]     master, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, but Dardanelov
[22515]     got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with everyone now like a
[22516]     green ass. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got a dowry of
[22517]     a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of the first rank
[22518]     and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote an epigram on it:
[22519]     
[22520]                     Astounding news has reached the class,
[22521]                     Kolbasnikov has been an ass.
[22522]     
[22523]         And so on, awfully funny, I'll bring it to you later on. I say
[22524]     nothing against Dardanelov, he is a learned man, there's no doubt
[22525]     about it. I respect men like that and it's not because he stood up for
[22526]     me."
[22527]         "But you took him down about the founders of Troy!" Smurov put
[22528]     in suddenly, proud of Krassotkin at such a moment. He was particularly
[22529]     pleased with the story of the goose.
[22530]         "Did you really take him down?" the captain inquired, in a
[22531]     flattering way. "On the question who founded Troy? We heard of it,
[22532]     Ilusha told me about it at the time."
[22533]         "He knows everything, father, he knows more than any of us!" put
[22534]     in Ilusha; "he only pretends to be like that, but really he is top
[22535]     in every subject..."
[22536]         Ilusha looked at Kolya with infinite happiness.
[22537]         "Oh, that's all nonsense about Troy, a trivial matter. I
[22538]     consider this an unimportant question," said Kolya with haughty
[22539]     humility. He had by now completely recovered his dignity, though he
[22540]     was still a little uneasy. He felt that he was greatly excited and
[22541]     that he had talked about the goose, for instance, with too little
[22542]     reserve, while Alyosha had looked serious and had not said a word
[22543]     all the time. And the vain boy began by degrees to have a rankling
[22544]     fear that Alyosha was silent because he despised him, and thought he
[22545]     was showing off before him. If he dared to think anything like that,
[22546]     Kolya would-
[22547]         "I regard the question as quite a trivial one," he rapped out
[22548]     again, proudly.
[22549]         "And I know who founded Troy," a boy, who had not spoken before,
[22550]     said suddenly, to the surprise of everyone. He was silent and seemed
[22551]     to be shy. He was a pretty boy of about eleven, called Kartashov. He
[22552]     was sitting near the door. Kolya looked at him with dignified
[22553]     amazement.
[22554]         The fact was that the identity of the founders of Troy had
[22555]     become a secret for the whole school, a secret which could only be
[22556]     discovered by reading Smaragdov, and no one had Smaragdov but Kolya.
[22557]     One day, when Kolya's back was turned, Kartashov hastily opened
[22558]     Smaragdov, which lay among Kolya's books, and immediately lighted on
[22559]     the passage relating to the foundation of Troy. This was a good time
[22560]     ago, but he felt uneasy and could not bring himself to announce
[22561]     publicly that he too knew who had founded Troy, afraid of what might
[22562]     happen and of Krassotkin's somehow putting him to shame over it. But
[22563]     now he couldn't resist saying it. For weeks he had been longing to.
[22564]         "Well, who did found it?" Kolya, turning to him with haughty
[22565]     superciliousness. He saw from his face that he really did know and
[22566]     at once made up his mind how to take it. There was so to speak, a
[22567]     discordant note in the general harmony.
[22568]         "Troy was founded by Teucer, Dardanus, Ilius and Tros," the boy
[22569]     rapped out at once, and in the same instant he blushed, blushed so,
[22570]     that it was painful to look at him. But the boys stared at him, stared
[22571]     at him for a whole minute, and then all the staring eyes turned at
[22572]     once and were fastened upon Kolya, who was still scanning the
[22573]     audacious boy with disdainful composure.
[22574]         "In what sense did they found it?" he deigned to comment at
[22575]     last. "And what is meant by founding a city or a state? What do they
[22576]     do? Did they go and each lay a brick, do you suppose?"
[22577]         There was laughter. The offending boy turned from pink to crimson.
[22578]     He was silent and on the point of tears. Kolya held him so for a
[22579]     minute.
[22580]         "Before you talk of a historical event like the foundation of a
[22581]     nationality, you must first understand what you mean by it," he
[22582]     admonished him in stern, incisive tones. "But I attach no
[22583]     consequence to these old wives' tales and I don't think much of
[22584]     universal history in general," he added carelessly, addressing the
[22585]     company generally.
[22586]         "Universal history?" the captain inquired, looking almost scared.
[22587]         "Yes, universal history! It's the study of the successive
[22588]     follies of mankind and nothing more. The only subjects I respect are
[22589]     mathematics and natural science," said Kolya. He was showing off and
[22590]     he stole a glance at Alyosha; his was the only opinion he was afraid
[22591]     of there. But Alyosha was still silent and still serious as before. If
[22592]     Alyosha had said a word it would have stopped him, but Alyosha was
[22593]     silent and "it might be the silence of contempt," and that finally
[22594]     irritated Kolya.
[22595]         "The classical languages, too... they are simply madness,
[22596]     nothing more. You seem to disagree with me again, Karamazov?"
[22597]         "I don't agree," said Alyosha, with a faint smile.
[22598]         "The study of the classics, if you ask my opinion, is simply a
[22599]     police measure, that's simply why it has been introduced into our
[22600]     schools." By degrees Kolya began to get breathless again. "Latin and
[22601]     Greek were introduced because they are a bore and because they stupefy
[22602]     the intellect. It was dull before, so what could they do to make
[22603]     things duller? It was senseless enough before, so what could they do
[22604]     to make it more senseless? So they thought of Greek and Latin.
[22605]     That's my opinion, I hope I shall never change it," Kolya finished
[22606]     abruptly. His cheeks were flushed.
[22607]         "That's true," assented Smurov suddenly, in a ringing tone of
[22608]     conviction. He had listened attentively.
[22609]         "And yet he is first in Latin himself," cried one of the group
[22610]     of boys suddenly.
[22611]         "Yes, father, he says that and yet he is first in Latin," echoed
[22612]     Ilusha.
[22613]         "What of it?" Kolya thought fit to defend himself, though the
[22614]     praise was very sweet to him. "I am fagging away at Latin because I
[22615]     have to, because I promised my mother to pass my examination, and I
[22616]     think that whatever you do, it's worth doing it well. But in my soul I
[22617]     have a profound contempt for the classics and all that fraud.... You
[22618]     don't agree, Karamazov?"
[22619]         "Why 'fraud'?" Alyosha smiled again.
[22620]         "Well, all the classical authors have been translated into all
[22621]     languages, so it was not for the sake of studying the classics they
[22622]     introduced Latin, but solely as a police measure, to stupefy the
[22623]     intelligence. So what can one call it but a fraud?"
[22624]         "Why, who taught you all this?" cried Alyosha, surprised at last.
[22625]         "In the first place I am capable of thinking for myself without
[22626]     being taught. Besides, what I said just now about the classics being
[22627]     translated our teacher Kolbasnikov has said to the whole of the
[22628]     third class."
[22629]         "The doctor has come!" cried Nina, who had been silent till then.
[22630]         A carriage belonging to Madame Hohlakov drove up to the gate.
[22631]     The captain, who had been expecting the doctor all the morning, rushed
[22632]     headlong out to meet him. "Mamma" pulled herself together and
[22633]     assumed a dignified air. Alyosha went up to Ilusha and began setting
[22634]     his pillows straight. Nina, from her invalid chair, anxiously
[22635]     watched him putting the bed tidy. The boys hurriedly took leave.
[22636]     Some of them promised to come again in the evening. Kolya called
[22637]     Perezvon and the dog jumped off the bed.
[22638]         "I won't go away, I won't go away," Kolya said hastily to
[22639]     Ilusha. "I'll wait in the passage and come back when the doctor's
[22640]     gone, I'll come back with Perezvon."
[22641]         But by now the doctor had entered, an important-looking person
[22642]     with long, dark whiskers and a shiny, shaven chin, wearing a
[22643]     bearskin coat. As he crossed the threshold he stopped, taken aback; he
[22644]     probably fancied he had come to the wrong place. "How is this? Where
[22645]     am I?" he muttered, not removing his coat nor his peaked sealskin cap.
[22646]     The crowd, the poverty of the room, the washing hanging on a line in
[22647]     the corner, puzzled him. The captain, bent double, was bowing low
[22648]     before him.
[22649]         "It's here, sir, here, sir," he muttered cringingly; "it's here,
[22650]     you've come right, you were coming to us..."
[22651]         "Sne-gi-ryov?" the doctor said loudly and pompously. "Mr.
[22652]     Snegiryov- is that you?"
[22653]         "That's me, sir!"
[22654]         "Ah!"
[22655]         The doctor looked round the room with a squeamish air once more
[22656]     and threw off his coat, displaying to all eyes the grand decoration at
[22657]     his neck. The captain caught the fur coat in the air, and the doctor
[22658]     took off his cap.
[22659]         "Where is the patient?" he asked emphatically.
[22660]                                   Chapter 6
[22661]                                   Precocity
[22662]     
[22663]         "WHAT do you think the doctor will say to him?" Kolya asked
[22664]     quickly. "What a repulsive mug, though, hasn't he? I can't endure
[22665]     medicine!"
[22666]         "Ilusha is dying. I think that's certain," answered Alyosha,
[22667]     mournfully.
[22668]         "They are rogues! Medicine's a fraud! I am glad to have made
[22669]     your acquaintance, though, Karamazov. I wanted to know you for a
[22670]     long time. I am only sorry we meet in such sad circumstances."
[22671]         Kolya had a great inclination to say something even warmer and
[22672]     more demonstrative, but he felt ill at ease. Alyosha noticed this,
[22673]     smiled, and pressed his hand.
[22674]         "I've long learned to respect you as a rare person," Kolya
[22675]     muttered again, faltering and uncertain. "I have heard you are a
[22676]     mystic and have been in the monastery. I know you are a mystic, but...
[22677]     that hasn't put me off. Contact with real life will cure you....
[22678]     It's always so with characters like yours."
[22679]         "What do you mean by mystic? Cure me of what?" Alyosha was
[22680]     rather astonished.
[22681]         "Oh, God and all the rest of it."
[22682]         "What, don't you believe in God?"
[22683]         "Oh, I've nothing against God. Of course, God is only a
[22684]     hypothesis, but... I admit that He is needed... for the order of the
[22685]     universe and all that... and that if there were no God He would have
[22686]     to be invented," added Kolya, beginning to blush. He suddenly
[22687]     fancied that Alyosha might think he was trying to show off his
[22688]     knowledge and to prove that he was "grown up." "I haven't the
[22689]     slightest desire to show off my knowledge to him," Kolya thought
[22690]     indignantly. And all of a sudden he felt horribly annoyed.
[22691]         "I must confess I can't endure entering on such discussions," he
[22692]     said with a final air. "It's possible for one who doesn't believe in
[22693]     God to love mankind, don't you think so? Voltaire didn't believe in
[22694]     God and loved mankind?" ("I am at it again," he thought to himself.)
[22695]         "Voltaire believed in God, though not very much, I think, and I
[22696]     don't think he loved mankind very much either," said Alyosha
[22697]     quietly, gently, and quite naturally, as though he were talking to
[22698]     someone of his own age, or even older. Kolya was particularly struck
[22699]     by Alyosha's apparent diffidence about his opinion of Voltaire. He
[22700]     seemed to be leaving the question for him, little Kolya, to settle.
[22701]         "Have you read Voltaire?" Alyosha finished.
[22702]         "No, not to say read.... But I've read Candide in the Russian
[22703]     translation... in an absurd, grotesque, old translation.. (At it
[22704]     again! again!)"
[22705]         "And did you understand it?"
[22706]         "Oh, yes, everything.... That is... Why do you suppose I shouldn't
[22707]     understand it? There's a lot of nastiness in it, of course.... Of
[22708]     course I can understand that it's a philosophical novel and written to
[22709]     advocate an idea...." Kolya was getting mixed by now. "I am a
[22710]     Socialist, Karamazov, I am an incurable Socialist," he announced
[22711]     suddenly, apropos of nothing.
[22712]         "A Socialist?" laughed Alyosha. "But when have you had time to
[22713]     become one? Why, I thought you were only thirteen?"
[22714]         Kolya winced.
[22715]         "In the first place I am not thirteen, but fourteen, fourteen in a
[22716]     fortnight," he flushed angrily, "and in the second place I am at a
[22717]     complete loss to understand what my age has to do with it? The
[22718]     question is what are my convictions, not what is my age, isn't it?"
[22719]         "When you are older, you'll understand for yourself the
[22720]     influence of age on convictions. I fancied, too, that you were not
[22721]     expressing your own ideas," Alyosha answered serenely and modestly,
[22722]     but Kolya interrupted him hotly:
[22723]         "Come, you want obedience and mysticism. You must admit that the
[22724]     Christian religion, for instance, has only been of use to the rich and
[22725]     the powerful to keep the lower classes in slavery. That's so, isn't
[22726]     it?"
[22727]         "Ah, I know where you read that, and I am sure someone told you
[22728]     so!" cried Alyosha.
[22729]         "I say, what makes you think I read it? And certainly no one
[22730]     told so. I can think for myself.... I am not opposed to Christ, if you
[22731]     like. He was a most humane person, and if He were alive to-day, He
[22732]     would be found in the ranks of the revolutionists, and would perhaps
[22733]     play a conspicuous part.... There's no doubt about that."
[22734]         "Oh, where, where did you get that from? What fool have you made
[22735]     friends with?" exclaimed Alyosha.
[22736]         "Come, the truth will out! It has so chanced that I have often
[22737]     talked to Mr. Rakitin, of course, but... old Byelinsky said that, too,
[22738]     so they say."
[22739]         "Byelinsky? I don't remember. He hasn't written that anywhere."
[22740]         "If he didn't write it, they say he said it. I heard that from
[22741]     a... but never mind."
[22742]         "And have you read Byelinsky?"
[22743]         "Well, no... I haven't read all of him, but... I read the
[22744]     passage about Tatyana, why she didn't go off with Onyegin."
[22745]         "Didn't go off with Onyegin? Surely you don't... understand that
[22746]     already?"
[22747]         "Why, you seem to take me for little Smurov," said Kolya, with a
[22748]     grin of irritation. "But please don't suppose I am such a
[22749]     revolutionist. I often disagree with Mr. Rakitin. Though I mention
[22750]     Tatyana, I am not at all for the emancipation of women. I
[22751]     acknowledge that women are a subject race and must obey. Les femmes
[22752]     tricottent,* Napoleon said." Kolya, for some reason, smiled, "And on
[22753]     that question at least I am quite of one mind with that pseudo-great
[22754]     man. I think, too, that to leave one's own country and fly to
[22755]     America is mean, worse than mean- silly. Why go to America when one
[22756]     may be of great service to humanity here? Now especially. There's a
[22757]     perfect mass of fruitful activity open to us. That's what I answered."
[22758]     
[22759]         * Let the women knit.
[22760]     
[22761]         "What do you mean? Answered whom? Has someone suggested your going
[22762]     to America already?"
[22763]         "I must own, they've been at me to go, but I declined. That's
[22764]     between ourselves, of course, Karamazov; do you hear, not a word to
[22765]     anyone. I say this only to you. I am not at all anxious to fall into
[22766]     the clutches of the secret police and take lessons at the Chain
[22767]     bridge.
[22768]                         Long will you remember
[22769]                         The house at the Chain bridge.
[22770]     
[22771]         Do you remember? It's splendid. Why are you laughing? You don't
[22772]     suppose I am fibbing, do you?" ("What if he should find out that
[22773]     I've only that one number of The Bell in father's book case, and
[22774]     haven't read any more of it?" Kolya thought with a shudder.)
[22775]         "Oh no, I am not laughing and don't suppose for a moment that
[22776]     you are lying. No, indeed, I can't suppose so, for all this, alas!
[22777]     is perfectly true. But tell me, have you read Pushkin- Onyegin, for
[22778]     instance?... You spoke just now of Tatyana."
[22779]         "No, I haven't read it yet, but I want to read it. I have no
[22780]     prejudices, Karamazov; I want to hear both sides. What makes you ask?"
[22781]         "Oh, nothing."
[22782]         "Tell me, Karamazov, have you an awful contempt for me?" Kolya
[22783]     rapped out suddenly and drew himself up before Alyosha, as though he
[22784]     were on drill. "Be so kind as to tell me, without beating about the
[22785]     bush."
[22786]         "I have a contempt for you?" Alyosha looked at him wondering.
[22787]     "What for? I am only sad that a charming nature such as yours should
[22788]     be perverted by all this crude nonsense before you have begun life."
[22789]         "Don't be anxious about my nature," Kolya interrupted, not without
[22790]     complacency. "But it's true that I am stupidly sensitive, crudely
[22791]     sensitive. You smiled just now, and I fancied you seemed to-"
[22792]         "Oh, my smile meant something quite different. I'll tell you why I
[22793]     smiled. Not long ago I read the criticism made by a German who had
[22794]     lived in Russia, on our students and schoolboys of to-day. 'Show a
[22795]     Russian schoolboy,' he writes, 'a map of the stars, which he knows
[22796]     nothing about, and he will give you back the map next day with
[22797]     corrections on it.' No knowledge and unbounded conceit- that's what
[22798]     the German meant to say about the Russian schoolboy."
[22799]         "Yes, that's perfectly right," Kolya laughed suddenly, "exactly
[22800]     so! Bravo the German! But he did not see the good side, what do you
[22801]     think? Conceit may be, that comes from youth, that will be corrected
[22802]     if need be, but, on the other hand, there is an independent spirit
[22803]     almost from childhood, boldness of thought and conviction, and not the
[22804]     spirit of these sausage makers, grovelling before authority.... But
[22805]     the German was right all the same. Bravo the German! But Germans
[22806]     want strangling all the same. Though they are so good at science and
[22807]     learning they must be strangled."
[22808]         "Strangled, what for?" smiled Alyosha.
[22809]         "Well, perhaps I am talking nonsense, I agree. I am awfully
[22810]     childish sometimes, and when I am pleased about anything I can't
[22811]     restrain myself and am ready to talk any stuff. But, I say, we are
[22812]     chattering away here about nothing, and that doctor has been a long
[22813]     time in there. But perhaps he's examining the mamma and that poor
[22814]     crippled Nina. I liked that Nina, you know. She whispered to me
[22815]     suddenly as I was coming away, 'Why didn't you come before?' And in
[22816]     such a voice, so reproachfully! I think she is awfully nice and
[22817]     pathetic."
[22818]         "Yes, yes! Well, you'll be coming often, you will see what she
[22819]     is like. It would do you a great deal of good to know people like
[22820]     that, to learn to value a great deal which you will find out from
[22821]     knowing these people," Alyosha observed warmly. "That would have
[22822]     more effect on you than anything."
[22823]         "Oh, how I regret and blame myself for not having come sooner!"
[22824]     Kolya exclaimed, with bitter feeling.
[22825]         "Yes, it's a great pity. You saw for yourself how delighted the
[22826]     poor child was to see you. And how he fretted for you to come!"
[22827]         "Don't tell me! You make it worse! But it serves me right. What
[22828]     kept me from coming was my conceit, my egoistic vanity, and the
[22829]     beastly wilfulness, which I never can get rid of, though I've been
[22830]     struggling with it all my life. I see that now. I am a beast in lots
[22831]     of ways, Karamazov!"
[22832]         "No, you have a charming nature, though it's been distorted, and I
[22833]     quite understand why you have had such an influence on this
[22834]     generous, morbidly sensitive boy," Alyosha answered warmly.
[22835]         "And you say that to me!" cried Kolya; "and would you believe
[22836]     it, I thought- I've thought several times since I've been here- that
[22837]     you despised me! If only you knew how I prize your opinion!"
[22838]         "But are you really so sensitive? At your age! Would you believe
[22839]     it, just now, when you were telling your story, I thought, as I
[22840]     watched you, that you must be very sensitive!"
[22841]         "You thought so? What an eye you've got, I say! I bet that was
[22842]     when I was talking about the goose. That was just when I was
[22843]     fancying you had a great contempt for me for being in such a hurry
[22844]     to show off, and for a moment I quite hated you for it, and began
[22845]     talking like a fool. Then I fancied- just now, here- when I said
[22846]     that if there were no God He would have to be invented, that I was
[22847]     in too great a hurry to display my knowledge, especially as I got that
[22848]     phrase out of a book. But I swear I wasn't showing off out of
[22849]     vanity, though I really don't know why. Because I was so pleased? Yes,
[22850]     I believe it was because I was so pleased... though it's perfectly
[22851]     disgraceful for anyone to be gushing directly they are pleased, I know
[22852]     that. But I am convinced now that you don't despise me; it was all
[22853]     my imagination. Oh, Karamazov, I am profoundly unhappy. I sometimes
[22854]     fancy all sorts of things, that everyone is laughing at me, the
[22855]     whole world, and then I feel ready to overturn the whole order of
[22856]     things."
[22857]         "And you worry everyone about you," smiled Alyosha.
[22858]         "Yes, I worry everyone about me, especially my mother.
[22859]     Karamazov, tell me, am I very ridiculous now?"
[22860]         "Don't think about that, don't think of it at all!" cried Alyosha.
[22861]     "And what does ridiculous mean? Isn't everyone constantly being or
[22862]     seeming ridiculous? Besides, nearly all clever people now are
[22863]     fearfully afraid of being ridiculous, and that makes them unhappy. All
[22864]     I am surprised at is that you should be feeling that so early,
[22865]     though I've observed it for some time past,, not only in you. Nowadays
[22866]     the very children have begun to suffer from it. It's almost a sort
[22867]     of insanity. The devil has taken the form of that vanity and entered
[22868]     into the whole generation; it's simply the devil," added Alyosha,
[22869]     without a trace of the smile that Kolya, staring at him, expected to
[22870]     see. "You are like everyone else," said Alyosha, in conclusion,
[22871]     "that is, like very many others. Only you must not be like everybody
[22872]     else, that's all."
[22873]         "Even if everyone is like that?"
[22874]         "Yes, even if everyone is like that. You be the only one not
[22875]     like it. You really are not like everyone else, here you are not
[22876]     ashamed to confess to something bad and even ridiculous. And who
[22877]     will admit so much in these days? No one. And people have even
[22878]     ceased to feel the impulse to self-criticism. Don't be like everyone
[22879]     else, even if you are the only one."
[22880]         "Splendid! I was not mistaken in you. You know how to console one.
[22881]     Oh, how I have longed to know you, Karamazov! I've long been eager for
[22882]     this meeting. Can you really have thought about me, too? You said just
[22883]     now that you thought of me, too?"
[22884]         "Yes, I'd heard of you and had thought of you, too... and if
[22885]     it's partly vanity that makes you ask, it doesn't matter."
[22886]         "Do you know, Karamazov, our talk has been like a declaration of
[22887]     love," said Kolya, in a bashful and melting voice. "That's not
[22888]     ridiculous, is it?"
[22889]         "Not at all ridiculous, and if it were, it wouldn't matter,
[22890]     because it's been a good thing." Alyosha smiled brightly.
[22891]         "But do you know, Karamazov, you must admit that you are a
[22892]     little ashamed yourself, now.... I see it by your eyes." Kolya
[22893]     smiled with a sort of sly happiness.
[22894]         "Why ashamed?"
[22895]         "Well, why are you blushing?"
[22896]         "It was you made me blush," laughed Alyosha, and he really did
[22897]     blush. "Oh, well, I am a little, goodness knows why, I don't know..."
[22898]     he muttered, almost embarrassed.
[22899]         "Oh, how I love you and admire you at this moment just because you
[22900]     are rather ashamed! Because you are just like me," cried Kolya, in
[22901]     positive ecstasy. His cheeks glowed, his eyes beamed.
[22902]         "You know, Kolya, you will be very unhappy in your life,"
[22903]     something made Alyosha say suddenly.
[22904]         "I know, I know. How you know it all before hand!" Kolya agreed at
[22905]     once.
[22906]         "But you will bless life on the whole, all the same."
[22907]         "Just so, hurrah! You are a prophet. Oh, we shall get on together,
[22908]     Karamazov! Do you know, what delights me most, is that you treat me
[22909]     quite like an equal. But we are not equals, no, we are not, you are
[22910]     better! But we shall get on. Do you know, all this last month, I've
[22911]     been saying to myself, 'Either we shall be friends at once, for
[22912]     ever, or we shall part enemies to the grave!'"
[22913]         "And saying that, of course, you loved me," Alyosha laughed gaily.
[22914]         "I did. I loved you awfully. I've been loving and dreaming of you.
[22915]     And how do you know it all beforehand? Ah, here's the doctor.
[22916]     Goodness! What will he tell us? Look at his face!"
[22917]                                   Chapter 7
[22918]                                     Ilusha
[22919]     
[22920]         THE doctor came out of the room again, muffled in his fur coat and
[22921]     with his cap on his head. His face looked almost angry and
[22922]     disgusted, as though he were afraid of getting dirty. He cast a
[22923]     cursory glance round the passage, looking sternly at Alyosha and Kolya
[22924]     as he did so. Alyosha waved from the door to the coachman, and the
[22925]     carriage that had brought the doctor drove up. The captain darted
[22926]     out after the doctor, and, bowing apologetically, stopped him to get
[22927]     the last word. The poor fellow looked utterly crushed; there was a
[22928]     scared look in his eyes.
[22929]         "Your Excellency, your Excellency... is it possible?" he began,
[22930]     but could not go on and clasped his hands in despair. Yet he still
[22931]     gazed imploringly at the doctor, as though a word from him might still
[22932]     change the poor boy's fate.
[22933]         "I can't help it, I am not God!" the doctor answered offhand,
[22934]     though with the customary impressiveness.
[22935]         "Doctor... your Excellency... and will it be soon, soon?"
[22936]         "You must be prepared for anything," said the doctor in emphatic
[22937]     and incisive tones, and dropping his eyes, he was about to step out to
[22938]     the coach.
[22939]         "Your Excellency, for Christ's sake!" the terror-stricken
[22940]     captain stopped him again. "Your Excellency! But can nothing,
[22941]     absolutely nothing save him now?"
[22942]         "It's not in my hands now," said the doctor impatiently, "but
[22943]     h'm!..." he stopped suddenly. "If you could, for instance... send...
[22944]     your patient... at once, without delay" (the words "at once, without
[22945]     delay," the doctor uttered with an almost wrathful sternness that made
[22946]     the captain start) "to Syracuse, the change to the new be-ne-ficial
[22947]         "To Syracuse!" cried the captain, unable to grasp what was said.
[22948]         "Syracuse is in Sicily," Kolya jerked out suddenly in explanation.
[22949]     The doctor looked at him.
[22950]         "Sicily! Your Excellency," faltered the captain, "but you've
[22951]     seen"- he spread out his hands, indicating his surroundings- "mamma
[22952]     and my family?"
[22953]         "N-no, SiciIy is not the place for the family, the family should
[22954]     go to Caucasus in the early spring... your daughter must go to the
[22955]     Caucasus, and your wife... after a course of the waters in the
[22956]     Caucasus for her rheumatism... must be sent straight to Paris to the
[22957]     mental specialist Lepelletier; I could give you a note to him, and
[22958]     then... there might be a change-"
[22959]         "Doctor, doctor! But you see!" The captain flung wide his hands
[22960]     again despairingly, indicating the bare wooden walls of the passage.
[22961]         "Well, that's not my business," grinned the doctor. "I have only
[22962]     told you the answer of medical science to your question as to possible
[22963]         "Don't be afraid, apothecary, my dog won't bite you," Kolya rapped
[22964]     out loudly, noticing the doctor's rather uneasy glance at Perezvon,
[22965]     who was standing in the doorway. There was a wrathful note in
[22966]     Kolya's voice. He used the word apothecary instead of doctor on
[22967]     purpose, and, as he explained afterwards, used it "to insult him."
[22968]         "What's that?" The doctor flung up his head, staring with surprise
[22969]     at Kolya. "Who's this?" he addressed Alyosha, as though asking him
[22970]     to explain.
[22971]         "It's Perezvon's master, don't worry about me," Kolya said
[22972]     incisively again.
[22973]         "Perezvon?"* repeated the doctor, perplexed.
[22974]     
[22975]         * i.e. a chime of bells.
[22976]     
[22977]         "He hears the bell, but where it is he cannot tell. Good-bye, we
[22978]     shall meet in Syracuse."
[22979]         "Who's this? Who's this?" The doctor flew into a terrible rage.
[22980]         "He is a schoolboy, doctor, he is a mischievous boy; take no
[22981]     notice of him," said Alyosha, frowning and speaking quickly. "Kolya,
[22982]     hold your tongue!" he cried to Krassotkin. "Take no notice of him,
[22983]     doctor," he repeated, rather impatiently.
[22984]         "He wants a thrashing, a good thrashing!" The doctor stamped in
[22985]     a perfect fury.
[22986]         "And you know, apothecary, my Perezvon might bite!" said Kolya,
[22987]     turning pale, with quivering voice and flashing eyes. "Ici, Perezvon!"
[22988]         "Kolya, if you say another word, I'll have nothing more to do with
[22989]     you," Alyosha cried peremptorily.
[22990]         "There is only one man in the world who can command Nikolay
[22991]     Krassotkin- this is the man," Kolya pointed to Alyosha. "I obey him,
[22992]     good-bye!"
[22993]         He stepped forward, opened the door, and quickly went into the
[22994]     inner room. Perezvon flew after him. The doctor stood still for five
[22995]     seconds in amazement, looking at Alyosha; then, with a curse, he
[22996]     went out quickly to the carriage, repeating aloud, "This is... this
[22997]     is... I don't know what it is!" The captain darted forward to help him
[22998]     into the carriage. Alyosha followed Kolya into the room. He was
[22999]     already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy was holding his hand and
[23000]     calling for his father. A minute later the captain, too, came back.
[23001]         "Father, father, come... we..." Ilusha faltered in violent
[23002]     excitement, but apparently unable to go on, he flung his wasted
[23003]     arms, found his father and Kolya, uniting them in one embrace, and
[23004]     hugging them as tightly as he could. The captain suddenly began to
[23005]     shake with dumb sobs, and Kolya's lips and chin twitched.
[23006]         "Father, father! How sorry I am for you!" Ilusha moaned bitterly.
[23007]         "Ilusha... darling... the doctor said... you would be all right...
[23008]     we shall be happy... the doctor... " the captain began.
[23009]         "Ah, father! I know what the new doctor said to you about me.... I
[23010]     saw!" cried Ilusha, and again he hugged them both with all his
[23011]     strength, hiding his face on his father's shoulder.
[23012]         "Father, don't cry, and when I die get a good boy, another
[23013]     one... choose one of them all, a good one, call him Ilusha and love
[23014]     him instead of me..."
[23015]         "Hush, old man, you'll get well," Krassotkin cried suddenly, in
[23016]     a voice that sounded angry.
[23017]         "But don't ever forget me, father," Ilusha went on, "come to my
[23018]     grave...and father, bury me by our big stone, where we used to go
[23019]     for our walk, and come to me there with Krassotkin in the evening...
[23020]     and Perezvon... I shall expect you.... Father, father!"
[23021]         His voice broke. They were all three silent, still embracing. Nina
[23022]     was crying, quietly in her chair, and at last seeing them all
[23023]     crying, "mamma," too, burst into tears.
[23024]         "Ilusha! Ilusha!" she exclaimed.
[23025]         Krassotkin suddenly released himself from Ilusha's embrace.
[23026]         "Good-bye, old man, mother expects me back to dinner," he said
[23027]     quickly. "What a pity I did not tell her! She will be dreadfully
[23028]     anxious... But after dinner I'll come back to you for the whole day,
[23029]     for the whole evening, and I'll tell you all sorts of things, all
[23030]     sorts of things. And I'll bring Perezvon, but now I will take him with
[23031]     me, because he will begin to howl when I am away and bother you.
[23032]     Good-bye!
[23033]         And he ran out into the passage. He didn't want to cry, but in the
[23034]     passage he burst into tears. Alyosha found him crying.
[23035]         "Kolya, you must be sure to keep your word and come, or he will be
[23036]     terribly disappointed," Alyosha said emphatically.
[23037]         "I will! Oh, how I curse myself for not having come before"
[23038]     muttered Kolya, crying, and no longer ashamed of it.
[23039]         At that moment the captain flew out of the room, and at once
[23040]     closed the door behind him. His face looked frenzied, his lips were
[23041]     trembling. He stood before the two and flung up his arms.
[23042]         "I don't want a good boy! I don't want another boy!" he muttered
[23043]     in a wild whisper, clenching his teeth. "If I forget thee,
[23044]     knees before the wooden bench. Pressing his fists against his head, he
[23045]     began sobbing with absurd whimpering cries, doing his utmost that
[23046]     his cries should not be heard in the room.
[23047]         Kolya ran out into the street.
[23048]         "Good-bye, Karamazov? Will you come yourself?" he cried sharply
[23049]     and angrily to Alyosha.
[23050]         "I will certainly come in the evening."
[23051]         "What was that he said about Jerusalem?... What did he mean by
[23052]     that?"
[23053]         "It's from the Bible. 'If I forget thee, Jerusalem,' that is, if I
[23054]     forget all that is most precious to me, if I let anything take its
[23055]     place, then may-"
[23056]         "I understand, that's enough! Mind you come! Ici, Perezvon!" he
[23057]     cried with positive ferocity to the dog, and with rapid strides he
[23058]     went home.
[23059]                                    Book XI
[23060]                                      Ivan
[23061]     
[23062]                                   Chapter 1
[23063]                                 At Grushenka's
[23064]     
[23065]         ALYOSHA went towards the cathedral square to the widow Morozov's
[23066]     house to see Grushenka, who had sent Fenya to him early in the morning
[23067]     with an urgent message begging him to come. Questioning Fenya, Alyosha
[23068]     learned that her mistress had been particularly distressed since the
[23069]     previous day. During the two months that had passed since Mitya's
[23070]     arrest, Alyosha had called frequently at the widow Morozov's house,
[23071]     both from his own inclination and to take messages for Mitya. Three
[23072]     days after Mitya's arrest, Grushenka was taken very ill and was ill
[23073]     for nearly five weeks. For one whole week she was unconscious. She was
[23074]     very much changed- thinner and a little sallow, though she had for the
[23075]     past fortnight been well enough to go out. But to Alyosha her face was
[23076]     even more attractive than before, and he liked to meet her eyes when
[23077]     he went in to her. A look of firmness and intelligent purpose had
[23078]     developed in her face. There were signs of a spiritual
[23079]     transformation in her, and a steadfast, fine and humble
[23080]     determination that nothing could shake could be discerned in her.
[23081]     There was a small vertical line between her brows which gave her
[23082]     charming face a look of concentrated thought, almost austere at the
[23083]     first glance. There was scarcely a trace of her former frivolity.
[23084]         It seemed strange to Alyosha, too, that in spite of the calamity
[23085]     that had overtaken the poor girl, betrothed to a man who had been
[23086]     arrested for a terrible crime, almost at the instant of their
[23087]     betrothal, in spite of her illness and the almost inevitable
[23088]     sentence hanging over Mitya, Grushenka had not yet lost her youthful
[23089]     cheerfulness. There was a soft light in the once proud eyes, though at
[23090]     times they gleamed with the old vindictive fire when she was visited
[23091]     by one disturbing thought stronger than ever in her heart. The
[23092]     object of that uneasiness was the same as ever- Katerina Ivanovna,
[23093]     of whom Grushenka had even raved when she lay in delirium. Alyosha
[23094]     knew that she was fearfully jealous of her. Yet Katerina Ivanovna
[23095]     had not once visited Mitya in his prison, though she might have done
[23096]     it whenever she liked. All this made a difficult problem for
[23097]     Alyosha, for he was the only person to whom Grushenka opened her heart
[23098]     and from whom she was continually asking advice. Sometimes he was
[23099]     unable to say anything.
[23100]         Full of anxiety he entered her lodging. She was at home. She had
[23101]     returned from seeing Mitya half an hour before, and from the rapid
[23102]     movement with which she leapt up from her chair to meet him he saw
[23103]     that she had been expecting him with great impatience. A pack of cards
[23104]     dealt for a game of "fools" lay on the table. A bed had been made up
[23105]     on the leather sofa on the other side and Maximov lay, half reclining,
[23106]     on it. He wore a dressing-gown and a cotton nightcap, and was
[23107]     evidently ill and weak, though he was smiling blissfully. When the
[23108]     homeless old man returned with Grushenka from Mokroe two months
[23109]     before, he had simply stayed on and was still staying with her. He
[23110]     arrived with her in rain and sleet, sat down on the sofa, drenched and
[23111]     scared, and gazed mutely at her with a timid, appealing smile.
[23112]     Grushenka, who was in terrible grief and in the first stage of
[23113]     fever, almost forgot his existence in all she had to do the first half
[23114]     hour after her arrival. Suddenly she chanced to look at him
[23115]     intently: he laughed a pitiful, helpless little laugh. She called
[23116]     Fenya and told her to give him something to eat. All that day he sat
[23117]     in the same place, almost without stirring. When it got dark and the
[23118]     shutters were closed, Fenya asked her mistress:
[23119]         "Is the gentleman going to stay the night, mistress?"
[23120]         "Yes; make him a bed on the sofa," answered Grushenka.
[23121]         Questioning him more in detail, Grushenka learned from him that he
[23122]     had literally nowhere to go, and that "Mr. Kalganov, my benefactor,
[23123]     told me straight that he wouldn't receive me again and gave me five
[23124]     roubles."
[23125]         "Well, God bless you, you'd better stay, then," Grushenka
[23126]     decided in her grief, smiling compassionately at him. Her smile
[23127]     wrung the old man's heart and his lips twitched with grateful tears.
[23128]     And so the destitute wanderer had stayed with her ever since. He did
[23129]     not leave the house even when she was ill. Fenya and her
[23130]     grandmother, the cook, did not turn him out, but went on serving him
[23131]     meals and making up his bed on the sofa. Grushenka had grown used to
[23132]     him, and coming back from seeing Mitya (whom she had begun to visit in
[23133]     prison before she was really well) she would sit down and begin
[23134]     talking to "Maximushka" about trifling matters, to keep her from
[23135]     thinking of her sorrow. The old man turned out to be a good
[23136]     story-teller on occasions, so that at last he became necessary to her.
[23137]     Grushenka saw scarcely anyone else beside Alyosha, who did not come
[23138]     every day and never stayed long. Her old merchant lay seriously ill at
[23139]     this time, "at his last gasp" as they said in the town, and he did, in
[23140]     fact, die a week after Mitya's trial. Three weeks before his death,
[23141]     feeling the end approaching, he made his sons, their wives and
[23142]     children, come upstairs to him at last and bade them not leave him
[23143]     again. From that moment he gave strict orders to his servants not to
[23144]     admit Grushenka and to tell her if she came, "The master wishes you
[23145]     long life and happiness and tells you to forget him." But Grushenka
[23146]     sent almost every day to inquire after him.
[23147]         "You've come at last!" she cried, flinging down the cards and
[23148]     joyfully greeting Alyosha, "and Maximushka's been scaring me that
[23149]     perhaps you wouldn't come. Ah, how I need you! Sit down to the
[23150]     table. What will you have coffee?"
[23151]         "Yes, please," said Alyosha, sitting down at the table. "I am very
[23152]     hungry."
[23153]         "That's right. Fenya, Fenya, coffee," cried Grushenka. "It's
[23154]     been made a long time ready for you. And bring some little pies, and
[23155]     mind they are hot. Do you know, we've had a storm over those pies
[23156]     to-day. I took them to the prison for him, and would you believe it,
[23157]     he threw them back to me: he would not eat them. He flung one of
[23158]     them on the floor and stamped on it. So I said to him: 'I shall
[23159]     leave them with the warder; if you don't eat them before evening, it
[23160]     will be that your venomous spite is enough for you!' With that I
[23161]     went away. We quarrelled again, would you believe it? Whenever I go we
[23162]     quarrel."
[23163]         Grushenka said all this in one breath in her agitation. Maximov,
[23164]     feeling nervous, at once smiled and looked on the floor.
[23165]         "What did you quarrel about this time?" asked Alyosha.
[23166]         "I didn't expect it in the least. Only fancy, he is jealous of the
[23167]     Pole. 'Why are you keeping him?' he said. 'So you've begun keeping
[23168]     him.' He is jealous, jealous of me all the time, jealous eating and
[23169]     sleeping! He even took into his head to be jealous of Kuzma last
[23170]     week."
[23171]         "But he knew about the Pole before?"
[23172]         "Yes, but there it is. He has known about him from the very
[23173]     beginning but to-day he suddenly got up and began scolding about
[23174]     him. I am ashamed to repeat what he said. Silly fellow! Rakitin went
[23175]     in as I came out. Perhaps Rakitin is egging him on. What do you
[23176]     think?" she added carelessly.
[23177]         "He loves you, that's what it is; he loves you so much. And now he
[23178]     is particularly worried."
[23179]         "I should think he might be, with the trial to-morrow. And I
[23180]     went to him to say something about to-morrow, for I dread to think
[23181]     what's going to happen then. You say that he is worried, but how
[23182]     worried I am! And he talks about the Pole! He's too silly! He is not
[23183]     jealous of Maximushka yet, anyway."
[23184]         "My wife was dreadfully jealous over me, too," Maximov put in
[23185]     his word.
[23186]         "Jealous of you?" Grushenka laughed in spite of herself. "Of
[23187]     whom could she have been jealous?"
[23188]         "Of the servant girls."
[23189]         "Hold your tongue, Maximushka, I am in no laughing mood now; I
[23190]     feel angry. Don't ogle the pies. I shan't give you any; they are not
[23191]     good for you, and I won't give you any vodka either. I have to look
[23192]     after him, too, just as though I kept an almshouse," she laughed.
[23193]         "I don't deserve your kindness. I am a worthless creature," said
[23194]     Maximov, with tears in his voice. "You would do better to spend your
[23195]     kindness on people of more use than me."
[23196]         "Ech, everyone is of use, Maximushka, and how can we tell who's of
[23197]     most use? If only that Pole didn't exist, Alyosha. He's taken it
[23198]     into his head to fall ill, too, to-day. I've been to see him also. And
[23199]     I shall send him some pies, too, on purpose. I hadn't sent him any,
[23200]     but Mitya accused me of it, so now I shall send some! Ah, here's Fenya
[23201]     with a letter! Yes, it's from the Poles- begging again!
[23202]         Pan Mussyalovitch had indeed sent an extremely long and
[23203]     characteristically eloquent letter in which he begged her to lend
[23204]     him three roubles. In the letter was enclosed a receipt for the sum,
[23205]     with a promise to repay it within three months, signed by Pan
[23206]     Vrublevsky as well. Grushenka had received many such letters,
[23207]     accompanied by such receipts, from her former lover during the
[23208]     fortnight of her convalescence. But she knew that the two Poles had
[23209]     been to ask after her health during her illness. The first letter
[23210]     Grushenka got from them was a long one, written on large notepaper and
[23211]     with a big family crest on the seal. It was so obscure and
[23212]     rhetorical that Grushenka put it down before she had read half, unable
[23213]     to make head or tail of it. She could not attend to letters then.
[23214]     The first letter was followed next day by another in which Pan
[23215]     Mussyalovitch begged her for a loan of two thousand roubles for a very
[23216]     short period. Grushenka left that letter, too, unanswered. A whole
[23217]     series of letters had followed- one every day- all as pompous and
[23218]     rhetorical, but the loan asked for, gradually diminishing, dropped
[23219]     to a hundred roubles, than to twenty-five, to ten, and finally
[23220]     Grushenka received a letter in which both the Poles begged her for
[23221]     only one rouble and included a receipt signed by both.
[23222]         Then Grushenka suddenly felt sorry for them, and at dusk she
[23223]     went round herself to their lodging. She found the two Poles in
[23224]     great poverty, almost destitution, without food or fuel, without
[23225]     cigarettes, in debt to their landlady. The two hundred roubles they
[23226]     had carried off from Mitya at Mokroe had soon disappeared. But
[23227]     Grushenka was surprised at their meeting her with arrogant dignity and
[23228]     self-assertion, with the greatest punctilio and pompous speeches.
[23229]     Grushenka simply laughed, and gave her former admirer ten roubles.
[23230]     Then, laughing, she told Mitya of it and he was not in the least
[23231]     jealous. But ever since, the Poles had attached themselves to
[23232]     Grushenka and bombarded her daily with requests for money and she
[23233]     had always sent them small sums. And now that day Mitya had taken it
[23234]     into his head to be fearfully jealous.
[23235]         "Like a fool, I went round to him just for a minute, on the way to
[23236]     see Mitya, for he is ill, too, my Pole," Grushenka began again with
[23237]     nervous haste. "I was laughing, telling Mitya about it. 'Fancy,' I
[23238]     said, 'my Pole had the happy thought to sing his old songs to me to
[23239]     the guitar. He thought I would be touched and marry him!' Mitya
[23240]     leapt up swearing.... So, there, I'll send them the pies! Fenya, is it
[23241]     that little girl they've sent? Here, give her three roubles and pack
[23242]     up a dozen pies in a paper and tell her to take them. And you,
[23243]     Alyosha, be sure to tell Mitya that I did send them the pies."
[23244]         "I wouldn't tell him for anything," said Alyosha, smiling.
[23245]         "Ech! You think he is unhappy about it. Why, he's jealous on
[23246]     purpose. He doesn't care," said Grushenka bitterly.
[23247]         "On purpose?" queried Alyosha.
[23248]         "I tell you you are silly, Alyosha. You know nothing about it,
[23249]     with all your cleverness. I am not offended that he is jealous of a
[23250]     girl like me. I would be offended if he were not jealous. I am like
[23251]     that. I am not offended at jealousy. I have a fierce heart, too. I can
[23252]     be jealous myself. Only what offends me is that he doesn't love me
[23253]     at all. I tell you he is jealous now on purpose. Am I blind? Don't I
[23254]     see? He began talking to me just now of that woman, of Katerina,
[23255]     saying she was this and that, how she had ordered a doctor from Moscow
[23256]     for him, to try and save him; how she had ordered the best counsel,
[23257]     the most learned one, too. So he loves her, if he'll praise her to
[23258]     my face, more shame to him! He's treated me badly himself, so he
[23259]     attacked me, to make out I am in fault first and to throw it all on
[23260]     me. 'You were with your Pole before me, so I can't be blamed for
[23261]     Katerina,' that's what it amounts to. He wants to throw the whole
[23262]     blame on me. He attacked me on purpose, on purpose, I tell you, but
[23263]     I'll-"
[23264]         Grushenka could not finish saying what she would do. She hid her
[23265]     eyes in her handkerchief and sobbed violently.
[23266]         "He doesn't love Katerina Ivanovna," said Alyosha firmly.
[23267]         "Well, whether he loves her or not, I'll soon find out for
[23268]     myself," said Grushenka, with a menacing note in her voice, taking the
[23269]     handkerchief from her eyes. Her face was distorted. Alyosha saw
[23270]     sorrowfully that from being mild and serene, it had become sullen
[23271]     and spiteful.
[23272]         "Enough of this foolishness," she said suddenly; "it's not for
[23273]     that I sent for you. Alyosha, darling, to-morrow- what will happen
[23274]     to-morrow? That's what worries me! And it's only me it worries! I look
[23275]     at everyone and no one is thinking of it. No one cares about it. Are
[23276]     you thinking about it even? To-morrow he'll be tried, you know. Tell
[23277]     me, how will he be tried? You know it's the valet, the valet killed
[23278]     him! Good heavens! Can they condemn him in place of the valet and will
[23279]     no one stand up for him? They haven't troubled the valet at all,
[23280]     have they?"
[23281]         "He's been severely cross-examined," observed Alyosha
[23282]     thoughtfully; "but everyone came to the conclusion it was not he.
[23283]     Now he is lying very ill. He has been ill ever since that attack.
[23284]     Really ill," added Alyosha.
[23285]         "Oh, dear! couldn't you go to that counsel yourself and tell him
[23286]     the whole thing by yourself? He's been brought from Petersburg for
[23287]     three thousand roubles, they say."
[23288]         "We gave these three thousand together- Ivan, Katerina Ivanovna
[23289]     and I- but she paid two thousand for the doctor from Moscow herself.
[23290]     The counsel Fetyukovitch would have charged more, but the case has
[23291]     become known all over Russia; it's talked of in all the papers and
[23292]     journals. Fetyukovitch agreed to come more for the glory of the thing,
[23293]     because the case has become so notorious. I saw him yesterday."
[23294]         "Well? Did you talk to him?" Grushenka put in eagerly.
[23295]         "He listened and said nothing. He told me that he had already
[23296]     formed his opinion. But he promised to give my words consideration."
[23297]         "Consideration! Ah, they are swindlers! They'll ruin him. And
[23298]     why did she send for the doctor?"
[23299]         "As an expert. They want to prove that Mitya's mad and committed
[23300]     the murder when he didn't know what he was doing," Alyosha smiled
[23301]     gently, "but Mitya won't agree to that."
[23302]         "Yes; but that would be the truth if he had killed him!" cried
[23303]     Grushenka. "He was mad then, perfectly mad, and that was my fault,
[23304]     wretch that I am! But, of course, he didn't do it, he didn't do it!
[23305]     And they are all against him, the whole town. Even Fenya's evidence
[23306]     went to prove he had done it. And the people at the shop, and that
[23307]     official, and at the tavern, too, before, people had heard him say so!
[23308]     They are all, all against him, all crying out against him."
[23309]         "Yes, there's a fearful accumulation of evidence," Alyosha
[23310]     observed grimly.
[23311]         "And Grigory- Grigory Vassilyevitch- sticks to his story that
[23312]     the door was open, persists that he saw it- there's no shaking him.
[23313]     I went and talked to him myself. He's rude about it, too."
[23314]         "Yes, that's perhaps the strongest evidence against him," said
[23315]     Alyosha.
[23316]         "And as for Mitya's being mad, he certainly seems like it now,"
[23317]     Grushenka began with a peculiarly anxious and mysterious air. "Do
[23318]     you know, Alyosha, I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a
[23319]     long time. I go to him every day and simply wonder at him. Tell me,
[23320]     now, what do you suppose he's always talking about? He talks and talks
[23321]     and I can make nothing of it. I fancied he was talking of something
[23322]     intellectual that I couldn't understand in my foolishness. Only he
[23323]     suddenly began talking to me about a babe- that is, about some
[23324]     child. 'Why is the babe poor?' he said. 'It's for that babe I am going
[23325]     to Siberia now. I am not a murderer, but I must go to Siberia!' What
[23326]     that meant, what babe, I couldn't tell for the life of me. Only I
[23327]     cried when he said it, because he said it so nicely. He cried himself,
[23328]     and I cried, too. He suddenly kissed me and made the sign of the cross
[23329]     over me. What did it mean, Alyosha, tell me? What is this babe?"
[23330]         "It must be Rakitin, who's been going to see him lately," smiled
[23331]     Alyosha, "though... that's not Rakitin's doing. I didn't see Mitya
[23332]     yesterday. I'll see him to-day."
[23333]         "No, it's not Rakitin; it's his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch
[23334]     upsetting him. It's his going to see him, that's what it is,"
[23335]     Grushenka began, and suddenly broke off. Alyosha gazed at her in
[23336]     amazement.
[23337]         "Ivan's going? Has he been to see him? Mitya told me himself
[23338]     that Ivan hasn't been once."
[23339]         "There... there! What a girl I am! Blurting things out!" exclaimed
[23340]     Grushenka, confused and suddenly blushing. "Stay, Alyosha, hush! Since
[23341]     I've said so much I'll tell the whole truth- he's been to see him
[23342]     twice, the first directly he arrived. He galloped here from Moscow
[23343]     at once, of course, before I was taken ill; and the second time was
[23344]     a week ago. He told Mitya not to tell you about it, under any
[23345]     circumstances; and not to tell anyone, in fact. He came secretly."
[23346]         Alyosha sat plunged in thought, considering something. The news
[23347]     evidently impressed him.
[23348]         "Ivan doesn't talk to me of Mitya's case," he said slowly. "He's
[23349]     said very little to me these last two months. And whenever I go to see
[23350]     him, he seems vexed at my coming, so I've not been to him for the last
[23351]     three weeks. H'm!... if he was there a week ago... there certainly has
[23352]     been a change in Mitya this week."
[23353]         "There has been a change," Grushenka assented quickly. "They
[23354]     have a secret, they have a secret! Mitya told me himself there was a
[23355]     secret, and such a secret that Mitya can't rest. Before then, he was
[23356]     cheerful- and, indeed, he is cheerful now- but when he shakes his head
[23357]     like that, you know, and strides about the room and keeps pulling at
[23358]     the hair on his right temple with his right hand, I know there is
[23359]     something on his mind worrying him.... I know! He was cheerful before,
[23360]     though, indeed, he is cheerful to-day."
[23361]         "But you said he was worried."
[23362]         "Yes, he is worried and yet cheerful. He keeps on being
[23363]     irritable for a minute and then cheerful and then irritable again. And
[23364]     you know, Alyosha, I am constantly wondering at him- with this awful
[23365]     thing hanging over him, he sometimes laughs at such trifles as
[23366]     though he were a baby himself."
[23367]         "And did he really tell you not to tell me about Ivan? Did he say,
[23368]     'Don't tell him'?"
[23369]         "Yes, he told me, 'Don't tell him.' It's you that Mitya's most
[23370]     afraid of. Because it's a secret: he said himself it was a secret.
[23371]     Alyosha, darling, go to him and find out what their secret is and come
[23372]     and tell me," Grushenka besought him with sudden eagerness. "Set my
[23373]     mind at rest that I may know the worst that's in store for me.
[23374]     That's why I sent for you."
[23375]         "You think it's something to do with you? If it were, he
[23376]     wouldn't have told you there was a secret."
[23377]         "I don't know. Perhaps he wants to tell me, but doesn't dare to.
[23378]     He warns me. There is a secret, he tells me, but he won't tell me what
[23379]     it is."
[23380]         "What do you think yourself?"
[23381]         "What do I think? It's the end for me, that's what I think. They
[23382]     all three have been plotting my end, for Katerina's in it. It's all
[23383]     Katerina, it all comes from her. She is this and that, and that
[23384]     means that I am not. He tells me that beforehand- warns me. He is
[23385]     planning to throw me over, that's the whole secret. They've planned it
[23386]     together, the three of them- Mitya, Katerina, and Ivan Fyodorovitch.
[23387]     Alyosha, I've been wanting to ask you a long time. A week ago he
[23388]     suddenly told me that Ivan was in love with Katerina, because he often
[23389]     goes to see her. Did he tell me the truth or not? Tell me, on your
[23390]     conscience, tell me the worst."
[23391]         "I won't tell you a lie. Ivan is not in love with Katerina
[23392]     Ivanovna, I think."
[23393]         "Oh, that's what I thought! He is lying to me, shameless deceiver,
[23394]     that's what it is! And he was jealous of me just now, so as to put the
[23395]     blame on me afterwards. He is stupid, he can't disguise what he is
[23396]     doing; he is so open, you know.... But I'll give it to him, I'll
[23397]     give it to him! 'You believe I did it,' he said. He said that to me,
[23398]     to me. He reproached me with that! God forgive him! You wait, I'll
[23399]     make it hot for Katerina at the trial! I'll just say a word then...
[23400]     I'll tell everything then!" And again she cried bitterly.
[23401]         "This I can tell you for certain, Grushenka," Alyosha said,
[23402]     getting up. "First, that he loves you, loves you more than anyone in
[23403]     the world, and you only, believe me. I know. I do know. The second
[23404]     thing is that I don't want to worm his secret out of him, but if he'll
[23405]     tell me of himself to-day, I shall tell him straight out that I have
[23406]     promised to tell you. Then I'll come to you to-day and tell you.
[23407]     Only... I fancy... Katerina Ivanovna has nothing to do with it, and
[23408]     that the secret is about something else. That's certain. It isn't
[23409]     likely it's about Katerina Ivanovna, it seems to me. Good-bye for
[23410]     now."
[23411]         Alyosha shook hands with her. Grushenka was still crying. He saw
[23412]     that she put little faith in his consolation, but she was better for
[23413]     having had her sorrow out, for having spoken of it. He was sorry to
[23414]     leave her in such a state of mind, but he was in haste. He had a great
[23415]     many things to do still.
[23416]                                   Chapter 2
[23417]                                The Injured Foot
[23418]     
[23419]         THE first of these things was at the house of Madame Hohlakov, and
[23420]     he hurried there to get it over as quickly as possible and not be
[23421]     too late for Mitya. Madame Hohlakov had been slightly ailing for the
[23422]     last three weeks: her foot had for some reason swollen up, and
[23423]     though she was not in bed, she lay all day half-reclining on the couch
[23424]     in her boudoir, in a fascinating but decorous deshabille. Alyosha
[23425]     had once noted with innocent amusement that, in spite of her
[23426]     illness, Madame Hohlakov had begun to be rather dressy- topknots,
[23427]     ribbons, loose wrappers had made their appearance, and he had an
[23428]     inkling of the reason, though he dismissed such ideas from his mind as
[23429]     frivolous. During the last two months the young official, Perhotin,
[23430]     had become a regular visitor at the house.
[23431]         Alyosha had not called for four days and he was in haste to go
[23432]     straight to Lise, as it was with her he had to speak, for Lise had
[23433]     sent a maid to him the previous day specially asking him to come to
[23434]     her "about something very important," a request which, for certain
[23435]     reasons, had interest for Alyosha. But while the maid went to take his
[23436]     name in to Lise, Madame Hohlakov heard of his arrival from someone,
[23437]     and immediately sent to beg him to come to her "just for one
[23438]     minute." Alyosha reflected that it was better to accede to the mamma's
[23439]     request, or else she would be sending down to Lise's room every minute
[23440]     that he was there. Madame Hohlakov was lying on a couch. She was
[23441]     particularly smartly dressed and was evidently in a state of extreme
[23442]     nervous excitement. She greeted Alyosha with cries of rapture.
[23443]         "It's ages, ages, perfect ages since I've seen you! It's a whole
[23444]     week- only think of it! Ah, but you were here only four days ago, on
[23445]     Wednesday. You have come to see Lise. I'm sure you meant to slip
[23446]     into her room on tiptoe, without my hearing you. My dear, dear
[23447]     Alexey Fyodorovitch, if you only knew how worried I am about her!
[23448]     But of that later, though that's the most important thing, of that
[23449]     later. Dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I trust you implicitly with my
[23450]     Lise. Since the death of Father Zossima- God rest his soul!" (she
[23451]     crossed herself)- "I look upon you as a monk, though you look charming
[23452]     in your new suit. Where did you find such a tailor in these parts? No,
[23453]     no, that's not the chief thing- of that later. Forgive me for
[23454]     sometimes calling you Alyosha; an old woman like me may take
[23455]     liberties," she smiled coquettishly; "but that will do later, too. The
[23456]     important thing is that I shouldn't forget what is important. Please
[23457]     remind me of it yourself. As soon as my tongue runs away with me,
[23458]     you just say 'the important thing?' Ach! how do I know now what is
[23459]     of most importance? Ever since Lise took back her promise- her
[23460]     childish promise, Alexey Fyodorovitch- to marry you, you've
[23461]     realised, of course, that it was only the playful fancy of a sick
[23462]     child who had been so long confined to her chair- thank God, she can
[23463]     walk now!... that-new doctor Katya sent for from Moscow for your
[23464]     unhappy brother, who will to-morrow- but why speak of to-morrow? I
[23465]     am ready to die at the very thought of to-morrow. Ready to die of
[23466]     curiosity.... That doctor was with us yesterday and saw Lise.... I
[23467]     paid him fifty roubles for the visit. But that's not the point, that's
[23468]     not the point again. You see, I'm mixing everything up. I am in such a
[23469]     hurry. Why am I in a hurry? I don't understand. It's awful how I
[23470]     seem growing unable to understand anything. Everything seems mixed
[23471]     up in a sort of tangle. I am afraid you are so bored you will jump
[23472]     up and run away, and that will be all I shall see of you. Goodness!
[23473]     Why are we sitting here and no coffee? Yulia, Glafira, coffee!"
[23474]         Alyosha made haste to thank her, and said that he had only just
[23475]     had coffee.
[23476]         "Where?"
[23477]         "At Agrfena Alexandrovna's."
[23478]         "At... at that woman's? Ah, it's she has brought ruin on everyone.
[23479]     I know nothing about it though. They say she has become a saint,
[23480]     though it's rather late in the day. She had better have done it
[23481]     before. What use is it now? Hush, hush, Alexey Fyodorovitch, for I
[23482]     have so much to say to you that I am afraid I shall tell you
[23483]     nothing. This awful trial... I shall certainly go, I am making
[23484]     arrangements. I shall be carried there in my chair; besides I can
[23485]     sit up. I shall have people with me. And, you know, I am a witness.
[23486]     How shall I speak, how shall I speak? I don't know what I shall say.
[23487]     One has to take an oath, hasn't one?"
[23488]         "Yes; but I don't think you will be able to go."
[23489]         "I can sit up. Ah, you put me out! Ah! this trial, this savage
[23490]     act, and then they are all going to Siberia, some are getting married,
[23491]     and all this so quickly, so quickly, everything's changing, and at
[23492]     last- nothing. All grow old and have death to look forward to. Well,
[23493]     so be it! I am weary. This Katya, cette charmante personne, has
[23494]     disappointed all my hopes. Now she is going to follow one of your
[23495]     brothers to Siberia, and your other brother is going to follow her,
[23496]     and will live in the nearest town, and they will all torment one
[23497]     another. It drives me out of my mind. Worst of all- the publicity. The
[23498]     story has been told a million times over in all the papers in Moscow
[23499]     and Petersburg. Ah! yes, would you believe it, there's a paragraph
[23500]     that I was 'a dear friend' of your brother's- , I can't repeat the
[23501]     horrid word. just fancy, just fancy!"
[23502]         "Impossible! Where was the paragraph? What did it say?"
[23503]         "I'll show you directly. I got the paper and read it yesterday.
[23504]     Here, in the Petersburg paper Gossip. The paper began coming out
[23505]     this year. I am awfully fond of gossip, and I take it in, and now it
[23506]     pays me out- this is what gossip comes to! Here it is, here, this
[23507]     passage. Read it."
[23508]         And she handed Alyosha a sheet of newspaper which had been under
[23509]     her pillow.
[23510]         It was not exactly that she was upset, she seemed overwhelmed
[23511]     and perhaps everything really was mixed up in a tangle in her head.
[23512]     The paragraph was very typical, and must have been a great shock to
[23513]     her, but, fortunately perhaps, she was unable to keep her mind fixed
[23514]     on any one subject at that moment, and so might race off in a minute
[23515]     to something else and quite forget the newspaper.
[23516]         Alyosha was well aware that the story of the terrible case had
[23517]     spread all over Russia. And, good heavens! what wild rumours about his
[23518]     brother, about the Karamazovs, and about himself he had read in the
[23519]     course of those two months, among other equally credible items! One
[23520]     paper had even stated that he had gone into a monastery and become a
[23521]     monk, in horror at his brother's crime. Another contradicted this, and
[23522]     stated that he and his elder, Father Zossima, had broken into the
[23523]     monastery chest and "made tracks from the monastery." The present
[23524]     paragraph in the paper Gossip was under the heading, "The Karamazov
[23525]     Case at Skotoprigonyevsk." (That, alas! was the name of our little
[23526]     town. I had hitherto kept it concealed.) It was brief, and Madame
[23527]     Hohlakov was not directly mentioned in it. No names appeared, in fact.
[23528]     It was merely stated that the criminal, whose approaching trial was
[23529]     making such a sensation- retired army captain, an idle swaggerer,
[23530]     and reactionary bully- was continually involved in amorous
[23531]     intrigues, and particularly popular with certain ladies "who were
[23532]     pining in solitude." One such lady, a pining widow, who tried to
[23533]     seem young though she had a grown-up daughter, was so fascinated by
[23534]     him that only two hours before the crime she offered him three
[23535]     thousand roubles, on condition that he would elope with her to the
[23536]     gold mines. But the criminal, counting on escaping punishment, had
[23537]     preferred to murder his father to get the three thousand rather than
[23538]     go off to Siberia with the middle-aged charms of his pining lady. This
[23539]     playful paragraph finished, of course, with an outburst of generous
[23540]     indignation at the wickedness of parricide and at the lately abolished
[23541]     institution of serfdom. Reading it with curiosity, Alyosha folded up
[23542]     the paper and handed it back to Madame Hohlakov.
[23543]         "Well, that must be me," she hurried on again. "Of course I am
[23544]     meant. Scarcely more than an hour before, I suggested gold mines to
[23545]     him, and here they talk of 'middle-aged charms' as though that were my
[23546]     motive! He writes that out of spite! God Almighty forgive him for
[23547]     the middle-aged charms, as I forgive him! You know it's -Do you know
[23548]     who it is? It's your friend Rakitin."
[23549]         "Perhaps," said Alyosha, "though I've heard nothing about it."
[23550]         "It's he, it's he! No 'perhaps' about it. You know I turned him
[23551]     out of the house.... You know all that story, don't you?"
[23552]         "I know that you asked him not to visit you for the future, but
[23553]     why it was, I haven't heard... from you, at least."
[23554]         "Ah, then you've heard it from him! He abuses me, I suppose,
[23555]     abuses me dreadfully?"
[23556]         "Yes, he does; but then he abuses everyone. But why you've given
[23557]     him up I, haven't heard from him either. I meet him very seldom now,
[23558]     indeed. We are not friends."
[23559]         "Well, then, I'll tell you all about it. There's no help for it,
[23560]     I'll confess, for there is one point in which I was perhaps to
[23561]     blame. Only a little, little point, so little that perhaps it
[23562]     doesn't count. You see, my dear boy"- Madame Hohlakov suddenly
[23563]     looked arch and a charming, though enigmatic, smile played about her
[23564]     lips- "you see, I suspect... You must forgive me, Alyosha. I am like a
[23565]     mother to you... No, no; quite the contrary. I speak to you now as
[23566]     though you were my father- mother's quite out of place. Well, it's
[23567]     as though I were confessing to Father Zossima, that's just it. I
[23568]     called you a monk just now. Well, that poor young man, your friend,
[23569]     Rakitin (Mercy on us! I can't be angry with him. I feel cross, but not
[23570]     very), that frivolous young man, would you believe it, seems to have
[23571]     taken it into his head to fall in love with me. I only noticed it
[23572]     later. At first- a month ago- he only began to come oftener to see me,
[23573]     almost every day; though, of course, we were acquainted before. I knew
[23574]     nothing about it... and suddenly it dawned upon me, and I began to
[23575]     notice things with surprise. You know, two months ago, that modest,
[23576]     charming, excellent young man, Ilyitch Perhotin, who's in the
[23577]     service here, began to be a regular visitor at the house. You met
[23578]     him here ever so many times yourself. And he is an excellent,
[23579]     earnest young man, isn't he? He comes once every three days, not every
[23580]     day (though I should be glad to see him every day), and always so well
[23581]     dressed. Altogether, I love young people, Alyosha, talented, modest,
[23582]     like you, and he has almost the mind of a statesman, he talks so
[23583]     charmingly, and I shall certainly, certainly try and get promotion for
[23584]     him. He is a future diplomat. On that awful day he almost saved me
[23585]     from death by coming in the night. And your friend Rakitin comes in
[23586]     such boots, and always stretches them out on the carpet.... He began
[23587]     hinting at his feelings, in fact, and one day, as he was going, he
[23588]     squeezed my hand terribly hard. My foot began to swell directly
[23589]     after he pressed my hand like that. He had met Pyotr Ilyitch here
[23590]     before, and would you believe it, he is always gibing at him, growling
[23591]     at him, for some reason. I simply looked at the way they went on
[23592]     together and laughed inwardly. So I was sitting here alone- no, I
[23593]     was laid up then. Well, I was lying here alone and suddenly Rakitin
[23594]     comes in, and only fancy! brought me some verses of his own
[23595]     composition- a short poem, on my bad foot: that is, he described my
[23596]     foot in a poem. Wait a minute- how did it go?
[23597]     
[23598]                          A captivating little foot.
[23599]     
[23600]         It began somehow like that. I can never remember poetry. I've
[23601]     got it here. I'll show it to you later. But it's a charming thing-
[23602]     charming; and, you know, it's not only about the foot, it had a good
[23603]     moral, too, a charming idea, only I've forgotten it; in fact, it was
[23604]     just the thing for an album. So, of course, I thanked him, and he
[23605]     was evidently flattered. I'd hardly had time to thank him when in
[23606]     comes Pyotr Ilyitch, and Rakitin suddenly looked as black as night.
[23607]     I could see that Pyotr Ilyitch was in the way, for Rakitin certainly
[23608]     wanted to say something after giving me the verses. I had a
[23609]     presentiment of it; but Pyotr Ilyitch came in. I showed Pyotr
[23610]     Ilyitch the verses and didn't say who was the author. But I am
[23611]     convinced that he guessed, though he won't own it to this day, and
[23612]     declares he had no idea. But he says that on purpose. Pyotr Ilyitch
[23613]     began to laugh at once, and fell to criticising it. 'Wretched
[23614]     doggerel,' he said they were, 'some divinity student must have written
[23615]     them,' and with such vehemence, such vehemence! Then, instead of
[23616]     laughing, your friend flew into a rage. 'Good gracious!' I thought,
[23617]     'they'll fly at each other.' 'It was I who wrote them,' said he. 'I
[23618]     wrote them as a joke,' he said, 'for I think it degrading to write
[23619]     verses.... But they are good poetry. They want to put a monument to
[23620]     your Pushkin for writing about women's feet, while I wrote with a
[23621]     moral purpose, and you,' said he, 'are an advocate of serfdom.
[23622]     You've no humane ideas,' said he. 'You have no modern enlightened
[23623]     feelings, you are uninfluenced by progress, you are a mere
[23624]     official,' he said, 'and you take bribes.' Then I began screaming
[23625]     and imploring them. And, you know, Pyotr Ilyitch is anything but a
[23626]     coward. He at once took up the most gentlemanly tone, looked at him
[23627]     sarcastically, listened, and apologised. 'I'd no idea,' said he. 'I
[23628]     shouldn't have said it, if I had known. I should have praised it.
[23629]     Poets are all so irritable,' he said. In short, he laughed at him
[23630]     under cover of the most gentlemanly tone. He explained to me
[23631]     afterwards that it was all sarcastic. I thought he was in earnest.
[23632]     Only as I lay there, just as before you now, I thought, 'Would it,
[23633]     or would it not, be the proper thing for me to turn Rakitin out for
[23634]     shouting so rudely at a visitor in my house?' And, would you believe
[23635]     it, I lay here, shut my eyes, and wondered, would it be the proper
[23636]     thing or not. I kept worrying and worrying, and my heart began to
[23637]     beat, and I couldn't make up my mind whether to make an outcry or not.
[23638]     One voice seemed to be telling me, 'Speak,' and the other 'No, don't
[23639]     speak.' And no sooner had the second voice said that than I cried out,
[23640]     and fainted. Of course, there was a fuss. I got up suddenly and said
[23641]     to Rakitin, 'It's painful for me to say it, but I don't wish to see
[23642]     you in my house again.' So I turned him out. Ah! Alexey
[23643]     Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong. I was putting it on. I wasn't
[23644]     angry with him at all, really; but I suddenly fancied- that was what
[23645]     did it- that it would be such a fine scene.... And yet, believe me, it
[23646]     was quite natural, for I really shed tears and cried for several
[23647]     days afterwards, and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all
[23648]     about it. So it's a fortnight since he's been here, and I kept
[23649]     wondering whether he would come again. I wondered even yesterday, then
[23650]     suddenly last night came this Gossip. I read it and gasped. Who
[23651]     could have written it? He must have written it. He went home, sat
[23652]     down, wrote it on the spot, sent it, and they put it in. It was a
[23653]     fortnight ago, you see. But, Alyosha, it's awful how I keep talking
[23654]     and don't say what I want to say. the words come of themselves!"
[23655]         "It's very important for me to be in time to see my brother
[23656]     to-day," Alyosha faltered.
[23657]         "To be sure, to be sure! You bring it all back to me. Listen, what
[23658]     is an aberration?"
[23659]         "What aberration?" asked Alyosha, wondering.
[23660]         "In the legal sense. An aberration in which everything is
[23661]     pardonable. Whatever you do, you will be acquitted at once."
[23662]         "What do you mean?"
[23663]         "I'll tell you. This Katya... Ah! she is a charming, charming
[23664]     creature, only I never can make out who it is she is in love with. She
[23665]     was with me some time ago and I couldn't get anything out of her.
[23666]     Especially as she won't talk to me except on the surface now. She is
[23667]     always talking about my health and nothing else, and she takes up such
[23668]     a tone with me, too. I simply said to myself, 'Well so be it. I
[23669]     don't care'...Oh, yes. I was talking of aberration. This doctor has
[23670]     come. You know a doctor has come? Of course, you know it- the one
[23671]     who discovers madmen. You wrote for him. No, it wasn't you, but Katya.
[23672]     It's all Katya's doing. Well, you see, a man may be sitting
[23673]     perfectly sane and suddenly have an aberration. He may be conscious
[23674]     and know what he is doing and yet be in a state of aberration. And
[23675]     there's no doubt that Dmitri Fyodorovitch was suffering from
[23676]     aberration. They found out about aberration as soon as the law
[23677]     courts were reformed. It's all the good effect of the reformed law
[23678]     courts. The doctor has been here and questioned me about that evening,
[23679]     about the gold mines. 'How did he seem then?' he asked me. He must
[23680]     have been in a state of aberration. He came in shouting, 'Money,
[23681]     money, three thousand! Give me three thousand!' and then went away and
[23682]     immediately did the murder. 'I don't want to murder him,' he said, and
[23683]     he suddenly went and murdered him. That's why they'll acquit him,
[23684]     because he struggled against it and yet he murdered him."
[23685]         "But he didn't murder him," Alyosha interrupted rather sharply. He
[23686]     felt more and more sick with anxiety and impatience.
[23687]         "Yes, I know it was that old man Grigory murdered him."
[23688]         "Grigory?" cried Alyosha.
[23689]         "Yes, yes; it was Grigory. He lay as Dmitri Fyodorovitch struck
[23690]     him down, and then got up, saw the door open, went in and killed
[23691]     Fyodor Pavlovitch."
[23692]         "But why, why?"
[23693]         "Suffering from aberration. When he recovered from the blow Dmitri
[23694]     Fyodorovitch gave him on the head, he was suffering from aberration:
[23695]     he went and committed the murder. As for his saying he didn't, he very
[23696]     likely doesn't remember. Only, you know, it'll be better, ever so much
[23697]     better, if Dmitri Fyodorovitch murdered him. And that's how it must
[23698]     have been, though I say it was Grigory. It certainly was Dmitri
[23699]     Fyodorovitch, and that's better, ever so much better! Oh! not better
[23700]     that a son should have killed his father, I don't defend that.
[23701]     Children ought to honour their parents, and yet it would be better
[23702]     if it were he, as you'd have nothing to cry over then, for he did it
[23703]     when he was unconscious or rather when he was conscious, but did not
[23704]     know what he was doing. Let them acquit him- that's so humane, and
[23705]     would show what a blessing reformed law courts are. I knew nothing
[23706]     about it, but they say they have been so a long time. And when I heard
[23707]     it yesterday, I was so struck by it that I wanted to send for you at
[23708]     once. And if he is acquitted, make him come straight from the law
[23709]     courts to dinner with me, and I'll have a party of friends, and
[23710]     we'll drink to the reformed law courts. I don't believe he'd be
[23711]     dangerous; besides, I'll invite a great many friends, so that he could
[23712]     always be led out if he did anything. And then he might be made a
[23713]     justice of the peace or something in another town, for those who
[23714]     have been in trouble themselves make the best judges. And, besides,
[23715]     who isn't suffering from aberration nowadays?- you, I, all of us,
[23716]     are in a state of aberration, and there are ever so many examples of
[23717]     it: a man sits singing a song, suddenly something annoys him, he takes
[23718]     a pistol and shoots the first person he comes across, and no one
[23719]     blames him for it. I read that lately, and all the doctors confirm it.
[23720]     The doctors are always confirming; they confirm,- anything. Why, my
[23721]     Lise is in a state of aberration. She made me cry again yesterday, and
[23722]     the day before, too, and to-day I suddenly realised that it's all
[23723]     due to aberration. Oh, Lise grieves me so! I believe she's quite
[23724]     mad. Why did she send for you? Did she send for you or did you come of
[23725]     yourself?"
[23726]         "Yes, she sent for me, and I am just going to her." Alyosha got up
[23727]     resolutely.
[23728]         "Oh, my dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, perhaps that's what's most
[23729]     important," Madame Hohlakov cried, suddenly bursting into tears.
[23730]     "God knows I trust Lise to you with all my heart, and it's no matter
[23731]     her sending for you on the sly, without telling her mother. But
[23732]     forgive me, I can't trust my daughter so easily to your brother Ivan
[23733]     Fyodorovitch, though I still consider him the most chivalrous young
[23734]     man. But only fancy, he's been to see Lise and I knew nothing about
[23735]     it!"
[23736]         "How? What? When?" Alyosha was exceedingly surprised. He had not
[23737]     sat down again and listened standing.
[23738]         "I will tell you; that's perhaps why I asked you to come, for I
[23739]     don't know now why I did ask you to come. Well, Ivan Fyodorovitch
[23740]     has been to see me twice, since he came back from Moscow. First time
[23741]     he came as a friend to call on me, and the second time Katya was
[23742]     here and he came because he heard she was here. I didn't, of course,
[23743]     expect him to come often, knowing what a lot he has to do as it is,
[23744]     vous comprenez, cette affaire et la mort terrible de votre papa.
[23745]     (You know, this affair and your father's terrible death.) But I
[23746]     suddenly heard he'd been here again, not to see me but to see Lise.
[23747]     That's six days ago now. He came, stayed five minutes, and went
[23748]     away. And I didn't hear of it till three days afterwards, from
[23749]     Glafira, so it was a great shock to me. I sent for Lise directly.
[23750]     She laughed. 'He thought you were asleep,' she said, 'and came in to
[23751]     me to ask after your health.' Of course, that's how it happened. But
[23752]     Lise, Lise, mercy on us, how she distresses me! Would you believe
[23753]     it, one night, four days ago, just after you saw her last time, and
[23754]     had gone away, she suddenly had a fit, screaming, shrieking,
[23755]     hysterics! Why is it I never have hysterics? Then, next day another
[23756]     fit, and the same thing on the third, and yesterday too, and then
[23757]     yesterday that aberration. She suddenly screamed out, 'I hate Ivan
[23758]     Fyodorovitch. I insist on your never letting him come to the house
[23759]     again.' I was struck dumb at these amazing words, and answered, 'On
[23760]     what grounds could I refuse to see such an excellent young man, a
[23761]     young man of such learning too, and so unfortunate?'- for all this
[23762]     business is a misfortune, isn't it?' She suddenly burst out laughing
[23763]     at my words, and so rudely, you know. Well, I was pleased; I thought I
[23764]     had amused her and the fits would pass off, especially as I wanted
[23765]     to refuse to see Ivan Fyodorovitch anyway on account of his strange
[23766]     visits without my knowledge, and meant to ask him for an
[23767]     explanation. But early this morning Lise waked up and flew into a
[23768]     passion with Yulia and, would you believe it, slapped her in the face.
[23769]     That's monstrous; I am always polite to my servants. And an hour later
[23770]     she was hugging Yulia's feet and kissing them. She sent a message to
[23771]     me that she wasn't coming to me at all, and would never come and see
[23772]     me again, and when I dragged myself down to her, she rushed to kiss
[23773]     me, crying, and as she kissed me, she pushed me out of the room
[23774]     without saying a word, so I couldn't find out what was the matter.
[23775]     Now, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I rest all my hopes on you, and, of
[23776]     course, my whole life is in your hands. I simply beg you to go to Lise
[23777]     and find out everything from her, as you alone can, and come back
[23778]     and tell me- me, her mother, for you understand it will be the death
[23779]     of me, simply the death of me, if this goes on, or else I shall run
[23780]     away. I can stand no more. I have patience; but I may lose patience,
[23781]     and then... then something awful will happen. Ah, dear me! At last,
[23782]     Pyotr Ilyitch!" cried Madame Hohlakov, beaming all over as she saw
[23783]     Perhotin enter the room. "You are late, you are late! Well, sit
[23784]     down, speak, put us out of suspense. What does the counsel say.
[23785]     Where are you off to, Alexey Fyodorovitch?"
[23786]         "To Lise."
[23787]         "Oh, yes. You won't forget, you won't forget what I asked you?
[23788]     It's a question of life and death!
[23789]         "Of course, I won't forget, if I can... but I am so late,"
[23790]     muttered Alyosha, beating a hasty retreat.
[23791]         "No, be sure, be sure to come in; don't say 'If you can.' I
[23792]     shall die if you don't," Madame Hohlakov called after him, but Alyosha
[23793]     had already left the room.
[23794]                                   Chapter 3
[23795]                                 A Little Demon
[23796]     
[23797]         GOING in to Lise, he found her half reclining in the
[23798]     invalid-chair, in which she had been wheeled when she was unable to
[23799]     walk. She did not move to meet him, but her sharp, keen eyes were
[23800]     simply riveted on his face. There was a feverish look in her eyes, her
[23801]     face was pale and yellow. Alyosha was amazed at the change that had
[23802]     taken place in her in three days. She was positively thinner. She
[23803]     did not hold out her hand to him. He touched the thin, long fingers
[23804]     which lay motionless on her dress, then he sat down facing her,
[23805]     without a word.
[23806]         "I know you are in a hurry to get to the prison," Lise said
[23807]     curtly, "and mamma's kept you there for hours; she's just been telling
[23808]     you about me and Yulia."
[23809]         "How do you know?" asked Alyosha.
[23810]         "I've been listening. Why do you stare at me? I want to listen and
[23811]     I do listen, there's no harm in that. I don't apologise."
[23812]         "You are upset about something?"
[23813]         "On the contrary, I am very happy. I've only just been
[23814]     reflecting for the thirtieth time what a good thing it is I refused
[23815]     you and shall not be your wife. You are not fit to be a husband. If
[23816]     I were to marry you and give you a note to take to the man I loved
[23817]     after you, you'd take it and be sure to give it to him and bring an
[23818]     answer back, too. If you were forty, you would still go on taking my
[23819]     love-letters for me."
[23820]         She suddenly laughed.
[23821]         "There is something spiteful and yet open-hearted about you,"
[23822]     Alyosha smiled to her.
[23823]         "The open-heartedness consists in my not being ashamed of myself
[23824]     with you. What's more, I don't want to feel ashamed with you, just
[23825]     with you. Alyosha, why is it I don't respect you? I am very fond of
[23826]     you, but I don't respect you. If I respected you, I shouldn't talk
[23827]     to you without shame, should I?"
[23828]         "No."
[23829]         "But do you believe that I am not ashamed with you?"
[23830]         "No, I don't believe it."
[23831]         Lise laughed nervously again; she spoke rapidly.
[23832]         "I sent your brother, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, some sweets in
[23833]     prison. Alyosha, you know, you are quite pretty! I shall love you
[23834]     awfully for having so quickly allowed me not to love you."
[23835]         "Why did you send for me to-day, Lise?"
[23836]         "I wanted to tell you of a longing I have. I should like some
[23837]     one to torture me, marry me and then torture me, deceive me and go
[23838]     away. I don't want to be happy."
[23839]         "You are in love with disorder?"
[23840]         "Yes, I want disorder. I keep wanting to set fire to the house.
[23841]     I keep imagining how I'll creep up and set fire to the house on the
[23842]     sly; it must be on the sly. They'll try to put it out, but it'll go on
[23843]     burning. And I shall know and say nothing. Ah, what silliness! And how
[23844]     bored I am!"
[23845]          She waved her hand with a look of repulsion.
[23846]         "It's your luxurious life," said Alyosha, softly"
[23847]         "Is it better, then, to be poor?"
[23848]         "Yes, it is better."
[23849]         "That's what your monk taught you. That's not true. Let me be rich
[23850]     and all the rest poor, I'll eat sweets and drink cream and not give
[23851]     any to anyone else. Ach, don't speak, don't say anything"; she shook
[23852]     her hand at him, though Alyosha had not opened his mouth. "You've told
[23853]     me all that before, I know it all by heart. It bores me. If I am
[23854]     ever poor, I shall murder somebody, and even if I am rich, I may
[23855]     murder someone, perhaps- why do nothing! But do you know, I should
[23856]     like to reap, cut the rye? I'll marry you, and you shall become a
[23857]     peasant, a real peasant; we'll keep a colt, shall we? Do you know
[23858]     Kalganov?"
[23859]         "Yes."
[23860]         "He is always wandering about, dreaming. He says, 'Why live in
[23861]     real life? It's better to dream. One can dream the most delightful
[23862]     things, but real life is a bore.' But he'll be married soon for all
[23863]     that; he's been making love to me already. Can you spin tops?"
[23864]         "Yes."
[23865]         "Well, he's just like a top: he wants to be wound up and set
[23866]     spinning and then to be lashed, lashed, lashed with a whip. If I marry
[23867]     him, I'll keep him spinning all his life. You are not ashamed to be
[23868]     with me?"
[23869]         "No."
[23870]         "You are awfully cross, because I don't talk about holy things.
[23871]     I don't want to be holy. What will they do to one in the next world
[23872]     for the greatest sin? You must know all about that."
[23873]         "God will censure you." Alyosha was watching her steadily.
[23874]         "That's just what I should like. I would go up and they would
[23875]     censure me, and I would burst out laughing in their faces. I should
[23876]     dreadfully like to set fire to the house, Alyosha, to our house; you
[23877]     still don't believe me?"
[23878]         "Why? There are children of twelve years old, who have a longing
[23879]     to set fire to something and they do set things on fire, too. It's a
[23880]     sort of disease."
[23881]         "That's not true, that's not true; there may be children, but
[23882]     that's not what I mean."
[23883]         "You take evil for good; it's a passing crisis; it's the result of
[23884]     your illness, perhaps."
[23885]         "You do despise me, though! It's simply that I don't want to do
[23886]     good, I want to do evil, and it has nothing to do with illness."
[23887]         "Why do evil?"
[23888]         "So that everything might be destroyed. Ah, how nice it would be
[23889]     if everything were destroyed! You know, Alyosha, I sometimes think
[23890]     of doing a fearful lot of harm and everything bad, and I should do
[23891]     it for a long while on the sly and suddenly everyone would find it
[23892]     out. Everyone will stand round and point their fingers at me and I
[23893]     would look at them all. That would be awfully nice. Why would it be so
[23894]     nice, Alyosha?"
[23895]         "I don't know. It's a craving to destroy something good or, as you
[23896]     say, to set fire to something. It happens sometimes."
[23897]         "I not only say it, I shall do it."
[23898]         "I believe you."
[23899]         "Ah, how I love you for saying you believe me. And you are not
[23900]     lying one little bit. But perhaps you think that I am saying all
[23901]     this on purpose to annoy you?"
[23902]         "No, I don't think that... though perhaps there is a little desire
[23903]     to do that in it, too."
[23904]         "There is a little. I never can tell lies to you," she declared,
[23905]     with a strange fire in her eyes.
[23906]         What struck Alyosha above everything was her earnestness. There
[23907]     was not a trace of humour or jesting in her face now, though, in old
[23908]     days, fun and gaiety never deserted her even at her most "earnest"
[23909]     moments.
[23910]         "There are moments when people love crime," said Alyosha
[23911]     thoughtfully.
[23912]         "Yes, yes! You have uttered my thought; they love crime,
[23913]     everyone loves crime, they love it always, not at some 'moments.'
[23914]     You know, it's as though people have made an agreement to lie about it
[23915]     and have lied about it ever since. They all declare that they hate
[23916]     evil, but secretly they all love it."
[23917]         "And are you still reading nasty books?"
[23918]         "Yes, I am. Mamma reads them and hides them under her pillow and I
[23919]     steal them."
[23920]         "Aren't you ashamed to destroy yourself?"
[23921]         "I want to destroy myself. There's a boy here, who lay down
[23922]     between the railway lines when the train was passing. Lucky fellow!
[23923]     Listen, your brother is being tried now for murdering his father and
[23924]     everyone loves his having killed his father."
[23925]         "Loves his having killed his father?"
[23926]         "Yes, loves it; everyone loves it! Everybody says it's so awful,
[23927]     but secretly they simply love it. I for one love it."
[23928]         "There is some truth in what you say about everyone," said Alyosha
[23929]     softly.
[23930]         "Oh, what ideas you have!" Lise shrieked in delight. "And you a
[23931]     monk, too! You wouldn't believe how I respect you, Alyosha, for
[23932]     never telling lies. Oh, I must tell you a funny dream of mine. I
[23933]     sometimes dream of devils. It's night; I am in my room with a candle
[23934]     and suddenly there are devils all over the place, in all the
[23935]     corners, under the table, and they open the doors; there's a crowd
[23936]     of them behind the doors and they want to come and seize me. And
[23937]     they are just coming, just seizing me. But I suddenly cross myself and
[23938]     they all draw back, though they don't go away altogether, they stand
[23939]     at the doors and in the corners, waiting. And suddenly I have a
[23940]     frightful longing to revile God aloud, and so I begin, and then they
[23941]     come crowding back to me, delighted, and seize me again and I cross
[23942]     myself again and they all draw back. It's awful fun, it takes one's
[23943]     breath away."
[23944]         "I've had the same dream, too," said Alyosha suddenly.
[23945]         "Really?" cried Lise, surprised. "I say, Alyosha, don't laugh,
[23946]     that's awfully important. Could two different people have the same
[23947]     dream?"
[23948]         "It seems they can."
[23949]         "Alyosha, I tell you, it's awfully important," Lise went on,
[23950]     with really excessive amazement. "It's not the dream that's important,
[23951]     but your having the same dream as me. You never lie to me, don't lie
[23952]     now; is it true? You are not laughing?"
[23953]         "It's true."
[23954]         Lise seemed extraordinarily impressed and for half a minute she
[23955]     was silent.
[23956]         "Alyosha, come and see me, come and see me more often," she said
[23957]     suddenly, in a supplicating voice.
[23958]         "I'll always come to see you, all my life," answered Alyosha
[23959]     firmly.
[23960]         "You are the only person I can talk to, you know," Lise began
[23961]     again. "I talk to no one but myself and you. Only you in the whole
[23962]     world. And to you more readily than to myself. And I am not a bit
[23963]     ashamed with you, not a bit. Alyosha, why am I not ashamed with you,
[23964]     not a bit? Alyosha, is it true that at Easter the Jews steal a child
[23965]     and kill it?"
[23966]         "I don't know."
[23967]         "There's a book here in which I read about the trial of a Jew, who
[23968]     took a child of four years old and cut off the fingers from both
[23969]     hands, and then crucified him on the wall, hammered nails into him and
[23970]     crucified him, and afterwards, when he was tried, he said that the
[23971]     child died soon, within four hours. That was 'soon'! He said the child
[23972]     moaned, kept on moaning and he stood admiring it. That's nice!"
[23973]         "Nice?"
[23974]         "Nice; I sometimes imagine that it was I who crucified him. He
[23975]     would hang there moaning and I would sit opposite him eating pineapple
[23976]     compote. I am awfully fond of pineapple compote. Do you like it?"
[23977]         Alyosha looked at her in silence. Her pale, sallow face was
[23978]     suddenly contorted, her eyes burned.
[23979]         "You know, when I read about that Jew I shook with sobs all night.
[23980]     I kept fancying how the little thing cried and moaned (a child of four
[23981]     years old understands, you know), and all the while the thought of
[23982]     pineapple compote haunted me. In the morning I wrote a letter to a
[23983]     certain person, begging him particularly to come and see me. He came
[23984]     and I suddenly told him all about the child and the pineapple compote.
[23985]     All about it, all, and said that it was nice. He laughed and said it
[23986]     really was nice. Then he got up and went away. He was only here five
[23987]     minutes. Did he despise me? Did he despise me? Tell me, tell me,
[23988]     Alyosha, did he despise me or not?" She sat up on the couch, with
[23989]     flashing eyes.
[23990]         "Tell me," Alyosha asked anxiously, "did you send for that
[23991]     person?"
[23992]         "Yes, I did."
[23993]         "Did you send him a letter?"
[23994]         "Yes."
[23995]         "Simply to ask about that, about that child?"
[23996]         "No, not about that at all. But when he came, I asked him about
[23997]     that at once. He answered, laughed, got up and went away."
[23998]         "That person behaved honourably," Alyosha murmured.
[23999]         "And did he despise me? Did he laugh at me?"
[24000]         "No, for perhaps he believes in the pineapple compote himself.
[24001]     He is very ill now, too, Lise."
[24002]         "Yes, he does believe in it," said Lise, with flashing eyes.
[24003]         "He doesn't despise anyone," Alyosha went on. "Only he does not
[24004]     believe anyone. If he doesn't believe in people, of course, he does
[24005]     despise them."
[24006]         "Then he despises me, me?"
[24007]         "You, too."
[24008]         "Good." Lise seemed to grind her teeth. "When he went out
[24009]     laughing, I felt that it was nice to be despised. The child with
[24010]     fingers cut off is nice, and to be despised is nice..."
[24011]         And she laughed in Alyosha's face, a feverish malicious laugh.
[24012]         "Do you know, Alyosha, do you know, I should like- Alyosha, save
[24013]     me!" She suddenly jumped from the couch, rushed to him and seized
[24014]     him with both hands. "Save me!" she almost groaned. "Is there anyone
[24015]     in the world I could tell what I've told you? I've told you the truth,
[24016]     the truth. I shall kill myself, because I loathe everything! I don't
[24017]     want to live, because I loathe everything! I loathe everything,
[24018]     everything. Alyosha, why don't you love me in the least?" she finished
[24019]     in a frenzy.
[24020]         "But I do love you!" answered Alyosha warmly.
[24021]         "And will you weep over me, will you?"
[24022]         "Yes."
[24023]         "Not because I won't be your wife, but simply weep for me?"
[24024]         "Yes."
[24025]         "Thank you! It's only your tears I want. Everyone else may
[24026]     punish me and trample me under foot, everyone, everyone, not excepting
[24027]     anyone. For I don't love anyone. Do you hear, not anyone! On the
[24028]     contrary, I hate him! Go, Alyosha; it's time you went to your
[24029]     brother"; she tore herself away from him suddenly.
[24030]         "How can I leave you like this?" said Alyosha, almost in alarm.
[24031]         "Go to your brother, the prison will be shut; go, here's your hat.
[24032]     Give my love to Mitya, go, go!"
[24033]         And she almost forcibly pushed Alyosha out of the door. He
[24034]     looked at her with pained surprise, when he was suddenly aware of a
[24035]     letter in his right hand, a tiny letter folded up tight and sealed. He
[24036]     glanced at it and instantly read the address, "To Ivan Fyodorovitch
[24037]     Karamazov." He looked quickly at Lise. Her face had become almost
[24038]     menacing.
[24039]         "Give it to him, you must give it to him!" she ordered him,
[24040]     trembling and beside herself. "To-day, at once, or I'll poison myself!
[24041]     That's why I sent for you."
[24042]         And she slammed the door quickly. The bolt clicked. Alyosha put
[24043]     the note in his pocket and went straight downstairs, without going
[24044]     back to Madame Hohlakov; forgetting her, in fact. As soon as Alyosha
[24045]     had gone, Lise unbolted the door, opened it a little, put her finger
[24046]     in the crack and slammed the door with all her might, pinching her
[24047]     finger. Ten seconds after, releasing her finger, she walked softly,
[24048]     slowly to her chair, sat up straight in it and looked intently at
[24049]     her blackened finger and at the blood that oozed from under the
[24050]     nail. Her lips were quivering and she kept whispering rapidly to
[24051]     herself:
[24052]         "I am a wretch, wretch, wretch, wretch!"
[24053]                                   Chapter 4
[24054]                              A Hymn and a Secret
[24055]     
[24056]         IT was quite late (days are short in November) when Alyosha rang
[24057]     at the prison gate. It was beginning to get dusk. But Alyosha knew
[24058]     that he would be admitted without difficulty. Things were managed in
[24059]     our little town, as everywhere else. At first, of course, on the
[24060]     conclusion of the preliminary inquiry, relations and a few other
[24061]     persons could only obtain interviews with Mitya by going through
[24062]     certain inevitable formalities. But later, though the formalities were
[24063]     not relaxed, exceptions were made for some, at least, of Mitya's
[24064]     visitors. So much so, that sometimes the interviews with the
[24065]     prisoner in the room set aside for the purpose were practically
[24066]     tete-a-tete.
[24067]         These exceptions, however, were few in number; only Grushenka,
[24068]     Alyosha and Rakitin were treated like this. But the captain of the
[24069]     police, Mihail Mihailovitch, was very favourably disposed to
[24070]     Grushenka. His abuse of her at Mokroe weighed on the old man's
[24071]     conscience, and when he learned the whole story, he completely changed
[24072]     his view of her. And strange to say, though he was firmly persuaded of
[24073]     his guilt, yet after Mitya was once in prison, the old man came to
[24074]     take a more and more lenient view of him. "He was a man of good heart,
[24075]     perhaps," he thought, "who had come to grief from drinking and
[24076]     dissipation." His first horror had been succeeded by pity. As for
[24077]     Alyosha, the police captain was very fond of him and had known him for
[24078]     a long time. Rakitin, who had of late taken to coming very often to
[24079]     see the prisoner, was one of the most intimate acquaintances of the
[24080]     "police captain's young ladies," as he called them, and was always
[24081]     hanging about their house. He gave lessons in the house of the
[24082]     prison superintendent, too, who, though scrupulous in the
[24083]     performance of his duties, was a kindhearted old man. Alyosha,
[24084]     again, had an intimate acquaintance of long standing with the
[24085]     superintendent, who was fond of talking to him, generally on sacred
[24086]     subjects. He respected Ivan Fyodorovitch, and stood in awe of his
[24087]     opinion, though he was a great philosopher himself; "self-taught,"
[24088]     of course. But Alyosha had an irresistible attraction for him.
[24089]     During the last year the old man had taken to studying the
[24090]     Apocryphal Gospels, and constantly talked over his impressions with
[24091]     his young friend. He used to come and see him in the monastery and
[24092]     discussed for hours together with him and with the monks. So even if
[24093]     Alyosha were late at the prison, he had only to go to the
[24094]     superintendent and everything was made easy. Besides, everyone in
[24095]     the prison, down to the humblest warder, had grown used to Alyosha.
[24096]     The sentry, of course, did not trouble him so long as the
[24097]     authorities were satisfied.
[24098]         When Mitya was summoned from his cell, he always went
[24099]     downstairs, to the place set aside for interviews. As Alyosha
[24100]     entered the room he came upon Rakitin, who was just taking leave of
[24101]     Mitya. They were both talking loudly. Mitya was laughing heartily as
[24102]     he saw him out, while Rakitin seemed grumbling. Rakitin did not like
[24103]     meeting Alyosha, especially of late. He scarcely spoke to him, and
[24104]     bowed to him stiffly. Seeing Alyosha enter now, he frowned and
[24105]     looked away, as though he were entirely absorbed in buttoning his big,
[24106]     warm, fur-trimmed overcoat. Then he began looking at once for his
[24107]     umbrella.
[24108]         "I must mind not to forget my belongings," he muttered, simply
[24109]     to say something.
[24110]         "Mind you don't forget other people's belongings," said Mitya,
[24111]     as a joke, and laughed at once at his own wit. Rakitin fired up
[24112]     instantly.
[24113]         "You'd better give that advice to your own family, who've always
[24114]     been a slave-driving lot, and not to Rakitin," he cried, suddenly
[24115]     trembling with anger.
[24116]         "What's the matter? I was joking," cried Mitya. "Damn it all! They
[24117]     are all like that." He turned to Alyosha, nodding towards Rakitin's
[24118]     hurriedly retreating figure. "He was sitting here, laughing and
[24119]     cheerful, and all at once he boils up like that. He didn't even nod to
[24120]     you. Have you broken with him completely? Why are you so late? I've
[24121]     not been simply waiting, but thirsting for you the whole morning.
[24122]     But never mind. We'll make up for it now."
[24123]         "Why does he come here so often? Surely you are not such great
[24124]     friends?" asked Alyosha. He, too, nodded at the door through which
[24125]     Rakitin had disappeared.
[24126]         "Great friends with Rakitin? No, not as much as that. Is it
[24127]     likely- a pig like that? He considers I am... a blackguard. They can't
[24128]     understand a joke either, that's the worst of such people. They
[24129]     never understand a joke, and their souls are dry, dry and flat; they
[24130]     remind me of prison walls when I was first brought here. But he is a
[24131]     clever fellow, very clever. Well, Alexey, it's all over with me now."
[24132]         He sat down on the bench and made Alyosha sit down beside him.
[24133]         "Yes, the trial's to-morrow. Are you so hopeless, brother?"
[24134]     Alyosha said, with an apprehensive feeling.
[24135]         "What are you talking about?" said Mitya, looking at him rather
[24136]     uncertainly. "Oh, you mean the trial! Damn it all! Till now we've been
[24137]     talking of things that don't matter, about this trial, but I haven't
[24138]     said a word to you about the chief thing. Yes, the trial is to-morrow;
[24139]     but it wasn't the trial I meant, when I said it was all over with
[24140]     me. Why do you look at me so critically?"
[24141]         "What do you mean, Mitya?"
[24142]         "Ideas, ideas, that's all! Ethics! What is ethics?"
[24143]         "Ethics?" asked Alyosha, wondering.
[24144]         "Yes; is it a science?"
[24145]         "Yes, there is such a science... but... I confess I can't
[24146]     explain to you what sort of science it is."
[24147]         "Rakitin knows. Rakitin knows a lot, damn him! He's not going to
[24148]     be a monk. He means to go to Petersburg. There he'll go in for
[24149]     criticism of an elevating tendency. Who knows, he may be of use and
[24150]     make his own career, too. Ough! they are first-rate, these people,
[24151]     at making a career! Damn ethics, I am done for, Alexey, I am, you
[24152]     man of God! I love you more than anyone. It makes my heart yearn to
[24153]     look at you. Who was Karl Bernard?"
[24154]         "Karl Bernard?" Alyosha was surprised again.
[24155]         "No, not Karl. Stay, I made a mistake. Claude Bernard. What was
[24156]     he? Chemist or what?"
[24157]         "He must be a savant," answered Alyosha; "but I confess I can't
[24158]     tell you much about him, either. I've heard of him as a savant, but
[24159]     what sort I don't know."
[24160]         "Well, damn him, then! I don't know either," swore Mitya. "A
[24161]     scoundrel of some sort, most likely. They are all scoundrels. And
[24162]     Rakitin will make his way. Rakitin will get on anywhere; he is another
[24163]     Bernard. Ugh, these Bernards! They are all over the place."
[24164]         "But what is the matter?" Alyosha asked insistently.
[24165]         "He wants to write an article about me, about my case, and so
[24166]     begin his literary career. That's what he comes for; he said so
[24167]     himself. He wants to prove some theory. He wants to say 'he couldn't
[24168]     help murdering his father, he was corrupted by his environment,' and
[24169]     so on. He explained it all to me. He is going to put in a tinge of
[24170]     Socialism, he says. But there, damn the fellow, he can put in a
[24171]     tinge if he likes, I don't care. He can't bear Ivan, he hates him.
[24172]     He's not fond of you, either. But I don't turn him out, for he is a
[24173]     clever fellow. Awfully conceited, though. I said to him just now,' The
[24174]     Karamazovs are not blackguards, but philosophers; for all true
[24175]     Russians are philosophers, and though you've studied, you are not a
[24176]     philosopher- you are a low fellow.' He laughed, so maliciously. And
[24177]     I said to him, 'De ideabus non est disputandum.'* Isn't that rather
[24178]     good? I can set up for being a classic, you see!" Mitya laughed
[24179]     suddenly.
[24180]     
[24181]         * There's no disputing ideas.
[24182]     
[24183]         "Why is it all over with you? You said so just now," Alyosha
[24184]     interposed.
[24185]         "Why is it all over with me? H'm!... The fact of it is... if you
[24186]     take it as a whole, I am sorry to lose God- that's why it is."
[24187]         "What do you mean by 'sorry to lose God'?"
[24188]         "Imagine: inside, in the nerves, in the head- that is, these
[24189]     nerves are there in the brain... (damn them!) there are sort of little
[24190]     tails, the little tails of those nerves, and as soon as they begin
[24191]     quivering... that is, you see, I look at something with my eyes and
[24192]     then they begin quivering, those little tails... and when they quiver,
[24193]     then an image appears... it doesn't appear at once, but an instant,
[24194]     a second, passes... and then something like a moment appears; that is,
[24195]     not a moment- devil take the moment!- but an image; that is, an
[24196]     object, or an action, damn it! That's why I see and then think,
[24197]     because of those tails, not at all because I've got a soul, and that I
[24198]     am some sort of image and likeness. All that is nonsense! Rakitin
[24199]     explained it all to me yesterday, brother, and it simply bowled me
[24200]     over. It's magnificent, Alyosha, this science! A new man's arising-
[24201]     that I understand.... And yet I am sorry to lose God!"
[24202]         "Well, that's a good thing, anyway," said Alyosha.
[24203]         "That I am sorry to lose God? It's chemistry, brother,
[24204]     chemistry! There's no help for it, your reverence, you must make way
[24205]     for chemistry. And Rakitin does dislike God. Ough! doesn't he
[24206]     dislike Him! That's the sore point with all of them. But they
[24207]     conceal it. They tell lies. They pretend. 'Will you preach this in
[24208]     your reviews?' I asked him. 'Oh, well, if I did it openly, they
[24209]     won't let it through, 'he said. He laughed. 'But what will become of
[24210]     men then?' I asked him, 'without God and immortal life? All things are
[24211]     lawful then, they can do what they like?' 'Didn't you know?' he said
[24212]     laughing, 'a clever man can do what he likes,' he said. 'A clever
[24213]     man knows his way about, but you've put your foot in it, committing
[24214]     a murder, and now you are rotting in prison.' He says that to my face!
[24215]     A regular pig! I used to kick such people out, but now I listen to
[24216]     them. He talks a lot of sense, too. Writes well. He began reading me
[24217]     an article last week. I copied out three lines of it. Wait a minute.
[24218]     Here it is."
[24219]         Mitya hurriedly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and
[24220]     read:
[24221]         "'In order to determine this question, it is above all essential
[24222]     to put one's personality in contradiction to one's reality.' Do you
[24223]     understand that?"
[24224]         "No, I don't," said Alyosha. He looked at Mitya and listened to
[24225]     him with curiosity.
[24226]         "I don't understand either. It's dark and obscure, but
[24227]     intellectual. 'Everyone writes like that now,' he says, 'it's the
[24228]     effect of their environment.' They are afraid of the environment. He
[24229]     writes poetry, too, the rascal. He's written in honour of Madame
[24230]     Hohlakov's foot. Ha ha ha!"
[24231]         "I've heard about it," said Alyosha.
[24232]         "Have you? And have you heard the poem?"
[24233]         "No."
[24234]         "I've got it. Here it is. I'll read it to you. You don't know- I
[24235]     haven't told you- there's quite a story about it. He's a rascal! Three
[24236]     weeks ago he began to tease me. 'You've got yourself into a mess, like
[24237]     a fool, for the sake of three thousand, but I'm going to collar a
[24238]     hundred and fifty thousand. I am going to marry a widow and buy a
[24239]     house in Petersburg.' And he told me he was courting Madame
[24240]     Hohlakov. She hadn't much brains in her youth, and now at forty she
[24241]     has lost what she had. 'But she's awfully sentimental,' he says;
[24242]     'that's how I shall get hold of her. When I marry her, I shall take
[24243]     her to Petersburg and there I shall start a newspaper.' And his
[24244]     mouth was simply watering, the beast, not for the widow, but for the
[24245]     hundred and fifty thousand. And he made me believe it. He came to
[24246]     see me every day. 'She is coming round,' he declared. He was beaming
[24247]     with delight. And then, all of a sudden, he was turned out of the
[24248]     house. Perhotin's carrying everything before him, bravo! I could
[24249]     kiss the silly old noodle for turning him out of the house. And he had
[24250]     written this doggerel. 'It's the first time I've soiled my hands
[24251]     with writing poetry,' he said. 'It's to win her heart, so it's in a
[24252]     good cause. When I get hold of the silly woman's fortune, I can be
[24253]     of great social utility.' They have this social justification for
[24254]     every nasty thing they do! 'Anyway it's better than your Pushkin's
[24255]     poetry,' he said, 'for I've managed to advocate enlightenment even
[24256]     in that.' I understand what he means about Pushkin, I quite see
[24257]     that, if he really was a man of talent and only wrote about women's
[24258]     feet. But wasn't Rakitin stuck up about his doggerel! The vanity of
[24259]     these fellows! 'On the convalescence of the swollen foot of the object
[24260]     of my affections'- he thought of that for a title. He's a waggish
[24261]     fellow.
[24262]     
[24263]                        A captivating little foot,
[24264]                        Though swollen and red and tender!
[24265]                        The doctors come and plasters put,
[24266]                        But still they cannot mend her.
[24267]     
[24268]                        Yet, 'tis not for her foot I dread-
[24269]                        A theme for Pushkin's muse more fit-
[24270]                        It's not her foot, it is her head:
[24271]                        I tremble for her loss of wit!
[24272]     
[24273]                        For as her foot swells, strange to say,
[24274]                        Her intellect is on the wane-
[24275]                        Oh, for some remedy I pray
[24276]                        That may restore both foot and brain!
[24277]     
[24278]     He is a pig, a regular pig, but he's very arch, the rascal! And he
[24279]     really has put in a progressive idea. And wasn't he angry when she
[24280]     kicked him out! He was gnashing his teeth!"
[24281]         "He's taken his revenge already," said Alyosha. "He's written a
[24282]     paragraph about Madame Hohlakov."
[24283]         And Alyosha told him briefly about the paragraph in Gossip.
[24284]         "That's his doing, that's his doing!" Mitya assented, frowning.
[24285]     "That's him! These paragraphs... I know... the insulting things that
[24286]     have been written about Grushenka, for instance.... And about Katya,
[24287]     too.... H'm!
[24288]         He walked across the room with a harassed air.
[24289]         "Brother, I cannot stay long," Alyosha said, after a pause.
[24290]     "To-morrow will be a great and awful day for you, the judgment of
[24291]     God will be accomplished... I am amazed at you, you walk about here,
[24292]     talking of I don't know what..."
[24293]         "No, don't be amazed at me," Mitya broke in warmly. "Am I to
[24294]     talk of that stinking dog? Of the murderer? We've talked enough of
[24295]     him. I don't want to say more of the stinking son of Stinking
[24296]     Lizaveta! God will kill him, you will see. Hush!"
[24297]         He went up to Alyosha excitedly and kissed him. His eyes glowed.
[24298]         "Rakitin wouldn't understand it," he began in a sort of
[24299]     exaltation; "but you, you'll understand it all. That's why I was
[24300]     thirsting for you. You see, there's so much I've been wanting to
[24301]     tell you for ever so long, here, within these peeling walls, but I
[24302]     haven't said a word about what matters most; the moment never seems to
[24303]     have come. Now I can wait no longer. I must pour out my heart to
[24304]     you. Brother, these last two months I've found in myself a new man.
[24305]     A new man has risen up in me. He was hidden in me, but would never
[24306]     have come to the surface, if it hadn't been for this blow from heaven.
[24307]     I am afraid! And what do I care if I spend twenty years in the
[24308]     mines, breaking ore with a hammer? I am not a bit afraid of that- it's
[24309]     something else I am afraid of now: that that new man may leave me.
[24310]     Even there, in the mines, underground, I may find a human heart in
[24311]     another convict and murderer by my side, and I may make friends with
[24312]     him, for even there one may live and love and suffer. One may thaw and
[24313]     revive a frozen heart in that convict, one may wait upon him for
[24314]     years, and at last bring up from the dark depths a lofty soul, a
[24315]     feeling, suffering creature; one may bring forth an angel, create a
[24316]     hero! There are so many of them, hundreds of them, and we are all to
[24317]     blame for them. Why was it I dreamed of that 'babe' at such a
[24318]     moment? 'Why is the babe so poor?' That was a sign to me at that
[24319]     moment. It's for the babe I'm going. Because we are all responsible
[24320]     for all. For all the 'babes,' for there are big children as well as
[24321]     little children All are 'babes.' I go for all, because someone must go
[24322]     for all. I didn't kill father, but I've got to go. I accept it. It's
[24323]     all come to me here, here, within these peeling walls. There are
[24324]     numbers of them there, hundreds of them underground, with hammers in
[24325]     their hands. Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no
[24326]     freedom, but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy,
[24327]     without which man cannot live nor God exist, for God gives joy: it's
[24328]     His privilege- a grand one. Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer!
[24329]     What should I be underground there without God? Rakitin's laughing! If
[24330]     they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground. One
[24331]     cannot exist in prison without God; it's even more impossible than out
[24332]     of prison. And then we men underground will sing from the bowels of
[24333]     the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom is joy. Hail to God and
[24334]     His joy! I love Him!"
[24335]         Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech.
[24336]     He turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
[24337]         "Yes, life is full, there is life even underground," he began
[24338]     again. "You wouldn't believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a
[24339]     thirst for existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within
[24340]     these peeling walls. Rakitin doesn't understand that; all he cares
[24341]     about is building a house and letting flats. But I've been longing for
[24342]     you. And what is suffering? I am not afraid of it, even if it were
[24343]     beyond reckoning. I am not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it
[24344]     before. Do you know, perhaps I won't answer at the trial at all....
[24345]     And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand
[24346]     anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to
[24347]     myself every moment, 'I exist.' In thousands of agonies- I exist.
[24348]     I'm tormented on the rack- but I exist! Though I sit alone on a
[24349]     pillar- I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know
[24350]     it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the
[24351]     sun is there. Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the
[24352]     death of me. Damn them! Brother Ivan-"
[24353]         "What of brother Ivan?" interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not
[24354]     hear.
[24355]         "You see, I never had any of these doubts before, but it was all
[24356]     hidden away in me. It was perhaps just because ideas I did not
[24357]     understand were surging up in me, that I used to drink and fight and
[24358]     rage. It was to stifle them in myself, to still them, to smother them.
[24359]     Ivan is not Rakitin, there is an idea in him. Ivan is a sphinx and
[24360]     is silent; he is always silent. It's God that's worrying me. That's
[24361]     the only thing that's worrying me. What if He doesn't exist? What if
[24362]     Rakitin's right- that it's an idea made up by men? Then if He
[24363]     doesn't exist, man is the chief of the earth, of the universe.
[24364]     Magnificent! Only how is he going to be good without God? That's the
[24365]     question. I always come back to that. For whom is man going to love
[24366]     then? To whom will he be thankful? To whom will he sing the hymn?
[24367]     Rakitin laughs. Rakitin says that one can love humanity without God.
[24368]     Well, only a snivelling idiot can maintain that. I can't understand
[24369]     it. Life's easy for Rakitin. 'You'd better think about the extension
[24370]     of civic rights, or even of keeping down the price of meat. You will
[24371]     show your love for humanity more simply and directly by that, than
[24372]     by philosophy.' I answered him, 'Well, but you, without a God, are
[24373]     more likely to raise the price of meat, if it suits you, and make a
[24374]     rouble on every copeck.' He lost his temper. But after all, what is
[24375]     goodness? Answer me that, Alexey. Goodness is one thing with me and
[24376]     another with a Chinaman, so it's a relative thing. Or isn't it? Is
[24377]     it not relative? A treacherous question! You won't laugh if I tell you
[24378]     it's kept me awake two nights. I only wonder now how people can live
[24379]     and think nothing about it. Vanity! Ivan has no God. He has an idea.
[24380]     It's beyond me. But he is silent. I believe he is a Freemason. I asked
[24381]     him, but he is silent. I wanted to drink from the springs of his soul-
[24382]     he was silent. But once he did drop a word."
[24383]         "What did he say?" Alyosha took it up quickly.
[24384]         "I said to him, 'Then everything is lawful, if it is so?' He
[24385]     frowned. 'Fyodor Pavlovitch, our papa,' he said, 'was a pig, but his
[24386]     ideas were right enough.' That was what he dropped. That was all he
[24387]     said. That was going one better than Rakitin."
[24388]         "Yes," Alyosha assented bitterly. "When was he with you?"
[24389]         "Of that later; now I must speak of something else. I have said
[24390]     nothing about Ivan to you before. I put it off to the last. When my
[24391]     business here is over and the verdict has been given, then I'll tell
[24392]     you something. I'll tell you everything. We've something tremendous on
[24393]     hand.... And you shall be my judge in it. But don't begin about that
[24394]     now; be silent. You talk of to-morrow, of the trial; but, would you
[24395]     believe it, I know nothing about it."
[24396]         "Have you talked to the counsel?"
[24397]         "What's the use of the counsel? I told him all about it. He's a
[24398]     soft, city-bred rogue- a Bernard! But he doesn't believe me- not a bit
[24399]     of it. Only imagine, he believes I did it. I see it. 'In that case,' I
[24400]     asked him, 'why have you come to defend me?' Hang them all! They've
[24401]     got a doctor down, too, want to prove I'm mad. I won't have that!
[24402]     Katerina Ivanovna wants to do her 'duty' to the end, whatever the
[24403]     strain!" Mitya smiled bitterly. "The cat! Hard-hearted creature! She
[24404]     knows that I said of her at Mokroe that she was a woman of 'great
[24405]     wrath.' They repeated it. Yes, the facts against me have grown
[24406]     numerous as the sands of the sea. Grigory sticks to his point.
[24407]     Grigory's honest, but a fool. Many people are honest because they
[24408]     are fools: that's Rakitin's idea. Grigory's my enemy. And there are
[24409]     some people who are better as foes than friends. I mean Katerina
[24410]     Ivanovna. I am afraid, oh, I am afraid she will tell how she bowed
[24411]     to the ground after that four thousand. She'll pay it back to the last
[24412]     farthing. I don't want her sacrifice; they'll put me to shame at the
[24413]     trial. I wonder how I can stand it. Go to her, Alyosha, ask her not to
[24414]     speak of that in the court, can't you? But damn it all, it doesn't
[24415]     matter! I shall get through somehow. I don't pity her. It's her own
[24416]     doing. She deserves what she gets. I shall have my own story to
[24417]     tell, Alexey." He smiled bitterly again. "Only... only Grusha, Grusha!
[24418]     Good Lord! Why should she have such suffering to bear?" he exclaimed
[24419]     suddenly, with tears. "Grusha's killing me; the thought of her's
[24420]     killing me, killing me. She was with me just now..."
[24421]         "She told me she was very much grieved by you to-day."
[24422]         "I know. Confound my temper! It was jealousy. I was sorry, I
[24423]     kissed her as she was going. I didn't ask her forgiveness."
[24424]         "Why didn't you?" exclaimed Alyosha.
[24425]         Suddenly Mitya laughed almost mirthfully.
[24426]         "God preserve you, my dear boy, from ever asking forgiveness for a
[24427]     fault from a woman you love. From one you love especially, however
[24428]     greatly you may have been in fault. For a woman- devil only knows what
[24429]     to make of a woman! I know something about them, anyway. But try
[24430]     acknowledging you are in fault to a woman. Say, 'I am sorry, forgive
[24431]     me,' and a shower of reproaches will follow! Nothing will make her
[24432]     forgive you simply and directly, she'll humble you to the dust,
[24433]     bring forward things that have never happened, recall everything,
[24434]     forget nothing, add something of her own, and only then forgive you.
[24435]     And even the best, the best of them do it. She'll scrape up all the
[24436]     scrapings and load them on your head. They are ready to flay you
[24437]     alive, I tell you, every one of them, all these angels without whom we
[24438]     cannot live! I tell you plainly and openly, dear boy, every decent man
[24439]     ought to be under some woman's thumb. That's my conviction- not
[24440]     conviction, but feeling. A man ought to be magnanimous, and it's no
[24441]     disgrace to a man! No disgrace to a hero, not even a Caesar! But don't
[24442]     ever beg her pardon all the same for anything. Remember that rule
[24443]     given you by your brother Mitya, who's come to ruin through women. No,
[24444]     I'd better make it up to Grusha somehow, without begging pardon. I
[24445]     worship her, Alexey, worship her. Only she doesn't see it. No, she
[24446]     still thinks I don't love her enough. And she tortures me, tortures me
[24447]     with her love. The past was nothing! In the past it was only those
[24448]     infernal curves of hers that tortured me, but now I've taken all her
[24449]     soul into my soul and through her I've become a man myself. Will
[24450]     they marry us? If they don't, I shall die of jealousy. I imagine
[24451]     something every day.... What did she say to you about me?"
[24452]         Alyosha repeated all Grushenka had said to him that day. Mitya
[24453]     listened, made him repeat things, and seemed pleased.
[24454]         "Then she is not angry at my being jealous?" he exclaimed. "She is
[24455]     a regular woman! 'I've a fierce heart myself!' Ah, I love such
[24456]     fierce hearts, though I can't bear anyone's being jealous of me. I
[24457]     can't endure it. We shall fight. But I shall love her, I shall love
[24458]     her infinitely. Will they marry us? Do they let convicts marry? That's
[24459]     the question. And without her I can't exist..."
[24460]         Mitya walked frowning across the room. It was almost dark. He
[24461]     suddenly seemed terribly worried.
[24462]         "So there's a secret, she says, a secret? We have got up a plot
[24463]     against her, and Katya is mixed up in it, she thinks. No, my good
[24464]     Grushenka, that's not it. You are very wide of the mark, in your
[24465]     foolish feminine way. Alyosha, darling, well, here goes! I'll tell you
[24466]     our secret!"
[24467]         He looked round, went close up quickly to Alyosha, who was
[24468]     standing before him, and whispered to him with an air of mystery,
[24469]     though in reality no one could hear them: the old warder was dozing in
[24470]     the corner, and not a word could reach the ears of the soldiers on
[24471]     guard.
[24472]         "I will tell you all our secret," Mitya whispered hurriedly. "I
[24473]     meant to tell you later, for how could I decide on anything without
[24474]     you? You are everything to me. Though I say that Ivan is superior to
[24475]     us, you are my angel. It's your decision will decide it. Perhaps
[24476]     it's you that is superior and not Ivan. You see, it's a question of
[24477]     conscience, question of the higher conscience- the secret is so
[24478]     important that I can't settle it myself, and I've put it off till I
[24479]     could speak to you. But anyway it's too early to decide now, for we
[24480]     must wait for the verdict. As soon as the verdict is given, you
[24481]     shall decide my fate. Don't decide it now. I'll tell you now. You
[24482]     listen, but don't decide. Stand and keep quiet. I won't tell you
[24483]     everything. I'll only tell you the idea, without details, and you keep
[24484]     quiet. Not a question, not a movement. You agree? But, goodness,
[24485]     what shall I do with your eyes? I'm afraid your eyes will tell me your
[24486]     decision, even if you don't speak. Oo! I'm afraid! Alyosha, listen!
[24487]     Ivan suggests my escaping. I won't tell you the details: it's all been
[24488]     thought out: it can all be arranged. Hush, don't decide. I should go
[24489]     to America with Grusha. You know I can't live without Grusha! What
[24490]     if they won't let her follow me to Siberia? Do they let convicts get
[24491]     married? Ivan thinks not. And without Grusha what should I do there
[24492]     underground with a hammer? I should only smash my skull with the
[24493]     hammer! But, on the other hand, my conscience? I should have run
[24494]     away from suffering. A sign has come, I reject the sign. I have a
[24495]     way of salvation and I turn my back on it. Ivan says that in
[24496]     America, 'with the goodwill,' I can be of more use than underground.
[24497]     But what becomes of our hymn from underground? What's America? America
[24498]     is vanity again! And there's a lot of swindling in America, too, I
[24499]     expect. I should have run away from crucifixion! I tell you, you know,
[24500]     Alexey, because you are the only person who can understand this.
[24501]     There's no one else. It's folly, madness to others, all I've told
[24502]     you of the hymn. They'll say I'm out of my mind or a fool. I am not
[24503]     out of my mind and I am not a fool. Ivan understands about the hymn,
[24504]     too. He understands, only he doesn't answer- he doesn't speak. He
[24505]     doesn't believe in the hymn. Don't speak, don't speak. I see how you
[24506]     look! You have already decided. Don't decide, spare me! I can't live
[24507]     without Grusha. Wait till after the trial!"
[24508]         Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both hands on his
[24509]     shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were fixed on his
[24510]     brother's.
[24511]         "They don't let convicts marry, do they?" he repeated for the
[24512]     third time in a supplicating voice.
[24513]         Alyosha listened with extreme surprise and was deeply moved.
[24514]         "Tell me one thing," he said. "Is Ivan very keen on it, and
[24515]     whose idea was it?"
[24516]         "His, his, and he is very keen on it. He didn't come to see me
[24517]     at first, then he suddenly came a week ago and he began about it
[24518]     straight away. He is awfully keen on it. He doesn't ask me, but orders
[24519]     me to escape. He doesn't doubt of my obeying him, though I showed
[24520]     him all my heart as I have to you, and told him about the hymn, too.
[24521]     He told me he'd arrange it; he's found out about everything. But of
[24522]     that later. He's simply set on it. It's all a matter of money: he'll
[24523]     pay ten thousand for escape and give me twenty thousand for America.
[24524]     And he says we can arrange a magnificent escape for ten thousand."
[24525]         "And he told you on no account to tell me?" Alyosha asked again.
[24526]         "To tell no one, and especially not you; on no account to tell
[24527]     you. He is afraid, no doubt,