Ulysses by James Joyce

Leopold Bloom Telemachus
Scylla and Charybdis
Wandering Rocks
Oxen of the Sun

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Ulysses by James Joyce.
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[14227]    I was just passing the time of day with old Troy of the D. M. P. at the
[14228]    corner of Arbour hill there and be damned but a bloody sweep came along
[14229]    and he near drove his gear into my eye. I turned around to let him have
[14230]    the weight of my tongue when who should I see dodging along Stony Batter
[14231]    only Joe Hynes.
[14233]    --Lo, Joe, says I. How are you blowing? Did you see that bloody
[14234]    chimneysweep near shove my eye out with his brush?
[14236]    --Soot's luck, says Joe. Who's the old ballocks you were talking to?
[14238]    --Old Troy, says I, was in the force. I'm on two minds not to give that
[14239]    fellow in charge for obstructing the thoroughfare with his brooms and
[14240]    ladders.
[14242]    --What are you doing round those parts? says Joe.
[14244]    --Devil a much, says I. There's a bloody big foxy thief beyond by the
[14245]    garrison church at the corner of Chicken lane--old Troy was just giving
[14246]    me a wrinkle about him--lifted any God's quantity of tea and sugar to pay
[14247]    three bob a week said he had a farm in the county Down off a
[14248]    hop-of-my-thumb by the name of Moses Herzog over there near Heytesbury
[14249]    street.
[14251]    --Circumcised? says Joe.
[14253]    --Ay, says I. A bit off the top. An old plumber named Geraghty. I'm
[14254]    hanging on to his taw now for the past fortnight and I can't get a penny
[14255]    out of him.
[14257]    --That the lay you're on now? says Joe.
[14259]    --Ay, says I. How are the mighty fallen! Collector of bad and doubtful
[14260]    debts. But that's the most notorious bloody robber you'd meet in a day's
[14261]    walk and the face on him all pockmarks would hold a shower of rain. TELL
[14262]    HIM, says he, I DARE HIM, says he, AND I DOUBLEDARE HIM TO SEND YOU ROUND
[14264]    COURT, SO I WILL, FOR TRADING WITHOUT A LICENCE. And he after stuffing
[14265]    himself till he's fit to burst. Jesus, I had to laugh at the little jewy
[14266]    getting his shirt out. HE DRINK ME MY TEAS. HE EAT ME MY SUGARS. BECAUSE
[14267]    HE NO PAY ME MY MONEYS?
[14269]    For nonperishable goods bought of Moses Herzog, of 13 Saint
[14270]    Kevin's parade in the city of Dublin, Wood quay ward, merchant,
[14271]    hereinafter called the vendor, and sold and delivered to Michael E.
[14272]    Geraghty, esquire, of 29 Arbour hill in the city of Dublin, Arran quay
[14273]    ward, gentleman, hereinafter called the purchaser, videlicet, five pounds
[14274]    avoirdupois of first choice tea at three shillings and no pence per pound
[14275]    avoirdupois and three stone avoirdupois of sugar, crushed crystal, at
[14276]    threepence per pound avoirdupois, the said purchaser debtor to the said
[14277]    vendor of one pound five shillings and sixpence sterling for value
[14278]    received which amount shall be paid by said purchaser to said vendor in
[14279]    weekly instalments every seven calendar days of three shillings and no
[14280]    pence sterling: and the said nonperishable goods shall not be pawned or
[14281]    pledged or sold or otherwise alienated by the said purchaser but shall be
[14282]    and remain and be held to be the sole and exclusive property of the said
[14283]    vendor to be disposed of at his good will and pleasure until the said
[14284]    amount shall have been duly paid by the said purchaser to the said vendor
[14285]    in the manner herein set forth as this day hereby agreed between the said
[14286]    vendor, his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the one part and
[14287]    the said purchaser, his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the
[14288]    other part.
[14290]    --Are you a strict t.t.? says Joe.
[14292]    --Not taking anything between drinks, says I.
[14294]    --What about paying our respects to our friend? says Joe.
[14296]    --Who? says I. Sure, he's out in John of God's off his head, poor man.
[14298]    --Drinking his own stuff? says Joe.
[14300]    --Ay, says I. Whisky and water on the brain.
[14302]    --Come around to Barney Kiernan's, says Joe. I want to see the citizen.
[14304]    --Barney mavourneen's be it, says I. Anything strange or wonderful, Joe?
[14306]    --Not a word, says Joe. I was up at that meeting in the City Arms.
[14308]    ---What was that, Joe? says I.
[14310]    --Cattle traders, says Joe, about the foot and mouth disease. I want to
[14311]    give the citizen the hard word about it.
[14313]    So we went around by the Linenhall barracks and the back of the
[14314]    courthouse talking of one thing or another. Decent fellow Joe when he has
[14315]    it but sure like that he never has it. Jesus, I couldn't get over that
[14316]    bloody foxy Geraghty, the daylight robber. For trading without a licence,
[14317]    says he.
[14319]    In Inisfail the fair there lies a land, the land of holy Michan. There
[14320]    rises a watchtower beheld of men afar. There sleep the mighty dead as in
[14321]    life they slept, warriors and princes of high renown. A pleasant land it
[14322]    is in sooth of murmuring waters, fishful streams where sport the gurnard,
[14323]    the plaice, the roach, the halibut, the gibbed haddock, the grilse,
[14324]    the dab, the brill, the flounder, the pollock, the mixed coarse fish
[14325]    generally and other denizens of the aqueous kingdom too numerous to be
[14326]    enumerated. In the mild breezes of the west and of the east the lofty
[14327]    trees wave in different directions their firstclass foliage, the wafty
[14328]    sycamore, the Lebanonian cedar, the exalted planetree, the eugenic
[14329]    eucalyptus and other ornaments of the arboreal world with which that
[14330]    region is thoroughly well supplied. Lovely maidens sit in close proximity
[14331]    to the roots of the lovely trees singing the most lovely songs while they
[14332]    play with all kinds of lovely objects as for example golden ingots,
[14333]    silvery fishes, crans of herrings, drafts of eels, codlings, creels of
[14334]    fingerlings, purple seagems and playful insects. And heroes voyage from
[14335]    afar to woo them, from Eblana to Slievemargy, the peerless princes of
[14336]    unfettered Munster and of Connacht the just and of smooth sleek Leinster
[14337]    and of Cruahan's land and of Armagh the splendid and of the noble district
[14338]    of Boyle, princes, the sons of kings.
[14340]    And there rises a shining palace whose crystal glittering roof is seen by
[14341]    mariners who traverse the extensive sea in barks built expressly for that
[14342]    purpose, and thither come all herds and fatlings and firstfruits of that
[14343]    land for O'Connell Fitzsimon takes toll of them, a chieftain descended
[14344]    from chieftains. Thither the extremely large wains bring foison of the
[14345]    fields, flaskets of cauliflowers, floats of spinach, pineapple chunks,
[14346]    Rangoon beans, strikes of tomatoes, drums of figs, drills of Swedes,
[14347]    spherical potatoes and tallies of iridescent kale, York and Savoy, and
[14348]    trays of onions, pearls of the earth, and punnets of mushrooms and
[14349]    custard marrows and fat vetches and bere and rape and red green yellow
[14350]    brown russet sweet big bitter ripe pomellated apples and chips of
[14351]    strawberries and sieves of gooseberries, pulpy and pelurious, and
[14352]    strawberries fit for princes and raspberries from their canes.
[14354]    I dare him, says he, and I doubledare him. Come out here, Geraghty,
[14355]    you notorious bloody hill and dale robber!
[14357]    And by that way wend the herds innumerable of bellwethers and
[14358]    flushed ewes and shearling rams and lambs and stubble geese and medium
[14359]    steers and roaring mares and polled calves and longwoods and storesheep
[14360]    and Cuffe's prime springers and culls and sowpigs and baconhogs and the
[14361]    various different varieties of highly distinguished swine and Angus
[14362]    heifers and polly bulllocks of immaculate pedigree together with prime
[14363]    premiated milchcows and beeves: and there is ever heard a trampling,
[14364]    cackling, roaring, lowing, bleating, bellowing, rumbling, grunting,
[14365]    champing, chewing, of sheep and pigs and heavyhooved kine from
[14366]    pasturelands of Lusk and Rush and Carrickmines and from the streamy vales
[14367]    of Thomond, from the M'Gillicuddy's reeks the inaccessible and lordly
[14368]    Shannon the unfathomable, and from the gentle declivities of the place of
[14369]    the race of Kiar, their udders distended with superabundance of milk and
[14370]    butts of butter and rennets of cheese and farmer's firkins and targets of
[14371]    lamb and crannocks of corn and oblong eggs in great hundreds, various in
[14372]    size, the agate with this dun.
[14374]    So we turned into Barney Kiernan's and there, sure enough, was the citizen
[14375]    up in the corner having a great confab with himself and that bloody
[14376]    mangy mongrel, Garryowen, and he waiting for what the sky would drop
[14377]    in the way of drink.
[14379]    --There he is, says I, in his gloryhole, with his cruiskeen lawn and his
[14380]    load of papers, working for the cause.
[14382]    The bloody mongrel let a grouse out of him would give you the creeps. Be
[14383]    a corporal work of mercy if someone would take the life of that
[14384]    bloody dog. I'm told for a fact he ate a good part of the breeches off a
[14385]    constabulary man in Santry that came round one time with a blue paper
[14386]    about a licence.
[14388]    --Stand and deliver, says he.
[14390]    --That's all right, citizen, says Joe. Friends here.
[14392]    --Pass, friends, says he.
[14394]    Then he rubs his hand in his eye and says he:
[14396]    --What's your opinion of the times?
[14398]    Doing the rapparee and Rory of the hill. But, begob, Joe was equal to
[14399]    the occasion.
[14401]    --I think the markets are on a rise, says he, sliding his hand down his
[14402]    fork.
[14404]    So begob the citizen claps his paw on his knee and he says:
[14406]    --Foreign wars is the cause of it.
[14408]    And says Joe, sticking his thumb in his pocket:
[14410]    --It's the Russians wish to tyrannise.
[14412]    --Arrah, give over your bloody codding, Joe, says I. I've a thirst on me I
[14413]    wouldn't sell for half a crown.
[14415]    --Give it a name, citizen, says Joe.
[14417]    --Wine of the country, says he.
[14419]    --What's yours? says Joe.
[14421]    --Ditto MacAnaspey, says I.
[14423]    --Three pints, Terry, says Joe. And how's the old heart, citizen? says he.
[14425]    --Never better, A CHARA, says he. What Garry? Are we going to win? Eh?
[14427]    And with that he took the bloody old towser by the scruff of the neck
[14428]    and, by Jesus, he near throttled him.
[14430]    The figure seated on a large boulder at the foot of a round tower
[14431]    was that of a broadshouldered deepchested stronglimbed frankeyed
[14432]    redhaired freelyfreckled shaggybearded widemouthed largenosed
[14433]    longheaded deepvoiced barekneed brawnyhanded hairylegged ruddyfaced
[14434]    sinewyarmed hero. From shoulder to shoulder he measured several ells and
[14435]    his rocklike mountainous knees were covered, as was likewise the rest of
[14436]    his body wherever visible, with a strong growth of tawny prickly hair in
[14437]    hue and toughness similar to the mountain gorse (ULEX EUROPEUS). The
[14438]    widewinged nostrils, from which bristles of the same tawny hue projected,
[14439]    were of such capaciousness that within their cavernous obscurity the
[14440]    fieldlark might easily have lodged her nest. The eyes in which a tear and
[14441]    a smile strove ever for the mastery were of the dimensions of a goodsized
[14442]    cauliflower. A powerful current of warm breath issued at regular intervals
[14443]    from the profound cavity of his mouth while in rhythmic resonance the
[14444]    loud strong hale reverberations of his formidable heart thundered
[14445]    rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still
[14446]    loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble.
[14448]    He wore a long unsleeved garment of recently flayed oxhide reaching to the
[14449]    knees in a loose kilt and this was bound about his middle by a girdle of
[14450]    plaited straw and rushes. Beneath this he wore trews of deerskin, roughly
[14451]    stitched with gut. His nether extremities were encased in high Balbriggan
[14452]    buskins dyed in lichen purple, the feet being shod with brogues of salted
[14453]    cowhide laced with the windpipe of the same beast. From his girdle hung a
[14454]    row of seastones which jangled at every movement of his portentous frame
[14455]    and on these were graven with rude yet striking art the tribal images of
[14456]    many Irish heroes and heroines of antiquity, Cuchulin, Conn of hundred
[14457]    battles, Niall of nine hostages, Brian of Kincora, the ardri Malachi, Art
[14458]    MacMurragh, Shane O'Neill, Father John Murphy, Owen Roe, Patrick
[14459]    Sarsfield, Red Hugh O'Donnell, Red Jim MacDermott, Soggarth Eoghan
[14460]    O'Growney, Michael Dwyer, Francy Higgins, Henry Joy M'Cracken,
[14461]    Goliath, Horace Wheatley, Thomas Conneff, Peg Woffington, the Village
[14462]    Blacksmith, Captain Moonlight, Captain Boycott, Dante Alighieri,
[14463]    Christopher Columbus, S. Fursa, S. Brendan, Marshal MacMahon,
[14464]    Charlemagne, Theobald Wolfe Tone, the Mother of the Maccabees, the Last
[14465]    of the Mohicans, the Rose of Castile, the Man for Galway, The Man that
[14466]    Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo, The Man in the Gap, The Woman Who
[14467]    Didn't, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon Bonaparte, John L. Sullivan,
[14468]    Cleopatra, Savourneen Deelish, Julius Caesar, Paracelsus, sir Thomas
[14469]    Lipton, William Tell, Michelangelo Hayes, Muhammad, the Bride of
[14470]    Lammermoor, Peter the Hermit, Peter the Packer, Dark Rosaleen, Patrick
[14471]    W. Shakespeare, Brian Confucius, Murtagh Gutenberg, Patricio
[14472]    Velasquez, Captain Nemo, Tristan and Isolde, the first Prince of Wales,
[14473]    Thomas Cook and Son, the Bold Soldier Boy, Arrah na Pogue, Dick
[14474]    Turpin, Ludwig Beethoven, the Colleen Bawn, Waddler Healy, Angus the
[14475]    Culdee, Dolly Mount, Sidney Parade, Ben Howth, Valentine Greatrakes,
[14476]    Adam and Eve, Arthur Wellesley, Boss Croker, Herodotus, Jack the
[14477]    Giantkiller, Gautama Buddha, Lady Godiva, The Lily of Killarney, Balor
[14478]    of the Evil Eye, the Queen of Sheba, Acky Nagle, Joe Nagle, Alessandro
[14479]    Volta, Jeremiah O'Donovan Rossa, Don Philip O'Sullivan Beare. A
[14480]    couched spear of acuminated granite rested by him while at his feet
[14481]    reposed a savage animal of the canine tribe whose stertorous gasps
[14482]    announced that he was sunk in uneasy slumber, a supposition confirmed by
[14483]    hoarse growls and spasmodic movements which his master repressed from time
[14484]    to time by tranquilising blows of a mighty cudgel rudely fashioned out of
[14485]    paleolithic stone.
[14487]    So anyhow Terry brought the three pints Joe was standing and begob
[14488]    the sight nearly left my eyes when I saw him land out a quid O, as true as
[14489]    I'm telling you. A goodlooking sovereign.
[14491]    --And there's more where that came from, says he.
[14493]    --Were you robbing the poorbox, Joe? says I.
[14495]    --Sweat of my brow, says Joe. 'Twas the prudent member gave me the wheeze.
[14497]    --I saw him before I met you, says I, sloping around by Pill lane and
[14498]    Greek street with his cod's eye counting up all the guts of the fish.
[14500]    Who comes through Michan's land, bedight in sable armour? O'Bloom,
[14501]    the son of Rory: it is he. Impervious to fear is Rory's son: he
[14502]    of the prudent soul.
[14504]    --For the old woman of Prince's street, says the citizen, the subsidised
[14505]    organ. The pledgebound party on the floor of the house. And look at this
[14506]    blasted rag, says he. Look at this, says he. THE IRISH INDEPENDENT, if you
[14507]    please, founded by Parnell to be the workingman's friend. Listen to the
[14508]    births and deaths in the IRISH ALL FOR IRELAND INDEPENDENT, and I'll thank
[14509]    you and the marriages.
[14511]    And he starts reading them out:
[14513]    --Gordon, Barnfield crescent, Exeter; Redmayne of Iffley, Saint Anne's on
[14514]    Sea: the wife of William T Redmayne of a son. How's that, eh? Wright and
[14515]    Flint, Vincent and Gillett to Rotha Marion daughter of Rosa and the late
[14516]    George Alfred Gillett, 179 Clapham road, Stockwell, Playwood and
[14517]    Ridsdale at Saint Jude's, Kensington by the very reverend Dr Forrest, dean
[14518]    of Worcester. Eh? Deaths. Bristow, at Whitehall lane, London: Carr, Stoke
[14519]    Newington, of gastritis and heart disease: Cockburn, at the Moat house,
[14520]    Chepstow ...
[14522]    --I know that fellow, says Joe, from bitter experience.
[14524]    --Cockburn. Dimsey, wife of David Dimsey, late of the admiralty: Miller,
[14525]    Tottenham, aged eightyfive: Welsh, June 12, at 35 Canning street,
[14526]    Liverpool, Isabella Helen. How's that for a national press, eh, my brown
[14527]    son! How's that for Martin Murphy, the Bantry jobber?
[14529]    --Ah, well, says Joe, handing round the boose. Thanks be to God they had
[14530]    the start of us. Drink that, citizen.
[14532]    --I will, says he, honourable person.
[14534]    --Health, Joe, says I. And all down the form.
[14536]    Ah! Ow! Don't be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that
[14537]    pint. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a
[14538]    click.
[14540]    And lo, as they quaffed their cup of joy, a godlike messenger came
[14541]    swiftly in, radiant as the eye of heaven, a comely youth and behind him
[14542]    there passed an elder of noble gait and countenance, bearing the sacred
[14543]    scrolls of law and with him his lady wife a dame of peerless lineage,
[14544]    fairest of her race.
[14546]    Little Alf Bergan popped in round the door and hid behind Barney's
[14547]    snug, squeezed up with the laughing. And who was sitting up there in the
[14548]    corner that I hadn't seen snoring drunk blind to the world only Bob Doran.
[14549]    I didn't know what was up and Alf kept making signs out of the door. And
[14550]    begob what was it only that bloody old pantaloon Denis Breen in his
[14551]    bathslippers with two bloody big books tucked under his oxter and the wife
[14552]    hotfoot after him, unfortunate wretched woman, trotting like a poodle. I
[14553]    thought Alf would split.
[14555]    --Look at him, says he. Breen. He's traipsing all round Dublin with a
[14556]    postcard someone sent him with U. p: up on it to take a li ...
[14558]    And he doubled up.
[14560]    --Take a what? says I.
[14562]    --Libel action, says he, for ten thousand pounds.
[14564]    --O hell! says I.
[14566]    The bloody mongrel began to growl that'd put the fear of God in you
[14567]    seeing something was up but the citizen gave him a kick in the ribs.
[14569]    --BI I DHO HUSHT, says he.
[14571]    --Who? says Joe.
[14573]    --Breen, says Alf. He was in John Henry Menton's and then he went round
[14574]    to Collis and Ward's and then Tom Rochford met him and sent him round
[14575]    to the subsheriff's for a lark. O God, I've a pain laughing. U. p: up. The
[14576]    long fellow gave him an eye as good as a process and now the bloody old
[14577]    lunatic is gone round to Green street to look for a G man.
[14579]    --When is long John going to hang that fellow in Mountjoy? says Joe.
[14581]    --Bergan, says Bob Doran, waking up. Is that Alf Bergan?
[14583]    --Yes, says Alf. Hanging? Wait till I show you. Here, Terry, give us a
[14584]    pony. That bloody old fool! Ten thousand pounds. You should have seen long
[14585]    John's eye. U. p ...
[14587]    And he started laughing.
[14589]    --Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran. Is that Bergan?
[14591]    --Hurry up, Terry boy, says Alf.
[14593]    Terence O'Ryan heard him and straightway brought him a crystal
[14594]    cup full of the foamy ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh
[14595]    and Bungardilaun brew ever in their divine alevats, cunning as the sons of
[14596]    deathless Leda. For they garner the succulent berries of the hop and mass
[14597]    and sift and bruise and brew them and they mix therewith sour juices and
[14598]    bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their
[14599]    toil, those cunning brothers, lords of the vat.
[14602]    Then did you, chivalrous Terence, hand forth, as to the manner born,
[14603]    that nectarous beverage and you offered the crystal cup to him that
[14604]    thirsted, the soul of chivalry, in beauty akin to the immortals.
[14606]    But he, the young chief of the O'Bergan's, could ill brook to be outdone
[14607]    in generous deeds but gave therefor with gracious gesture a testoon
[14608]    of costliest bronze. Thereon embossed in excellent smithwork was seen the
[14609]    image of a queen of regal port, scion of the house of Brunswick, Victoria
[14610]    her name, Her Most Excellent Majesty, by grace of God of the United
[14611]    Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British dominions beyond
[14612]    the sea, queen, defender of the faith, Empress of India, even she, who
[14613]    bore rule, a victress over many peoples, the wellbeloved, for they knew
[14614]    and loved her from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, the
[14615]    pale, the dark, the ruddy and the ethiop.
[14617]    --What's that bloody freemason doing, says the citizen, prowling up and
[14618]    down outside?
[14620]    --What's that? says Joe.
[14622]    --Here you are, says Alf, chucking out the rhino. Talking about hanging,
[14623]    I'll show you something you never saw. Hangmen's letters. Look at here.
[14625]    So he took a bundle of wisps of letters and envelopes out of his pocket.
[14627]    --Are you codding? says I.
[14629]    --Honest injun, says Alf. Read them.
[14631]    So Joe took up the letters.
[14633]    --Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran.
[14635]    So I saw there was going to be a bit of a dust Bob's a queer chap
[14636]    when the porter's up in him so says I just to make talk:
[14638]    --How's Willy Murray those times, Alf?
[14640]    --I don't know, says Alf I saw him just now in Capel street with Paddy
[14641]    Dignam. Only I was running after that ...
[14643]    --You what? says Joe, throwing down the letters. With who?
[14645]    --With Dignam, says Alf.
[14647]    --Is it Paddy? says Joe.
[14649]    --Yes, says Alf. Why?
[14651]    --Don't you know he's dead? says Joe.
[14653]    --Paddy Dignam dead! says Alf.
[14655]    --Ay, says Joe.
[14657]    --Sure I'm after seeing him not five minutes ago, says Alf, as plain as a
[14658]    pikestaff.
[14660]    --Who's dead? says Bob Doran.
[14662]    --You saw his ghost then, says Joe, God between us and harm.
[14664]    --What? says Alf. Good Christ, only five ... What? ... And Willy Murray
[14665]    with him, the two of them there near whatdoyoucallhim's ... What?
[14666]    Dignam dead?
[14668]    --What about Dignam? says Bob Doran. Who's talking about... ?
[14670]    --Dead! says Alf. He's no more dead than you are.
[14672]    --Maybe so, says Joe. They took the liberty of burying him this morning
[14673]    anyhow.
[14675]    --Paddy? says Alf.
[14677]    --Ay, says Joe. He paid the debt of nature, God be merciful to him.
[14679]    --Good Christ! says Alf.
[14681]    Begob he was what you might call flabbergasted.
[14683]    In the darkness spirit hands were felt to flutter and when prayer by
[14684]    tantras had been directed to the proper quarter a faint but increasing
[14685]    luminosity of ruby light became gradually visible, the apparition of the
[14686]    etheric double being particularly lifelike owing to the discharge of jivic
[14687]    rays from the crown of the head and face. Communication was effected
[14688]    through the pituitary body and also by means of the orangefiery and
[14689]    scarlet rays emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned
[14690]    by his earthname as to his whereabouts in the heavenworld he stated that
[14691]    he was now on the path of pr l ya or return but was still submitted to
[14692]    trial at the hands of certain bloodthirsty entities on the lower astral
[14693]    levels. In reply to a question as to his first sensations in the great
[14694]    divide beyond he stated that previously he had seen as in a glass darkly
[14695]    but that those who had passed over had summit possibilities of atmic
[14696]    development opened up to them. Interrogated as to whether life there
[14697]    resembled our experience in the flesh he stated that he had heard from
[14698]    more favoured beings now in the spirit that their abodes were equipped
[14699]    with every modern home comfort such as talafana, alavatar, hatakalda,
[14700]    wataklasat and that the highest adepts were steeped in waves of volupcy
[14701]    of the very purest nature. Having requested a quart of buttermilk this was
[14702]    brought and evidently afforded relief. Asked if he had any message
[14703]    for the living he exhorted all who were still at the wrong side of Maya
[14704]    to acknowledge the true path for it was reported in devanic circles that
[14705]    Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief on the eastern angle where the
[14706]    ram has power. It was then queried whether there were any special
[14707]    desires on the part of the defunct and the reply was: WE GREET YOU,
[14709]    ON. It was ascertained that the reference was to Mr Cornelius Kelleher,
[14710]    manager of Messrs H. J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment, a
[14711]    personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for the carrying
[14712]    out of the interment arrangements. Before departing he requested that it
[14713]    should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been
[14714]    looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that
[14715]    the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be soled only as the heels were
[14716]    still good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed his peace of mind in
[14717]    the other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made
[14718]    known.
[14720]    Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was
[14721]    intimated that this had given satisfaction.
[14723]    He is gone from mortal haunts: O'Dignam, sun of our morning. Fleet
[14724]    was his foot on the bracken: Patrick of the beamy brow. Wail, Banba, with
[14725]    your wind: and wail, O ocean, with your whirlwind.
[14727]    --There he is again, says the citizen, staring out.
[14729]    --Who? says I.
[14731]    --Bloom, says he. He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten
[14732]    minutes.
[14734]    And, begob, I saw his physog do a peep in and then slidder off again.
[14736]    Little Alf was knocked bawways. Faith, he was.
[14738]    --Good Christ! says he. I could have sworn it was him.
[14740]    And says Bob Doran, with the hat on the back of his poll, lowest
[14741]    blackguard in Dublin when he's under the influence:
[14743]    --Who said Christ is good?
[14745]    --I beg your parsnips, says Alf.
[14747]    --Is that a good Christ, says Bob Doran, to take away poor little Willy
[14748]    Dignam?
[14750]    --Ah, well, says Alf, trying to pass it off. He's over all his troubles.
[14752]    But Bob Doran shouts out of him.
[14754]    --He's a bloody ruffian, I say, to take away poor little Willy Dignam.
[14756]    Terry came down and tipped him the wink to keep quiet, that they
[14757]    didn't want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed premises. And Bob
[14758]    Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignam, true as you're there.
[14760]    --The finest man, says he, snivelling, the finest purest character.
[14762]    The tear is bloody near your eye. Talking through his bloody hat.
[14763]    Fitter for him go home to the little sleepwalking bitch he married,
[14764]    Mooney, the bumbailiff's daughter, mother kept a kip in Hardwicke street,
[14765]    that used to be stravaging about the landings Bantam Lyons told me that
[14766]    was stopping there at two in the morning without a stitch on her, exposing
[14767]    her person, open to all comers, fair field and no favour.
[14769]    --The noblest, the truest, says he. And he's gone, poor little Willy, poor
[14770]    little Paddy Dignam.
[14772]    And mournful and with a heavy heart he bewept the extinction of that
[14773]    beam of heaven.
[14775]    Old Garryowen started growling again at Bloom that was skeezing
[14776]    round the door.
[14778]    --Come in, come on, he won't eat you, says the citizen.
[14780]    So Bloom slopes in with his cod's eye on the dog and he asks Terry
[14781]    was Martin Cunningham there.
[14783]    --O, Christ M'Keown, says Joe, reading one of the letters. Listen to this,
[14784]    will you?
[14786]    And he starts reading out one.
[14789]                    7 HUNTER STREET, LIVERPOOL.
[14794]    HANGED ...
[14796]    --Show us, Joe, says I.
[14801]    --Jesus, says I.
[14805]    The citizen made a grab at the letter.
[14807]    --Hold hard, says Joe, I HAVE A SPECIAL NACK OF PUTTING THE NOOSE ONCE IN
[14809]    FIVE GINNEES.
[14811]                H. RUMBOLD,
[14812]                    MASTER BARBER.
[14815]    --And a barbarous bloody barbarian he is too, says the citizen.
[14817]    --And the dirty scrawl of the wretch, says Joe. Here, says he, take them
[14818]    to hell out of my sight, Alf. Hello, Bloom, says he, what will you have?
[14820]    So they started arguing about the point, Bloom saying he wouldn't
[14821]    and he couldn't and excuse him no offence and all to that and then he said
[14822]    well he'd just take a cigar. Gob, he's a prudent member and no mistake.
[14824]    --Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry, says Joe.
[14826]    And Alf was telling us there was one chap sent in a mourning card
[14827]    with a black border round it.
[14829]    --They're all barbers, says he, from the black country that would hang
[14830]    their own fathers for five quid down and travelling expenses.
[14832]    And he was telling us there's two fellows waiting below to pull his
[14833]    heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly and then they
[14834]    chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob a skull.
[14836]    In the dark land they bide, the vengeful knights of the razor. Their
[14837]    deadly coil they grasp: yea, and therein they lead to Erebus whatsoever
[14838]    wight hath done a deed of blood for I will on nowise suffer it even so
[14839]    saith the Lord.
[14841]    So they started talking about capital punishment and of course Bloom
[14842]    comes out with the why and the wherefore and all the codology of the
[14843]    business and the old dog smelling him all the time I'm told those jewies
[14844]    does have a sort of a queer odour coming off them for dogs about I don't
[14845]    know what all deterrent effect and so forth and so on.
[14847]    --There's one thing it hasn't a deterrent effect on, says Alf.
[14849]    --What's that? says Joe.
[14851]    --The poor bugger's tool that's being hanged, says Alf.
[14853]    --That so? says Joe.
[14855]    --God's truth, says Alf. I heard that from the head warder that was in
[14857]    Kilmainham when they hanged Joe Brady, the invincible. He told me when
[14858]    they cut him down after the drop it was standing up in their faces like a
[14859]    poker.
[14861]    --Ruling passion strong in death, says Joe, as someone said.
[14863]    --That can be explained by science, says Bloom. It's only a natural
[14864]    phenomenon, don't you see, because on account of the ...
[14866]    And then he starts with his jawbreakers about phenomenon and
[14867]    science and this phenomenon and the other phenomenon.
[14869]    The distinguished scientist Herr Professor Luitpold Blumenduft
[14870]    tendered medical evidence to the effect that the instantaneous fracture of
[14871]    the cervical vertebrae and consequent scission of the spinal cord would,
[14872]    according to the best approved tradition of medical science, be calculated
[14873]    to inevitably produce in the human subject a violent ganglionic stimulus
[14874]    of the nerve centres of the genital apparatus, thereby causing the elastic
[14875]    pores of the CORPORA CAVERNOSA to rapidly dilate in such a way as to
[14876]    instantaneously facilitate the flow of blood to that part of the human
[14877]    anatomy known as the penis or male organ resulting in the phenomenon which
[14878]    has been denominated by the faculty a morbid upwards and outwards
[14879]    philoprogenitive erection IN ARTICULO MORTIS PER DIMINUTIONEM CAPITIS.
[14881]    So of course the citizen was only waiting for the wink of the word and
[14882]    he starts gassing out of him about the invincibles and the old guard and
[14883]    the men of sixtyseven and who fears to speak of ninetyeight and Joe with
[14884]    him about all the fellows that were hanged, drawn and transported for the
[14885]    cause by drumhead courtmartial and a new Ireland and new this, that and
[14886]    the other. Talking about new Ireland he ought to go and get a new dog so
[14887]    he ought. Mangy ravenous brute sniffing and sneezing all round the place
[14888]    and scratching his scabs. And round he goes to Bob Doran that was
[14889]    standing Alf a half one sucking up for what he could get. So of course Bob
[14890]    Doran starts doing the bloody fool with him:
[14892]    --Give us the paw! Give the paw, doggy! Good old doggy! Give the paw
[14893]    here! Give us the paw!
[14895]    Arrah, bloody end to the paw he'd paw and Alf trying to keep him
[14896]    from tumbling off the bloody stool atop of the bloody old dog and he
[14897]    talking all kinds of drivel about training by kindness and thoroughbred
[14898]    dog and intelligent dog: give you the bloody pip. Then he starts scraping
[14899]    a few bits of old biscuit out of the bottom of a Jacobs' tin he told Terry
[14900]    to bring. Gob, he golloped it down like old boots and his tongue hanging
[14901]    out of him a yard long for more. Near ate the tin and all, hungry bloody
[14902]    mongrel.
[14904]    And the citizen and Bloom having an argument about the point, the
[14905]    brothers Sheares and Wolfe Tone beyond on Arbour Hill and Robert
[14906]    Emmet and die for your country, the Tommy Moore touch about Sara
[14907]    Curran and she's far from the land. And Bloom, of course, with his
[14908]    knockmedown cigar putting on swank with his lardy face. Phenomenon!
[14909]    The fat heap he married is a nice old phenomenon with a back on her like a
[14910]    ballalley. Time they were stopping up in the CITY ARMS pisser Burke told
[14911]    me there was an old one there with a cracked loodheramaun of a nephew and
[14912]    Bloom trying to get the soft side of her doing the mollycoddle playing
[14913]    bezique to come in for a bit of the wampum in her will and not eating meat
[14914]    of a Friday because the old one was always thumping her craw and taking
[14915]    the lout out for a walk. And one time he led him the rounds of Dublin and,
[14916]    by the holy farmer, he never cried crack till he brought him home as drunk
[14917]    as a boiled owl and he said he did it to teach him the evils of alcohol
[14918]    and by herrings, if the three women didn't near roast him, it's a queer
[14919]    story, the old one, Bloom's wife and Mrs O'Dowd that kept the hotel.
[14920]    Jesus, I had to laugh at pisser Burke taking them off chewing the fat.
[14921]    And Bloom with his BUT DON'T YOU SEE? and BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. And sure,
[14922]    more be token, the lout I'm told was in Power's after, the blender's,
[14923]    round in Cope street going home footless in a cab five times in the week
[14924]    after drinking his way through all the samples in the bloody
[14925]    establishment. Phenomenon!
[14927]    --The memory of the dead, says the citizen taking up his pintglass and
[14928]    glaring at Bloom.
[14930]    --Ay, ay, says Joe.
[14932]    --You don't grasp my point, says Bloom. What I mean is ...
[14934]    --SINN FEIN! says the citizen. SINN FEIN AMHAIN! The friends we love are
[14935]    by our side and the foes we hate before us.
[14937]    The last farewell was affecting in the extreme. From the belfries far
[14938]    and near the funereal deathbell tolled unceasingly while all around the
[14939]    gloomy precincts rolled the ominous warning of a hundred muffled drums
[14940]    punctuated by the hollow booming of pieces of ordnance. The deafening
[14941]    claps of thunder and the dazzling flashes of lightning which lit up the
[14942]    ghastly scene testified that the artillery of heaven had lent its
[14943]    supernatural pomp to the already gruesome spectacle. A torrential rain
[14944]    poured down from the floodgates of the angry heavens upon the bared heads
[14945]    of the assembled multitude which numbered at the lowest computation five
[14946]    hundred thousand persons. A posse of Dublin Metropolitan police
[14947]    superintended by the Chief Commissioner in person maintained order in
[14948]    the vast throng for whom the York street brass and reed band whiled away
[14949]    the intervening time by admirably rendering on their blackdraped
[14950]    instruments the matchless melody endeared to us from the cradle by
[14951]    Speranza's plaintive muse. Special quick excursion trains and upholstered
[14952]    charabancs had been provided for the comfort of our country cousins of
[14953]    whom there were large contingents. Considerable amusement was caused
[14954]    by the favourite Dublin streetsingers L-n-h-n and M-ll-g-n who sang THE
[14955]    NIGHT BEFORE LARRY WAS STRETCHED in their usual mirth-provoking fashion.
[14956]    Our two inimitable drolls did a roaring trade with their broadsheets among
[14957]    lovers of the comedy element and nobody who has a corner in his heart for
[14958]    real Irish fun without vulgarity will grudge them their hardearned
[14959]    pennies. The children of the Male and Female Foundling Hospital who
[14960]    thronged the windows overlooking the scene were delighted with this
[14961]    unexpected addition to the day's entertainment and a word of praise is due
[14962]    to the Little Sisters of the Poor for their excellent idea of affording
[14963]    the poor fatherless and motherless children a genuinely instructive treat.
[14964]    The viceregal houseparty which included many wellknown ladies was
[14965]    chaperoned by Their Excellencies to the most favourable positions on the
[14966]    grandstand while the picturesque foreign delegation known as the Friends
[14967]    of the Emerald Isle was accommodated on a tribune directly opposite.
[14968]    The delegation, present in full force, consisted of Commendatore
[14969]    Bacibaci Beninobenone (the semiparalysed DOYEN of the party who had
[14970]    to be assisted to his seat by the aid of a powerful steam crane),
[14971]    Monsieur Pierrepaul Petitepatant, the Grandjoker Vladinmire
[14972]    Pokethankertscheff, the Archjoker Leopold Rudolph von
[14973]    Schwanzenbad-Hodenthaler, Countess Marha Viraga Kisaszony Putrapesthi,
[14974]    Hiram Y. Bomboost, Count Athanatos Karamelopulos, Ali Baba Backsheesh
[14975]    Rahat Lokum Effendi, Senor Hidalgo Caballero Don Pecadillo y
[14976]    Palabras y Paternoster de la Malora de la Malaria, Hokopoko Harakiri,
[14977]    Hi Hung Chang, Olaf Kobberkeddelsen, Mynheer Trik van Trumps,
[14978]    Pan Poleaxe Paddyrisky, Goosepond Prhklstr Kratchinabritchisitch,
[14979]    Borus Hupinkoff, Herr Hurhausdirektorpresident Hans Chuechli-Steuerli,
[14980]    Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocent-
[14981]    generalhistoryspecialprofessordoctor Kriegfried Ueberallgemein.
[14982]    All the delegates without exception expressed themselves in the
[14983]    strongest possible heterogeneous terms concerning the nameless
[14984]    barbarity which they had been called upon to witness. An animated
[14985]    altercation (in which all took part) ensued among the F. O. T. E. I.
[14986]    as to whether the eighth or the ninth of March was the correct
[14987]    date of the birth of Ireland's patron saint. In the course of the
[14988]    argument cannonballs, scimitars, boomerangs, blunderbusses, stinkpots,
[14989]    meatchoppers, umbrellas, catapults, knuckledusters, sandbags, lumps of pig
[14990]    iron were resorted to and blows were freely exchanged. The baby
[14991]    policeman, Constable MacFadden, summoned by special courier from
[14992]    Booterstown, quickly restored order and with lightning promptitude
[14993]    proposed the seventeenth of the month as a solution equally honourable for
[14994]    both contending parties. The readywitted ninefooter's suggestion at once
[14995]    appealed to all and was unanimously accepted. Constable MacFadden was
[14996]    heartily congratulated by all the F.O.T.E.I., several of whom were
[14997]    bleeding profusely. Commendatore Beninobenone having been extricated
[14998]    from underneath the presidential armchair, it was explained by his legal
[14999]    adviser Avvocato Pagamimi that the various articles secreted in his
[15000]    thirtytwo pockets had been abstracted by him during the affray from the
[15001]    pockets of his junior colleagues in the hope of bringing them to their
[15002]    senses. The objects (which included several hundred ladies' and
[15003]    gentlemen's gold and silver watches) were promptly restored to their
[15004]    rightful owners and general harmony reigned supreme.
[15006]    Quietly, unassumingly Rumbold stepped on to the scaffold in faultless
[15007]    morning dress and wearing his favourite flower, the GLADIOLUS CRUENTUS.
[15008]    He announced his presence by that gentle Rumboldian cough which so
[15009]    many have tried (unsuccessfully) to imitate--short, painstaking yet withal
[15010]    so characteristic of the man. The arrival of the worldrenowned headsman
[15011]    was greeted by a roar of acclamation from the huge concourse, the
[15012]    viceregal ladies waving their handkerchiefs in their excitement while the
[15013]    even more excitable foreign delegates cheered vociferously in a medley of
[15015]    ALLAH, amid which the ringing EVVIVA of the delegate of the land of song
[15016]    (a high double F recalling those piercingly lovely notes with which the
[15017]    eunuch Catalani beglamoured our greatgreatgrandmothers) was easily
[15018]    distinguishable. It was exactly seventeen o'clock. The signal for prayer
[15019]    was then promptly given by megaphone and in an instant all heads were
[15020]    bared, the commendatore's patriarchal sombrero, which has been in the
[15021]    possession of his family since the revolution of Rienzi, being removed by
[15022]    his medical adviser in attendance, Dr Pippi. The learned prelate who
[15023]    administered the last comforts of holy religion to the hero martyr when
[15024]    about to pay the death penalty knelt in a most christian spirit in a pool
[15025]    of rainwater, his cassock above his hoary head, and offered up to the
[15026]    throne of grace fervent prayers of supplication. Hand by the block stood
[15027]    the grim figure of the executioner, his visage being concealed in a
[15028]    tengallon pot with two circular perforated apertures through which
[15029]    his eyes glowered furiously. As he awaited the fatal signal he
[15030]    tested the edge of his horrible weapon by honing it upon his
[15031]    brawny forearm or decapitated in rapid succession a flock of
[15032]    sheep which had been provided by the admirers of his fell but necessary
[15033]    office. On a handsome mahogany table near him were neatly arranged the
[15034]    quartering knife, the various finely tempered disembowelling appliances
[15035]    (specially supplied by the worldfamous firm of cutlers, Messrs John Round
[15036]    and Sons, Sheffield), a terra cotta saucepan for the reception of the
[15037]    duodenum, colon, blind intestine and appendix etc when successfully
[15038]    extracted and two commodious milkjugs destined to receive the most
[15039]    precious blood of the most precious victim. The housesteward of the
[15040]    amalgamated cats' and dogs' home was in attendance to convey these
[15041]    vessels when replenished to that beneficent institution. Quite an
[15042]    excellent repast consisting of rashers and eggs, fried steak and onions,
[15043]    done to a nicety, delicious hot breakfast rolls and invigorating tea had
[15044]    been considerately provided by the authorities for the consumption
[15045]    of the central figure of the tragedy who was in capital spirits
[15046]    when prepared for death and evinced the keenest interest in the
[15047]    proceedings from beginning to end but he, with an abnegation rare
[15048]    in these our times, rose nobly to the occasion and expressed the
[15049]    dying wish (immediately acceded to) that the meal should be
[15050]    divided in aliquot parts among the members of the sick and indigent
[15051]    roomkeepers' association as a token of his regard and esteem. The NEC and
[15052]    NON PLUS ULTRA of emotion were reached when the blushing bride elect burst
[15053]    her way through the serried ranks of the bystanders and flung herself upon
[15054]    the muscular bosom of him who was about to be launched into eternity for
[15055]    her sake. The hero folded her willowy form in a loving embrace murmuring
[15056]    fondly SHEILA, MY OWN. Encouraged by this use of her christian name she
[15057]    kissed passionately all the various suitable areas of his person which the
[15058]    decencies of prison garb permitted her ardour to reach. She swore to him
[15059]    as they mingled the salt streams of their tears that she would ever
[15060]    cherish his memory, that she would never forget her hero boy who went to
[15061]    his death with a song on his lips as if he were but going to a hurling
[15062]    match in Clonturk park. She brought back to his recollection the happy
[15063]    days of blissful childhood together on the banks of Anna Liffey when they
[15064]    had indulged in the innocent pastimes of the young and, oblivious of the
[15065]    dreadful present, they both laughed heartily, all the spectators,
[15066]    including the venerable pastor, joining in the general merriment. That
[15067]    monster audience simply rocked with delight. But anon they were overcome
[15068]    with grief and clasped their hands for the last time. A fresh torrent of
[15069]    tears burst from their lachrymal ducts and the vast concourse of people,
[15070]    touched to the inmost core, broke into heartrending sobs, not the least
[15071]    affected being the aged prebendary himself. Big strong men, officers of
[15072]    the peace and genial giants of the royal Irish constabulary,
[15073]    were making frank use of their handkerchiefs and it is safe to say
[15074]    that there was not a dry eye in that record assemblage. A most
[15075]    romantic incident occurred when a handsome young Oxford graduate,
[15076]    noted for his chivalry towards the fair sex, stepped forward and,
[15077]    presenting his visiting card, bankbook and genealogical tree,
[15078]    solicited the hand of the hapless young lady, requesting her to
[15079]    name the day, and was accepted on the spot. Every lady in the
[15080]    audience was presented with a tasteful souvenir of the occasion
[15081]    in the shape of a skull and crossbones brooch, a timely and generous
[15082]    act which evoked a fresh outburst of emotion: and when the gallant
[15083]    young Oxonian (the bearer, by the way, of one of the most timehonoured
[15084]    names in Albion's history) placed on the finger of his blushing FIANCEE
[15085]    an expensive engagement ring with emeralds set in the form of a
[15086]    fourleaved shamrock the excitement knew no bounds. Nay, even the ster
[15087]     provostmarshal, lieutenantcolonel Tomkin-Maxwell ffrenchmullan Tomlinson,
[15088]    who presided on the sad occasion, he who had blown a considerable number
[15089]    of sepoys from the cannonmouth without flinching, could not now restrain
[15090]    his natural emotion. With his mailed gauntlet he brushed away a furtive
[15091]    tear and was overheard, by those privileged burghers who happened to be
[15092]    in his immediate ENTOURAGE, to murmur to himself in a faltering undertone:
[15094]    --God blimey if she aint a clinker, that there bleeding tart. Blimey it
[15095]    makes me kind of bleeding cry, straight, it does, when I sees her cause I
[15096]    thinks of my old mashtub what's waiting for me down Limehouse way.
[15098]    So then the citizen begins talking about the Irish language and the
[15099]    corporation meeting and all to that and the shoneens that can't speak
[15100]    their own language and Joe chipping in because he stuck someone for
[15101]    a quid and Bloom putting in his old goo with his twopenny stump that
[15102]    he cadged off of Joe and talking about the Gaelic league and the
[15103]    antitreating league and drink, the curse of Ireland. Antitreating
[15104]    is about the size of it. Gob, he'd let you pour all manner of drink
[15105]    down his throat till the Lord would call him before you'd ever
[15106]    see the froth of his pint. And one night I went in with a fellow
[15107]    into one of their musical evenings, song and dance about she could
[15108]    get up on a truss of hay she could my Maureen Lay and there was a fellow
[15109]    with a Ballyhooly blue ribbon badge spiffing out of him in Irish and a lot
[15110]    of colleen bawns going about with temperance beverages and selling medals
[15111]    and oranges and lemonade and a few old dry buns, gob, flahoolagh
[15112]    entertainment, don't be talking. Ireland sober is Ireland free. And then
[15113]    an old fellow starts blowing into his bagpipes and all the gougers
[15114]    shuffling their feet to the tune the old cow died of. And one or two sky
[15115]    pilots having an eye around that there was no goings on with the females,
[15116]    hitting below the belt.
[15118]    So howandever, as I was saying, the old dog seeing the tin was empty
[15119]    starts mousing around by Joe and me. I'd train him by kindness, so I
[15120]    would, if he was my dog. Give him a rousing fine kick now and again where
[15121]    it wouldn't blind him.
[15123]    --Afraid he'll bite you? says the citizen, jeering.
[15125]    --No, says I. But he might take my leg for a lamppost.
[15127]    So he calls the old dog over.
[15129]    --What's on you, Garry? says he.
[15131]    Then he starts hauling and mauling and talking to him in Irish and
[15132]    the old towser growling, letting on to answer, like a duet in the opera.
[15133]    Such growling you never heard as they let off between them. Someone that
[15134]    has nothing better to do ought to write a letter PRO BONO PUBLICO to the
[15135]    papers about the muzzling order for a dog the like of that. Growling and
[15136]    grousing and his eye all bloodshot from the drouth is in it and the
[15137]    hydrophobia dropping out of his jaws.
[15139]    All those who are interested in the spread of human culture among
[15140]    the lower animals (and their name is legion) should make a point of not
[15141]    missing the really marvellous exhibition of cynanthropy given by the
[15142]    famous old Irish red setter wolfdog formerly known by the SOBRIQUET of
[15143]    Garryowen and recently rechristened by his large circle of friends and
[15144]    acquaintances Owen Garry. The exhibition, which is the result of years of
[15145]    training by kindness and a carefully thoughtout dietary system, comprises,
[15146]    among other achievements, the recitation of verse. Our greatest living
[15147]    phonetic expert (wild horses shall not drag it from us!) has left no stone
[15148]    unturned in his efforts to delucidate and compare the verse recited and has
[15149]    found it bears a STRIKING resemblance (the italics are ours) to the ranns
[15150]    of ancient Celtic bards. We are not speaking so much of those delightful
[15151]    lovesongs with which the writer who conceals his identity under the
[15152]    graceful pseudonym of the Little Sweet Branch has familiarised the
[15153]    bookloving world but rather (as a contributor D. O. C. points out in an
[15154]    interesting communication published by an evening contemporary) of the
[15155]    harsher and more personal note which is found in the satirical effusions
[15156]    of the famous Raftery and of Donal MacConsidine to say nothing of a more
[15157]    modern lyrist at present very much in the public eye. We subjoin a
[15158]    specimen which has been rendered into English by an eminent scholar
[15159]    whose name for the moment we are not at liberty to disclose though
[15160]    we believe that our readers will find the topical allusion rather
[15161]    more than an indication. The metrical system of the canine original,
[15162]    which recalls the intricate alliterative and isosyllabic rules of
[15163]    the Welsh englyn, is infinitely more complicated but we believe our
[15164]    readers will agree that the spirit has been well caught. Perhaps
[15165]    it should be added that the effect is greatly increased if Owen's
[15166]    verse be spoken somewhat slowly and indistinctly in a tone suggestive
[15167]    of suppressed rancour.
[15170]        THE CURSE OF MY CURSES
[15171]        SEVEN DAYS EVERY DAY
[15173]        ON YOU, BARNEY KIERNAN,
[15174]        HAS NO SUP OF WATER
[15175]        TO COOL MY COURAGE,
[15176]        AND MY GUTS RED ROARING
[15177]        AFTER LOWRY'S LIGHTS.
[15180]    So he told Terry to bring some water for the dog and, gob, you could
[15181]    hear him lapping it up a mile off. And Joe asked him would he have
[15182]    another.
[15184]    --I will, says he, A CHARA, to show there's no ill feeling.
[15186]    Gob, he's not as green as he's cabbagelooking. Arsing around from
[15187]    one pub to another, leaving it to your own honour, with old Giltrap's dog
[15188]    and getting fed up by the ratepayers and corporators. Entertainment for
[15189]    man and beast. And says Joe:
[15191]    --Could you make a hole in another pint?
[15193]    --Could a swim duck? says I.
[15195]    --Same again, Terry, says Joe. Are you sure you won't have anything in the
[15196]    way of liquid refreshment? says he.
[15198]    --Thank you, no, says Bloom. As a matter of fact I just wanted to meet
[15199]    Martin Cunningham, don't you see, about this insurance of poor Dignam's.
[15200]    Martin asked me to go to the house. You see, he, Dignam, I mean, didn't
[15201]    serve any notice of the assignment on the company at the time and
[15202]    nominally under the act the mortgagee can't recover on the policy.
[15204]    --Holy Wars, says Joe, laughing, that's a good one if old Shylock is
[15205]    landed. So the wife comes out top dog, what?
[15207]    --Well, that's a point, says Bloom, for the wife's admirers.
[15209]    --Whose admirers? says Joe.
[15211]    --The wife's advisers, I mean, says Bloom.
[15213]    Then he starts all confused mucking it up about mortgagor under the act
[15214]    like the lord chancellor giving it out on the bench and for the benefit of
[15215]    the wife and that a trust is created but on the other hand that Dignam
[15216]    owed Bridgeman the money and if now the wife or the widow contested the
[15217]    mortgagee's right till he near had the head of me addled with his
[15218]    mortgagor under the act. He was bloody safe he wasn't run in himself under
[15219]    the act that time as a rogue and vagabond only he had a friend in court.
[15220]    Selling bazaar tickets or what do you call it royal Hungarian privileged
[15221]    lottery. True as you're there. O, commend me to an israelite! Royal and
[15222]    privileged Hungarian robbery.
[15224]    So Bob Doran comes lurching around asking Bloom to tell Mrs
[15225]    Dignam he was sorry for her trouble and he was very sorry about the
[15226]    funeral and to tell her that he said and everyone who knew him said that
[15227]    there was never a truer, a finer than poor little Willy that's dead to tell
[15228]    her. Choking with bloody foolery. And shaking Bloom's hand doing the
[15229]    tragic to tell her that. Shake hands, brother. You're a rogue and I'm
[15230]    another.
[15232]    --Let me, said he, so far presume upon our acquaintance which, however
[15233]    slight it may appear if judged by the standard of mere time, is founded,
[15234]    as I hope and believe, on a sentiment of mutual esteem as to request of
[15235]    you this favour. But, should I have overstepped the limits of reserve
[15236]    let the sincerity of my feelings be the excuse for my boldness.
[15238]    --No, rejoined the other, I appreciate to the full the motives which
[15239]    actuate your conduct and I shall discharge the office you entrust
[15240]    to me consoled by the reflection that, though the errand be one of
[15241]    sorrow, this proof of your confidence sweetens in some measure the
[15242]    bitterness of the cup.
[15244]    --Then suffer me to take your hand, said he. The goodness of your heart, I
[15245]    feel sure, will dictate to you better than my inadequate words the
[15246]    expressions which are most suitable to convey an emotion whose
[15247]    poignancy, were I to give vent to my feelings, would deprive me even of
[15248]    speech.
[15250]    And off with him and out trying to walk straight. Boosed at five
[15251]    o'clock. Night he was near being lagged only Paddy Leonard knew the bobby,
[15252]    14A. Blind to the world up in a shebeen in Bride street after closing
[15253]    time, fornicating with two shawls and a bully on guard, drinking porter
[15254]    out of teacups. And calling himself a Frenchy for the shawls, Joseph
[15255]    Manuo, and talking against the Catholic religion, and he serving mass in
[15256]    Adam and Eve's when he was young with his eyes shut, who wrote the new
[15257]    testament, and the old testament, and hugging and smugging. And the two
[15258]    shawls killed with the laughing, picking his pockets, the bloody
[15259]    fool and he spilling the porter all over the bed and the two shawls
[15260]    screeching laughing at one another. HOW IS YOUR TESTAMENT? HAVE YOU
[15261]    GOT AN OLD TESTAMENT? Only Paddy was passing there, I tell you what.
[15262]    Then see him of a Sunday with his little concubine of a wife, and
[15263]    she wagging her tail up the aisle of the chapel with her patent boots
[15264]    on her, no less, and her violets, nice as pie, doing the little lady.
[15265]    Jack Mooney's sister. And the old prostitute of a mother
[15266]    procuring rooms to street couples. Gob, Jack made him toe the line. Told
[15267]    him if he didn't patch up the pot, Jesus, he'd kick the shite out of him.
[15269]    So Terry brought the three pints.
[15271]    --Here, says Joe, doing the honours. Here, citizen.
[15273]    --SLAN LEAT, says he.
[15275]    --Fortune, Joe, says I. Good health, citizen.
[15277]    Gob, he had his mouth half way down the tumbler already. Want a
[15278]    small fortune to keep him in drinks.
[15280]    --Who is the long fellow running for the mayoralty, Alf? says Joe.
[15282]    --Friend of yours, says Alf.
[15284]    --Nannan? says Joe. The mimber?
[15286]    --I won't mention any names, says Alf.
[15288]    --I thought so, says Joe. I saw him up at that meeting now with William
[15289]    Field, M. P., the cattle traders.
[15291]    --Hairy Iopas, says the citizen, that exploded volcano, the darling of all
[15292]    countries and the idol of his own.
[15294]    So Joe starts telling the citizen about the foot and mouth disease and
[15295]    the cattle traders and taking action in the matter and the citizen sending
[15296]    them all to the rightabout and Bloom coming out with his sheepdip for the
[15297]    scab and a hoose drench for coughing calves and the guaranteed remedy
[15298]    for timber tongue. Because he was up one time in a knacker's yard.
[15299]    Walking about with his book and pencil here's my head and my heels are
[15300]    coming till Joe Cuffe gave him the order of the boot for giving lip to a
[15301]    grazier. Mister Knowall. Teach your grandmother how to milk ducks.
[15302]    Pisser Burke was telling me in the hotel the wife used to be in rivers of
[15303]    tears some times with Mrs O'Dowd crying her eyes out with her eight inches
[15304]    of fat all over her. Couldn't loosen her farting strings but old cod's eye
[15305]    was waltzing around her showing her how to do it. What's your programme
[15306]    today? Ay. Humane methods. Because the poor animals suffer and experts
[15307]    say and the best known remedy that doesn't cause pain to the animal and
[15308]    on the sore spot administer gently. Gob, he'd have a soft hand under a
[15309]    hen.
[15311]    Ga Ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Black Liz is our hen. She lays eggs
[15312]    for us. When she lays her egg she is so glad. Gara. Klook Klook Klook.
[15313]    Then comes good uncle Leo. He puts his hand under black Liz and takes
[15314]    her fresh egg. Ga ga ga ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook.
[15316]    --Anyhow, says Joe, Field and Nannetti are going over tonight to London
[15317]    to ask about it on the floor of the house of commons.
[15319]    --Are you sure, says Bloom, the councillor is going? I wanted to see him,
[15320]    as it happens.
[15322]    --Well, he's going off by the mailboat, says Joe, tonight.
[15324]    --That's too bad, says Bloom. I wanted particularly. Perhaps only Mr Field
[15325]    is going. I couldn't phone. No. You're sure?
[15327]    --Nannan's going too, says Joe. The league told him to ask a question
[15328]    tomorrow about the commissioner of police forbidding Irish games in the
[15329]    park. What do you think of that, citizen? THE SLUAGH NA H-EIREANN.
[15331]    Mr Cowe Conacre (Multifarnham. Nat.): Arising out of the question of my
[15332]    honourable friend, the member for Shillelagh, may I ask the right
[15333]    honourable gentleman whether the government has issued orders that these
[15334]    animals shall be slaughtered though no medical evidence is forthcoming as
[15335]    to their pathological condition?
[15337]    Mr Allfours (Tamoshant. Con.): Honourable members are already in
[15338]    possession of the evidence produced before a committee of the whole house.
[15339]    I feel I cannot usefully add anything to that. The answer to the
[15340]    honourable member's question is in the affirmative.
[15342]    Mr Orelli O'Reilly (Montenotte. Nat.): Have similar orders been issued for
[15343]    the slaughter of human animals who dare to play Irish games in the
[15344]    Phoenix park?
[15346]    Mr Allfours: The answer is in the negative.
[15348]    Mr Cowe Conacre: Has the right honourable gentleman's famous
[15349]    Mitchelstown telegram inspired the policy of gentlemen on the Treasury
[15350]    bench? (O! O!)
[15352]    Mr Allfours: I must have notice of that question.
[15354]    Mr Staylewit (Buncombe. Ind.): Don't hesitate to shoot.
[15356]    (Ironical opposition cheers.)
[15358]    The speaker: Order! Order!
[15360]    (The house rises. Cheers.)
[15362]    --There's the man, says Joe, that made the Gaelic sports revival. There he
[15363]    is sitting there. The man that got away James Stephens. The champion of
[15364]    all Ireland at putting the sixteen pound shot. What was your best throw,
[15365]    citizen?
[15367]    --NA BACLEIS, says the citizen, letting on to be modest. There was a time
[15368]    I was as good as the next fellow anyhow.
[15370]    --Put it there, citizen, says Joe. You were and a bloody sight better.
[15372]    --Is that really a fact? says Alf.
[15374]    --Yes, says Bloom. That's well known. Did you not know that?
[15376]    So off they started about Irish sports and shoneen games the like of lawn
[15377]    tennis and about hurley and putting the stone and racy of the soil and
[15378]    building up a nation once again and all to that. And of course Bloom had
[15379]    to have his say too about if a fellow had a rower's heart violent
[15380]    exercise was bad. I declare to my antimacassar if you took up a
[15381]    straw from the bloody floor and if you said to Bloom: LOOK AT, BLOOM.
[15382]    DO YOU SEE THAT STRAW? THAT'S A STRAW. Declare to my aunt he'd talk
[15383]    about it for an hour so he would and talk steady.
[15385]    A most interesting discussion took place in the ancient hall of BRIAN
[15386]    O'CIARNAIN'S in SRAID NA BRETAINE BHEAG, under the auspices of SLUAGH NA
[15387]    H-EIREANN, on the revival of ancient Gaelic sports and the importance of
[15388]    physical culture, as understood in ancient Greece and ancient Rome and
[15389]    ancient Ireland, for the development of the race. The venerable president
[15390]    of the noble order was in the chair and the attendance was of large
[15391]    dimensions. After an instructive discourse by the chairman, a magnificent
[15392]    oration eloquently and forcibly expressed, a most interesting and
[15393]    instructive discussion of the usual high standard of excellence
[15394]    ensued as to the desirability of the revivability of the ancient
[15395]    games and sports of our ancient Panceltic forefathers. The
[15396]    wellknown and highly respected worker in the cause of our old
[15397]    tongue, Mr Joseph M'Carthy Hynes, made an eloquent appeal for
[15398]    the resuscitation of the ancient Gaelic sports and pastimes,
[15399]    practised morning and evening by Finn MacCool, as calculated to revive the
[15400]    best traditions of manly strength and prowess handed down to us from
[15401]    ancient ages. L. Bloom, who met with a mixed reception of applause and
[15402]    hisses, having espoused the negative the vocalist chairman brought the
[15403]    discussion to a close, in response to repeated requests and hearty
[15404]    plaudits from all parts of a bumper house, by a remarkably noteworthy
[15405]    rendering of the immortal Thomas Osborne Davis' evergreen verses (happily
[15406]    too familiar to need recalling here) A NATION ONCE AGAIN in the execution
[15407]    of which the veteran patriot champion may be said without fear of
[15408]    contradiction to have fairly excelled himself. The Irish Caruso-Garibaldi
[15409]    was in superlative form and his stentorian notes were heard to the
[15410]    greatest advantage in the timehonoured anthem sung as only our citizen
[15411]    can sing it. His superb highclass vocalism, which by its superquality
[15412]    greatly enhanced his already international reputation, was vociferously
[15413]    applauded by the large audience among which were to be noticed many
[15414]    prominent members of the clergy as well as representatives of the press
[15415]    and the bar and the other learned professions. The proceedings then
[15416]    terminated.
[15418]    Amongst the clergy present were the very rev. William Delany, S. J.,
[15419]    L. L. D.; the rt rev. Gerald Molloy, D. D.; the rev. P. J. Kavanagh,
[15420]    C. S. Sp.; the rev. T. Waters, C. C.; the rev. John M. Ivers, P. P.; the
[15421]    rev. P. J. Cleary, O. S. F.; the rev. L. J. Hickey, O. P.; the very rev.
[15422]    Fr. Nicholas, O. S. F. C.; the very rev. B. Gorman, O. D. C.; the rev. T.
[15423]    Maher, S. J.; the very rev. James Murphy, S. J.; the rev. John Lavery,
[15424]    V. F.; the very rev. William Doherty, D. D.; the rev. Peter Fagan, O. M.;
[15425]    the rev. T. Brangan, O. S. A.; the rev. J. Flavin, C. C.; the rev. M. A.
[15426]    Hackett, C. C.; the rev. W. Hurley, C. C.; the rt rev. Mgr M'Manus,
[15427]    V. G.; the rev. B. R. Slattery, O. M. I.; the very rev. M. D. Scally, P.
[15428]    P.; the rev. F. T. Purcell, O. P.; the very rev. Timothy canon Gorman,
[15429]    P. P.; the rev. J. Flanagan, C. C. The laity included P. Fay, T. Quirke,
[15430]    etc., etc.
[15432]    --Talking about violent exercise, says Alf, were you at that Keogh-Bennett
[15433]    match?
[15435]    --No, says Joe.
[15437]    --I heard So and So made a cool hundred quid over it, says Alf.
[15439]    --Who? Blazes? says Joe.
[15441]    And says Bloom:
[15443]    --What I meant about tennis, for example, is the agility and training the
[15444]    eye.
[15446]    --Ay, Blazes, says Alf. He let out that Myler was on the beer to run up
[15447]    the odds and he swatting all the time.
[15449]    --We know him, says the citizen. The traitor's son. We know what put
[15450]    English gold in his pocket.
[15452]    ---True for you, says Joe.
[15454]    And Bloom cuts in again about lawn tennis and the circulation of the
[15455]    blood, asking Alf:
[15457]    --Now, don't you think, Bergan?
[15459]    --Myler dusted the floor with him, says Alf. Heenan and Sayers was only a
[15460]    bloody fool to it. Handed him the father and mother of a beating. See the
[15461]    little kipper not up to his navel and the big fellow swiping. God, he gave
[15462]    him one last puck in the wind, Queensberry rules and all, made him puke
[15463]    what he never ate.
[15465]    It was a historic and a hefty battle when Myler and Percy were
[15466]    scheduled to don the gloves for the purse of fifty sovereigns. Handicapped
[15467]    as he was by lack of poundage, Dublin's pet lamb made up for it by
[15468]    superlative skill in ringcraft. The final bout of fireworks was a
[15469]    gruelling for both champions. The welterweight sergeantmajor had
[15470]    tapped some lively claret in the previous mixup during which Keogh
[15471]    had been receivergeneral of rights and lefts, the artilleryman
[15472]    putting in some neat work on the pet's nose, and Myler came on
[15473]    looking groggy. The soldier got to business, leading off with a
[15474]    powerful left jab to which the Irish gladiator retaliated by shooting
[15475]    out a stiff one flush to the point of Bennett's jaw. The redcoat
[15476]    ducked but the Dubliner lifted him with a left hook, the body punch being
[15477]    a fine one. The men came to handigrips. Myler quickly became busy and got
[15478]    his man under, the bout ending with the bulkier man on the ropes, Myler
[15479]    punishing him. The Englishman, whose right eye was nearly closed, took
[15480]    his corner where he was liberally drenched with water and when the bell
[15481]    went came on gamey and brimful of pluck, confident of knocking out the
[15482]    fistic Eblanite in jigtime. It was a fight to a finish and the best man
[15483]    for it. The two fought like tigers and excitement ran fever high. The
[15484]    referee twice cautioned Pucking Percy for holding but the pet was tricky
[15485]    and his footwork a treat to watch. After a brisk exchange of courtesies
[15486]    during which a smart upper cut of the military man brought blood freely
[15487]    from his opponent's mouth the lamb suddenly waded in all over his man and
[15488]    landed a terrific left to Battling Bennett's stomach, flooring him flat.
[15489]    It was a knockout clean and clever. Amid tense expectation the Portobello
[15490]    bruiser was being counted out when Bennett's second Ole Pfotts Wettstein
[15491]    threw in the towel and the Santry boy was declared victor to the frenzied
[15492]    cheers of the public who broke through the ringropes and fairly mobbed him
[15493]    with delight.
[15495]    --He knows which side his bread is buttered, says Alf. I hear he's running
[15496]    a concert tour now up in the north.
[15498]    --He is, says Joe. Isn't he?
[15500]    --Who? says Bloom. Ah, yes. That's quite true. Yes, a kind of summer tour,
[15501]    you see. Just a holiday.
[15503]    --Mrs B. is the bright particular star, isn't she? says Joe.
[15505]    --My wife? says Bloom. She's singing, yes. I think it will be a success
[15506]    too.
[15508]    He's an excellent man to organise. Excellent.
[15510]    Hoho begob says I to myself says I. That explains the milk in the cocoanut
[15511]    and absence of hair on the animal's chest. Blazes doing the tootle on the
[15512]    flute. Concert tour. Dirty Dan the dodger's son off Island bridge that
[15513]    sold the same horses twice over to the government to fight the Boers. Old
[15514]    Whatwhat. I called about the poor and water rate, Mr Boylan. You what?
[15515]    The water rate, Mr Boylan. You whatwhat? That's the bucko that'll
[15516]    organise her, take my tip. 'Twixt me and you Caddareesh.
[15518]    Pride of Calpe's rocky mount, the ravenhaired daughter of Tweedy.
[15519]    There grew she to peerless beauty where loquat and almond scent the air.
[15520]    The gardens of Alameda knew her step: the garths of olives knew and
[15521]    bowed. The chaste spouse of Leopold is she: Marion of the bountiful
[15522]    bosoms.
[15524]    And lo, there entered one of the clan of the O'Molloy's, a comely hero
[15525]    of white face yet withal somewhat ruddy, his majesty's counsel learned in
[15526]    the law, and with him the prince and heir of the noble line of Lambert.
[15528]    --Hello, Ned.
[15530]    --Hello, Alf.
[15532]    --Hello, Jack.
[15534]    --Hello, Joe.
[15536]    --God save you, says the citizen.
[15538]    --Save you kindly, says J. J. What'll it be, Ned?
[15540]    --Half one, says Ned.
[15542]    So J. J. ordered the drinks.
[15544]    --Were you round at the court? says Joe.
[15546]    --Yes, says J. J. He'll square that, Ned, says he.
[15548]    --Hope so, says Ned.
[15550]    Now what were those two at? J. J. getting him off the grand jury list
[15551]    and the other give him a leg over the stile. With his name in Stubbs's.
[15552]    Playing cards, hobnobbing with flash toffs with a swank glass in their
[15553]    eye, adrinking fizz and he half smothered in writs and garnishee orders.
[15554]    Pawning his gold watch in Cummins of Francis street where no-one would
[15555]    know him in the private office when I was there with Pisser releasing his
[15556]    boots out of the pop. What's your name, sir? Dunne, says he. Ay, and done
[15557]    says I. Gob, he'll come home by weeping cross one of those days, I'm
[15558]    thinking.
[15560]    --Did you see that bloody lunatic Breen round there? says Alf. U. p: up.
[15562]    --Yes, says J. J. Looking for a private detective.
[15564]    --Ay, says Ned. And he wanted right go wrong to address the court only
[15565]    Corny Kelleher got round him telling him to get the handwriting examined
[15566]    first.
[15568]    --Ten thousand pounds, says Alf, laughing. God, I'd give anything to hear
[15569]    him before a judge and jury.
[15571]    --Was it you did it, Alf? says Joe. The truth, the whole truth and nothing
[15572]    but the truth, so help you Jimmy Johnson.
[15574]    --Me? says Alf. Don't cast your nasturtiums on my character.
[15576]    --Whatever statement you make, says Joe, will be taken down in evidence
[15577]    against you.
[15579]    --Of course an action would lie, says J. J. It implies that he is not
[15580]    COMPOS MENTIS. U. p: up.
[15582]    --COMPOS your eye! says Alf, laughing. Do you know that he's balmy?
[15583]    Look at his head. Do you know that some mornings he has to get his hat on
[15584]    with a shoehorn.
[15586]    --Yes, says J. J., but the truth of a libel is no defence to an indictment
[15587]    for publishing it in the eyes of the law.
[15589]    --Ha ha, Alf, says Joe.
[15591]    --Still, says Bloom, on account of the poor woman, I mean his wife.
[15593]    --Pity about her, says the citizen. Or any other woman marries a half and
[15594]    half.
[15596]    --How half and half? says Bloom. Do you mean he ...
[15598]    --Half and half I mean, says the citizen. A fellow that's neither fish nor
[15599]    flesh.
[15601]    --Nor good red herring, says Joe.
[15603]    --That what's I mean, says the citizen. A pishogue, if you know what that
[15604]    is.
[15606]    Begob I saw there was trouble coming. And Bloom explaining he meant on
[15607]    account of it being cruel for the wife having to go round after the
[15608]    old stuttering fool. Cruelty to animals so it is to let that bloody
[15609]    povertystricken Breen out on grass with his beard out tripping him,
[15610]    bringing down the rain. And she with her nose cockahoop after she married
[15611]    him because a cousin of his old fellow's was pewopener to the pope.
[15612]    Picture of him on the wall with his Smashall Sweeney's moustaches, the
[15613]    signior Brini from Summerhill, the eyetallyano, papal Zouave to the Holy
[15614]    Father, has left the quay and gone to Moss street. And who was he, tell
[15615]    us? A nobody, two pair back and passages, at seven shillings a week, and
[15616]    he covered with all kinds of breastplates bidding defiance to the world.
[15618]    --And moreover, says J. J., a postcard is publication. It was held to be
[15619]    sufficient evidence of malice in the testcase Sadgrove v. Hole. In my
[15620]    opinion an action might lie.
[15622]    Six and eightpence, please. Who wants your opinion? Let us drink
[15623]    our pints in peace. Gob, we won't be let even do that much itself.
[15625]    --Well, good health, Jack, says Ned.
[15627]    --Good health, Ned, says J. J.
[15629]    ---There he is again, says Joe.
[15631]    --Where? says Alf.
[15633]    And begob there he was passing the door with his books under his
[15634]    oxter and the wife beside him and Corny Kelleher with his wall eye looking
[15635]    in as they went past, talking to him like a father, trying to sell him a
[15636]    secondhand coffin.
[15638]    --How did that Canada swindle case go off? says Joe.
[15640]    --Remanded, says J. J.
[15642]    One of the bottlenosed fraternity it was went by the name of James
[15643]    Wought alias Saphiro alias Spark and Spiro, put an ad in the papers saying
[15644]    he'd give a passage to Canada for twenty bob. What? Do you see any green
[15645]    in the white of my eye? Course it was a bloody barney. What? Swindled
[15646]    them all, skivvies and badhachs from the county Meath, ay, and his own
[15647]    kidney too. J. J. was telling us there was an ancient Hebrew Zaretsky or
[15648]    something weeping in the witnessbox with his hat on him, swearing by the
[15649]    holy Moses he was stuck for two quid.
[15651]    --Who tried the case? says Joe.
[15653]    --Recorder, says Ned.
[15655]    --Poor old sir Frederick, says Alf, you can cod him up to the two eyes.
[15657]    --Heart as big as a lion, says Ned. Tell him a tale of woe about arrears
[15658]    of rent and a sick wife and a squad of kids and, faith, he'll dissolve in
[15659]    tears on the bench.
[15661]    --Ay, says Alf. Reuben J was bloody lucky he didn't clap him in the dock
[15662]    the other day for suing poor little Gumley that's minding stones, for the
[15663]    corporation there near Butt bridge.
[15665]    And he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry:
[15667]    --A most scandalous thing! This poor hardworking man! How many
[15668]    children? Ten, did you say?
[15670]    --Yes, your worship. And my wife has the typhoid.
[15672]    --And the wife with typhoid fever! Scandalous! Leave the court
[15673]    immediately, sir. No, sir, I'll make no order for payment. How dare you,
[15674]    sir, come up before me and ask me to make an order! A poor hardworking
[15675]    industrious man! I dismiss the case.
[15677]    And whereas on the sixteenth day of the month of the oxeyed goddess and in
[15678]    the third week after the feastday of the Holy and Undivided Trinity,
[15679]    the daughter of the skies, the virgin moon being then in her first
[15680]    quarter, it came to pass that those learned judges repaired them to the
[15681]    halls of law. There master Courtenay, sitting in his own chamber,
[15682]    gave his rede and master Justice Andrews, sitting without a jury
[15683]    in the probate court, weighed well and pondered the claim of the
[15684]    first chargeant upon the property in the matter of the will
[15685]    propounded and final testamentary disposition IN RE the real and
[15686]    personal estate of the late lamented Jacob Halliday, vintner, deceased,
[15687]    versus Livingstone, an infant, of unsound mind, and another. And to the
[15688]    solemn court of Green street there came sir Frederick the Falconer. And he
[15689]    sat him there about the hour of five o'clock to administer the law of the
[15690]    brehons at the commission for all that and those parts to be holden in
[15691]    and for the county of the city of Dublin. And there sat with him the high
[15692]    sinhedrim of the twelve tribes of Iar, for every tribe one man, of the
[15693]    tribe of Patrick and of the tribe of Hugh and of the tribe of Owen and of
[15694]    the tribe of Conn and of the tribe of Oscar and of the tribe of
[15695]    Fergus and of the tribe of Finn and of the tribe of Dermot and of
[15696]    the tribe of Cormac and of the tribe of Kevin and of the tribe of
[15697]    Caolte and of the tribe of Ossian, there being in all twelve good
[15698]    men and true. And he conjured them by Him who died on rood that
[15699]    they should well and truly try and true deliverance make in the
[15700]    issue joined between their sovereign lord the king and the prisoner at
[15701]    the bar and true verdict give according to the evidence so help them God
[15702]    and kiss the book. And they rose in their seats, those twelve of Iar, and
[15703]    they swore by the name of Him Who is from everlasting that they would do
[15704]    His rightwiseness. And straightway the minions of the law led forth from
[15705]    their donjon keep one whom the sleuthhounds of justice had apprehended in
[15706]    consequence of information received. And they shackled him hand and foot
[15707]    and would take of him ne bail ne mainprise but preferred a charge against
[15708]    him for he was a malefactor.
[15710]    --Those are nice things, says the citizen, coming over here to Ireland
[15711]    filling the country with bugs.
[15713]    So Bloom lets on he heard nothing and he starts talking with Joe, telling
[15714]    him he needn't trouble about that little matter till the first but if he
[15715]    would just say a word to Mr Crawford. And so Joe swore high and holy by
[15716]    this and by that he'd do the devil and all.
[15718]    --Because, you see, says Bloom, for an advertisement you must have
[15719]    repetition. That's the whole secret.
[15721]    --Rely on me, says Joe.
[15723]    --Swindling the peasants, says the citizen, and the poor of Ireland. We
[15724]    want no more strangers in our house.
[15726]    --O, I'm sure that will be all right, Hynes, says Bloom. It's just that
[15727]    Keyes, you see.
[15729]    --Consider that done, says Joe.
[15731]    --Very kind of you, says Bloom.
[15733]    --The strangers, says the citizen. Our own fault. We let them come in. We
[15734]    brought them in. The adulteress and her paramour brought the Saxon
[15735]    robbers here.
[15737]    --Decree NISI, says J. J.
[15739]    And Bloom letting on to be awfully deeply interested in nothing, a
[15740]    spider's web in the corner behind the barrel, and the citizen scowling
[15741]    after him and the old dog at his feet looking up to know who to bite and
[15742]    when.
[15744]    --A dishonoured wife, says the citizen, that's what's the cause of all our
[15745]    misfortunes.
[15747]    --And here she is, says Alf, that was giggling over the POLICE GAZETTE
[15748]    with Terry on the counter, in all her warpaint.
[15750]    --Give us a squint at her, says I.
[15752]    And what was it only one of the smutty yankee pictures Terry
[15753]    borrows off of Corny Kelleher. Secrets for enlarging your private parts.
[15754]    Misconduct of society belle. Norman W. Tupper, wealthy Chicago
[15755]    contractor, finds pretty but faithless wife in lap of officer Taylor.
[15756]    Belle in her bloomers misconducting herself, and her fancyman feeling for
[15757]    her tickles and Norman W. Tupper bouncing in with his peashooter just in
[15758]    time to be late after she doing the trick of the loop with officer Taylor.
[15760]    --O jakers, Jenny, says Joe, how short your shirt is!
[15762]    --There's hair, Joe, says I. Get a queer old tailend of corned beef off of
[15763]    that one, what?
[15765]    So anyhow in came John Wyse Nolan and Lenehan with him with a
[15766]    face on him as long as a late breakfast.
[15768]    --Well, says the citizen, what's the latest from the scene of action? What
[15769]    did those tinkers in the city hall at their caucus meeting decide about
[15770]    the Irish language?
[15772]    O'Nolan, clad in shining armour, low bending made obeisance to the
[15773]    puissant and high and mighty chief of all Erin and did him to wit of that
[15774]    which had befallen, how that the grave elders of the most obedient city,
[15775]    second of the realm, had met them in the tholsel, and there, after due
[15776]    prayers to the gods who dwell in ether supernal, had taken solemn counsel
[15777]    whereby they might, if so be it might be, bring once more into honour
[15778]    among mortal men the winged speech of the seadivided Gael.
[15780]    --It's on the march, says the citizen. To hell with the bloody brutal
[15781]    Sassenachs and their PATOIS.
[15783]    So J. J. puts in a word, doing the toff about one story was good till
[15784]    you heard another and blinking facts and the Nelson policy, putting your
[15785]    blind eye to the telescope and drawing up a bill of attainder to impeach a
[15786]    nation, and Bloom trying to back him up moderation and botheration and
[15787]    their colonies and their civilisation.
[15789]    --Their syphilisation, you mean, says the citizen. To hell with them! The
[15790]    curse of a goodfornothing God light sideways on the bloody thicklugged
[15791]    sons of whores' gets! No music and no art and no literature worthy of the
[15792]    name. Any civilisation they have they stole from us. Tonguetied sons of
[15793]    bastards' ghosts.
[15795]    --The European family, says J. J. ...
[15797]    --They're not European, says the citizen. I was in Europe with Kevin Egan
[15798]    of Paris. You wouldn't see a trace of them or their language anywhere in
[15799]    Europe except in a CABINET D'AISANCE.
[15801]    And says John Wyse:
[15803]    --Full many a flower is born to blush unseen.
[15805]    And says Lenehan that knows a bit of the lingo:
[15809]    He said and then lifted he in his rude great brawny strengthy hands
[15810]    the medher of dark strong foamy ale and, uttering his tribal slogan LAMH
[15811]    DEARG ABU, he drank to the undoing of his foes, a race of mighty valorous
[15812]    heroes, rulers of the waves, who sit on thrones of alabaster silent as the
[15813]    deathless gods.
[15815]    --What's up with you, says I to Lenehan. You look like a fellow that had
[15816]    lost a bob and found a tanner.
[15818]    --Gold cup, says he.
[15820]    --Who won, Mr Lenehan? says Terry.
[15822]    --THROWAWAY, says he, at twenty to one. A rank outsider. And the rest
[15823]    nowhere.
[15825]    --And Bass's mare? says Terry.
[15827]    --Still running, says he. We're all in a cart. Boylan plunged two quid on
[15828]    my tip SCEPTRE for himself and a lady friend.
[15830]    --I had half a crown myself, says Terry, on ZINFANDEL that Mr Flynn gave
[15831]    me. Lord Howard de Walden's.
[15833]    --Twenty to one, says Lenehan. Such is life in an outhouse. THROWAWAY,
[15834]    says he. Takes the biscuit, and talking about bunions. Frailty, thy name
[15835]    is SCEPTRE.
[15837]    So he went over to the biscuit tin Bob Doran left to see if there was
[15838]    anything he could lift on the nod, the old cur after him backing his luck
[15839]    with his mangy snout up. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard.
[15841]    --Not there, my child, says he.
[15843]    --Keep your pecker up, says Joe. She'd have won the money only for the
[15844]    other dog.
[15846]    And J. J. and the citizen arguing about law and history with Bloom
[15847]    sticking in an odd word.
[15849]    --Some people, says Bloom, can see the mote in others' eyes but they can't
[15850]    see the beam in their own.
[15852]    --RAIMEIS, says the citizen. There's no-one as blind as the fellow that
[15853]    won't see, if you know what that means. Where are our missing
[15854]    twenty millions of Irish should be here today instead of four,
[15855]    our lost tribes? And our potteries and textiles, the finest in
[15856]    the whole world! And our wool that was sold in Rome in the time
[15857]    of Juvenal and our flax and our damask from the looms of Antrim
[15858]    and our Limerick lace, our tanneries and our white flint glass
[15859]    down there by Ballybough and our Huguenot poplin that we have since
[15860]    Jacquard de Lyon and our woven silk and our Foxford tweeds and ivory
[15861]    raised point from the Carmelite convent in New Ross, nothing like it in
[15862]    the whole wide world. Where are the Greek merchants that came through the
[15863]    pillars of Hercules, the Gibraltar now grabbed by the foe of mankind, with
[15864]    gold and Tyrian purple to sell in Wexford at the fair of Carmen? Read
[15865]    Tacitus and Ptolemy, even Giraldus Cambrensis. Wine, peltries,
[15866]    Connemara marble, silver from Tipperary, second to none, our farfamed
[15867]    horses even today, the Irish hobbies, with king Philip of Spain offering
[15868]    to pay customs duties for the right to fish in our waters. What do the
[15869]    yellowjohns of Anglia owe us for our ruined trade and our ruined hearths?
[15870]    And the beds of the Barrow and Shannon they won't deepen with millions
[15871]    of acres of marsh and bog to make us all die of consumption?
[15873]    --As treeless as Portugal we'll be soon, says John Wyse, or Heligoland
[15874]    with its one tree if something is not done to reafforest the land.
[15875]    Larches, firs, all the trees of the conifer family are going fast. I was
[15876]    reading a report of lord Castletown's ...
[15878]    --Save them, says the citizen, the giant ash of Galway and the chieftain
[15879]    elm of Kildare with a fortyfoot bole and an acre of foliage. Save the
[15880]    trees of Ireland for the future men of Ireland on the fair hills of
[15881]    Eire, O.
[15883]    --Europe has its eyes on you, says Lenehan.
[15885]    The fashionable international world attended EN MASSE this afternoon
[15886]    at the wedding of the chevalier Jean Wyse de Neaulan, grand high chief
[15887]    ranger of the Irish National Foresters, with Miss Fir Conifer of Pine
[15888]    Valley. Lady Sylvester Elmshade, Mrs Barbara Lovebirch, Mrs Poll Ash,
[15889]    Mrs Holly Hazeleyes, Miss Daphne Bays, Miss Dorothy Canebrake, Mrs
[15890]    Clyde Twelvetrees, Mrs Rowan Greene, Mrs Helen Vinegadding, Miss
[15891]    Virginia Creeper, Miss Gladys Beech, Miss Olive Garth, Miss Blanche
[15892]    Maple, Mrs Maud Mahogany, Miss Myra Myrtle, Miss Priscilla
[15893]    Elderflower, Miss Bee Honeysuckle, Miss Grace Poplar, Miss O Mimosa
[15894]    San, Miss Rachel Cedarfrond, the Misses Lilian and Viola Lilac, Miss
[15895]    Timidity Aspenall, Mrs Kitty Dewey-Mosse, Miss May Hawthorne, Mrs
[15896]    Gloriana Palme, Mrs Liana Forrest, Mrs Arabella Blackwood and Mrs
[15897]    Norma Holyoake of Oakholme Regis graced the ceremony by their
[15898]    presence. The bride who was given away by her father, the M'Conifer of
[15899]    the Glands, looked exquisitely charming in a creation carried out in green
[15900]    mercerised silk, moulded on an underslip of gloaming grey, sashed with a
[15901]    yoke of broad emerald and finished with a triple flounce of darkerhued
[15902]    fringe, the scheme being relieved by bretelles and hip insertions of acorn
[15903]    bronze. The maids of honour, Miss Larch Conifer and Miss Spruce Conifer,
[15904]    sisters of the bride, wore very becoming costumes in the same tone, a
[15905]    dainty MOTIF of plume rose being worked into the pleats in a pinstripe and
[15906]    repeated capriciously in the jadegreen toques in the form of heron
[15907]    feathers of paletinted coral. Senhor Enrique Flor presided at the
[15908]    organ with his wellknown ability and, in addition to the prescribed
[15909]    numbers of the nuptial mass, played a new and striking arrangement
[15910]    of WOODMAN, SPARE THAT TREE at the conclusion of the service. On
[15911]    leaving the church of Saint Fiacre IN HORTO after the papal
[15912]    blessing the happy pair were subjected to a playful crossfire
[15913]    of hazelnuts, beechmast, bayleaves, catkins of willow, ivytod,
[15914]    hollyberries, mistletoe sprigs and quicken shoots. Mr and Mrs Wyse
[15915]    Conifer Neaulan will spend a quiet honeymoon in the Black Forest.
[15917]    --And our eyes are on Europe, says the citizen. We had our trade with
[15918]    Spain and the French and with the Flemings before those mongrels were
[15919]    pupped, Spanish ale in Galway, the winebark on the winedark waterway.
[15921]    --And will again, says Joe.
[15923]    --And with the help of the holy mother of God we will again, says the
[15924]    citizen, clapping his thigh. our harbours that are empty will be full
[15925]    again, Queenstown, Kinsale, Galway, Blacksod Bay, Ventry in the kingdom of
[15926]    Kerry, Killybegs, the third largest harbour in the wide world with a fleet
[15927]    of masts of the Galway Lynches and the Cavan O'Reillys and the
[15928]    O'Kennedys of Dublin when the earl of Desmond could make a treaty with
[15929]    the emperor Charles the Fifth himself. And will again, says he, when the
[15930]    first Irish battleship is seen breasting the waves with our own flag to
[15931]    the fore, none of your Henry Tudor's harps, no, the oldest flag afloat,
[15932]    the flag of the province of Desmond and Thomond, three crowns on a blue
[15933]    field, the three sons of Milesius.
[15935]    And he took the last swig out of the pint. Moya. All wind and piss like
[15936]    a tanyard cat. Cows in Connacht have long horns. As much as his bloody
[15937]    life is worth to go down and address his tall talk to the assembled
[15938]    multitude in Shanagolden where he daren't show his nose with the Molly
[15939]    Maguires looking for him to let daylight through him for grabbing the
[15940]    holding of an evicted tenant.
[15942]    --Hear, hear to that, says John Wyse. What will you have?
[15944]    --An imperial yeomanry, says Lenehan, to celebrate the occasion.
[15946]    --Half one, Terry, says John Wyse, and a hands up. Terry! Are you asleep?
[15948]    --Yes, sir, says Terry. Small whisky and bottle of Allsop. Right, sir.
[15950]     Hanging over the bloody paper with Alf looking for spicy bits instead
[15951]    of attending to the general public. Picture of a butting match, trying to
[15952]    crack their bloody skulls, one chap going for the other with his head down
[15953]    like a bull at a gate. And another one: BLACK BEAST BURNED IN OMAHA, GA.
[15954]    A lot of Deadwood Dicks in slouch hats and they firing at a Sambo strung
[15955]    up in a tree with his tongue out and a bonfire under him. Gob, they ought
[15956]    to drown him in the sea after and electrocute and crucify him to make sure
[15957]    of their job.
[15959]    --But what about the fighting navy, says Ned, that keeps our foes at bay?
[15961]    --I'll tell you what about it, says the citizen. Hell upon earth it is.
[15962]    Read the revelations that's going on in the papers about flogging on the
[15963]    training ships at Portsmouth. A fellow writes that calls himself DISGUSTED
[15964]    ONE.
[15966]    So he starts telling us about corporal punishment and about the crew
[15967]    of tars and officers and rearadmirals drawn up in cocked hats and the
[15968]    parson with his protestant bible to witness punishment and a young lad
[15969]    brought out, howling for his ma, and they tie him down on the buttend of a
[15970]    gun.
[15972]    --A rump and dozen, says the citizen, was what that old ruffian sir John
[15973]    Beresford called it but the modern God's Englishman calls it caning on the
[15974]    breech.
[15976]    And says John Wyse:
[15978]    --'Tis a custom more honoured in the breach than in the observance.
[15980]    Then he was telling us the master at arms comes along with a long
[15981]    cane and he draws out and he flogs the bloody backside off of the poor lad
[15982]    till he yells meila murder.
[15984]    --That's your glorious British navy, says the citizen, that bosses the
[15985]    earth.
[15987]    The fellows that never will be slaves, with the only hereditary chamber on
[15988]    the face of God's earth and their land in the hands of a dozen gamehogs
[15989]    and cottonball barons. That's the great empire they boast about of drudges
[15990]    and whipped serfs.
[15992]    --On which the sun never rises, says Joe.
[15994]    --And the tragedy of it is, says the citizen, they believe it. The
[15995]    unfortunate yahoos believe it.
[15997]    They believe in rod, the scourger almighty, creator of hell upon earth,
[15998]    and in Jacky Tar, the son of a gun, who was conceived of unholy boast,
[15999]    born of the fighting navy, suffered under rump and dozen, was scarified,
[16000]    flayed and curried, yelled like bloody hell, the third day he arose again
[16001]    from the bed, steered into haven, sitteth on his beamend till further
[16002]    orders whence he shall come to drudge for a living and be paid.
[16004]    --But, says Bloom, isn't discipline the same everywhere. I mean wouldn't
[16005]    it be the same here if you put force against force?
[16007]    Didn't I tell you? As true as I'm drinking this porter if he was at his
[16008]    last gasp he'd try to downface you that dying was living.
[16010]    --We'll put force against force, says the citizen. We have our greater
[16011]    Ireland beyond the sea. They were driven out of house and home in the
[16012]    black 47. Their mudcabins and their shielings by the roadside were laid
[16013]    low by the batteringram and the TIMES rubbed its hands and told the
[16014]    whitelivered Saxons there would soon be as few Irish in Ireland as
[16015]    redskins in America. Even the Grand Turk sent us his piastres. But the
[16016]    Sassenach tried to starve the nation at home while the land was full of
[16017]    crops that the British hyenas bought and sold in Rio de Janeiro. Ay, they
[16018]    drove out the peasants in hordes. Twenty thousand of them died in the
[16019]    coffinships. But those that came to the land of the free remember the
[16020]    land of bondage. And they will come again and with a vengeance, no
[16021]    cravens, the sons of Granuaile, the champions of Kathleen ni Houlihan.
[16023]    --Perfectly true, says Bloom. But my point was ...
[16025]    --We are a long time waiting for that day, citizen, says Ned. Since the
[16026]    poor old woman told us that the French were on the sea and landed at
[16027]    Killala.
[16029]    --Ay, says John Wyse. We fought for the royal Stuarts that reneged us
[16030]    against the Williamites and they betrayed us. Remember Limerick and the
[16031]    broken treatystone. We gave our best blood to France and Spain, the wild
[16032]    geese. Fontenoy, eh? And Sarsfield and O'Donnell, duke of Tetuan in
[16033]    Spain, and Ulysses Browne of Camus that was fieldmarshal to Maria Teresa.
[16034]    But what did we ever get for it?
[16036]    --The French! says the citizen. Set of dancing masters! Do you know what
[16037]    it is? They were never worth a roasted fart to Ireland. Aren't they
[16038]    trying to make an ENTENTE CORDIALE now at Tay Pay's dinnerparty with
[16039]    perfidious Albion? Firebrands of Europe and they always were.
[16041]    --CONSPUEZ LES FRANCAIS, says Lenehan, nobbling his beer.
[16043]    --And as for the Prooshians and the Hanoverians, says Joe, haven't we had
[16044]    enough of those sausageeating bastards on the throne from George the
[16045]    elector down to the German lad and the flatulent old bitch that's dead?
[16047]    Jesus, I had to laugh at the way he came out with that about the old one
[16048]    with the winkers on her, blind drunk in her royal palace every night of
[16049]    God, old Vic, with her jorum of mountain dew and her coachman carting her
[16050]    up body and bones to roll into bed and she pulling him by the whiskers
[16051]    and singing him old bits of songs about EHREN ON THE RHINE and come where
[16052]    the boose is cheaper.
[16054]    --Well, says J. J. We have Edward the peacemaker now.
[16056]    --Tell that to a fool, says the citizen. There's a bloody sight more pox
[16057]    than pax about that boyo. Edward Guelph-Wettin!
[16059]    --And what do you think, says Joe, of the holy boys, the priests and
[16060]    bishops of Ireland doing up his room in Maynooth in His Satanic Majesty's
[16061]    racing colours and sticking up pictures of all the horses his jockeys
[16062]    rode. The earl of Dublin, no less.
[16064]    --They ought to have stuck up all the women he rode himself, says little
[16065]    Alf.
[16067]    And says J. J.:
[16069]    --Considerations of space influenced their lordships' decision.
[16071]    --Will you try another, citizen? says Joe.
[16073]    --Yes, sir, says he. I will.
[16075]    --You? says Joe.
[16077]    --Beholden to you, Joe, says I. May your shadow never grow less.
[16079]    --Repeat that dose, says Joe.
[16081]    Bloom was talking and talking with John Wyse and he quite excited with
[16082]    his dunducketymudcoloured mug on him and his old plumeyes rolling about.
[16084]    --Persecution, says he, all the history of the world is full of it.
[16085]    Perpetuating national hatred among nations.
[16087]    --But do you know what a nation means? says John Wyse.
[16089]    --Yes, says Bloom.
[16091]    --What is it? says John Wyse.
[16093]    --A nation? says Bloom. A nation is the same people living in the same
[16094]    place.
[16096]    --By God, then, says Ned, laughing, if that's so I'm a nation for I'm
[16097]    living in the same place for the past five years.
[16099]    So of course everyone had the laugh at Bloom and says he, trying to
[16100]    muck out of it:
[16102]    --Or also living in different places.
[16104]    --That covers my case, says Joe.
[16106]    --What is your nation if I may ask? says the citizen.
[16108]    --Ireland, says Bloom. I was born here. Ireland.
[16110]    The citizen said nothing only cleared the spit out of his gullet and,
[16111]    gob, he spat a Red bank oyster out of him right in the corner.
[16113]    --After you with the push, Joe, says he, taking out his handkerchief to
[16114]    swab himself dry.
[16116]    --Here you are, citizen, says Joe. Take that in your right hand and repeat
[16117]    after me the following words.
[16119]    The muchtreasured and intricately embroidered ancient Irish
[16120]    facecloth attributed to Solomon of Droma and Manus Tomaltach og
[16121]    MacDonogh, authors of the Book of Ballymote, was then carefully
[16122]    produced and called forth prolonged admiration. No need to dwell on the
[16123]    legendary beauty of the cornerpieces, the acme of art, wherein one can
[16124]    distinctly discern each of the four evangelists in turn presenting to each
[16125]    of the four masters his evangelical symbol, a bogoak sceptre, a North
[16126]    American puma (a far nobler king of beasts than the British article, be it
[16127]    said in passing), a Kerry calf and a golden eagle from Carrantuohill. The
[16128]    scenes depicted on the emunctory field, showing our ancient duns and raths
[16129]    and cromlechs and grianauns and seats of learning and maledictive stones,
[16130]    are as wonderfully beautiful and the pigments as delicate as when the
[16131]    Sligo illuminators gave free rein to their artistic fantasy long long ago
[16132]    in the time of the Barmecides. Glendalough, the lovely lakes of Killarney,
[16133]    the ruins of Clonmacnois, Cong Abbey, Glen Inagh and the Twelve Pins,
[16134]    Ireland's Eye, the Green Hills of Tallaght, Croagh Patrick, the brewery of
[16135]    Messrs Arthur Guinness, Son and Company (Limited), Lough Neagh's banks,
[16136]    the vale of Ovoca, Isolde's tower, the Mapas obelisk, Sir Patrick Dun's
[16137]    hospital, Cape Clear, the glen of Aherlow, Lynch's castle, the Scotch
[16138]    house, Rathdown Union Workhouse at Loughlinstown, Tullamore jail,
[16139]    Castleconnel rapids, Kilballymacshonakill, the cross at Monasterboice,
[16140]    Jury's Hotel, S. Patrick's Purgatory, the Salmon Leap, Maynooth college
[16141]    refectory, Curley's hole, the three birthplaces of the first duke of
[16142]    Wellington, the rock of Cashel, the bog of Allen, the Henry Street
[16143]    Warehouse, Fingal's Cave--all these moving scenes are still there for us
[16144]    today rendered more beautiful still by the waters of sorrow which have
[16145]    passed over them and by the rich incrustations of time.
[16147]    --Show us over the drink, says I. Which is which?
[16149]    --That's mine, says Joe, as the devil said to the dead policeman.
[16151]    --And I belong to a race too, says Bloom, that is hated and persecuted.
[16152]    Also now. This very moment. This very instant.
[16154]    Gob, he near burnt his fingers with the butt of his old cigar.
[16156]    --Robbed, says he. Plundered. Insulted. Persecuted. Taking what belongs
[16157]    to us by right. At this very moment, says he, putting up his fist, sold by
[16158]    auction in Morocco like slaves or cattle.
[16160]    --Are you talking about the new Jerusalem? says the citizen.
[16162]    --I'm talking about injustice, says Bloom.
[16164]    --Right, says John Wyse. Stand up to it then with force like men.
[16166]    That's an almanac picture for you. Mark for a softnosed bullet. Old
[16167]    lardyface standing up to the business end of a gun. Gob, he'd adorn a
[16168]    sweepingbrush, so he would, if he only had a nurse's apron on him. And
[16169]    then he collapses all of a sudden, twisting around all the opposite, as
[16170]    limp as a wet rag.
[16172]    --But it's no use, says he. Force, hatred, history, all that. That's not
[16173]    life for men and women, insult and hatred. And everybody knows that it's
[16174]    the very opposite of that that is really life.
[16176]    --What? says Alf.
[16178]    --Love, says Bloom. I mean the opposite of hatred. I must go now, says he
[16179]    to John Wyse. Just round to the court a moment to see if Martin is there.
[16180]    If he comes just say I'll be back in a second. Just a moment.
[16182]    Who's hindering you? And off he pops like greased lightning.
[16184]    --A new apostle to the gentiles, says the citizen. Universal love.
[16186]    --Well, says John Wyse. Isn't that what we're told. Love your neighbour.
[16188]    --That chap? says the citizen. Beggar my neighbour is his motto. Love,
[16189]    moya! He's a nice pattern of a Romeo and Juliet.
[16191]    Love loves to love love. Nurse loves the new chemist. Constable 14A
[16192]    loves Mary Kelly. Gerty MacDowell loves the boy that has the bicycle.
[16193]    M. B. loves a fair gentleman. Li Chi Han lovey up kissy Cha Pu Chow.
[16194]    Jumbo, the elephant, loves Alice, the elephant. Old Mr Verschoyle with the
[16195]    ear trumpet loves old Mrs Verschoyle with the turnedin eye. The man in the
[16196]    brown macintosh loves a lady who is dead. His Majesty the King loves Her
[16197]    Majesty the Queen. Mrs Norman W. Tupper loves officer Taylor. You love
[16198]    a certain person. And this person loves that other person because
[16199]    everybody loves somebody but God loves everybody.
[16201]    --Well, Joe, says I, your very good health and song. More power, citizen.
[16203]    --Hurrah, there, says Joe.
[16205]    --The blessing of God and Mary and Patrick on you, says the citizen.
[16207]    And he ups with his pint to wet his whistle.
[16209]    --We know those canters, says he, preaching and picking your pocket.
[16210]    What about sanctimonious Cromwell and his ironsides that put the women
[16211]    and children of Drogheda to the sword with the bible text GOD IS LOVE
[16212]    pasted round the mouth of his cannon? The bible! Did you read that skit in
[16213]    the UNITED IRISHMAN today about that Zulu chief that's visiting England?
[16215]    --What's that? says Joe.
[16217]    So the citizen takes up one of his paraphernalia papers and he starts
[16218]    reading out:
[16220]    --A delegation of the chief cotton magnates of Manchester was presented
[16221]    yesterday to His Majesty the Alaki of Abeakuta by Gold Stick in Waiting,
[16222]    Lord Walkup of Walkup on Eggs, to tender to His Majesty the heartfelt
[16223]    thanks of British traders for the facilities afforded them in his
[16224]    dominions. The delegation partook of luncheon at the conclusion
[16225]    of which the dusky potentate, in the course of a happy speech,
[16226]    freely translated by the British chaplain, the reverend Ananias
[16227]    Praisegod Barebones, tendered his best thanks to Massa Walkup and
[16228]    emphasised the cordial relations existing between Abeakuta and the
[16229]    British empire, stating that he treasured as one of his dearest
[16230]    possessions an illuminated bible, the volume of the word of God
[16231]    and the secret of England's greatness, graciously presented to him by
[16232]    the white chief woman, the great squaw Victoria, with a personal
[16233]    dedication from the august hand of the Royal Donor. The Alaki then drank a
[16234]    lovingcup of firstshot usquebaugh to the toast BLACK AND WHITE from the
[16235]    skull of his immediate predecessor in the dynasty Kakachakachak,
[16236]    surnamed Forty Warts, after which he visited the chief factory of
[16237]    Cottonopolis and signed his mark in the visitors' book, subsequently
[16238]    executing a charming old Abeakutic wardance, in the course of which he
[16239]    swallowed several knives and forks, amid hilarious applause from the girl
[16240]    hands.
[16242]    --Widow woman, says Ned. I wouldn't doubt her. Wonder did he put that
[16243]    bible to the same use as I would.
[16245]    --Same only more so, says Lenehan. And thereafter in that fruitful land
[16246]    the broadleaved mango flourished exceedingly.
[16248]    --Is that by Griffith? says John Wyse.
[16250]    --No, says the citizen. It's not signed Shanganagh. It's only
[16251]    initialled: P.
[16253]    --And a very good initial too, says Joe.
[16255]    --That's how it's worked, says the citizen. Trade follows the flag.
[16257]    --Well, says J. J., if they're any worse than those Belgians in the Congo
[16258]    Free State they must be bad. Did you read that report by a man what's this
[16259]    his name is?
[16261]    --Casement, says the citizen. He's an Irishman.
[16263]    --Yes, that's the man, says J. J. Raping the women and girls and flogging
[16264]    the natives on the belly to squeeze all the red rubber they can out of
[16265]    them.
[16267]    --I know where he's gone, says Lenehan, cracking his fingers.
[16269]    --Who? says I.
[16271]    --Bloom, says he. The courthouse is a blind. He had a few bob on
[16272]    THROWAWAY and he's gone to gather in the shekels.
[16274]    --Is it that whiteeyed kaffir? says the citizen, that never backed a horse
[16275]    in anger in his life?
[16277]    --That's where he's gone, says Lenehan. I met Bantam Lyons going to back
[16278]    that horse only I put him off it and he told me Bloom gave him the tip.
[16279]    Bet you what you like he has a hundred shillings to five on. He's the only
[16280]    man in Dublin has it. A dark horse.
[16282]    --He's a bloody dark horse himself, says Joe.
[16284]    --Mind, Joe, says I. Show us the entrance out.
[16286]    --There you are, says Terry.
[16288]    Goodbye Ireland I'm going to Gort. So I just went round the back of
[16289]    the yard to pumpship and begob (hundred shillings to five) while I was
[16290]    letting off my (THROWAWAY twenty to) letting off my load gob says I to
[16291]    myself I knew he was uneasy in his (two pints off of Joe and one in
[16292]    Slattery's off) in his mind to get off the mark to (hundred shillings is
[16293]    five quid) and when they were in the (dark horse) pisser Burke
[16294]    was telling me card party and letting on the child was sick (gob, must
[16295]    have done about a gallon) flabbyarse of a wife speaking down the tube
[16296]    SHE'S BETTER or SHE'S (ow!) all a plan so he could vamoose with the
[16297]    pool if he won or (Jesus, full up I was) trading without a licence (ow!)
[16298]    Ireland my nation says he (hoik! phthook!) never be up to those
[16299]    bloody (there's the last of it) Jerusalem (ah!) cuckoos.
[16301]    So anyhow when I got back they were at it dingdong, John Wyse
[16302]    saying it was Bloom gave the ideas for Sinn Fein to Griffith to put in his
[16303]    paper all kinds of jerrymandering, packed juries and swindling the taxes
[16304]    off of the government and appointing consuls all over the world to walk
[16305]    about selling Irish industries. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Gob, that puts
[16306]    the bloody kybosh on it if old sloppy eyes is mucking up the show. Give us
[16307]    a bloody chance. God save Ireland from the likes of that bloody
[16308]    mouseabout. Mr Bloom with his argol bargol. And his old fellow before him
[16309]    perpetrating frauds, old Methusalem Bloom, the robbing bagman, that
[16310]    poisoned himself with the prussic acid after he swamping the country with
[16311]    his baubles and his penny diamonds. Loans by post on easy terms. Any
[16312]    amount of money advanced on note of hand. Distance no object. No security.
[16313]    Gob, he's like Lanty MacHale's goat that'd go a piece of the road with
[16314]    every one.
[16316]    --Well, it's a fact, says John Wyse. And there's the man now that'll tell
[16317]    you all about it, Martin Cunningham.
[16319]    Sure enough the castle car drove up with Martin on it and Jack Power
[16320]    with him and a fellow named Crofter or Crofton, pensioner out of the
[16321]    collector general's, an orangeman Blackburn does have on the registration
[16322]    and he drawing his pay or Crawford gallivanting around the country at the
[16323]    king's expense.
[16325]    Our travellers reached the rustic hostelry and alighted from their
[16326]    palfreys.
[16328]    --Ho, varlet! cried he, who by his mien seemed the leader of the party.
[16329]    Saucy knave! To us!
[16331]    So saying he knocked loudly with his swordhilt upon the open lattice.
[16333]    Mine host came forth at the summons, girding him with his tabard.
[16335]    --Give you good den, my masters, said he with an obsequious bow.
[16337]    --Bestir thyself, sirrah! cried he who had knocked. Look to our steeds.
[16338]    And for ourselves give us of your best for ifaith we need it.
[16340]    --Lackaday, good masters, said the host, my poor house has but a bare
[16341]    larder. I know not what to offer your lordships.
[16343]    --How now, fellow? cried the second of the party, a man of pleasant
[16344]    countenance, So servest thou the king's messengers, master Taptun?
[16346]    An instantaneous change overspread the landlord's visage.
[16348]    --Cry you mercy, gentlemen, he said humbly. An you be the king's
[16349]    messengers (God shield His Majesty!) you shall not want for aught. The
[16350]    king's friends (God bless His Majesty!) shall not go afasting in my house
[16351]    I warrant me.
[16353]    --Then about! cried the traveller who had not spoken, a lusty trencherman
[16354]    by his aspect. Hast aught to give us?
[16356]    Mine host bowed again as he made answer:
[16358]    --What say you, good masters, to a squab pigeon pasty, some collops of
[16359]    venison, a saddle of veal, widgeon with crisp hog's bacon, a boar's head
[16360]    with pistachios, a bason of jolly custard, a medlar tansy and a flagon of
[16361]    old Rhenish?
[16363]    --Gadzooks! cried the last speaker. That likes me well. Pistachios!
[16365]    --Aha! cried he of the pleasant countenance. A poor house and a bare
[16366]    larder, quotha! 'Tis a merry rogue.
[16368]    So in comes Martin asking where was Bloom.
[16370]    --Where is he? says Lenehan. Defrauding widows and orphans.
[16372]    --Isn't that a fact, says John Wyse, what I was telling the citizen about
[16373]    Bloom and the Sinn Fein?
[16375]    --That's so, says Martin. Or so they allege.
[16377]    --Who made those allegations? says Alf.
[16379]    --I, says Joe. I'm the alligator.
[16381]    --And after all, says John Wyse, why can't a jew love his country like the
[16382]    next fellow?
[16384]    --Why not? says J. J., when he's quite sure which country it is.
[16386]    --Is he a jew or a gentile or a holy Roman or a swaddler or what the hell
[16387]    is he? says Ned. Or who is he? No offence, Crofton.
[16389]    --Who is Junius? says J. J.
[16391]    --We don't want him, says Crofter the Orangeman or presbyterian.
[16393]    --He's a perverted jew, says Martin, from a place in Hungary and it was he
[16394]    drew up all the plans according to the Hungarian system. We know that in
[16395]    the castle.
[16397]    --Isn't he a cousin of Bloom the dentist? says Jack Power.
[16399]    --Not at all, says Martin. Only namesakes. His name was Virag, the
[16400]    father's name that poisoned himself. He changed it by deedpoll, the father
[16401]    did.
[16403]    --That's the new Messiah for Ireland! says the citizen. Island of saints
[16404]    and sages!
[16406]    --Well, they're still waiting for their redeemer, says Martin. For that
[16407]    matter so are we.
[16409]    --Yes, says J. J., and every male that's born they think it may be their
[16410]    Messiah. And every jew is in a tall state of excitement, I believe, till
[16411]    he knows if he's a father or a mother.
[16413]    --Expecting every moment will be his next, says Lenehan.
[16415]    --O, by God, says Ned, you should have seen Bloom before that son of his
[16416]    that died was born. I met him one day in the south city markets buying a
[16417]    tin of Neave's food six weeks before the wife was delivered.
[16419]    --EN VENTRE SA MERE, says J. J.
[16421]    --Do you call that a man? says the citizen.
[16423]    --I wonder did he ever put it out of sight, says Joe.
[16425]    --Well, there were two children born anyhow, says Jack Power.
[16427]    --And who does he suspect? says the citizen.
[16429]    Gob, there's many a true word spoken in jest. One of those mixed
[16430]    middlings he is. Lying up in the hotel Pisser was telling me once a month
[16431]    with headache like a totty with her courses. Do you know what I'm telling
[16432]    you? It'd be an act of God to take a hold of a fellow the like of that and
[16433]    throw him in the bloody sea. Justifiable homicide, so it would. Then
[16434]    sloping off with his five quid without putting up a pint of stuff like a
[16435]    man. Give us your blessing. Not as much as would blind your eye.
[16437]    --Charity to the neighbour, says Martin. But where is he? We can't wait.
[16439]    --A wolf in sheep's clothing, says the citizen. That's what he is. Virag
[16440]    from Hungary! Ahasuerus I call him. Cursed by God.
[16442]    --Have you time for a brief libation, Martin? says Ned.
[16444]    --Only one, says Martin. We must be quick. J. J. and S.
[16446]    --You, Jack? Crofton? Three half ones, Terry.
[16448]    --Saint Patrick would want to land again at Ballykinlar and convert us,
[16449]    says the citizen, after allowing things like that to contaminate our
[16450]    shores.
[16452]    --Well, says Martin, rapping for his glass. God bless all here is my
[16453]    prayer.
[16455]    --Amen, says the citizen.
[16457]    --And I'm sure He will, says Joe.
[16459]    And at the sound of the sacring bell, headed by a crucifer with acolytes,
[16460]    thurifers, boatbearers, readers, ostiarii, deacons and subdeacons,
[16461]    the blessed company drew nigh of mitred abbots and priors and guardians
[16462]    and monks and friars: the monks of Benedict of Spoleto, Carthusians and
[16463]    Camaldolesi, Cistercians and Olivetans, Oratorians and Vallombrosans,
[16464]    and the friars of Augustine, Brigittines, Premonstratensians, Servi,
[16465]    Trinitarians, and the children of Peter Nolasco: and therewith from Carmel
[16466]    mount the children of Elijah prophet led by Albert bishop and by Teresa of
[16467]    Avila, calced and other: and friars, brown and grey, sons of poor Francis,
[16468]    capuchins, cordeliers, minimes and observants and the daughters of Clara:
[16469]    and the sons of Dominic, the friars preachers, and the sons of Vincent:
[16470]    and the monks of S. Wolstan: and Ignatius his children: and the
[16471]    confraternity of the christian brothers led by the reverend brother
[16472]    Edmund Ignatius Rice. And after came all saints and martyrs,
[16473]    virgins and confessors: S. Cyr and S. Isidore Arator and S. James the
[16474]    Less and S. Phocas of Sinope and S. Julian Hospitator and S. Felix
[16475]    de Cantalice and S. Simon Stylites and S. Stephen Protomartyr and
[16476]    S. John of God and S. Ferreol and S. Leugarde and S. Theodotus and S.
[16477]    Vulmar and S. Richard and S. Vincent de Paul and S. Martin of Todi
[16478]    and S. Martin of Tours and S. Alfred and S. Joseph and S.
[16479]    Denis and S. Cornelius and S. Leopold and S. Bernard and S. Terence and
[16480]    S. Edward and S. Owen Caniculus and S. Anonymous and S. Eponymous
[16481]    and S. Pseudonymous and S. Homonymous and S. Paronymous and S.
[16482]    Synonymous and S. Laurence O'Toole and S. James of Dingle and
[16483]    Compostella and S. Columcille and S. Columba and S. Celestine and S.
[16484]    Colman and S. Kevin and S. Brendan and S. Frigidian and S. Senan and S.
[16485]    Fachtna and S. Columbanus and S. Gall and S. Fursey and S. Fintan and S.
[16486]    Fiacre and S. John Nepomuc and S. Thomas Aquinas and S. Ives of
[16487]    Brittany and S. Michan and S. Herman-Joseph and the three patrons of
[16488]    holy youth S. Aloysius Gonzaga and S. Stanislaus Kostka and S. John
[16489]    Berchmans and the saints Gervasius, Servasius and Bonifacius and S. Bride
[16490]    and S. Kieran and S. Canice of Kilkenny and S. Jarlath of Tuam and S.
[16491]    Finbarr and S. Pappin of Ballymun and Brother Aloysius Pacificus and
[16492]    Brother Louis Bellicosus and the saints Rose of Lima and of Viterbo and S.
[16493]    Martha of Bethany and S. Mary of Egypt and S. Lucy and S. Brigid and S.
[16494]    Attracta and S. Dympna and S. Ita and S. Marion Calpensis and the
[16495]    Blessed Sister Teresa of the Child Jesus and S. Barbara and S. Scholastica
[16496]    and S. Ursula with eleven thousand virgins. And all came with nimbi and
[16497]    aureoles and gloriae, bearing palms and harps and swords and olive
[16498]    crowns, in robes whereon were woven the blessed symbols of their
[16499]    efficacies, inkhorns, arrows, loaves, cruses, fetters, axes, trees,
[16500]    bridges, babes in a bathtub, shells, wallets, shears, keys, dragons,
[16501]    lilies, buckshot, beards, hogs, lamps, bellows, beehives, soupladles,
[16502]    stars, snakes, anvils, boxes of vaseline, bells, crutches, forceps,
[16503]    stags' horns, watertight boots, hawks,