Ulysses by James Joyce
Eumeus

Leopold Bloom Telemachus
Nestor
Proteus
Calypso
Lotus-Eaters
Hades
Aeolus
Lestrygonians
Scylla and Charybdis
Wandering Rocks
Sirens
Cyclops
Nausicaa
Oxen of the Sun
Circe
Eumeus
Ithaca
Penelope

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[25396]        -- III --
[25397]    
[25398]    
[25399]    Preparatory to anything else Mr Bloom brushed off the greater bulk of the
[25400]    shavings and handed Stephen the hat and ashplant and bucked him up
[25401]    generally in orthodox Samaritan fashion which he very badly needed. His
[25402]    (Stephen's) mind was not exactly what you would call wandering but a bit
[25403]    unsteady and on his expressed desire for some beverage to drink Mr Bloom
[25404]    in view of the hour it was and there being no pump of Vartry water
[25405]    available for their ablutions let alone drinking purposes hit upon an
[25406]    expedient by suggesting, off the reel, the propriety of the cabman's
[25407]    shelter, as it was called, hardly a stonesthrow away near Butt bridge
[25408]    where they might hit upon some drinkables in the shape of a milk and soda
[25409]    or a mineral. But how to get there was the rub. For the nonce he was
[25410]    rather nonplussed but inasmuch as the duty plainly devolved upon him to
[25411]    take some measures on the subject he pondered suitable ways and means
[25412]    during which Stephen repeatedly yawned. So far as he could see he was
[25413]    rather pale in the face so that it occurred to him as highly advisable to
[25414]    get a conveyance of some description which would answer in their then
[25415]    condition, both of them being e.d.ed, particularly Stephen, always
[25416]    assuming that there was such a thing to be found. Accordingly after a few
[25417]    such preliminaries as brushing, in spite of his having forgotten to take
[25418]    up his rather soapsuddy handkerchief after it had done yeoman service in
[25419]    the shaving line, they both walked together along Beaver street or, more
[25420]    properly, lane as far as the farrier's and the distinctly fetid
[25421]    atmosphere of the livery stables at the corner of Montgomery street where
[25422]    they made tracks to the left from thence debouching into Amiens street
[25423]    round by the corner of Dan Bergin's. But as he confidently anticipated
[25424]    there was not a sign of a Jehu plying for hire anywhere to be seen except
[25425]    a fourwheeler, probably engaged by some fellows inside on the spree,
[25426]    outside the North Star hotel and there was no symptom of its budging a
[25427]    quarter of an inch when Mr Bloom, who was anything but a professional
[25428]    whistler, endeavoured to hail it by emitting a kind of a whistle, holding
[25429]    his arms arched over his head, twice.
[25430]    
[25431]    This was a quandary but, bringing common sense to bear on it, evidently
[25432]    there was nothing for it but put a good face on the matter and foot it
[25433]    which they accordingly did. So, bevelling around by Mullett's and the
[25434]    Signal House which they shortly reached, they proceeded perforce in the
[25435]    direction of Amiens street railway terminus, Mr Bloom being handicapped
[25436]    by the circumstance that one of the back buttons of his trousers had, to
[25437]    vary the timehonoured adage, gone the way of all buttons though, entering
[25438]    thoroughly into the spirit of the thing, he heroically made light of the
[25439]    mischance. So as neither of them were particularly pressed for time, as
[25440]    it happened, and the temperature refreshing since it cleared up after the
[25441]    recent visitation of Jupiter Pluvius, they dandered along past by where
[25442]    the empty vehicle was waiting without a fare or a jarvey. As it so
[25443]    happened a Dublin United Tramways Company's sandstrewer happened to be
[25444]    returning and the elder man recounted to his companion A PROPOS of the
[25445]    incident his own truly miraculous escape of some little while back. They
[25446]    passed the main entrance of the Great Northern railway station, the
[25447]    starting point for Belfast, where of course all traffic was suspended at
[25448]    that late hour and passing the backdoor of the morgue (a not very
[25449]    enticing locality, not to say gruesome to a degree, more especially at
[25450]    night) ultimately gained the Dock Tavern and in due course turned into
[25451]    Store street, famous for its C division police station. Between this
[25452]    point and the high at present unlit warehouses of Beresford place Stephen
[25453]    thought to think of Ibsen, associated with Baird's the stonecutter's in
[25454]    his mind somehow in Talbot place, first turning on the right, while the
[25455]    other who was acting as his FIDUS ACHATES inhaled with internal
[25456]    satisfaction the smell of James Rourke's city bakery, situated quite
[25457]    close to where they were, the very palatable odour indeed of our daily
[25458]    bread, of all commodities of the public the primary and most
[25459]    indispensable. Bread, the staff of life, earn your bread, O tell me where
[25460]    is fancy bread, at Rourke's the baker's it is said.
[25461]    
[25462]    EN ROUTE to his taciturn and, not to put too fine a point on it, not yet
[25463]    perfectly sober companion Mr Bloom who at all events was in complete
[25464]    possession of his faculties, never more so, in fact disgustingly sober,
[25465]    spoke a word of caution re the dangers of nighttown, women of ill fame
[25466]    and swell mobsmen, which, barely permissible once in a while though not
[25467]    as a habitual practice, was of the nature of a regular deathtrap for
[25468]    young fellows of his age particularly if they had acquired drinking
[25469]    habits under the influence of liquor unless you knew a little jiujitsu
[25470]    for every contingency as even a fellow on the broad of his back could
[25471]    administer a nasty kick if you didn't look out. Highly providential was
[25472]    the appearance on the scene of Corny Kelleher when Stephen was blissfully
[25473]    unconscious but for that man in the gap turning up at the eleventh hour
[25474]    the finis might have been that he might have been a candidate for the
[25475]    accident ward or, failing that, the bridewell and an appearance in the
[25476]    court next day before Mr Tobias or, he being the solicitor rather, old
[25477]    Wall, he meant to say, or Mahony which simply spelt ruin for a chap when
[25478]    it got bruited about. The reason he mentioned the fact was that a lot of
[25479]    those policemen, whom he cordially disliked, were admittedly unscrupulous
[25480]    in the service of the Crown and, as Mr Bloom put it, recalling a case or
[25481]    two in the A division in Clanbrassil street, prepared to swear a hole
[25482]    through a ten gallon pot. Never on the spot when wanted but in quiet
[25483]    parts of the city, Pembroke road for example, the guardians of the law
[25484]    were well in evidence, the obvious reason being they were paid to protect
[25485]    the upper classes. Another thing he commented on was equipping soldiers
[25486]    with firearms or sidearms of any description liable to go off at any time
[25487]    which was tantamount to inciting them against civilians should by any
[25488]    chance they fall out over anything. You frittered away your time, he very
[25489]    sensibly maintained, and health and also character besides which, the
[25490]    squandermania of the thing, fast women of the DEMIMONDE ran away with a
[25491]    lot of l.s.d. into the bargain and the greatest danger of all was who you
[25492]    got drunk with though, touching the much vexed question of stimulants, he
[25493]    relished a glass of choice old wine in season as both nourishing and
[25494]    bloodmaking and possessing aperient virtues (notably a good burgundy
[25495]    which he was a staunch believer in) still never beyond a certain point
[25496]    where he invariably drew the line as it simply led to trouble all round
[25497]    to say nothing of your being at the tender mercy of others practically.
[25498]    Most of all he commented adversely on the desertion of Stephen by all his
[25499]    pubhunting CONFRERES but one, a most glaring piece of ratting on the part
[25500]    of his brother medicos under all the circs.
[25501]    
[25502]    --And that one was Judas, Stephen said, who up to then had said nothing
[25503]    whatsoever of any kind.
[25504]    
[25505]    Discussing these and kindred topics they made a beeline across the back
[25506]    of the Customhouse and passed under the Loop Line bridge where a brazier
[25507]    of coke burning in front of a sentrybox or something like one attracted
[25508]    their rather lagging footsteps. Stephen of his own accord stopped for no
[25509]    special reason to look at the heap of barren cobblestones and by the
[25510]    light emanating from the brazier he could just make out the darker figure
[25511]    of the corporation watchman inside the gloom of the sentrybox. He began
[25512]    to remember that this had happened or had been mentioned as having
[25513]    happened before but it cost him no small effort before he remembered that
[25514]    he recognised in the sentry a quondam friend of his father's, Gumley. To
[25515]    avoid a meeting he drew nearer to the pillars of the railway bridge.
[25516]    
[25517]    --Someone saluted you, Mr Bloom said.
[25518]    
[25519]    A figure of middle height on the prowl evidently under the arches saluted
[25520]    again, calling:
[25521]    
[25522]    --NIGHT!
[25523]    
[25524]    Stephen of course started rather dizzily and stopped to return the
[25525]    compliment. Mr Bloom actuated by motives of inherent delicacy inasmuch as
[25526]    he always believed in minding his own business moved off but nevertheless
[25527]    remained on the QUI VIVE with just a shade of anxiety though not funkyish
[25528]    in the least. Though unusual in the Dublin area he knew that it was not
[25529]    by any means unknown for desperadoes who had next to nothing to live on
[25530]    to be abroad waylaying and generally terrorising peaceable pedestrians by
[25531]    placing a pistol at their head in some secluded spot outside the city
[25532]    proper, famished loiterers of the Thames embankment category they might
[25533]    be hanging about there or simply marauders ready to decamp with whatever
[25534]    boodle they could in one fell swoop at a moment's notice, your money or
[25535]    your life, leaving you there to point a moral, gagged and garrotted.
[25536]    
[25537]    Stephen, that is when the accosting figure came to close quarters, though
[25538]    he was not in an over sober state himself recognised Corley's breath
[25539]    redolent of rotten cornjuice. Lord John Corley some called him and his
[25540]    genealogy came about in this wise. He was the eldest son of inspector
[25541]    Corley of the G division, lately deceased, who had married a certain
[25542]    Katherine Brophy, the daughter of a Louth farmer. His grandfather Patrick
[25543]    Michael Corley of New Ross had married the widow of a publican there
[25544]    whose maiden name had been Katherine (also) Talbot. Rumour had it (though
[25545]    not proved) that she descended from the house of the lords Talbot de
[25546]    Malahide in whose mansion, really an unquestionably fine residence of its
[25547]    kind and well worth seeing, her mother or aunt or some relative, a woman,
[25548]    as the tale went, of extreme beauty, had enjoyed the distinction of being
[25549]    in service in the washkitchen. This therefore was the reason why the
[25550]    still comparatively young though dissolute man who now addressed Stephen
[25551]    was spoken of by some with facetious proclivities as Lord John Corley.
[25552]    
[25553]    Taking Stephen on one side he had the customary doleful ditty to tell.
[25554]    Not as much as a farthing to purchase a night's lodgings. His friends had
[25555]    all deserted him. Furthermore he had a row with Lenehan and called him to
[25556]    Stephen a mean bloody swab with a sprinkling of a number of other
[25557]    uncalledfor expressions. He was out of a job and implored of Stephen to
[25558]    tell him where on God's earth he could get something, anything at all, to
[25559]    do. No, it was the daughter of the mother in the washkitchen that was
[25560]    fostersister to the heir of the house or else they were connected through
[25561]    the mother in some way, both occurrences happening at the same time if
[25562]    the whole thing wasn't a complete fabrication from start to finish.
[25563]    Anyhow he was all in.
[25564]    
[25565]    --I wouldn't ask you only, pursued he, on my solemn oath and God knows
[25566]    I'm on the rocks.
[25567]    
[25568]    --There'll be a job tomorrow or next day, Stephen told him, in a boys'
[25569]    school at Dalkey for a gentleman usher. Mr Garrett Deasy. Try it. You may
[25570]    mention my name.
[25571]    
[25572]    --Ah, God, Corley replied, sure I couldn't teach in a school, man. I was
[25573]    never one of your bright ones, he added with a half laugh. I got stuck
[25574]    twice in the junior at the christian brothers.
[25575]    
[25576]    --I have no place to sleep myself, Stephen informed him.
[25577]    
[25578]    Corley at the first go-off was inclined to suspect it was something to do
[25579]    with Stephen being fired out of his digs for bringing in a bloody tart
[25580]    off the street. There was a dosshouse in Marlborough street, Mrs
[25581]    Maloney's, but it was only a tanner touch and full of undesirables but
[25582]    M'Conachie told him you got a decent enough do in the Brazen Head over in
[25583]    Winetavern street (which was distantly suggestive to the person addressed
[25584]    of friar Bacon) for a bob. He was starving too though he hadn't said a
[25585]    word about it.
[25586]    
[25587]    Though this sort of thing went on every other night or very near it still
[25588]    Stephen's feelings got the better of him in a sense though he knew that
[25589]    Corley's brandnew rigmarole on a par with the others was hardly deserving
[25590]    of much credence. However HAUD IGNARUS MALORUM MISERIS SUCCURRERE DISCO
[25591]    etcetera as the Latin poet remarks especially as luck would have it he
[25592]    got paid his screw after every middle of the month on the sixteenth which
[25593]    was the date of the month as a matter of fact though a good bit of the
[25594]    wherewithal was demolished. But the cream of the joke was nothing would
[25595]    get it out of Corley's head that he was living in affluence and hadn't a
[25596]    thing to do but hand out the needful. Whereas. He put his hand in a
[25597]    pocket anyhow not with the idea of finding any food there but thinking he
[25598]    might lend him anything up to a bob or so in lieu so that he might
[25599]    endeavour at all events and get sufficient to eat but the result was in
[25600]    the negative for, to his chagrin, he found his cash missing. A few broken
[25601]    biscuits were all the result of his investigation. He tried his hardest
[25602]    to recollect for the moment whether he had lost as well he might have or
[25603]    left because in that contingency it was not a pleasant lookout, very much
[25604]    the reverse in fact. He was altogether too fagged out to institute a
[25605]    thorough search though he tried to recollect. About biscuits he dimly
[25606]    remembered. Who now exactly gave them he wondered or where was or did he
[25607]    buy. However in another pocket he came across what he surmised in the
[25608]    dark were pennies, erroneously however, as it turned out.
[25609]    
[25610]    --Those are halfcrowns, man, Corley corrected him.
[25611]    
[25612]    And so in point of fact they turned out to be. Stephen anyhow lent him
[25613]    one of them.
[25614]    
[25615]    --Thanks, Corley answered, you're a gentleman. I'll pay you back one
[25616]    time. Who's that with you? I saw him a few times in the Bleeding Horse in
[25617]    Camden street with Boylan, the billsticker. You might put in a good word
[25618]    for us to get me taken on there. I'd carry a sandwichboard only the girl
[25619]    in the office told me they're full up for the next three weeks, man. God,
[25620]    you've to book ahead, man, you'd think it was for the Carl Rosa. I don't
[25621]    give a shite anyway so long as I get a job, even as a crossing sweeper.
[25622]    
[25623]    Subsequently being not quite so down in the mouth after the two and six
[25624]    he got he informed Stephen about a fellow by the name of Bags Comisky
[25625]    that he said Stephen knew well out of Fullam's, the shipchandler's,
[25626]    bookkeeper there that used to be often round in Nagle's back with O'Mara
[25627]    and a little chap with a stutter the name of Tighe. Anyhow he was lagged
[25628]    the night before last and fined ten bob for a drunk and disorderly and
[25629]    refusing to go with the constable.
[25630]    
[25631]    Mr Bloom in the meanwhile kept dodging about in the vicinity of the
[25632]    cobblestones near the brazier of coke in front of the corporation
[25633]    watchman's sentrybox who evidently a glutton for work, it struck him, was
[25634]    having a quiet forty winks for all intents and purposes on his own
[25635]    private account while Dublin slept. He threw an odd eye at the same time
[25636]    now and then at Stephen's anything but immaculately attired interlocutor
[25637]    as if he had seen that nobleman somewhere or other though where he was
[25638]    not in a position to truthfully state nor had he the remotest idea when.
[25639]    Being a levelheaded individual who could give points to not a few in
[25640]    point of shrewd observation he also remarked on his very dilapidated hat
[25641]    and slouchy wearing apparel generally testifying to a chronic
[25642]    impecuniosity. Palpably he was one of his hangerson but for the matter of
[25643]    that it was merely a question of one preying on his nextdoor neighbour
[25644]    all round, in every deep, so to put it, a deeper depth and for the matter
[25645]    of that if the man in the street chanced to be in the dock himself penal
[25646]    servitude with or without the option of a fine would be a very rara avis
[25647]    altogether. In any case he had a consummate amount of cool assurance
[25648]    intercepting people at that hour of the night or morning. Pretty thick
[25649]    that was certainly.
[25650]    
[25651]    The pair parted company and Stephen rejoined Mr Bloom who, with his
[25652]    practised eye, was not without perceiving that he had succumbed to the
[25653]    blandiloquence of the other parasite. Alluding to the encounter he said,
[25654]    laughingly, Stephen, that is:
[25655]    
[25656]    --He is down on his luck. He asked me to ask you to ask somebody named
[25657]    Boylan, a billsticker, to give him a job as a sandwichman.
[25658]    
[25659]    At this intelligence, in which he seemingly evinced little interest, Mr
[25660]    Bloom gazed abstractedly for the space of a half a second or so in the
[25661]    direction of a bucketdredger, rejoicing in the farfamed name of Eblana,
[25662]    moored alongside Customhouse quay and quite possibly out of repair,
[25663]    whereupon he observed evasively:
[25664]    
[25665]    --Everybody gets their own ration of luck, they say. Now you mention it
[25666]    his face was familiar to me. But, leaving that for the moment, how much
[25667]    did you part with, he queried, if I am not too inquisitive?
[25668]    
[25669]    --Half a crown, Stephen responded. I daresay he needs it to sleep
[25670]    somewhere.
[25671]    
[25672]    --Needs! Mr Bloom ejaculated, professing not the least surprise at the
[25673]    intelligence, I can quite credit the assertion and I guarantee he
[25674]    invariably does. Everyone according to his needs or everyone according to
[25675]    his deeds. But, talking about things in general, where, added he with a
[25676]    smile, will you sleep yourself? Walking to Sandycove is out of the
[25677]    question. And even supposing you did you won't get in after what occurred
[25678]    at Westland Row station. Simply fag out there for nothing. I don't mean
[25679]    to presume to dictate to you in the slightest degree but why did you
[25680]    leave your father's house?
[25681]    
[25682]    --To seek misfortune, was Stephen's answer.
[25683]    
[25684]    --I met your respected father on a recent occasion, Mr Bloom
[25685]    diplomatically returned, today in fact, or to be strictly accurate, on
[25686]    yesterday. Where does he live at present? I gathered in the course of
[25687]    conversation that he had moved.
[25688]    
[25689]    --I believe he is in Dublin somewhere, Stephen answered unconcernedly.
[25690]    Why?
[25691]    
[25692]    --A gifted man, Mr Bloom said of Mr Dedalus senior, in more respects than
[25693]    one and a born RACONTEUR if ever there was one. He takes great pride,
[25694]    quite legitimate, out of you. You could go back perhaps, he hasarded,
[25695]    still thinking of the very unpleasant scene at Westland Row terminus when
[25696]    it was perfectly evident that the other two, Mulligan, that is, and that
[25697]    English tourist friend of his, who eventually euchred their third
[25698]    companion, were patently trying as if the whole bally station belonged to
[25699]    them to give Stephen the slip in the confusion, which they did.
[25700]    
[25701]    There was no response forthcoming to the suggestion however, such as it
[25702]    was, Stephen's mind's eye being too busily engaged in repicturing his
[25703]    family hearth the last time he saw it with his sister Dilly sitting by
[25704]    the ingle, her hair hanging down, waiting for some weak Trinidad shell
[25705]    cocoa that was in the sootcoated kettle to be done so that she and he
[25706]    could drink it with the oatmealwater for milk after the Friday herrings
[25707]    they had eaten at two a penny with an egg apiece for Maggy, Boody and
[25708]    Katey, the cat meanwhile under the mangle devouring a mess of eggshells
[25709]    and charred fish heads and bones on a square of brown paper, in
[25710]    accordance with the third precept of the church to fast and abstain on
[25711]    the days commanded, it being quarter tense or if not, ember days or
[25712]    something like that.
[25713]    
[25714]    --No, Mr Bloom repeated again, I wouldn't personally repose much trust in
[25715]    that boon companion of yours who contributes the humorous element, Dr
[25716]    Mulligan, as a guide, philosopher and friend if I were in your shoes. He
[25717]    knows which side his bread is buttered on though in all probability he
[25718]    never realised what it is to be without regular meals. Of course you
[25719]    didn't notice as much as I did. But it wouldn't occasion me the least
[25720]    surprise to learn that a pinch of tobacco or some narcotic was put in
[25721]    your drink for some ulterior object.
[25722]    
[25723]    He understood however from all he heard that Dr Mulligan was a versatile
[25724]    allround man, by no means confined to medicine only, who was rapidly
[25725]    coming to the fore in his line and, if the report was verified, bade fair
[25726]    to enjoy a flourishing practice in the not too distant future as a tony
[25727]    medical practitioner drawing a handsome fee for his services in addition
[25728]    to which professional status his rescue of that man from certain drowning
[25729]    by artificial respiration and what they call first aid at Skerries, or
[25730]    Malahide was it?, was, he was bound to admit, an exceedingly plucky deed
[25731]    which he could not too highly praise, so that frankly he was utterly at a
[25732]    loss to fathom what earthly reason could be at the back of it except he
[25733]    put it down to sheer cussedness or jealousy, pure and simple.
[25734]    
[25735]    --Except it simply amounts to one thing and he is what they call picking
[25736]    your brains, he ventured to throw o.ut.
[25737]    
[25738]    The guarded glance of half solicitude half curiosity augmented by
[25739]    friendliness which he gave at Stephen's at present morose expression of
[25740]    features did not throw a flood of light, none at all in fact on the
[25741]    problem as to whether he had let himself be badly bamboozled to judge by
[25742]    two or three lowspirited remarks he let drop or the other way about saw
[25743]    through the affair and for some reason or other best known to himself
[25744]    allowed matters to more or less. Grinding poverty did have that effect
[25745]    and he more than conjectured that, high educational abilities though he
[25746]    possessed, he experienced no little difficulty in making both ends meet.
[25747]    
[25748]    Adjacent to the men's public urinal they perceived an icecream car round
[25749]    which a group of presumably Italians in heated altercation were getting
[25750]    rid of voluble expressions in their vivacious language in a particularly
[25751]    animated way, there being some little differences between the parties.
[25752]    
[25753]    --PUTTANA MADONNA, CHE CI DIA I QUATTRINI! HO RAGIONE? CULO ROTTO!
[25754]    
[25755]    --INTENDIAMOCI. MEZZO SOVRANO PIU ...
[25756]    
[25757]    --DICE LUI, PERO!
[25758]    
[25759]    --MEZZO.
[25760]    
[25761]    --FARABUTTO! MORTACCI SUI!
[25762]    
[25763]    --MA ASCOLTA! CINQUE LA TESTA PIU ...
[25764]    
[25765]    Mr Bloom and Stephen entered the cabman's shelter, an unpretentious
[25766]    wooden structure, where, prior to then, he had rarely if ever been
[25767]    before, the former having previously whispered to the latter a few hints
[25768]    anent the keeper of it said to be the once famous Skin-the-Goat
[25769]    Fitzharris, the invincible, though he could not vouch for the actual
[25770]    facts which quite possibly there was not one vestige of truth in. A few
[25771]    moments later saw our two noctambules safely seated in a discreet corner
[25772]    only to be greeted by stares from the decidedly miscellaneous collection
[25773]    of waifs and strays and other nondescript specimens of the genus HOMO
[25774]    already there engaged in eating and drinking diversified by conversation
[25775]    for whom they seemingly formed an object of marked curiosity.
[25776]    
[25777]    --Now touching a cup of coffee, Mr Bloom ventured to plausibly suggest to
[25778]    break the ice, it occurs to me you ought to sample something in the shape
[25779]    of solid food, say, a roll of some description.
[25780]    
[25781]    Accordingly his first act was with characteristic SANGFROID to order
[25782]    these commodities quietly. The HOI POLLOI of jarvies or stevedores or
[25783]    whatever they were after a cursory examination turned their eyes
[25784]    apparently dissatisfied, away though one redbearded bibulous individual
[25785]    portion of whose hair was greyish, a sailor probably, still stared for
[25786]    some appreciable time before transferring his rapt attention to the
[25787]    floor. Mr Bloom, availing himself of the right of free speech, he having
[25788]    just a bowing acquaintance with the language in dispute, though, to be
[25789]    sure, rather in a quandary over VOGLIO, remarked to his PROTEGE in an
[25790]    audible tone of voice A PROPOS of the battle royal in the street which
[25791]    was still raging fast and furious:
[25792]    
[25793]    --A beautiful language. I mean for singing purposes. Why do you not write
[25794]    your poetry in that language? BELLA POETRIA! It is so melodious and full.
[25795]    BELLADONNA. VOGLIO.
[25796]    
[25797]    Stephen, who was trying his dead best to yawn if he could, suffering from
[25798]    lassitude generally, replied:
[25799]    
[25800]    --To fill the ear of a cow elephant. They were haggling over money.
[25801]    
[25802]    --Is that so? Mr Bloom asked. Of course, he subjoined pensively, at the
[25803]    inward reflection of there being more languages to start with than were
[25804]    absolutely necessary, it may be only the southern glamour that surrounds
[25805]    it.
[25806]    
[25807]    The keeper of the shelter in the middle of this TETE-A-TETE put a boiling
[25808]    swimming cup of a choice concoction labelled coffee on the table and a
[25809]    rather antediluvian specimen of a bun, or so it seemed. After which he
[25810]    beat a retreat to his counter, Mr Bloom determining to have a good square
[25811]    look at him later on so as not to appear to. For which reason he
[25812]    encouraged Stephen to proceed with his eyes while he did the honours by
[25813]    surreptitiously pushing the cup of what was temporarily supposed to be
[25814]    called coffee gradually nearer him.
[25815]    
[25816]    --Sounds are impostures, Stephen said after a pause of some little time,
[25817]    like names. Cicero, Podmore. Napoleon, Mr Goodbody. Jesus, Mr Doyle.
[25818]    Shakespeares were as common as Murphies. What's in a name?
[25819]    
[25820]    --Yes, to be sure, Mr Bloom unaffectedly concurred. Of course. Our name
[25821]    was changed too, he added, pushing the socalled roll across.
[25822]    
[25823]    The redbearded sailor who had his weather eye on the newcomers boarded
[25824]    Stephen, whom he had singled out for attention in particular, squarely by
[25825]    asking:
[25826]    
[25827]    --And what might your name be?
[25828]    
[25829]    Just in the nick of time Mr Bloom touched his companion's boot but
[25830]    Stephen, apparently disregarding the warm pressure from an unexpected
[25831]    quarter, answered:
[25832]    
[25833]    --Dedalus.
[25834]    
[25835]    The sailor stared at him heavily from a pair of drowsy baggy eyes, rather
[25836]    bunged up from excessive use of boose, preferably good old Hollands and
[25837]    water.
[25838]    
[25839]    --You know Simon Dedalus? he asked at length.
[25840]    
[25841]    --I've heard of him, Stephen said.
[25842]    
[25843]    Mr Bloom was all at sea for a moment, seeing the others evidently
[25844]    eavesdropping too.
[25845]    
[25846]    --He's Irish, the seaman bold affirmed, staring still in much the same
[25847]    way and nodding. All Irish.
[25848]    
[25849]    --All too Irish, Stephen rejoined.
[25850]    
[25851]    As for Mr Bloom he could neither make head or tail of the whole business
[25852]    and he was just asking himself what possible connection when the sailor
[25853]    of his own accord turned to the other occupants of the shelter with the
[25854]    remark:
[25855]    
[25856]    --I seen him shoot two eggs off two bottles at fifty yards over his
[25857]    shoulder. The lefthand dead shot.
[25858]    
[25859]    Though he was slightly hampered by an occasional stammer and his gestures
[25860]    being also clumsy as it was still he did his best to explain.
[25861]    
[25862]    --Bottles out there, say. Fifty yards measured. Eggs on the bottles.
[25863]    Cocks his gun over his shoulder. Aims.
[25864]    
[25865]    He turned his body half round, shut up his right eye completely. Then he
[25866]    screwed his features up someway sideways and glared out into the night
[25867]    with an unprepossessing cast of countenance.
[25868]    
[25869]    --Pom! he then shouted once.
[25870]    
[25871]    The entire audience waited, anticipating an additional detonation, there
[25872]    being still a further egg.
[25873]    
[25874]    --Pom! he shouted twice.
[25875]    
[25876]    Egg two evidently demolished, he nodded and winked, adding
[25877]    bloodthirstily:
[25878]    
[25879]    
[25880]      --BUFFALO BILL SHOOTS TO KILL,
[25881]        NEVER MISSED NOR HE NEVER WILL.
[25882]    
[25883]    
[25884]    A silence ensued till Mr Bloom for agreeableness' sake just felt like
[25885]    asking him whether it was for a marksmanship competition like the Bisley.
[25886]    
[25887]    --Beg pardon, the sailor said.
[25888]    
[25889]    --Long ago? Mr Bloom pursued without flinching a hairsbreadth.
[25890]    
[25891]    --Why, the sailor replied, relaxing to a certain extent under the magic
[25892]    influence of diamond cut diamond, it might be a matter of ten years. He
[25893]    toured the wide world with Hengler's Royal Circus. I seen him do that in
[25894]    Stockholm.
[25895]    
[25896]    --Curious coincidence, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen unobtrusively.
[25897]    
[25898]    --Murphy's my name, the sailor continued. D. B. Murphy of Carrigaloe.
[25899]    Know where that is?
[25900]    
[25901]    --Queenstown harbour, Stephen replied.
[25902]    
[25903]    --That's right, the sailor said. Fort Camden and Fort Carlisle. That's
[25904]    where I hails from. I belongs there. That's where I hails from. My little
[25905]    woman's down there. She's waiting for me, I know. FOR ENGLAND, HOME AND
[25906]    BEAUTY. She's my own true wife I haven't seen for seven years now,
[25907]    sailing about.
[25908]    
[25909]    Mr Bloom could easily picture his advent on this scene, the homecoming to
[25910]    the mariner's roadside shieling after having diddled Davy Jones, a rainy
[25911]    night with a blind moon. Across the world for a wife. Quite a number of
[25912]    stories there were on that particular Alice Ben Bolt topic, Enoch Arden
[25913]    and Rip van Winkle and does anybody hereabouts remember Caoc O'Leary, a
[25914]    favourite and most trying declamation piece by the way of poor John Casey
[25915]    and a bit of perfect poetry in its own small way. Never about the runaway
[25916]    wife coming back, however much devoted to the absentee. The face at the
[25917]    window! Judge of his astonishment when he finally did breast the tape and
[25918]    the awful truth dawned upon him anent his better half, wrecked in his
[25919]    affections. You little expected me but I've come to stay and make a fresh
[25920]    start. There she sits, a grasswidow, at the selfsame fireside. Believes
[25921]    me dead, rocked in the cradle of the deep. And there sits uncle Chubb or
[25922]    Tomkin, as the case might be, the publican of the Crown and Anchor, in
[25923]    shirtsleeves, eating rumpsteak and onions. No chair for father. Broo! The
[25924]    wind! Her brandnew arrival is on her knee, POST MORTEM child. With a high
[25925]    ro! and a randy ro! and my galloping tearing tandy, O! Bow to the
[25926]    inevitable. Grin and bear it. I remain with much love your brokenhearted
[25927]    husband D B Murphy.
[25928]    
[25929]    The sailor, who scarcely seemed to be a Dublin resident, turned to one of
[25930]    the jarvies with the request:
[25931]    
[25932]    --You don't happen to have such a thing as a spare chaw about you?
[25933]    
[25934]    The jarvey addressed as it happened had not but the keeper took a die of
[25935]    plug from his good jacket hanging on a nail and the desired object was
[25936]    passed from hand to hand.
[25937]    
[25938]    --Thank you, the sailor said.
[25939]    
[25940]    He deposited the quid in his gob and, chewing and with some slow
[25941]    stammers, proceeded:
[25942]    
[25943]    --We come up this morning eleven o'clock. The threemaster ROSEVEAN from
[25944]    Bridgwater with bricks. I shipped to get over. Paid off this afternoon.
[25945]    There's my discharge. See? D. B. Murphy. A. B. S.
[25946]    
[25947]    In confirmation of which statement he extricated from an inside pocket
[25948]    and handed to his neighbour a not very cleanlooking folded document.
[25949]    
[25950]    --You must have seen a fair share of the world, the keeper remarked,
[25951]    leaning on the counter.
[25952]    
[25953]    --Why, the sailor answered upon reflection upon it, I've circumnavigated
[25954]    a bit since I first joined on. I was in the Red Sea. I was in China and
[25955]    North America and South America. We was chased by pirates one voyage. I
[25956]    seen icebergs plenty, growlers. I was in Stockholm and the Black Sea, the
[25957]    Dardanelles under Captain Dalton, the best bloody man that ever scuttled
[25958]    a ship. I seen Russia. GOSPODI POMILYOU. That's how the Russians prays.
[25959]    
[25960]    --You seen queer sights, don't be talking, put in a jarvey.
[25961]    
[25962]    --Why, the sailor said, shifting his partially chewed plug. I seen queer
[25963]    things too, ups and downs. I seen a crocodile bite the fluke of an anchor
[25964]    same as I chew that quid.
[25965]    
[25966]    He took out of his mouth the pulpy quid and, lodging it between his
[25967]    teeth, bit ferociously:
[25968]    
[25969]    --Khaan! Like that. And I seen maneaters in Peru that eats corpses and
[25970]    the livers of horses. Look here. Here they are. A friend of mine sent me.
[25971]    
[25972]    He fumbled out a picture postcard from his inside pocket which seemed to
[25973]    be in its way a species of repository and pushed it along the table. The
[25974]    printed matter on it stated: CHOZA DE INDIOS. BENI, BOLIVIA.
[25975]    
[25976]    All focussed their attention at the scene exhibited, a group of savage
[25977]    women in striped loincloths, squatted, blinking, suckling, frowning,
[25978]    sleeping amid a swarm of infants (there must have been quite a score of
[25979]    them) outside some primitive shanties of osier.
[25980]    
[25981]    --Chews coca all day, the communicative tarpaulin added. Stomachs like
[25982]    breadgraters. Cuts off their diddies when they can't bear no more
[25983]    children.
[25984]    
[25985]    See them sitting there stark ballocknaked eating a dead horse's liver
[25986]    raw.
[25987]    
[25988]    His postcard proved a centre of attraction for Messrs the greenhorns for
[25989]    several minutes if not more.
[25990]    
[25991]    --Know how to keep them off? he inquired generally.
[25992]    
[25993]    Nobody volunteering a statement he winked, saying:
[25994]    
[25995]    --Glass. That boggles 'em. Glass.
[25996]    
[25997]    Mr Bloom, without evincing surprise, unostentatiously turned over the
[25998]    card to peruse the partially obliterated address and postmark. It ran as
[25999]    follows: TARJETA POSTAL, SENOR A BOUDIN, GALERIA BECCHE, SANTIAGO, CHILE.
[26000]    There was no message evidently, as he took particular notice. Though not
[26001]    an implicit believer in the lurid story narrated (or the eggsniping
[26002]    transaction for that matter despite William Tell and the Lazarillo-Don
[26003]    Cesar de Bazan incident depicted in MARITANA on which occasion the
[26004]    former's ball passed through the latter's hat) having detected a
[26005]    discrepancy between his name (assuming he was the person he represented
[26006]    himself to be and not sailing under false colours after having boxed the
[26007]    compass on the strict q.t. somewhere) and the fictitious addressee of the
[26008]    missive which made him nourish some suspicions of our friend's BONA FIDES
[26009]    nevertheless it reminded him in a way of a longcherished plan he meant to
[26010]    one day realise some Wednesday or Saturday of travelling to London via
[26011]    long sea not to say that he had ever travelled extensively to any great
[26012]    extent but he was at heart a born adventurer though by a trick of fate he
[26013]    had consistently remained a landlubber except you call going to Holyhead
[26014]    which was his longest. Martin Cunningham frequently said he would work a
[26015]    pass through Egan but some deuced hitch or other eternally cropped up
[26016]    with the net result that the scheme fell through. But even suppose it did
[26017]    come to planking down the needful and breaking Boyd's heart it was not so
[26018]    dear, purse permitting, a few guineas at the outside considering the fare
[26019]    to Mullingar where he figured on going was five and six, there and back.
[26020]    The trip would benefit health on account of the bracing ozone and be in
[26021]    every way thoroughly pleasurable, especially for a chap whose liver was
[26022]    out of order, seeing the different places along the route, Plymouth,
[26023]    Falmouth, Southampton and so on culminating in an instructive tour of the
[26024]    sights of the great metropolis, the spectacle of our modern Babylon where
[26025]    doubtless he would see the greatest improvement, tower, abbey, wealth of
[26026]    Park lane to renew acquaintance with. Another thing just struck him as a
[26027]    by no means bad notion was he might have a gaze around on the spot to see
[26028]    about trying to make arrangements about a concert tour of summer music
[26029]    embracing the most prominent pleasure resorts, Margate with mixed bathing
[26030]    and firstrate hydros and spas, Eastbourne, Scarborough, Margate and so
[26031]    on, beautiful Bournemouth, the Channel islands and similar bijou spots,
[26032]    which might prove highly remunerative. Not, of course, with a hole and
[26033]    corner scratch company or local ladies on the job, witness Mrs C P M'Coy
[26034]    type lend me your valise and I'll post you the ticket. No, something top
[26035]    notch, an all star Irish caste, the Tweedy-Flower grand opera company
[26036]    with his own legal consort as leading lady as a sort of counterblast to
[26037]    the Elster Grimes and Moody-Manners, perfectly simple matter and he was
[26038]    quite sanguine of success, providing puffs in the local papers could be
[26039]    managed by some fellow with a bit of bounce who could pull the
[26040]    indispensable wires and thus combine business with pleasure. But who?
[26041]    That was the rub. Also, without being actually positive, it struck him a
[26042]    great field was to be opened up in the line of opening up new routes to
[26043]    keep pace with the times APROPOS of the Fishguard-Rosslare route which,
[26044]    it was mooted, was once more on the TAPIS in the circumlocution
[26045]    departments with the usual quantity of red tape and dillydallying of
[26046]    effete fogeydom and dunderheads generally. A great opportunity there
[26047]    certainly was for push and enterprise to meet the travelling needs of the
[26048]    public at large, the average man, i.e. Brown, Robinson and Co.
[26049]    
[26050]    It was a subject of regret and absurd as well on the face of it and no
[26051]    small blame to our vaunted society that the man in the street, when the
[26052]    system really needed toning up, for the matter of a couple of paltry
[26053]    pounds was debarred from seeing more of the world they lived in instead
[26054]    of being always and ever cooped up since my old stick-in-the-mud took me
[26055]    for a wife. After all, hang it, they had their eleven and more humdrum
[26056]    months of it and merited a radical change of VENUE after the grind of
[26057]    city life in the summertime for choice when dame Nature is at her
[26058]    spectacular best constituting nothing short of a new lease of life. There
[26059]    were equally excellent opportunities for vacationists in the home island,
[26060]    delightful sylvan spots for rejuvenation, offering a plethora of
[26061]    attractions as well as a bracing tonic for the system in and around
[26062]    Dublin and its picturesque environs even, Poulaphouca to which there was
[26063]    a steamtram, but also farther away from the madding crowd in Wicklow,
[26064]    rightly termed the garden of Ireland, an ideal neighbourhood for elderly
[26065]    wheelmen so long as it didn't come down, and in the wilds of Donegal
[26066]    where if report spoke true the COUP D'OEIL was exceedingly grand though
[26067]    the lastnamed locality was not easily getatable so that the influx of
[26068]    visitors was not as yet all that it might be considering the signal
[26069]    benefits to be derived from it while Howth with its historic associations
[26070]    and otherwise, Silken Thomas, Grace O'Malley, George IV, rhododendrons
[26071]    several hundred feet above sealevel was a favourite haunt with all sorts
[26072]    and conditions of men especially in the spring when young men's fancy,
[26073]    though it had its own toll of deaths by falling off the cliffs by design
[26074]    or accidentally, usually, by the way, on their left leg, it being only
[26075]    about three quarters of an hour's run from the pillar. Because of course
[26076]    uptodate tourist travelling was as yet merely in its infancy, so to
[26077]    speak, and the accommodation left much to be desired. Interesting to
[26078]    fathom it seemed to him from a motive of curiosity, pure and simple, was
[26079]    whether it was the traffic that created the route or viceversa or the two
[26080]    sides in fact. He turned back the other side of the card, picture, and
[26081]    passed it along to Stephen.
[26082]    
[26083]    --I seen a Chinese one time, related the doughty narrator, that had
[26084]    little pills like putty and he put them in the water and they opened and
[26085]    every pill was something different. One was a ship, another was a house,
[26086]    another was a flower. Cooks rats in your soup, he appetisingly added, the
[26087]    chinks does.
[26088]    
[26089]    Possibly perceiving an expression of dubiosity on their faces the
[26090]    globetrotter went on, adhering to his adventures.
[26091]    
[26092]    --And I seen a man killed in Trieste by an Italian chap. Knife in his
[26093]    back. Knife like that.
[26094]    
[26095]    Whilst speaking he produced a dangerouslooking claspknife quite in
[26096]    keeping with his character and held it in the striking position.
[26097]    
[26098]    --In a knockingshop it was count of a tryon between two smugglers. Fellow
[26099]    hid behind a door, come up behind him. Like that. PREPARE TO MEET YOUR
[26100]    GOD, says he. Chuk! It went into his back up to the butt.
[26101]    
[26102]    His heavy glance drowsily roaming about kind of defied their further
[26103]    questions even should they by any chance want to.
[26104]    
[26105]    --That's a good bit of steel, repeated he, examining his formidable
[26106]    STILETTO.
[26107]    
[26108]    After which harrowing DENOUEMENT sufficient to appal the stoutest he
[26109]    snapped the blade to and stowed the weapon in question away as before in
[26110]    his chamber of horrors, otherwise pocket.
[26111]    
[26112]    --They're great for the cold steel, somebody who was evidently quite in
[26113]    the dark said for the benefit of them all. That was why they thought the
[26114]    park murders of the invincibles was done by foreigners on account of them
[26115]    using knives.
[26116]    
[26117]    At this remark passed obviously in the spirit of WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS
[26118]    Mr B. and Stephen, each in his own particular way, both instinctively
[26119]    exchanged meaning glances, in a religious silence of the strictly ENTRE
[26120]    NOUS variety however, towards where Skin-the-Goat, ALIAS the keeper, not
[26121]    turning a hair, was drawing spurts of liquid from his boiler affair. His
[26122]    inscrutable face which was really a work of art, a perfect study in
[26123]    itself, beggaring description, conveyed the impression that he didn't
[26124]    understand one jot of what was going on. Funny, very!
[26125]    
[26126]    There ensued a somewhat lengthy pause. One man was reading in fits and
[26127]    starts a stained by coffee evening journal, another the card with the
[26128]    natives CHOZA DE, another the seaman's discharge. Mr Bloom, so far as he
[26129]    was personally concerned, was just pondering in pensive mood. He vividly
[26130]    recollected when the occurrence alluded to took place as well as
[26131]    yesterday, roughly some score of years previously in the days of the land
[26132]    troubles, when it took the civilised world by storm, figuratively
[26133]    speaking, early in the eighties, eightyone to be correct, when he was
[26134]    just turned fifteen.
[26135]    
[26136]    --Ay, boss, the sailor broke in. Give us back them papers.
[26137]    
[26138]    The request being complied with he clawed them up with a scrape.
[26139]    
[26140]    --Have you seen the rock of Gibraltar? Mr Bloom inquired.
[26141]    
[26142]    The sailor grimaced, chewing, in a way that might be read as yes, ay or
[26143]    no.
[26144]    
[26145]    --Ah, you've touched there too, Mr Bloom said, Europa point, thinking he
[26146]    had, in the hope that the rover might possibly by some reminiscences but
[26147]    he failed to do so, simply letting spirt a jet of spew into the sawdust,
[26148]    and shook his head with a sort of lazy scorn.
[26149]    
[26150]    --What year would that be about? Mr B interrogated. Can you recall the
[26151]    boats?
[26152]    
[26153]    Our SOI-DISANT sailor munched heavily awhile hungrily before answering:
[26154]    
[26155]    --I'm tired of all them rocks in the sea, he said, and boats and ships.
[26156]    Salt junk all the time.
[26157]    
[26158]    Tired seemingly, he ceased. His questioner perceiving that he was not
[26159]    likely to get a great deal of change out of such a wily old customer,
[26160]    fell to woolgathering on the enormous dimensions of the water about the
[26161]    globe, suffice it to say that, as a casual glance at the map revealed, it
[26162]    covered fully three fourths of it and he fully realised accordingly what
[26163]    it meant to rule the waves. On more than one occasion, a dozen at the
[26164]    lowest, near the North Bull at Dollymount he had remarked a superannuated
[26165]    old salt, evidently derelict, seated habitually near the not particularly
[26166]    redolent sea on the wall, staring quite obliviously at it and it at him,
[26167]    dreaming of fresh woods and pastures new as someone somewhere sings. And
[26168]    it left him wondering why. Possibly he had tried to find out the secret
[26169]    for himself, floundering up and down the antipodes and all that sort of
[26170]    thing and over and under, well, not exactly under, tempting the fates.
[26171]    And the odds were twenty to nil there was really no secret about it at
[26172]    all. Nevertheless, without going into the MINUTIAE of the business, the
[26173]    eloquent fact remained that the sea was there in all its glory and in the
[26174]    natural course of things somebody or other had to sail on it and fly in
[26175]    the face of providence though it merely went to show how people usually
[26176]    contrived to load that sort of onus on to the other fellow like the hell
[26177]    idea and the lottery and insurance which were run on identically the same
[26178]    lines so that for that very reason if no other lifeboat Sunday was a
[26179]    highly laudable institution to which the public at large, no matter where
[26180]    living inland or seaside, as the case might be, having it brought home to
[26181]    them like that should extend its gratitude also to the harbourmasters and
[26182]    coastguard service who had to man the rigging and push off and out amid
[26183]    the elements whatever the season when duty called IRELAND EXPECTS THAT
[26184]    EVERY MAN and so on and sometimes had a terrible time of it in the
[26185]    wintertime not forgetting the Irish lights, Kish and others, liable to
[26186]    capsize at any moment, rounding which he once with his daughter had
[26187]    experienced some remarkably choppy, not to say stormy, weather.
[26188]    
[26189]    --There was a fellow sailed with me in the Rover, the old seadog, himself
[26190]    a rover, proceeded, went ashore and took up a soft job as gentleman's
[26191]    valet at six quid a month. Them are his trousers I've on me and he gave
[26192]    me an oilskin and that jackknife. I'm game for that job, shaving and
[26193]    brushup. I hate roaming about. There's my son now, Danny, run off to sea
[26194]    and his mother got him took in a draper's in Cork where he could be
[26195]    drawing easy money.
[26196]    
[26197]    --What age is he? queried one hearer who, by the way, seen from the side,
[26198]    bore a distant resemblance to Henry Campbell, the townclerk, away from
[26199]    the carking cares of office, unwashed of course and in a seedy getup and
[26200]    a strong suspicion of nosepaint about the nasal appendage.
[26201]    
[26202]    --Why, the sailor answered with a slow puzzled utterance, my son, Danny?
[26203]    He'd be about eighteen now, way I figure it.
[26204]    
[26205]    The Skibbereen father hereupon tore open his grey or unclean anyhow shirt
[26206]    with his two hands and scratched away at his chest on which was to be
[26207]    seen an image tattooed in blue Chinese ink intended to represent an
[26208]    anchor.
[26209]    
[26210]    --There was lice in that bunk in Bridgwater, he remarked, sure as nuts. I
[26211]    must get a wash tomorrow or next day. It's them black lads I objects to.
[26212]    I hate those buggers. Suck your blood dry, they does.
[26213]    
[26214]    Seeing they were all looking at his chest he accommodatingly dragged his
[26215]    shirt more open so that on top of the timehonoured symbol of the
[26216]    mariner's hope and rest they had a full view of the figure 16 and a young
[26217]    man's sideface looking frowningly rather.
[26218]    
[26219]    --Tattoo, the exhibitor explained. That was done when we were Iying
[26220]    becalmed off Odessa in the Black Sea under Captain Dalton. Fellow, the
[26221]    name of Antonio, done that. There he is himself, a Greek.
[26222]    
[26223]    --Did it hurt much doing it? one asked the sailor.
[26224]    
[26225]    That worthy, however, was busily engaged in collecting round the. Someway
[26226]    in his. Squeezing or.
[26227]    
[26228]    --See here, he said, showing Antonio. There he is cursing the mate. And
[26229]    there he is now, he added, the same fellow, pulling the skin with his
[26230]    fingers, some special knack evidently, and he laughing at a yarn.
[26231]    
[26232]    And in point of fact the young man named Antonio's livid face did
[26233]    actually look like forced smiling and the curious effect excited the
[26234]    unreserved admiration of everybody including Skin-the-Goat, who this time
[26235]    stretched over.
[26236]    
[26237]    --Ay, ay, sighed the sailor, looking down on his manly chest. He's gone
[26238]    too. Ate by sharks after. Ay, ay.
[26239]    
[26240]    He let go of the skin so that the profile resumed the normal expression
[26241]    of before.
[26242]    
[26243]    --Neat bit of work, one longshoreman said.
[26244]    
[26245]    --And what's the number for? loafer number two queried.
[26246]    
[26247]    --Eaten alive? a third asked the sailor.
[26248]    
[26249]    --Ay, ay, sighed again the latter personage, more cheerily this time with
[26250]    some sort of a half smile for a brief duration only in the direction of
[26251]    the questioner about the number. Ate. A Greek he was.
[26252]    
[26253]    And then he added with rather gallowsbird humour considering his alleged
[26254]    end:
[26255]    
[26256]    
[26257]        --AS BAD AS OLD ANTONIO,
[26258]        FOR HE LEFT ME ON MY OWNIO.
[26259]    
[26260]    
[26261]    The face of a streetwalker glazed and haggard under a black straw hat
[26262]    peered askew round the door of the shelter palpably reconnoitring on her
[26263]    own with the object of bringing more grist to her mill. Mr Bloom,
[26264]    scarcely knowing which way to look, turned away on the moment flusterfied
[26265]    but outwardly calm, and, picking up from the table the pink sheet of the
[26266]    Abbey street organ which the jarvey, if such he was, had laid aside, he
[26267]    picked it up and looked at the pink of the paper though why pink. His
[26268]    reason for so doing was he recognised on the moment round the door the
[26269]    same face he had caught a fleeting glimpse of that afternoon on Ormond
[26270]    quay, the partially idiotic female, namely, of the lane who knew the lady
[26271]    in the brown costume does be with you (Mrs B.) and begged the chance of
[26272]    his washing. Also why washing which seemed rather vague than not, your
[26273]    washing. Still candour compelled him to admit he had washed his wife's
[26274]    undergarments when soiled in Holles street and women would and did too a
[26275]    man's similar garments initialled with Bewley and Draper's marking ink
[26276]    (hers were, that is) if they really loved him, that is to say, love me,
[26277]    love my dirty shirt. Still just then, being on tenterhooks, he desired
[26278]    the female's room more than her company so it came as a genuine relief
[26279]    when the keeper made her a rude sign to take herself off. Round the side
[26280]    of the Evening Telegraph he just caught a fleeting glimpse of her face
[26281]    round the side of the door with a kind of demented glassy grin showing
[26282]    that she was not exactly all there, viewing with evident amusement the
[26283]    group of gazers round skipper Murphy's nautical chest and then there was
[26284]    no more of her.
[26285]    
[26286]    --The gunboat, the keeper said.
[26287]    
[26288]    --It beats me, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen, medically I am speaking, how
[26289]    a wretched creature like that from the Lock hospital reeking with disease
[26290]    can be barefaced enough to solicit or how any man in his sober senses, if
[26291]    he values his health in the least. Unfortunate creature! Of course I
[26292]    suppose some man is ultimately responsible for her condition. Still no
[26293]    matter what the cause is from ...
[26294]    
[26295]    Stephen had not noticed her and shrugged his shoulders, merely remarking:
[26296]    
[26297]    --In this country people sell much more than she ever had and do a
[26298]    roaring trade. Fear not them that sell the body but have not power to buy
[26299]    the soul. She is a bad merchant. She buys dear and sells cheap.
[26300]    
[26301]    The elder man, though not by any manner of means an old maid or a prude,
[26302]    said it was nothing short of a crying scandal that ought to be put a stop
[26303]    to INSTANTER to say that women of that stamp (quite apart from any
[26304]    oldmaidish squeamishness on the subject), a necessary evil, w ere not
[26305]    licensed and medically inspected by the proper authorities, a thing, he
[26306]    could truthfully state, he, as a PATERFAMILIAS, was a stalwart advocate
[26307]    of from the very first start. Whoever embarked on a policy of the sort,
[26308]    he said, and ventilated the matter thoroughly would confer a lasting boon
[26309]    on everybody concerned.
[26310]    
[26311]    --You as a good catholic, he observed, talking of body and soul, believe
[26312]    in the soul. Or do you mean the intelligence, the brainpower as such, as
[26313]    distinct from any outside object, the table, let us say, that cup. I
[26314]    believe in that myself because it has been explained by competent men as
[26315]    the convolutions of the grey matter. Otherwise we would never have such
[26316]    inventions as X rays, for instance. Do you?
[26317]    
[26318]    Thus cornered, Stephen had to make a superhuman effort of memory to try
[26319]    and concentrate and remember before he could say:
[26320]    
[26321]    --They tell me on the best authority it is a simple substance and
[26322]    therefore incorruptible. It would be immortal, I understand, but for the
[26323]    possibility of its annihilation by its First Cause Who, from all I can
[26324]    hear, is quite capable of adding that to the number of His other
[26325]    practical jokes, CORRUPTIO PER SE and CORRUPTIO PER ACCIDENS both being
[26326]    excluded by court etiquette.
[26327]    
[26328]    Mr Bloom thoroughly acquiesced in the general gist of this though the
[26329]    mystical finesse involved was a bit out of his sublunary depth still he
[26330]    felt bound to enter a demurrer on the head of simple, promptly rejoining:
[26331]    
[26332]    --Simple? I shouldn't think that is the proper word. Of course, I grant
[26333]    you, to concede a point, you do knock across a simple soul once in a blue
[26334]    moon. But what I am anxious to arrive at is it is one thing for instance
[26335]    to invent those rays Rontgen did or the telescope like Edison, though I
[26336]    believe it was before his time Galileo was the man, I mean, and the same
[26337]    applies to the laws, for example, of a farreaching natural phenomenon
[26338]    such as electricity but it's a horse of quite another colour to say you
[26339]    believe in the existence of a supernatural God.
[26340]    
[26341]    --O that, Stephen expostulated, has been proved conclusively by several
[26342]    of the bestknown passages in Holy Writ, apart from circumstantial
[26343]    evidence.
[26344]    
[26345]    On this knotty point however the views of the pair, poles apart as they
[26346]    were both in schooling and everything else with the marked difference in
[26347]    their respective ages, clashed.
[26348]    
[26349]    --Has been? the more experienced of the two objected, sticking to his
[26350]    original point with a smile of unbelief. I'm not so sure about that.
[26351]    That's a matter for everyman's opinion and, without dragging in the
[26352]    sectarian side of the business, I beg to differ with you IN TOTO there.
[26353]    My belief is, to tell you the candid truth, that those bits were genuine
[26354]    forgeries all of them put in by monks most probably or it's the big
[26355]    question of our national poet over again, who precisely wrote them like
[26356]    HAMLET and Bacon, as, you who know your Shakespeare infinitely better
[26357]    than I, of course I needn't tell you. Can't you drink that coffee, by the
[26358]    way? Let me stir it. And take a piece of that bun. It's like one of our
[26359]    skipper's bricks disguised. Still no-one can give what he hasn't got. Try
[26360]    a bit.
[26361]    
[26362]    --Couldn't, Stephen contrived to get out, his mental organs for the
[26363]    moment refusing to dictate further.
[26364]    
[26365]    Faultfinding being a proverbially bad hat Mr Bloom thought well to stir
[26366]    or try to the clotted sugar from the bottom and reflected with something
[26367]    approaching acrimony on the Coffee Palace and its temperance (and
[26368]    lucrative) work. To be sure it was a legitimate object and beyond yea or
[26369]    nay did a world of good, shelters such as the present one they were in
[26370]    run on teetotal lines for vagrants at night, concerts, dramatic evenings
[26371]    and useful lectures (admittance free) by qualified men for the lower
[26372]    orders. On the other hand he had a distinct and painful recollection they
[26373]    paid his wife, Madam Marion Tweedy who had been prominently associated
[26374]    with it at one time, a very modest remuneration indeed for her
[26375]    pianoplaying. The idea, he was strongly inclined to believe, was to do
[26376]    good and net a profit, there being no competition to speak of. Sulphate
[26377]    of copper poison SO4 or something in some dried peas he remembered
[26378]    reading of in a cheap eatinghouse somewhere but he couldn't remember when
[26379]    it was or where. Anyhow inspection, medical inspection, of all eatables
[26380]    seemed to him more than ever necessary which possibly accounted for the
[26381]    vogue of Dr Tibble's Vi-Cocoa on account of the medical analysis
[26382]    involved.
[26383]    
[26384]    --Have a shot at it now, he ventured to say of the coffee after being
[26385]    stirred.
[26386]    
[26387]     Thus prevailed on to at any rate taste it Stephen lifted the heavy mug
[26388]    from the brown puddle it clopped out of when taken up by the handle and
[26389]    took a sip of the offending beverage.
[26390]    
[26391]    --Still it's solid food, his good genius urged, I'm a stickler for solid
[26392]    food, his one and only reason being not gormandising in the least but
[26393]    regular meals as the SINE QUA NON for any kind of proper work, mental or
[26394]    manual. You ought to eat more solid food. You would feel a different man.
[26395]    
[26396]    --Liquids I can eat, Stephen said. But O, oblige me by taking away that
[26397]    knife. I can't look at the point of it. It reminds me of Roman history.
[26398]    
[26399]    Mr Bloom promptly did as suggested and removed the incriminated article,
[26400]    a blunt hornhandled ordinary knife with nothing particularly Roman or
[26401]    antique about it to the lay eye, observing that the point was the least
[26402]    conspicuous point about it.
[26403]    
[26404]    --Our mutual friend's stories are like himself, Mr Bloom APROPOS of
[26405]    knives remarked to his CONFIDANTE SOTTO VOCE. Do you think they are
[26406]    genuine? He could spin those yarns for hours on end all night long and
[26407]    lie like old boots. Look at him.
[26408]    
[26409]    Yet still though his eyes were thick with sleep and sea air life was full
[26410]    of a host of things and coincidences of a terrible nature and it was
[26411]    quite within the bounds of possibility that it was not an entire
[26412]    fabrication though at first blush there was not much inherent probability
[26413]    in all the spoof he got off his chest being strictly accurate gospel.
[26414]    
[26415]    He had been meantime taking stock of the individual in front of him and
[26416]    Sherlockholmesing him up ever since he clapped eyes on him. Though a
[26417]    wellpreserved man of no little stamina, if a trifle prone to baldness,
[26418]    there was something spurious in the cut of his jib that suggested a jail
[26419]    delivery and it required no violent stretch of imagination to associate
[26420]    such a weirdlooking specimen with the oakum and treadmill fraternity. He
[26421]    might even have done for his man supposing it was his own case he told,
[26422]    as people often did about others, namely, that he killed him himself and
[26423]    had served his four or five goodlooking years in durance vile to say
[26424]    nothing of the Antonio personage (no relation to the dramatic personage
[26425]    of identical name who sprang from the pen of our national poet) who
[26426]    expiated his crimes in the melodramatic manner above described. On the
[26427]    other hand he might be only bluffing, a pardonable weakness because
[26428]    meeting unmistakable mugs, Dublin residents, like those jarvies waiting
[26429]    news from abroad would tempt any ancient mariner who sailed the ocean
[26430]    seas to draw the long bow about the schooner HESPERUS and etcetera. And
[26431]    when all was said and done the lies a fellow told about himself couldn't
[26432]    probably hold a proverbial candle to the wholesale whoppers other fellows
[26433]    coined about him.
[26434]    
[26435]    --Mind you, I'm not saying that it's all a pure invention, he resumed.
[26436]    Analogous scenes are occasionally, if not often, met with. Giants, though
[26437]    that is rather a far cry, you see once in a way, Marcella the midget
[26438]    queen. In those waxworks in Henry street I myself saw some Aztecs, as
[26439]    they are called, sitting bowlegged, they couldn't straighten their legs
[26440]    if you paid them because the muscles here, you see, he proceeded,
[26441]    indicating on his companion the brief outline of the sinews or whatever
[26442]    you like to call them behind the right knee, were utterly powerless from
[26443]    sitting that way so long cramped up, being adored as gods. There's an
[26444]    example again of simple souls.
[26445]    
[26446]    However reverting to friend Sinbad and his horrifying adventures (who
[26447]    reminded him a bit of Ludwig, ALIAS Ledwidge, when he occupied the boards
[26448]    of the Gaiety when Michael Gunn was identified with the management in the
[26449]    FLYING DUTCHMAN, a stupendous success, and his host of admirers came in
[26450]    large numbers, everyone simply flocking to hear him though ships of any
[26451]    sort, phantom or the reverse, on the stage usually fell a bit flat as
[26452]    also did trains) there was nothing intrinsically incompatible about it,
[26453]    he conceded. On the contrary that stab in the back touch was quite in
[26454]    keeping with those italianos though candidly he was none the less free to
[26455]    admit those icecreamers and friers in the fish way not to mention the
[26456]    chip potato variety and so forth over in little Italy there near the
[26457]    Coombe were sober thrifty hardworking fellows except perhaps a bit too
[26458]    given to pothunting the harmless necessary animal of the feline
[26459]    persuasion of others at night so as to have a good old succulent tuckin
[26460]    with garlic DE RIGUEUR off him or her next day on the quiet and, he
[26461]    added, on the cheap.
[26462]    
[26463]    --Spaniards, for instance, he continued, passionate temperaments like
[26464]    that, impetuous as Old Nick, are given to taking the law into their own
[26465]    hands and give you your quietus doublequick with those poignards they
[26466]    carry in the abdomen. It comes from the great heat, climate generally. My
[26467]    wife is, so to speak, Spanish, half that is. Point of fact she could
[26468]    actually claim Spanish nationality if she wanted, having been born in
[26469]    (technically) Spain, i.e. Gibraltar. She has the Spanish type. Quite
[26470]    dark, regular brunette, black. I for one certainly believe climate
[26471]    accounts for character. That's why I asked you if you wrote your poetry
[26472]    in Italian.
[26473]    
[26474]    --The temperaments at the door, Stephen interposed with, were very
[26475]    passionate about ten shillings. ROBERTO RUBA ROBA SUA.
[26476]    
[26477]    --Quite so, Mr Bloom dittoed.
[26478]    
[26479]    --Then, Stephen said staring and rambling on to himself or some unknown
[26480]    listener somewhere, we have the impetuosity of Dante and the isosceles
[26481]    triangle miss Portinari he fell in love with and Leonardo and san Tommaso
[26482]    Mastino.
[26483]    
[26484]    --It's in the blood, Mr Bloom acceded at once. All are washed in the
[26485]    blood of the sun. Coincidence I just happened to be in the Kildare street
[26486]    museum today, shortly prior to our meeting if I can so call it, and I
[26487]    was just looking at those antique statues there. The splendid proportions
[26488]    of hips, bosom. You simply don't knock against those kind of women here.
[26489]    An exception here and there. Handsome yes, pretty in a way you find but
[26490]    what I'm talking about is the female form. Besides they have so little
[26491]    taste in dress, most of them, which greatly enhances a woman's natural
[26492]    beauty, no matter what you say. Rumpled stockings, it may be, possibly
[26493]    is, a foible of mine but still it's a thing I simply hate to see.
[26494]    
[26495]    Interest, however, was starting to flag somewhat all round and then the
[26496]    others got on to talking about accidents at sea, ships lost in a fog, goo
[26497]    collisions with icebergs, all that sort of thing. Shipahoy of course had
[26498]    his own say to say. He had doubled the cape a few odd times and weathered
[26499]    a monsoon, a kind of wind, in the China seas and through all those perils
[26500]    of the deep there was one thing, he declared, stood to him or words to
[26501]    that effect, a pious medal he had that saved him.
[26502]    
[26503]    So then after that they drifted on to the wreck off Daunt's rock, wreck
[26504]    of that illfated Norwegian barque nobody could think of her name for the
[26505]    moment till the jarvey who had really quite a look of Henry Campbell
[26506]    remembered it PALME on Booterstown strand. That was the talk of the town
[26507]    that year (Albert William Quill wrote a fine piece of original verse of
[26508]    distinctive merit on the topic for the Irish TIMES), breakers running
[26509]    over her and crowds and crowds on the shore in commotion petrified with
[26510]    horror. Then someone said something about the case of the S. S. LADY
[26511]    CAIRNS of Swansea run into by the MONA which was on an opposite tack in
[26512]    rather muggyish weather and lost with all hands on deck. No aid was
[26513]    given. Her master, the MONA'S, said he was afraid his collision bulkhead
[26514]    would give way. She had no water, it appears, in her hold.
[26515]    
[26516]    At this stage an incident happened. It having become necessary for him to
[26517]    unfurl a reef the sailor vacated his seat.
[26518]    
[26519]    --Let me cross your bows mate, he said to his neighbour who was just
[26520]    gently dropping off into a peaceful doze.
[26521]    
[26522]    He made tracks heavily, slowly with a dumpy sort of a gait to the door,
[26523]    stepped heavily down the one step there was out of the shelter and bore
[26524]    due left. While he was in the act of getting his bearings Mr Bloom who
[26525]    noticed when he stood up that he had two flasks of presumably ship's rum
[26526]    sticking one out of each pocket for the private consumption of his
[26527]    burning interior, saw him produce a bottle and uncork it or unscrew and,
[26528]    applying its nozzle to his lips, take a good old delectable swig out of
[26529]    it with a gurgling noise. The irrepressible Bloom, who also had a shrewd
[26530]    suspicion that the old stager went out on a manoeuvre after the
[26531]    counterattraction in the shape of a female who however had disappeared to
[26532]    all intents and purposes, could by straining just perceive him, when duly
[26533]    refreshed by his rum puncheon exploit, gaping up at the piers and girders
[26534]    of the Loop line rather out of his depth as of course it was all
[26535]    radically altered since his last visit and greatly improved. Some person
[26536]    or persons invisible directed him to the male urinal erected by the
[26537]    cleansing committee all over the place for the purpose but after a brief
[26538]    space of time during which silence reigned supreme the sailor, evidently
[26539]    giving it a wide berth, eased himself closer at hand, the noise of his
[26540]    bilgewater some little time subsequently splashing on the ground where it
[26541]    apparently awoke a horse of the cabrank. A hoof scooped anyway for new
[26542]    foothold after sleep and harness jingled. Slightly disturbed in his
[26543]    sentrybox by the brazier of live coke the watcher of the corporation
[26544]    stones who, though now broken down and fast breaking up, was none other
[26545]    in stern reality than the Gumley aforesaid, now practically on the parish
[26546]    rates, given the temporary job by Pat Tobin in all human probability from
[26547]    dictates of humanity knowing him before shifted about and shuffled in his
[26548]    box before composing his limbs again in to the arms of Morpheus, a truly
[26549]    amazing piece of hard lines in its most virulent form on a fellow most
[26550]    respectably connected and familiarised with decent home comforts all his
[26551]    life who came in for a cool 100 pounds a year at one time which of course
[26552]    the doublebarrelled ass proceeded to make general ducks and drakes of.
[26553]    And there he was at the end of his tether after having often painted the
[26554]    town tolerably pink without a beggarly stiver. He drank needless to be
[26555]    told and it pointed only once more a moral when he might quite easily be
[26556]    in a large way of business if--a big if, however--he had contrived to
[26557]    cure himself of his particular partiality.
[26558]    
[26559]    All meantime were loudly lamenting the falling off in Irish shipping,
[26560]    coastwise and foreign as well, which was all part and parcel of the same
[26561]    thing. A Palgrave Murphy boat was put off the ways at Alexandra basin,
[26562]    the only launch that year. Right enough the harbours were there only no
[26563]    ships ever called.
[26564]    
[26565]    There were wrecks and wreckers, the keeper said, who was evidently AU
[26566]    FAIT.
[26567]    
[26568]    What he wanted to ascertain was why that ship ran bang against the only
[26569]    rock in Galway bay when the Galway harbour scheme was mooted by a Mr
[26570]    Worthington or some name like that, eh? Ask the then captain, he advised
[26571]    them, how much palmoil the British government gave him for that day's
[26572]    work, Captain John Lever of the Lever Line.
[26573]    
[26574]    --Am I right, skipper? he queried of the sailor, now returning after his
[26575]    private potation and the rest of his exertions.
[26576]    
[26577]    That worthy picking up the scent of the fagend of the song or words
[26578]    growled in wouldbe music but with great vim some kind of chanty or other
[26579]    in seconds or thirds. Mr Bloom's sharp ears heard him then expectorate
[26580]    the plug probably (which it was), so that he must have lodged it for the
[26581]    time being in his fist while he did the drinking and making water jobs
[26582]    and found it a bit sour after the liquid fire in question. Anyhow in he
[26583]    rolled after his successful libation-CUM-potation, introducing an
[26584]    atmosphere of drink into the SOIREE, boisterously trolling, like a
[26585]    veritable son of a seacook:
[26586]    
[26587]    
[26588]        --THE BISCUITS WAS AS HARD AS BRASS
[26589]          AND THE BEEF AS SALT AS LOT'S WIFE'S ARSE.
[26590]          O, JOHNNY LEVER!
[26591]          JOHNNY LEVER, O!
[26592]    
[26593]    
[26594]    After which effusion the redoubtable specimen duly arrived on the scene
[26595]    and regaining his seat he sank rather than sat heavily on the form
[26596]    provided. Skin-the-Goat, assuming he was he, evidently with an axe to
[26597]    grind, was airing his grievances in a forcible-feeble philippic anent the
[26598]    natural resources of Ireland or something of that sort which he described
[26599]    in his lengthy dissertation as the richest country bar none on the face
[26600]    of God's earth, far and away superior to England, with coal in large
[26601]    quantities, six million pounds worth of pork exported every year, ten
[26602]    millions between butter and eggs and all the riches drained out of it by
[26603]    England levying taxes on the poor people that paid through the nose
[26604]    always and gobbling up the best meat in the market and a lot more surplus
[26605]    steam in the same vein. Their conversation accordingly became general and
[26606]    all agreed that that was a fact. You could grow any mortal thing in Irish
[26607]    soil, he stated, and there was that colonel Everard down there in Navan
[26608]    growing tobacco. Where would you find anywhere the like of Irish bacon?
[26609]    But a day of reckoning, he stated CRESCENDO with no uncertain voice,
[26610]    thoroughly monopolising all the conversation, was in store for mighty
[26611]    England, despite her power of pelf on account of her crimes. There would
[26612]    be a fall and the greatest fall in history. The Germans and the Japs were
[26613]    going to have their little lookin, he affirmed. The Boers were the
[26614]    beginning of the end. Brummagem England was toppling already and her
[26615]    downfall would be Ireland, her Achilles heel, which he explained to them
[26616]    about the vulnerable point of Achilles, the Greek hero, a point his
[26617]    auditors at once seized as he completely gripped their attention by
[26618]    showing the tendon referred to on his boot. His advice to every Irishman
[26619]    was: stay in the land of your birth and work for Ireland and live for
[26620]    Ireland. Ireland, Parnell said, could not spare a single one of her sons.
[26621]    
[26622]    Silence all round marked the termination of his FINALE. The impervious
[26623]    navigator heard these lurid tidings, undismayed.
[26624]    
[26625]    --Take a bit of doing, boss, retaliated that rough diamond palpably a bit
[26626]    peeved in response to the foregoing truism.
[26627]    
[26628]    To which cold douche referring to downfall and so on the keeper concurred
[26629]    but nevertheless held to his main view.
[26630]    
[26631]    --Who's the best troops in the army? the grizzled old veteran irately
[26632]    interrogated. And the best jumpers and racers? And the best admirals and
[26633]    generals we've got? Tell me that.
[26634]    
[26635]    --The Irish, for choice, retorted the cabby like Campbell, facial
[26636]    blemishes apart.
[26637]    
[26638]    --That's right, the old tarpaulin corroborated. The Irish catholic
[26639]    peasant. He's the backbone of our empire. You know Jem Mullins?
[26640]    
[26641]    While allowing him his individual opinions as everyman the keeper added
[26642]    he cared nothing for any empire, ours or his, and considered no Irishman
[26643]    worthy of his salt that served it. Then they began to have a few
[26644]    irascible words when it waxed hotter, both, needless to say, appealing to
[26645]    the listeners who followed the passage of arms with interest so long as
[26646]    they didn't indulge in recriminations and come to blows.
[26647]    
[26648]    From inside information extending over a series of years Mr Bloom was
[26649]    rather inclined to poohpooh the suggestion as egregious balderdash for,
[26650]    pending that consummation devoutly to be or not to be wished for, he was
[26651]    fully cognisant of the fact that their neighbours across the channel,
[26652]    unless they were much bigger fools than he took them for, rather
[26653]    concealed their strength than the opposite. It was quite on a par with
[26654]    the quixotic idea in certain quarters that in a hundred million years the
[26655]    coal seam of the sister island would be played out and if, as time went
[26656]    on, that turned out to be how the cat jumped all he could personally say
[26657]    on the matter was that as a host of contingencies, equally relevant to
[26658]    the issue, might occur ere then it was highly advisable in the interim to
[26659]    try to make the most of both countries even though poles apart. Another
[26660]    little interesting point, the amours of whores and chummies, to put it in
[26661]    common parlance, reminded him Irish soldiers had as often fought for
[26662]    England as against her, more so, in fact. And now, why? So the scene
[26663]    between the pair of them, the licensee of the place rumoured to be or
[26664]    have been Fitzharris, the famous invincible, and the other, obviously
[26665]    bogus, reminded him forcibly as being on all fours with the confidence
[26666]    trick, supposing, that is, it was prearranged as the lookeron, a student
[26667]    of the human soul if anything, the others seeing least of the game. And
[26668]    as for the lessee or keeper, who probably wasn't the other person at all,
[26669]    he (B.) couldn't help feeling and most properly it was better to give
[26670]    people like that the goby unless you were a blithering idiot altogether
[26671]    and refuse to have anything to do with them as a golden rule in private
[26672]    life and their felonsetting, there always being the offchance of a
[26673]    Dannyman coming forward and turning queen's evidence or king's now like
[26674]    Denis or Peter Carey, an idea he utterly repudiated. Quite apart from
[26675]    that he disliked those careers of wrongdoing and crime on principle. Yet,
[26676]    though such criminal propensities had never been an inmate of his bosom
[26677]    in any shape or form, he certainly did feel and no denying it (while
[26678]    inwardly remaining what he was) a certain kind of admiration for a man
[26679]    who had actually brandished a knife, cold steel, with the courage of his
[26680]    political convictions (though, personally, he would never be a party to
[26681]    any such thing), off the same bat as those love vendettas of the south,
[26682]    have her or swing for her, when the husband frequently, after some words
[26683]    passed between the two concerning her relations with the other lucky
[26684]    mortal (he having had the pair watched), inflicted fatal injuries on his
[26685]    adored one as a result of an alternative postnuptial LIAISON by plunging
[26686]    his knife into her, until it just struck him that Fitz, nicknamed Skin-
[26687]    the-Goat, merely drove the car for the actual perpetrators of the outrage
[26688]    and so was not, if he was reliably informed, actually party to the ambush
[26689]    which, in point of fact, was the plea some legal luminary saved his skin
[26690]    on. In any case that was very ancient history by now and as for our
[26691]    friend, the pseudo Skin-the-etcetera, he had transparently outlived his
[26692]    welcome. He ought to have either died naturally or on the scaffold high.
[26693]    Like actresses, always farewell positively last performance then come up
[26694]    smiling again. Generous to a fault of course, temperamental, no
[26695]    economising or any idea of the sort, always snapping at the bone for the
[26696]    shadow. So similarly he had a very shrewd suspicion that Mr Johnny Lever
[26697]    got rid of some l s d. in the course of his perambulations round the
[26698]    docks in the congenial atmosphere of the OLD IRELAND tavern, come back to
[26699]    Erin and so on. Then as for the other he had heard not so long before the
[26700]    same identical lingo as he told Stephen how he simply but effectually
[26701]    silenced the offender.
[26702]    
[26703]    --He took umbrage at something or other, that muchinjured but on the
[26704]    whole eventempered person declared, I let slip. He called me a jew and in
[26705]    a heated fashion offensively. So I without deviating from plain facts in
[26706]    the least told him his God, I mean Christ, was a jew too and all his
[26707]    family like me though in reality I'm not. That was one for him. A soft
[26708]    answer turns away wrath. He hadn't a word to say for himself as everyone
[26709]    saw. Am I not right?
[26710]    
[26711]     He turned a long you are wrong gaze on Stephen of timorous dark pride at
[26712]    the soft impeachment with a glance also of entreaty for he seemed to
[26713]    glean in a kind of a way that it wasn't all exactly.
[26714]    
[26715]    --EX QUIBUS, Stephen mumbled in a noncommittal accent, their two or four
[26716]    eyes conversing, CHRISTUS or Bloom his name is or after all any other,
[26717]    SECUNDUM CARNEM.
[26718]    
[26719]    --Of course, Mr B. proceeded to stipulate, you must look at both sides of
[26720]    the question. It is hard to lay down any hard and fast rules as to right
[26721]    and wrong but room for improvement all round there certainly is though
[26722]    every country, they say, our own distressful included, has the government
[26723]    it deserves. But with a little goodwill all round. It's all very fine to
[26724]    boast of mutual superiority but what about mutual equality. I resent
[26725]    violence and intolerance in any shape or form. It never reaches anything
[26726]    or stops anything. A revolution must come on the due instalments plan.
[26727]    It's a patent absurdity on the face of it to hate people because they
[26728]    live round the corner and speak another vernacular, in the next house so
[26729]    to speak.
[26730]    
[26731]    --Memorable bloody bridge battle and seven minutes' war, Stephen
[26732]    assented, between Skinner's alley and Ormond market.
[26733]    
[26734]    Yes, Mr Bloom thoroughly agreed, entirely endorsing the remark, that was
[26735]    overwhelmingly right. And the whole world was full of that sort of thing.
[26736]    
[26737]    --You just took the words out of my mouth, he said. A hocuspocus of
[26738]    conflicting evidence that candidly you couldn't remotely ...
[26739]    
[26740]    All those wretched quarrels, in his humble opinion, stirring up bad
[26741]    blood, from some bump of combativeness or gland of some kind, erroneously
[26742]    supposed to be about a punctilio of honour and a flag, were very largely
[26743]    a question of the money question which was at the back of everything
[26744]    greed and jealousy, people never knowing when to stop.
[26745]    
[26746]    --They accuse, remarked he audibly.
[26747]    
[26748]    He turned away from the others who probably and spoke nearer to, so as
[26749]    the others in case they.
[26750]    
[26751]    --Jews, he softly imparted in an aside in Stephen's ear, are accused of
[26752]    ruining. Not a vestige of truth in it, I can safely say. History, would
[26753]    you be surprised to learn, proves up to the hilt Spain decayed when the
[26754]    inquisition hounded the jews out and England prospered when Cromwell, an
[26755]    uncommonly able ruffian who in other respects has much to answer for,
[26756]    imported them. Why? Because they are imbued with the proper spirit. They
[26757]    are practical and are proved to be so. I don't want to indulge in any
[26758]    because you know the standard works on the subject and then orthodox as
[26759]    you are. But in the economic, not touching religion, domain the priest
[26760]    spells poverty. Spain again, you saw in the war, compared with goahead
[26761]    America. Turks. It's in the dogma. Because if they didn't believe they'd
[26762]    go straight to heaven when they die they'd try to live better, at least
[26763]    so I think. That's the juggle on which the p.p's raise the wind on false
[26764]    pretences. I'm, he resumed with dramatic force, as good an Irishman as
[26765]    that rude person I told you about at the outset and I want to see
[26766]    everyone, concluded he, all creeds and classes PRO RATA having a
[26767]    comfortable tidysized income, in no niggard fashion either, something in
[26768]    the neighbourhood of 300 pounds per annum. That's the vital issue at
[26769]    stake and it's feasible and would be provocative of friendlier
[26770]    intercourse between man and man. At least that's my idea for what it's
[26771]    worth. I call that patriotism. UBI PATRIA, as we learned a smattering of
[26772]    in our classical days in ALMA MATER, VITA BENE. Where you can live well,
[26773]    the sense is, if you work.
[26774]    
[26775]    Over his untastable apology for a cup of coffee, listening to this
[26776]    synopsis of things in general, Stephen stared at nothing in particular.
[26777]    He could hear, of course, all kinds of words changing colour like those
[26778]    crabs about Ringsend in the morning burrowing quickly into all colours of
[26779]    different sorts of the same sand where they had a home somewhere beneath
[26780]    or seemed to. Then he looked up and saw the eyes that said or didn't say
[26781]    the words the voice he heard said, if you work.
[26782]    
[26783]    --Count me out, he managed to remark, meaning work.
[26784]    
[26785]    The eyes were surprised at this observation because as he, the person who
[26786]    owned them pro tem. observed or rather his voice speaking did, all must
[26787]    work, have to, together.
[26788]    
[26789]    --I mean, of course, the other hastened to affirm, work in the widest
[26790]    possible sense. Also literary labour not merely for the kudos of the
[26791]    thing. Writing for the newspapers which is the readiest channel nowadays.
[26792]    That's work too. Important work. After all, from the little I know of
[26793]    you, after all the money expended on your education you are entitled to
[26794]    recoup yourself and command your price. You have every bit as much right
[26795]    to live by your pen in pursuit of your philosophy as the peasant has.
[26796]    What? You both belong to Ireland, the brain and the brawn. Each is
[26797]    equally important.
[26798]    
[26799]    --You suspect, Stephen retorted with a sort of a half laugh, that I may
[26800]    be 1160 important because I belong to the FAUBOURG SAINT PATRICE called
[26801]    Ireland for short.
[26802]    
[26803]    --I would go a step farther, Mr Bloom insinuated.
[26804]    
[26805]    --But I suspect, Stephen interrupted, that Ireland must be important
[26806]    because it belongs to me.
[26807]    
[26808]    --What belongs, queried Mr Bloom bending, fancying he was perhaps under
[26809]    some misapprehension. Excuse me. Unfortunately, I didn't catch the latter
[26810]    portion. What was it you ...?
[26811]    
[26812]    Stephen, patently crosstempered, repeated and shoved aside his mug of
[26813]    coffee or whatever you like to call it none too politely, adding: 1170
[26814]    
[26815]    --We can't change the country. Let us change the subject.
[26816]    
[26817]    At this pertinent suggestion Mr Bloom, to change the subject, looked down
[26818]    but in a quandary, as he couldn't tell exactly what construction to put
[26819]    on belongs to which sounded rather a far cry. The rebuke of some kind was
[26820]    clearer than the other part. Needless to say the fumes of his recent orgy
[26821]    spoke then with some asperity in a curious bitter way foreign to his
[26822]    sober state. Probably the homelife to which Mr B attached the utmost
[26823]    importance had not been all that was needful or he hadn't been
[26824]    familiarised with the right sort of people. With a touch of fear for the
[26825]    young man beside him whom he furtively scrutinised with an air of some
[26826]    consternation remembering he had just come back from Paris, the eyes more
[26827]    especially reminding him forcibly of father and sister, failing to throw
[26828]    much light on the subject, however, he brought to mind instances of
[26829]    cultured fellows that promised so brilliantly nipped in the bud of
[26830]    premature decay and nobody to blame but themselves. For instance there
[26831]    was the case of O'Callaghan, for one, the halfcrazy faddist, respectably
[26832]    connected though of inadequate means, with his mad vagaries among whose
[26833]    other gay doings when rotto and making himself a nuisance to everybody
[26834]    all round he was in the habit of ostentatiously sporting in public a suit
[26835]    of brown paper (a fact). And then the usual DENOUEMENT after the fun had
[26836]    gone on fast and furious he got 1190 landed into hot water and had to be
[26837]    spirited away by a few friends, after a strong hint to a blind horse from
[26838]    John Mallon of Lower Castle Yard, so as not to be made amenable under
[26839]    section two of the criminal law amendment act, certain names of those
[26840]    subpoenaed being handed in but not divulged for reasons which will occur
[26841]    to anyone with a pick of brains. Briefly, putting two and two together,
[26842]    six sixteen which he pointedly turned a deaf ear to, Antonio and so
[26843]    forth, jockeys and esthetes and the tattoo which was all the go in the
[26844]    seventies or thereabouts even in the house of lords because early in life
[26845]    the occupant of the throne, then heir apparent, the other members of the
[26846]    upper ten and other high personages simply following in the footsteps of
[26847]    the head of the state, he reflected about the errors of notorieties and
[26848]    crowned heads running counter to morality such as the Cornwall case a
[26849]    number of years before under their veneer in a way scarcely intended by
[26850]    nature, a thing good Mrs Grundy, as the law stands, was terribly down on
[26851]    though not for the reason they thought they were probably whatever it was
[26852]    except women chiefly who were always fiddling more or less at one another
[26853]    it being largely a matter of dress and all the rest of it. Ladies who
[26854]    like distinctive underclothing should, and every welltailored man must,
[26855]    trying to make the gap wider between them by innuendo and give more of a
[26856]    genuine filip to acts of impropriety between the two, she unbuttoned his
[26857]    and then he untied her, mind the pin, whereas savages in the cannibal
[26858]    islands, say, at ninety degrees in the shade not caring a continental.
[26859]    However, reverting to the original, there were on the other hand others
[26860]    who had forced their way to the top from the lowest rung by the aid of
[26861]    their bootstraps. Sheer force of natural genius, that. With brains, sir.
[26862]    
[26863]    For which and further reasons he felt it was his interest and duty even
[26864]    to wait on and profit by the unlookedfor occasion though why he could not
[26865]    exactly tell being as it was already several shillings to the bad having
[26866]    in fact let himself in for it. Still to cultivate the acquaintance of
[26867]    someone of no uncommon calibre who could provide food for reflection
[26868]    would amply repay any small. Intellectual stimulation, as such, was, he
[26869]    felt, from time to time a firstrate tonic for the mind. Added to which
[26870]    was the coincidence of meeting, discussion, dance, row, old salt of the
[26871]    here today and gone tomorrow type, night loafers, the whole galaxy of
[26872]    events, all went to make up a miniature cameo of the world we live in
[26873]    especially as the lives of the submerged tenth, viz. coalminers, divers,
[26874]    scavengers etc., were very much under the microscope lately. To improve
[26875]    the shining hour he wondered whether he might meet with anything
[26876]    approaching the same luck as Mr Philip Beaufoy if taken down in writing
[26877]    suppose he were to pen something out of the common groove (as he fully
[26878]    intended doing) at the rate of one guinea per column. MY EXPERIENCES, let
[26879]    us say, IN A CABMAN'S SHELTER.
[26880]    
[26881]    The pink edition extra sporting of the TELEGRAPH tell a graphic lie lay,
[26882]    as luck would have it, beside his elbow and as he was just puzzling
[26883]    again, far from satisfied, over a country belonging to him and the
[26884]    preceding rebus the vessel came from Bridgwater and the postcard was
[26885]    addressed A. Boudin find the captain's age, his eyes went aimlessly over
[26886]    the respective captions which came under his special province the
[26887]    allembracing give us this day our daily press. First he got a bit of a
[26888]    start but it turned out to be only something about somebody named H. du
[26889]    Boyes, agent for typewriters or something like that. Great battle, Tokio.
[26890]    Lovemaking in Irish, 200 pounds damages. Gordon Bennett. Emigration
[26891]    Swindle. Letter from His Grace. William. Ascot meeting, the Gold Cup.
[26892]    Victory of outsider THROWAWAY recalls Derby of '92 when Capt. Marshall's
[26893]    dark horse SIR HUGO captured the blue ribband at long odds. New York
[26894]    disaster. Thousand lives lost. Foot and Mouth. Funeral of the late Mr
[26895]    Patrick Dignam.
[26896]    
[26897]    So to change the subject he read about Dignam R. I. P. which, he
[26898]    reflected, was anything but a gay sendoff. Or a change of address anyway.
[26899]    
[26900]    --THIS MORNING (Hynes put it in of course) THE REMAINS OF THE LATE MR
[26901]    PATRICK DIGNAM WERE REMOVED FROM HIS RESIDENCE, NO 9 NEWBRIDGE AVENUE,
[26902]    SANDYMOUNT, FOR INTERMENT IN GLASNEVIN. THE DECEASED GENTLEMAN WAS A MOST
[26903]    POPULAR AND GENIAL PERSONALITY IN CITY LIFE AND HIS DEMISE AFTER A BRIEF
[26904]    ILLNESS CAME AS A GREAT SHOCK TO CITIZENS OF ALL CLASSES BY WHOM HE IS
[26905]    DEEPLY REGRETTED. THE OBSEQUIES, AT WHICH MANY FRIENDS OF THE DECEASED
[26906]    WERE PRESENT, WERE CARRIED OUT (certainly Hynes wrote it with a nudge
[26907]    from Corny) BY MESSRS H. J. O'NEILL AND SON, 164 NORTH STRAND ROAD. THE
[26908]    MOURNERS INCLUDED: PATK. DIGNAM (SON), BERNARD CORRIGAN (BROTHER-IN-LAW),
[26909]    JNO. HENRY MENTON, SOLR, MARTIN CUNNINGHAM, JOHN POWER, .)EATONDPH 1/8
[26910]    ADOR DORADOR DOURADORA (must be where he called Monks the dayfather about
[26911]    Keyes's ad) THOMAS KERNAN, SIMON DEDALUS, STEPHEN DEDALUS B. ,4., EDW. J.
[26912]    LAMBERT, CORNELIUS T. KELLEHER, JOSEPH M'C HYNES, L. BOOM, CP M'COY,--
[26913]    M'LNTOSH AND SEVERAL OTHERS.
[26914]    
[26915]     Nettled not a little by L. BOOM (as it incorrectly stated) and the line
[26916]    of bitched type but tickled to death simultaneously by C. P. M'Coy and
[26917]    Stephen Dedalus B. A. who were conspicuous, needless to say, by their
[26918]    total absence (to say nothing of M'Intosh) L. Boom pointed it out to his
[26919]    companion B. A. engaged in stifling another yawn, half nervousness, not
[26920]    forgetting the usual crop of nonsensical howlers of misprints.
[26921]    
[26922]    --Is that first epistle to the Hebrews, he asked as soon as his bottom
[26923]    jaw would let him, in? Text: open thy mouth and put thy foot in it.
[26924]    
[26925]    --It is. Really, Mr Bloom said (though first he fancied he alluded to the
[26926]    archbishop till he added about foot and mouth with which there could be
[26927]    no possible connection) overjoyed to set his mind at rest and a bit
[26928]    flabbergasted at Myles Crawford's after all managing to. There.
[26929]    
[26930]    While the other was reading it on page two Boom (to give him for the
[26931]    nonce his new misnomer) whiled away a few odd leisure moments in fits and
[26932]    starts with the account of the third event at Ascot on page three, his
[26933]    side. Value 1000 sovs with 3000 sovs in specie added. For entire colts
[26934]    and fillies. Mr F. Alexander's THROWAWAY, b. h. by RIGHTAWAY, 5 yrs, 9 st
[26935]    4 lbs (W. Lane) 1, lord Howard de Walden's ZINFANDEL (M. Cannon) z, Mr W.
[26936]    Bass's SCEPTRE 3. Betting 5 to 4 on ZINFANDEL, 20 to 1 THROWAWAY (off).
[26937]    SCEPTRE a shade heavier, 5 to 4 on ZINFANDEL, 20 to 1 THROWAWAY (off).
[26938]    THROWAWAY and ZINFANDEL stood close order. It was anybody's race then the
[26939]    rank outsider drew to the fore, got long lead, beating lord Howard de
[26940]    Walden's chestnut colt and Mr W. Bass's bay filly SCEPTRE on a 2 1/2 mile
[26941]    course. Winner trained by Braime so that Lenehan's version of the
[26942]    business was all pure buncombe. Secured the verdict cleverly by a length.
[26943]    1000 sovs with 3000 in specie. Also ran: J de Bremond's (French horse
[26944]    Bantam Lyons was anxiously inquiring after not in yet but expected any
[26945]    minute) MAXIMUM II. Different ways of bringing off a coup. Lovemaking
[26946]    damages. Though that halfbaked Lyons ran off at a tangent in his
[26947]    impetuosity to get left. Of course gambling eminently lent itself to that
[26948]    sort of thing though as the event turned out the poor fool hadn't much
[26949]    reason to congratulate himself on his pick, the forlorn hope. Guesswork
[26950]    it reduced itself to eventually.
[26951]    
[26952]    --There was every indication they would arrive at that, he, Bloom, said.
[26953]    
[26954]    --Who? the other, whose hand by the way was hurt, said.
[26955]    
[26956]    One morning you would open the paper, the cabman affirmed, and read:
[26957]    RETURN OF PARNELL. He bet them what they liked. A Dublin fusilier was in
[26958]    that shelter one night and said he saw him in South Africa. Pride it was
[26959]    killed him. He ought to have done away with himself or lain low for a
[26960]    time after committee room no 15 until he was his old self again with no-
[26961]    one to point a finger at him. Then they would all to a man have gone down
[26962]    on their marrowbones to him to come back when he had recovered his
[26963]    senses. Dead he wasn't. Simply absconded somewhere. The coffin they
[26964]    brought over was full of stones. He changed his name to De Wet, the Boer
[26965]    general. He made a mistake to fight the priests. And so forth and so on.
[26966]    
[26967]    All the same Bloom (properly so dubbed) was rather surprised at their
[26968]    memories for in nine cases out of ten it was a case of tarbarrels and not
[26969]    singly but in their thousands and then complete oblivion because it was
[26970]    twenty odd years. Highly unlikely of course there was even a shadow of
[26971]    truth in the stones and, even supposing, he thought a return highly
[26972]    inadvisable, all things considered. Something evidently riled them in his
[26973]    death. Either he petered out too tamely of acute pneumonia just when his
[26974]    various different political arrangements were nearing completion or
[26975]    whether it transpired he owed his death to his having neglected to change
[26976]    his boots and clothes-after a wetting when a cold resulted and failing to
[26977]    consult a specialist he being confined to his room till he eventually
[26978]    died of it amid widespread regret before a fortnight was at an end or
[26979]    quite possibly they were distressed to find the job was taken out of
[26980]    their hands. Of course nobody being acquainted with his movements even
[26981]    before there was absolutely no clue as to his whereabouts which were
[26982]    decidedly of the ALICE, WHERE ART THOU order even prior to his starting
[26983]    to go under several aliases such as Fox and Stewart so the remark which
[26984]    emanated from friend cabby might be within the bounds of possibility.
[26985]    Naturally then it would prey on his mind as a born leader of men which
[26986]    undoubtedly he was and a commanding figure, a sixfooter or at any rate
[26987]    five feet ten or eleven in his stockinged feet, whereas Messrs So and So
[26988]    who, though they weren't even a patch on the former man, ruled the roost
[26989]    after their redeeming features were very few and far between. It
[26990]    certainly pointed a moral, the idol with feet of clay, and then
[26991]    seventytwo of his trusty henchmen rounding on him with mutual
[26992]    mudslinging. And the identical same with murderers. You had to come back.
[26993]    That haunting sense kind of drew you. To show the understudy in the title
[26994]    ROLE how to. He saw him once on the auspicious occasion when they broke
[26995]    up the type in the INSUPPRESSIBLE or was it UNITED IRELAND, a privilege
[26996]    he keenly appreciated, and, in point of fact, handed him his silk hat
[26997]    when it was knocked off and he said THANK YOU, excited as he undoubtedly
[26998]    was under his frigid exterior notwithstanding the little misadventure
[26999]    mentioned between the cup and the lip: what's bred in the bone. Still as
[27000]    regards return. You were a lucky dog if they didn't set the terrier at
[27001]    you directly you got back. Then a lot of shillyshally usually followed,
[27002]    Tom for and Dick and Harry against. And then, number one, you came up
[27003]    against the man in possession and had to produce your credentials like
[27004]    the claimant in the Tichborne case, Roger Charles Tichborne, BELLA was
[27005]    the boat's name to the best of his recollection he, the heir, went down
[27006]    in as the evidence went to show and there was a tattoo mark too in Indian
[27007]    ink, lord Bellew was it, as he might very easily have picked up the
[27008]    details from some pal on board ship and then, when got up to tally with
[27009]    the description given, introduce himself with: EXCUSE ME, MY NAME IS SO
[27010]    AND SO or some such commonplace remark. A more prudent course, as Bloom
[27011]    said to the not over effusive, in fact like the distinguished personage
[27012]    under discussion beside him, would have been to sound the lie of the land
[27013]    first.
[27014]    
[27015]    --That bitch, that English whore, did for him, the shebeen proprietor
[27016]    commented. She put the first nail in his coffin.
[27017]    
[27018]    --Fine lump of a woman all the same, the SOI-DISANT townclerk Henry
[27019]    Campbell remarked, and plenty of her. She loosened many a man's thighs. I
[27020]    seen her picture in a barber's. The husband was a captain or an officer.
[27021]    
[27022]    --Ay, Skin-the-Goat amusingly added, he was and a cottonball one.
[27023]    
[27024]    This gratuitous contribution of a humorous character occasioned a fair
[27025]    amount of laughter among his ENTOURAGE. As regards Bloom he, without the
[27026]    faintest suspicion of a smile, merely gazed in the direction of the door
[27027]    and reflected upon the historic story which had aroused extraordinary
[27028]    interest at the time when the facts, to make matters worse, were made
[27029]    public with the usual affectionate letters that passed between them full
[27030]    of sweet nothings. First it was strictly Platonic till nature intervened
[27031]    and an attachment sprang up between them till bit by bit matters came to
[27032]    a climax and the matter became the talk of the town till the staggering
[27033]    blow came as a welcome intelligence to not a few evildisposed, however,
[27034]    who were resolved upon encompassing his downfall though the thing was
[27035]    public property all along though not to anything like the sensational
[27036]    extent that it subsequently blossomed into. Since their names were
[27037]    coupled, though, since he was her declared favourite, where was the
[27038]    particular necessity to proclaim it to the rank and file from the
[27039]    housetops, the fact, namely, that he had shared her bedroom which came
[27040]    out in the witnessbox on oath when a thrill went through the packed court
[27041]    literally electrifying everybody in the shape of witnesses swearing to
[27042]    having witnessed him on such and such a particular date in the act of
[27043]    scrambling out of an upstairs apartment with the assistance of a ladder
[27044]    in night apparel, having gained admittance in the same fashion, a fact
[27045]    the weeklies, addicted to the lubric a little, simply coined shoals of
[27046]    money out of. Whereas the simple fact of the case was it was simply a
[27047]    case of the husband not being up to the scratch, with nothing in common
[27048]    between them beyond the name, and then a real man arriving on the scene,
[27049]    strong to the verge of weakness, falling a victim to her siren charms and
[27050]    forgetting home ties, the usual sequel, to bask in the loved one's
[27051]    smiles. The eternal question of the life connubial, needless to say,
[27052]    cropped up. Can real love, supposing there happens to be another chap in
[27053]    the case, exist between married folk? Poser. Though it was no concern of
[27054]    theirs absolutely if he regarded her with affection, carried away by a
[27055]    wave of folly. A magnificent specimen of manhood he was truly augmented
[27056]    obviously by gifts of a high order, as compared with the other military
[27057]    supernumerary that is (who was just the usual everyday FAREWELL, MY
[27058]    GALLANT CAPTAIN kind of an individual in the light dragoons, the l8th
[27059]    hussars to be accurate) and inflammable doubtless (the fallen leader,
[27060]    that is, not the other) in his own peculiar way which she of course,
[27061]    woman, quickly perceived as highly likely to carve his way to fame which
[27062]    he almost bid fair to do till the priests and ministers of the gospel as
[27063]    a whole, his erstwhile staunch adherents, and his beloved evicted tenants
[27064]    for whom he had done yeoman service in the rural parts of the country by
[27065]    taking up the cudgels on their behalf in a way that exceeded their most
[27066]    sanguine expectations, very effectually cooked his matrimonial goose,
[27067]    thereby heaping coals of fire on his head much in the same way as the
[27068]    fabled ass's kick. Looking back now in a retrospective kind of
[27069]    arrangement all seemed a kind of dream. And then coming back was the
[27070]    worst thing you ever did because it went without saying you would feel
[27071]    out of place as things always moved with the times. Why, as he reflected,
[27072]    Irishtown strand, a locality he had not been in for quite a number of
[27073]    years looked different somehow since, as it happened, he went to reside
[27074]    on the north side. North or south, however, it was just the wellknown
[27075]    case of hot passion, pure and simple, upsetting the applecart with a
[27076]    vengeance and just bore out the very thing he was saying as she also was
[27077]    Spanish or half so, types that wouldn't do things by halves, passionate
[27078]    abandon of the south, casting every shred of decency to the winds.
[27079]    
[27080]    --Just bears out what I was saying, he, with glowing bosom said to
[27081]    Stephen, about blood and the sun. And, if I don't greatly mistake she was
[27082]    Spanish too.
[27083]    
[27084]    --The king of Spain's daughter, Stephen answered, adding something or
[27085]    other rather muddled about farewell and adieu to you Spanish onions and
[27086]    the first land called the Deadman and from Ramhead to Scilly was so and
[27087]    so many.
[27088]    
[27089]    --Was she? Bloom ejaculated, surprised though not astonished by any
[27090]    means, I never heard that rumour before. Possible, especially there, it
[27091]    was as she lived there. So, Spain.
[27092]    
[27093]    Carefully avoiding a book in his pocket SWEETS OF, which reminded him by
[27094]    the by of that Cap l street library book out of date, he took out his
[27095]    pocketbook and, turning over the various contents it contained rapidly
[27096]    finally he.
[27097]    
[27098]    --Do you consider, by the by, he said, thoughtfully selecting a faded
[27099]    photo which he laid on the table, that a Spanish type?
[27100]    
[27101]    Stephen, obviously addressed, looked down on the photo showing a large
[27102]    sized lady with her fleshy charms on evidence in an open fashion as she
[27103]    was in the full bloom of womanhood in evening dress cut ostentatiously
[27104]    low for the occasion to give a liberal display of bosom, with more than
[27105]    vision of breasts, her full lips parted and some perfect teeth, standing
[27106]    near, ostensibly with gravity, a piano on the rest of which was IN OLD
[27107]    MADRID, a ballad, pretty in its way, which was then all the vogue. Her
[27108]    (the lady's) eyes, dark, large, looked at Stephen, about to smile about
[27109]    something to be admired, Lafayette of Westmoreland street, Dublin's
[27110]    premier photographic artist, being responsible for the esthetic
[27111]    execution.
[27112]    
[27113]    --Mrs Bloom, my wife the PRIMA DONNA Madam Marion Tweedy, Bloom
[27114]    indicated. Taken a few years since. In or about ninety six. Very like her
[27115]    then.
[27116]    
[27117]    Beside the young man he looked also at the photo of the lady now his 1440
[27118]    legal wife who, he intimated, was the accomplished daughter of Major
[27119]    Brian Tweedy and displayed at an early age remarkable proficiency as a
[27120]    singer having even made her bow to the public when her years numbered
[27121]    barely sweet sixteen. As for the face it was a speaking likeness in
[27122]    expression but it did not do justice to her figure which came in for a
[27123]    lot of notice usually and which did not come out to the best advantage in
[27124]    that getup. She could without difficulty, he said, have posed for the
[27125]    ensemble, not to dwell on certain opulent curves of the. He dwelt, being
[27126]    a bit of an artist in his spare time, on the female form in general
[27127]    developmentally because, as it so happened, no later than that afternoon
[27128]    he had seen those Grecian statues, 1450 perfectly developed as works of
[27129]    art, in the National Museum. Marble could give the original, shoulders,
[27130]    back, all the symmetry, all the rest. Yes, puritanisme, it does though
[27131]    Saint Joseph's sovereign thievery alors (Bandez!) Figne toi trop. Whereas
[27132]    no photo could because it simply wasn't art in a word.
[27133]    
[27134]    The spirit moving him he would much have liked to follow Jack Tar's good
[27135]    example and leave the likeness there for a very few minutes to speak for
[27136]    itself on the plea he so that the other could drink in the beauty for
[27137]    himself, her stage presence being, frankly, a treat in itself which the
[27138]    camera could not at all do justice to. But it was scarcely professional
[27139]    etiquette so. Though it was a warm pleasant sort of a night now yet
[27140]    wonderfully cool for the season considering, for sunshine after storm.
[27141]    And he did feel a kind of need there and then to follow suit like a kind
[27142]    of inward voice and satisfy a possible need by moving a motion.
[27143]    Nevertheless he sat tight just viewing the slightly soiled photo creased
[27144]    by opulent curves, none the worse for wear however, and looked away
[27145]    thoughtfully with the intention of not further increasing the other's
[27146]    possible embarrassment while gauging her symmetry of heaving EMBONPOINT.
[27147]    In fact the slight soiling was only an added charm like the case of linen
[27148]    slightly soiled, good as new, much better in fact with the starch out.
[27149]    Suppose she was gone when he? I looked for the lamp which she told me
[27150]    came into his mind but merely as a passing fancy of his because he then
[27151]    recollected the morning littered bed etcetera and the book about Ruby
[27152]    with met him pike hoses (SIC) in it which must have fell down
[27153]    sufficiently appropriately beside the domestic chamberpot with apologies
[27154]    to Lindley Murray.
[27155]    
[27156]    The vicinity of the young man he certainly relished, educated, DISTINGUE
[27157]    and impulsive into the bargain, far and away the pick of the bunch though
[27158]    you wouldn't think he had it in him yet you would. Besides he said the
[27159]    picture was handsome which, say what you like, it was though at the
[27160]    moment she was distinctly stouter. And why not? An awful lot of
[27161]    makebelieve went on about that sort of thing involving a lifelong slur
[27162]    with the usual splash page of gutterpress about the same old matrimonial
[27163]    tangle alleging misconduct with professional golfer or the newest stage
[27164]    favourite instead of being honest and aboveboard about the whole
[27165]    business. How they were fated to meet and an attachment sprang up between
[27166]    the two so that their names were coupled in the public eye was told in
[27167]    court with letters containing the habitual mushy and compromising
[27168]    expressions leaving no loophole to show that they openly cohabited two or
[27169]    three times a week at some wellknown seaside hotel and relations, when
[27170]    the thing ran its normal course, became in due course intimate. Then the
[27171]    decree NISI and the King's proctor tries to show cause why and, he
[27172]    failing to quash it, NISI was made absolute. But as for that the two
[27173]    misdemeanants, wrapped up as they largely were in one another, could
[27174]    safely afford to ignore it as they very largely did till the matter was
[27175]    put in the hands of a solicitor who filed a petition for the party
[27176]    wronged in due course. He, B, enjoyed the distinction of being close to
[27177]    Erin's uncrowned king in the flesh when the thing occurred on the
[27178]    historic FRACAS when the fallen leader's, who notoriously stuck to his
[27179]    guns to the last drop even when clothed in the mantle of adultery,
[27180]    (leader's) trusty henchmen to the number of ten or a dozen or possibly
[27181]    even more than that penetrated into the printing works of the
[27182]    INSUPPRESSIBLE or no it was UNITED IRELAND (a by no means by the by
[27183]    appropriate appellative) and broke up the typecases with hammers or
[27184]    something like that all on account of some scurrilous effusions from the
[27185]    facile pens of the O'Brienite scribes at the usual mudslinging occupation
[27186]    reflecting on the erstwhile tribune's private morals. Though palpably a
[27187]    radically altered man he was still a commanding figure though carelessly
[27188]    garbed as usual with that look of settled purpose which went a long way
[27189]    with the shillyshallyers till they discovered to their vast discomfiture
[27190]    that their idol had feet of clay after placing him upon a pedestal which
[27191]    she, however, was the first to perceive. As those were particularly hot
[27192]    times in the general hullaballoo Bloom sustained a minor injury from a
[27193]    nasty prod of some chap's elbow in the crowd that of course congregated
[27194]    lodging some place about the pit of the stomach, fortunately not of a
[27195]    grave character. His hat (Parnell's) a silk one was inadvertently knocked
[27196]    off and, as a matter of strict history, Bloom was the man who picked it
[27197]    up in the crush after witnessing the occurrence meaning to return it to
[27198]    him (and return it to him he did with the utmost celerity) who panting
[27199]    and hatless and whose thoughts were miles away from his hat at the time
[27200]    all the same being a gentleman born with a stake in the country he, as a
[27201]    matter of fact, having gone into it more for the kudos of the thing than
[27202]    anything else, what's bred in the bone instilled into him in infancy at
[27203]    his mother's knee in the shape of knowing what good form was came out at
[27204]    once because he turned round to the donor and thanked him with perfect
[27205]    APLOMB, saying: THANK YOU, SIR, though in a very different tone of voice
[27206]    from the ornament of the legal profession whose headgear Bloom also set
[27207]    to rights earlier in the course of the day, history repeating itself with
[27208]    a difference, after the burial of a mutual friend when they had left him
[27209]    alone in his glory after the grim task of having committed his remains to
[27210]    the grave.
[27211]    
[27212]    On the other hand what incensed him more inwardly was the blatant jokes
[27213]    of the cabman and so on who passed it all off as a jest, laughing 1530
[27214]    immoderately, pretending to understand everything, the why and the
[27215]    wherefore, and in reality not knowing their own minds, it being a case
[27216]    for the two parties themselves unless it ensued that the legitimate
[27217]    husband happened to be a party to it owing to some anonymous letter from
[27218]    the usual boy Jones, who happened to come across them at the crucial
[27219]    moment in a loving position locked in one another's arms, drawing
[27220]    attention to their illicit proceedings and leading up to a domestic
[27221]    rumpus and the erring fair one begging forgiveness of her lord and master
[27222]    upon her knees and promising to sever the connection and not receive his
[27223]    visits any more if only the aggrieved husband would overlook the matter
[27224]    and let bygones be bygones with tears in her eyes though possibly with
[27225]    her tongue in her fair cheek at the same time as quite possibly there
[27226]    were several others. He personally, being of a sceptical bias, believed
[27227]    and didn't make the smallest bones about saying so either that man or men
[27228]    in the plural were always hanging around on the waiting list about a
[27229]    lady, even supposing she was the best wife in the world and they got on
[27230]    fairly well together for the sake of argument, when, neglecting her
[27231]    duties, she chose to be tired of wedded life and was on for a little
[27232]    flutter in polite debauchery to press their attentions on her with
[27233]    improper intent, the upshot being that her affections centred on another,
[27234]    the cause of many LIAISONS between still attractive married women getting
[27235]    on for fair and forty and younger men, no doubt as several famous cases
[27236]    of feminine infatuation proved up to the hilt.
[27237]    
[27238]    It was a thousand pities a young fellow, blessed with an allowance of
[27239]    brains as his neighbour obviously was, should waste his valuable time
[27240]    with profligate women who might present him with a nice dose to last him
[27241]    his lifetime. In the nature of single blessedness he would one day take
[27242]    unto himself a wife when Miss Right came on the scene but in the interim
[27243]    ladies' society was a CONDITIO SINE QUA NON though he had the gravest
[27244]    possible doubts, not that he wanted in the smallest to pump Stephen about
[27245]    Miss Ferguson (who was very possibly the particular lodestar who brought
[27246]    him down to Irishtown so early in the morning), as to whether he would
[27247]    find much satisfaction basking in the boy and girl courtship idea and the
[27248]    company of smirking misses without a penny to their names bi or triweekly
[27249]    with the orthodox preliminary canter of complimentplaying and walking out
[27250]    leading up to fond lovers' ways and flowers and chocs. To think of him
[27251]    house and homeless, rooked by some landlady worse than any stepmother,
[27252]    was really too bad at his age. The queer suddenly things he popped out
[27253]    with attracted the elder man who was several years the other's senior or
[27254]    like his father but something substantial he certainly ought to eat even
[27255]    were it only an eggflip made on unadulterated maternal nutriment or,
[27256]    failing that, the homely Humpty Dumpty boiled.
[27257]    
[27258]    --At what o'clock did you dine? he questioned of the slim form and tired
[27259]    though unwrinkled face.
[27260]    
[27261]    --Some time yesterday, Stephen said.
[27262]    
[27263]    --Yesterday! exclaimed Bloom till he remembered it was already tomorrow
[27264]    Friday. Ah, you mean it's after twelve!
[27265]    
[27266]    --The day before yesterday, Stephen said, improving on himself.
[27267]    
[27268]    Literally astounded at this piece of intelligence Bloom reflected. Though
[27269]    they didn't see eye to eye in everything a certain analogy there somehow
[27270]    was as if both their minds were travelling, so to speak, in the one train
[27271]    of thought. At his age when dabbling in politics roughly some score of
[27272]    years previously when he had been a QUASI aspirant to parliamentary
[27273]    honours in the Buckshot Foster days he too recollected in retrospect
[27274]    (which was a source of keen satisfaction in itself) he had a sneaking
[27275]    regard for those same ultra ideas. For instance when the evicted tenants
[27276]    question, then at its first inception, bulked largely in people's mind
[27277]    though, it goes without saying, not contributing a copper or pinning his
[27278]    faith absolutely to its dictums, some of which wouldn't exactly hold
[27279]    water, he at the outset in principle at all events was in thorough
[27280]    sympathy with peasant possession as voicing the trend of modern opinion
[27281]    (a partiality, however, which, realising his mistake, he was subsequently
[27282]    partially cured of) and even was twitted with going a step farther than
[27283]    Michael Davitt in the striking views he at one time inculcated as a
[27284]    backtothelander, which was one reason he strongly resented the innuendo
[27285]    put upon him in so barefaced a fashion by our friend at the gathering of
[27286]    the clans in Barney Kiernan's so that he, though often considerably
[27287]    misunderstood and the least pugnacious of mortals, be it repeated,
[27288]    departed from his customary habit to give him (metaphorically) one in the
[27289]    gizzard though, so far as politics themselves were concerned, he was only
[27290]    too conscious of the casualties invariably resulting from propaganda and
[27291]    displays of mutual animosity and the misery and suffering it entailed as
[27292]    a foregone conclusion on fine young fellows, chiefly, destruction of the
[27293]    fittest, in a word.
[27294]    
[27295]    Anyhow upon weighing up the pros and cons, getting on for one, as it was,
[27296]    it was high time to be retiring for the night. The crux was it was a bit
[27297]    risky to bring him home as eventualities might possibly ensue (somebody
[27298]    having a temper of her own sometimes) and spoil the hash altogether as on
[27299]    the night he misguidedly brought home a dog (breed unknown) with a lame
[27300]    paw (not that the cases were either identical or the reverse though he
[27301]    had hurt his hand too) to Ontario Terrace as he very distinctly
[27302]    remembered, having been there, so to speak. On the other hand it was
[27303]    altogether far and away too late for the Sandymount or Sandycove
[27304]    suggestion so that he was in some perplexity as to which of the two
[27305]    alternatives. Everything pointed to the fact that it behoved him to avail
[27306]    himself to the full of the opportunity, all things considered. His
[27307]    initial impression was he was a shade standoffish or not over effusive
[27308]    but it grew on him someway. For one thing he mightn't what you call jump
[27309]    at the idea, if approached, and what mostly worried him was he didn't
[27310]    know how to lead up to it or word it exactly, supposing he did entertain
[27311]    the proposal, as it would afford him very great personal pleasure if he
[27312]    would allow him to help to put coin in his way or some wardrobe, if found
[27313]    suitable. At all events he wound up by concluding, eschewing for the
[27314]    nonce hidebound precedent, a cup of Epps's cocoa and a shakedown for the
[27315]    night plus the use of a rug or two and overcoat doubled into a pillow at
[27316]    least he would be in safe hands and as warm as a toast on a trivet he
[27317]    failed to perceive any very vast amount of harm in that always with the
[27318]    proviso no rumpus of any sort was kicked up. A move had to be made
[27319]    because that merry old soul, the grasswidower in question who appeared to
[27320]    be glued to the spot, didn't appear in any particular hurry to wend his
[27321]    way home to his dearly beloved Queenstown and it